Jack

Jack was there when Ennis came home…as he always was without fail.

Ennis hadn't gotten through the door when his hat went flying and the cussin' started.

"Fucking new ranch foreman! He's got his head stuck up his ass so far he can count his own teeth! Do you know what he told me today? Get this, Jack. He…." And Ennis went off on this elaborate description of cattle and calves and birthing and the stupidity of men who had no real ranch experience but had a degree in "animal husb'ndry."

Jack sat back ready for this to go on for awhile. As of late, Ennis had grown more and more angry…rageful would be a better word. That was bad enough but what followed the anger...when he couldn't use it to hide his pain any longer…was depression, deep and dark.

He drank more, smoked more, cussed more…but Jack could only stand by and watch. He could try to console him, to assure him things were going to be fine, but he couldn't get through to Ennis. It was excruciating for Jack to see him this way and not be able to help. Jack often cried for the pain that Ennis was carrying. He prayed a lot for this man he loved. This was something new that had come to him some years back.

Ennis was going to take the path he needed to take and there really was nothing Jack could do about it.

Jack had not missed the fact that Ennis wasn't looking good lately. His skin was gray. His breathing at times labored. He refused to go the doctor. He refused any help. It was as if he wanted to die. Jack could only watch.

Ennis had finallly begun to wind down. He was breathing heavy. His hand went to rub his chest which had been tightening up on him this last month. His eyes watered as the anger began to dissipitate. He just stood at the sink, his head bowed.

"Jack?" Ennis said, like a lost little boy.

"I'm here, Ennis." Jack said.

Jack knew what was coming next. Ennis reached down in the cabinet and pulled out a bottle. Ennis was hoping he wouldn't be awake much longer. He straightened up and his eyes kinda looked inwards as if remembering times past.

Ennis opened the bottle and took a long drink. He stood in the middle of the room, not moving, going nowhere.

Jack went to stand behind Ennis and put his arms around him like Ennis had done for him those many, long years ago. It wouldn't be much help for Ennis but it would be something. Jack stood there with Ennis until he knew that he had begun to calm down. It was all that Jack could do for him.

Ennis moved. Jack released him. Another long drink from the bottle. Ennis wiped his hand over his mouth, then went to the closet and opened the door.

There hung his shirt from Brokeback with Jack's nestled lovingly within…the blood on the sleeves still visible all these years later. The postcard now yellow with age and cracking around the edges.

Ennis stood quietly and lightly stroked both shirts with the tips of his fingers.

"Jack…I miss you something fierce. It's too hard, Friend, being here all alone, without you. I'm not strong, Jack, like you always thought I was. You was the strong one, Jack. But there's nothing can be done about any of this now. If you can't fix it…."

One single tear rolled down his face.

"I love you Jack Twist…Jack Fucking Twist…and I always will. Forever. I swear…"

Ennis took a moment with his hands on the shirts then gently closed the door to the closet, sat on the edge of the bed, and set about drinking himself into unconsciousness.

Jack sat with him, his hand on Ennis' thigh, as they had sat so many times before…Jack's face radiant with his love for this man, yet sad…so sad…because he understood Ennis' pain. He felt everything that Ennis felt. That's how it is with soulmates. It's not just a physical connection but something that transcends the material.

Jack loved this man more than anything. He had been told he could go on to a better place but chose to stay here with Ennis, to do whatever he could to comfort him, to ease his burden, to never leave his side. He didn't want Ennis to be alone.

And one day, Jack knew, Ennis would turn and be able to see him sitting there, his love for Ennis shining like a great light.

And one day, Jack knew, Ennis would know a love for him greater than any he could have down in the world. He would know that his pain and suffering were gone but that it had been part of a greater plan and he would accept that.

They would come together, two souls, halves of one greater soul, and move on to a greater place.