Rory rolled back over and reluctantly tossed her legs over the side of the bed. She was still wearing the clothes she had gone out in the previous night; she really had overdone it on the martinis. As she began standing up she noticed a bottle of water and a couple of Aspirin on the nightstand. She sat back down and grabbed the bottle. It was a good sign; it was thoughtful. It meant that he wasn't wishing the world's worst hangover on her. She opened the cap, popped the pills, and guzzled down the water, the soothing liquid easing her pain ever so slightly.
Finishing the water, she got up off the bed and plodded off to the bathroom. Looking up into the mirror she cringed at her appearance. Mascara and eyeliner were smeared all over her face, her eyes were puffy and red and her hair was disheveled. She couldn't face Jess looking like this; she needed to pull herself together first if she was to make a convincing argument. She pulled her hair off of her face and grabbed her toothbrush, trying to rid herself of the sticky feeling in her mouth. After washing the makeup off she turned around to the shower and started the water. Stripping off her clothes, she stepped in.
The warm water washed over her and she let out a small moan. Her muscles ached all over, partly from the crazy drunken dancing and partly from crying herself to sleep. She leaned back against the wall and let the water run over her. She felt new tears springing to her eyes and she didn't hold them back. The water flowing from her eyes mixed with the water flowing from the showerhead and Rory slowly collapsed onto the floor. She was sobbing and she pulled her knees in tight, rocking back and forth.
Everything was so messed up and she didn't know how she was going to fix it. She had something good going with Jess and it could all be over the second she walked out of the bathroom. And why? Because the mere thought of Logan drove her insane, made her stop using her judgment? Because Logan was good looking and charming and had that stupid smirk that made her mind and other parts of her hum? That wasn't love; it was lust. She had something with Jess. She had a relationship built on respect and understanding and trust. It had taken a long time to build that trust. They were still kids when they'd first met. They had both made mistakes but as adults they had worked passed it and built something strong, something she thought could last; and here she was screwing it up because of a man she hadn't seen in two years, because of a man she barely even knew anymore. Why could he get to her like this? Why could he make her feel the way he did? She remained on the floor for several minutes, waiting for the wave of tears to pass, before finally getting up and finishing her shower.
She dried herself off and wrapped her silk bathrobe around her. Slicking her damp hair back into a braid she looked into the mirror and reevaluated her appearance. Her eyes were still puffy from crying but that wasn't too bad, perhaps it would win her some sympathy points. She spent several minutes practicing faces in the mirror; her pouty "I'm too cute to hate" face, her stoic "Is something wrong?" face, her painful "my head's to achy to talk about this now" face and her regretful "I'm so sorry I hurt you" face. She knew it was pointless; when she was out there with Jess, face to face, seeing how much she'd hurt him with her lies, she'd have no control over her facial expressions, she'd probably lose all control of her facilities completely. She took one more look in the mirror, she was as put together as she was going to get and since she was probably going to fall apart again in a few minutes, there really wasn't any more point in procrastinating. She took a deep breath, time to pay the piper she thought to herself as she opened the bathroom door and walked out through the bedroom to the living room beyond.
Jess was sitting in the same chair he'd been in last night. He was fully dressed and reading a book. Rory looked at him carefully from her spot across the room. "Morning," she said cautiously.
He put his book down and looked up at her. "Morning," he returned in a way that did not reveal his thoughts at all. There was silence for a few seconds before he spoke again. "I made some eggs."
Rory's stomach churned at the thought and she must have made a face that clearly conveyed her disgust of that particular food. "Yeah, I figured," Jess responded. "There's also a beef burrito and some mac and cheese," he said simply, nodding towards the kitchen.
Rory smiled, her favorite hangover foods, this had to be a good sign. "Mmm," she said as she began walking towards the island that separated the living room and kitchen. "Coffee?" she asked.
"No, you don't need any coffee," he said.
"I always need coffee," she disagreed. "I'll just make some myself."
"Rory!" he said sharply, but when he continued his voice was softer. "You can't avoid this with coffee and witty banter, you know."
"I know," she said, trying not to sound freaked. Maybe the water and Aspirin and hangover foods weren't as good a sign as she thought. "I'll just get the pot started and..."
"No. You don't need any coffee, not on the hangover you're nursing," his voice was unwavering.
"Well now you're just sounding like Luke," she said off handedly.
"Rory! Are you even listening to me at all?" he asked her, his voice full of frustration.
"Yes, of course its just..."she paused, not knowing how to end her sentence. She wasn't sure how she was going to get through these next few minutes, especially without a hearty dose of caffeine but it seemed she had no choice. She sighed. "Fine," she agreed, walking around the island back into the living room. As she walked towards Jess, the front door of the apartment was in full view and something in front of it made her stop short. "Jess..." she began, her eyes wide with fright. He didn't say anything. "Jess, what's that?" she raised her arm shakily and pointed towards the door.
