"Hi Rory."
"Jess, you're back."
"Yeah, I uh...I thought you were coming back last night," he told her nervously. He had been scared to death when she didn't get home the previous night like she was supposed to, and he felt guilty as hell about it because he wasn't worried something had happened to her, he was worried someone had happened to her.
She stood in the doorway, gawking at him for a moment before she spoke up. "I stayed at Mom's an extra night and just drove to work super early this morning," she said flatly.
He finally noticed the suitcase she had with her and he breathed a sigh of relief; she had been with Lorelai. "Oh, well I made you a birthday cake; one of Luke's recipes. Of course it's not your birthday anymore but it should still taste just as good."
He stared at her from across the room. She hadn't smiled once since she had opened the door to the apartment. He had decided after her visit to the bookstore last week that he had to go back to her. It hurt to know that she only loved him half way but he decided it would be enough for him as long as he loved her enough for the both of them; but her just standing there, staring, not smiling- it was breaking his heart.
She was still standing in the doorway and she finally stepped into the apartment, closing the door behind her. Looking around she noticed that Jess had placed candles all around the apartment. He had been expecting her back on her birthday and he had planned a romantic night. She really felt guilty now. She also felt sad and frustrated. She was on emotional overload. Just when she had accepted that she really did need time, he came back and took that time away from her. But she had asked him to come back, she had insisted she didn't need the time, so this was really all her own fault. And here he was being the perfect guy, planning the surprise and the cake and the candles. What was she supposed to do? There really was only one thing she could do.
Putting her bags down she walked across the room to Jess. Circling her arms around his neck, she kissed him and she could feel the tenseness in his muscles melting away. She pulled back and looked him in the eye. "I'm glad you're back," she told him. And a part of her was. She had been hoping for a chance to sort through these emotions that seemed to become more intense each day since Logan had waltzed back into her life, but she had blown her chance and the time had come to make her choice. She would stick by Jess because she had agreed to marry him and that commitment meant just as much as the actual vows. She had promised to spend the rest of her life with him and even though she may still have loved Logan, she would have to put those feeling aside and make this sacrifice for Jess because that's what a marriage was all about; sacrificing for the one you vowed to be with forever.
"I'm glad I'm back too," he said smiling. This was better, this was more like the welcoming he had hoped for.
"Not to press my luck, but what made you change your mind?" She tried to sound happy. She'd put him through enough the past two weeks and she was determined not to make him suffer any more. She was still all torn up inside but for now she would do her best to give Jess the love and attention that he deserved.
"It was too hard to stay away. I tried, and then you came to the bookstore and after that it got even harder the next couple of days. And the worst part was that you weren't here, you were in Stars Hollow and I'm glad you went to Stars Hollow, I know how much you love it there..."
"Jess, you're rambling."
"I just...I missed you Ror."
"I missed you too."
He put his arm around her waist and led her to the couch; she sat down but he didn't. "Wait right there," he told her. She watched as he walked off to the bedroom and then reappeared a few seconds later holding a small box wrapped in silver paper. "Happy birthday," he said, handing it to her as he sat down on the couch.
She looked at the box expectantly for a moment before slowly unwrapping it. "An i-pod," she said with fake enthusiasm. It was a nice gift, hers had broken a few weeks ago and she hadn't gotten a new on yet. But while it may have been thoughtful, she didn't find it to be very romantic.
"Turn it on," he prodded. She did as she was told and suddenly felt a little stupid. "I programed it with all the songs that remind me of us."
Now that was romantic and yet she had the strangest reaction. She was almost annoyed at his thoughtfulness. It was almost as though she wanted him to mess up so that she'd have a reason to change her mind about choosing him. But she wasn't going to change her mind, she'd made a decision and she was sticking with it. "It's so sweet," she said, forcing the bad thoughts out of her head and forcing the good ones to the front. She leaned back into him, resting her head on his shoulder and began scrolling through the play-list. "Oh, look 'The World Comes Tumblin'.' The Distiller's played that as the encore at the concert we went to," she exclaimed. "I was so mad at you that night," she mentioned as an afterthought.
"You were mad at me?" he asked seriously.