"It's a bag,' he said simply.
"A bag? A duffle bag? Your duffle bag?" she asked, the pitch of her voice going higher in her panic.
"Yes," he sighed, nodding his head slightly.
Rory felt her whole body shaking with fear, her breathing was punctuated and the tears were stinging at her eyes once more. She ran towards Jess, falling on her knees as she reached him. "Jess you can't. Please!" she sobbed. "You can't leave me Jess, you just can't. Please, nothing happened I swear," she looked up at him from her spot on the floor and she saw that his face was soft but sad.
"I know," he said softly, pushing away a tendril of her hair that was stuck to her tear streaked face. "I know, I believe you but..." he struggled to find just the words to say. "I'm not leaving you Rory, I'm just...leaving."
"I don't get it," she sniffled. "Are we...? Don't you...?" she stuttered, afraid to actually ask the questions that were starting to come out of her mouth.
"Of course I still love you," he said, answering her unasked question. He wiped the tears from her eyes. "But do you love me?"
"I..." she started but he didn't let her say it.
"I don't want an answer Rory. Don't just say it because you think it's what you should feel or because you think it's what I want to hear. I want you to think about it, really think about it. And I have to think about it too," he said. "That's why I'm leaving."
"No, I don't want to think about it. I love you Jess, and you may not believe me right now because you're mad or hurt or jealous or whatever, but it's true," she said, getting off her knees and standing up.
"Fine, then. Maybe I'm making a mistake. Maybe I'm taking this the wrong way. I guess I can understand why you had to see him. I guess I can understand why you didn't tell me. I can even understand you wanting to see him again. I don't like it, but I guess I can understand it," Jess reasoned. "But there's something I can't understand, Rory. Something that I can't explain. So if you can explain it to me, if you can prove I'm wrong and that you're not questioning your feelings towards me, than I'll stay."
"Fine, anything. Ask away," she said, filled with resolve. She would answer his question. Rory sat down on the couch across from Jess so that she'd be eye level with him.
"Why did he come here?" he asked slowly.
Rory's eyes narrowed as she pondered the question. It didn't make any sense. She didn't understand but she answered anyway. "His father sent him."
"No Rory, not why did he come to Philly. Why did he come here, to our apartment?"
"That's not my fault Jess. I didn't invite him here; I didn't ask him to come. He said he wouldn't buy the paper if I went to lunch with him and I said yes to that, but I never told him to come to my apartment, I never even told him where I live," she said defensively. He couldn't possibly be leaving her because of Logan's actions.
"But he came here anyway. He didn't call you, or go to the newspaper to see you; he came here. Why would he risk that Rory? Why would he risk running into me and not you?" he said, further explaining himself.
Realization slowly dawned on Rory. She understood his question now and she didn't have a satisfactory answer. She couldn't prove him wrong and keep him from walking out the door. Her head dropped, slowly, shamefully.
"So you didn't tell him about me," Jess said, his worst fear being confirmed. He had figured it out already but up until know there had been a small sliver of hope.
"I'm so sorry Jess, I don't know why I did it," she said, he voice wavering again.
"Well I suggest you figure that out," he stood up. Taking a few steps towards her, he leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. "I'll be at my old apartment, above the bookstore.
Rory watched wordlessly as he walked towards the door, picked up his bag, and left.
Logan woke up to the ringing of his phone. He leaned over to pick up the cell and rapidly silenced it. He looked at the name on the screen and let out a sigh. Rolling out of bed, he quickly made his way to the next room.
"Fancy hearing from you," he said coldly as he flicked open his phone and collapsed on the sofa.
"You came to my apartment? How could you do this Logan? What gave you the right?" Rory screamed into the other end of the line, pacing back and forth in her apartment.
Logan held his phone away from his ear as she yelled, wincing at the piercing pain in his head, compliments of his good friend scotch on the rocks. "Well now, it isn't just your apartment is it?" he said coldly and calmly.
"He left! He packed a bag and went to stay in that rat hole he used to live in with his old roommates. He's gone Logan, and it's all your fault. How could you do this?" There were tears streaming down Rory's face, Logan couldn't see them but he knew they were there. It broke his heart, partly because she was so upset and partly because she was so upset over another man. As sad as he was, his anger was greater.
"All my fault. Are you serious? It's not like you gave me a reason not to go see you. It's not like you said 'hey, by the way, if you're thinking of stopping by- don't, because I'm living with my ex-boyfriend and we're getting married.'" he said, his voice was growing louder by the moment.
"That doesn't give you the right to just come barging back into my life. It doesn't give you a right to mess everything up. Did you even stop and think?" Rory yelled, her voice shaky from the tears.