"Well yeah, I had been sitting home all weekend waiting for you to call like you promised and you never did and then you just showed up at the hockey game. But hey, what a way to make it up to me, right?" she smiled sweetly.
"Rory, I'm sorry I didn't mean too..." he began.
"Hey, it was a long time ago. We were kids and you had a lot going on in your life. No need to apologize," she assured him. The truth was, as badly as he had sometimes treated her back then she kind of missed those days. Those were the days when he was wild and free and he pushed her and forced her to live outside her box. Sure she had spent a lot of time feeling hurt and angry but the important part was that he got her to feel. He made her stop thinking and start feeling. Just like Logan always did she thought to herself.
"I know, but that wasn't an excuse for my behavior," he insisted.
"I don't need excuses. It's in the past. Let's just worry about today; in fact let's just worry about dinner first, I'm starved. Let's order Chinese." She sat up to look at him.
"You never get sick of that stuff do you?" he asked with a shake of his head.
"Nope," she answered. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Hey, nice earrings. Where'd you get them?" he asked.
All the composure Rory had held since she walked up to Jess and kissed him, began to melt away. She forgot she had put the earrings on. What was she going to tell him. She tried to steady her nerves and then spoke. "These? Fake. I got them for like, twenty bucks a Macy's," she lied. "I'm impressed. You noticing jewelry, how very un-guy like of you."
"I think that was supposed to be a compliment?"
"Oh yeah, sorry. I didn't mean un-guy like in girl like way," she insisted. Her stomach was still filled with butterflies. She hoped she was being convincing. She had to get away before she slipped up about what had happened earlier that day. "Hey, can you order the food? I want to go take a shower. It's been a really long day."
"Of course," he told her. She leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the lips then grabbed her bags and headed off towards the bedroom. Placing her things down on the bed she reached into her purse and pulled out her cellphone, taking it with her into the bathroom.
Once she had reached the bathroom she locked the door behind her and turned on the shower with out getting in. She leaned against the bathroom door and slid down onto the floor, circling her arms around her knees she began to cry.
"So you sexually assaulted her on an elevator?" Honor asked her brother over the phone, her voice only half serious.
"I did not sexually assault her. She kissed me back you know," he defended himself. He was sitting in his personal office in his apartment with folders full of notes in front of him. The folders were all color coordinated, a different color for each of the papers he was researching. He was fully concentrating on his conversation with Honor and not his work but he couldn't help but look at the different folders and think of the irony- knowing that he had taken to organizing his notes this way thanks to Rory's influence.
"OK, fine so maybe it wasn't a felony but it must have been a misdemeanor; indecent exposure at least," she tried again.
"Honor!" he said sternly. "I swear we kept all our clothes on," he added with a roll of the eye that Honor couldn't see but knew about anyway.
"Come on Logan. I want to be on your side here, you know I've always thought Rory was perfect for you but don't you think this is a little bit inappropriate?" she asked more seriously.
"A guys got to do what a guys got to do," he retorted with a smirk she couldn't see.
Honor sighed. "What about the fiance?" She had spoken with Logan last week after the run in with Jess and the phone call from Rory so she was already up to date on those happenings.
"I don't know," he answered truthfully, his smirk quickly melting away. "Like I told you before, she said he moved out and I'm pretty sure he's still gone but she was wearing the ring and it sounded like they hadn't actually broken up. Like they're just taking some time or something," he said with a furrowed brow.
"So technically she's still engaged?" she half stated, half asked.
Logan said nothing.
"So that means technically the two of you were cheating," she continued on, after interpreting his silence.
"Well if you're going to look at it that way," he said defensively.
"I am." she said mater-of-factly.
Logan sighed. "Why are you doing this Honor? You're making me out to be the bad guy here. And OK, maybe in a way I am, but I don't want to be the bad guy. I just want her back."
"That's the problem Logan. You want her back; but the truth is, that doesn't look promising. I don't want you fooling yourself with these false hopes. I saw how hard it was for you to get over her when you broke up, and now she's back around and every time I talk to you it seems like you're more and more invested in a relationship you don't even have anymore. If you keep this up..." she hesitated.