"As a matter of fact I have, Rory. I've thought a lot. If you want to know the truth, you're pretty much all I've thought about since I saw that goddamn knight on your goddamn desk last week. But apparently, I'm an idiot. Apparently only an idiot would think that anything that happened these past few days meant anything because as it turns out, you're engaged," he yelled back.
"I know, Logan. I was there when he proposed," she snapped.
"And this proposal you speak of, did he give you a ring or couldn't the poor starving artist afford anything that didn't come in a Cracker Jack box?" he spat back at her.
"Oh that's just typical, Logan. 'Poor starving artist' my ass. Just because he's not rich like you doesn't mean he's not important. He 's important to me and now he's gone and I don't even know if he's coming back."
"Well I can't exactly say I'd blame him if he didn't," Logan growled.
"What's that supposed to mean," she asked irately.
"It means you lied to him, Rory. You snuck around behind his back and hid things from him," his voice was shaking from the anger.
"Oh, I see, I lied to him." Rory stopped her pacing and sat down on the sofa and preparing herself for the rest of the conversation. "Why don't you say what you really mean, Logan? Come on, let me have it."
"How could you do this to me Rory?" he said, obliging her. "You let me sit there in that restaurant and make a complete fool out of myself. You let me sit there and tell you how I felt like it would actually make a difference. You let me practically beg to see you again like I had a chance in hell."
"Oh yeah, the begging part was kind of fun," she said, giving a tiny, evil laugh.
"This isn't funny, Rory," he said angrily.
"I know it's not, but you're probably reveling in my misery here so I figured I'd make the feeling mutual," she said, her voice dark.
"Reveling in your misery? Do you really think that little of me?" he asked, honestly insulted.
"Oh please, you can't tell me that you're not the least bit happy that Jess walked out on me and might not come back," she said knowingly.
"Fine, you know what? I am happy. I hate that guy. I hated him the moment I saw you with him in your grandparents' driveway. I've hated him ever since. Every time I thought about you, about us, I thought about him and I blamed him. I mean, I always blamed myself but a part of me blamed him too. At least now I know I was right to."
"Oh please, Jess had nothing to do with our break up and you know it," she said.
"Nothing to do with our break up? So the fact that I caught you with your ex-boyfriend slash current fiancé on the night we broke up meant nothing?" he yelled but then his voice got lower. "God, I had almost convinced myself that I was over reacting, but I wasn't, was I? It was the same back then as it is now, only the roles are reversed," he ran his hands trough his hair in frustration.
"You're right, it was the same back then as it is now because back then there was nothing going on with Jess and me just like right now there's nothing going on with the two of us."
"Please, you call this nothing. You really think you'd be calling me up to yell at me for something you brought upon yourself if this was nothing? Maybe you didn't technically cheat on me with Jess and maybe you didn't technically cheat on Jess with me, but a part of you wanted him back then and there's a big part of you that wants me right now," Logan said in that cocky tone he mastered so well.
Rory sighed, "Listen Logan, I'm sorry if you thought this could be something more than it is, but you and me- we ended a long time ago. I don't know what came over me when I hid that ring, maybe I was having a mini stroke or..."Rory was cut off by a voice on the other end of the line.
"Sorry to interrupt...whatever this is," Logan turned around to face a leggy blonde walking out of his room wearing nothing but his dress shirt, "but you wouldn't happen to have any coffee, would you?" she asked.
Logan slumped down in his seat and let out a defeated sigh. He pointed to the kitchen. "Cabinet above the stove," he told her reluctantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was interrupting something," Rory said sarcastically.
"Ace," he said softly, resorting to her using her nickname in a desperate plea, but he knew it was hopeless.
"No, really, don't let me keep you. Go! Go back to your whore," she snarled at him.
"Did you seriously just call her a whore? You don't even like to say 'hell', let alone calling someone a 'whore'," he asked, taken aback by her vicious words, but somewhere in the back of his mind he smiled to himself; she was jealous.
"You don't know me anymore Logan," she replied.
"Well that's painfully obvious. Heck, in a few more months I might not even know your last name anymore," he remarked bitterly.
"Good-bye, Logan." Rory hung up the phone without waiting for a response. The tears that had been present all conversation were still streaming down her cheeks but the sobs were only just starting up again. How many times could she cry before she ran out of tears? She pulled her knees up to her chest and lay down on the couch. It was over; it was all over. Jess was gone. He said he just needed time; that he wasn't leaving her but the truth was as Logan had said, she couldn't blame him if he didn't come back. And it was all for nothing. Logan had to hate her for what she'd done, and it seemed he was already moving on. Here she was, in love with two men and yet she was completely alone.
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