"What?" he asked, annoyed. "If I keep this up what? I might not ever get over her? Don't you understand Honor? I'm never getting over her either way. You talk about how hard it was for me to get over her the first time...just because I pretended I was OK and went about my business like I wasn't heart broken doesn't mean I got over her; it just means I got good at acting. My biggest regret in life- and trust me, I've made a lot of mistakes- my biggest regret is cutting her out of my life that night. Now if it comes down to it and I really have to, if he's really the one she wants to be with, then I'll have to find a way to deal with that; but for now I at least have to try to get her back."
"I just don't want you to get hurt, little brother," Honor said meekly.
"I know you don't, but there are some things that just can't be helped."
"So what are you going to do about the paper?" she asked him, curious to hear his thoughts on this aspect of the problem.
"I don't know," he answered honestly.
"What would you do if weren't for her?" she asked, trying to gain some levity on the matter for both his sake and her curiosity.
Logan looked down at the folders in front of him. The yellow, blue, and red folders were all neatly piled up off to the side of his desk. A small stack of orange folders representing The Liberty Herald and another stack of green folders representing another paper were directly in front of him, the top folder in each pile still open. Both open folders contained a pr-con list, another one of her influences, obviously. "I'm not sure yet, but the Liberty is definitely in the running either way. I've got it narrowed down to them or another paper, The Philadelphia Page." He looked at the pro-con lists and saw that they were practically even. "They're kind of running neck and neck right now."
"Hmm, well that's no help..." she said pensively.
At that moment Logan's phone beeped to alert him to another call. He looked down at the caller ID and smiled. "That's her Honor, I've got to take this."
"I know you do," she told him reassuringly.
"Talk to you later, Honor."
"Logan..."
"Yeah?"
"Just be careful, OK." She really hoped his heart was ready for what awaited him on the other line.
"I will," he promised, trying to reassure his sister. "Later Honor," he said again and switched the call over to the other line. "Hey there Ace, long time no see. You just couldn't get enough of my, huh?" he greeted, trying to muster up every ounce of his cocky bravado.
"Logan," Rory responded softly. Logan thought he heard her voice crack a little as though she had been crying but he tried to ignore it. He heard something else in the background; water running perhaps.
"Is that the shower?" he asked.
She nodded her head before she realized he couldn't see her. He continued before she had a chance to respond properly.
"You know, that's kinky Ace, but I don't think it's a manufacturer approved activity for your Razor...the phone, not thing you shave your legs with," he added.
"Logan," she said again more forcefully.
"Yeah?" he asked, finally giving her a chance to speak.
"Thank you for the earrings," she told him. She looked down into her open hand where the earrings currently sat. She had taken them off as soon as she had reached the bathroom. They were so beautiful, he really did have good taste in jewelry; and a good eye for sizes, she thought, remembering the day of the LDB event and the blue gown. She really wasn't that materialistic and yet these gestures of his always meant so much, as though he was trying to share the beauty of the world with her.
"You're worth it," he replied.
She choked back more tears. "I can't accept them."
"If you don't like them we can get you something else," he offered though he knew that wasn't the problem at all- that she wasn't rejecting the earrings, she was rejecting him.
"No, Logan. They're absolutely beautiful," she choked out.
"I see," he said. How had she decided this so soon? She had said she would think about it. He knew Honor was right when she said the chances of him getting her back were slim but he thought he'd at least have some time to plead his case. And then his brain once again acknowledged the sound of running water in the background and he put it all together. He had obviously known she hadn't actually been in the shower but it was definitely the shower running and now he knew why. It was there to drown out the sound, to hide her voice so that he wouldn't hear her on the phone.
"He's back, isn't he?" Logan asked painfully.
"I'm sorry Logan," she was still holding back the tears.
"Hey," he shrugged his shoulders. "You can't help how you feel. If he's the one you love..."
"I do love him," she assured him, "but that doesn't mean I don't love you too. I don't know if that makes it better or worse but I do love you. I'll always love you. It's just...I had to choose."
"Hey, I get it," he responded bitterly. "Nothing you can do."
"Bye Logan," she said softly.
Logan looked down at the folders in front of him. Closing the top green folder he placed the entire pile on top of the others to the side of the desk. He looked down at the remaining stack of orange files, finally making his choice. "I'll be seeing you Ace."