Disaster

They were going to a different place than usual for their fishing trip this time. Someplace that Jack had suggested. He said he had heard about it from some tractor salesman he had met in Texas at one of his conventions. They had started talking somehow about hunting and fishing…Jack had mentioned a couple of places he had been (all of them with Ennis of course) when Jesse, the tractor salesman, told him about this little range of mountains he had hunted.

He showed Jack pictures of the hills and ranges and of the wildlife they had bagged. Jack immediately thought of Ennis and how great it would be to explore a new place with him…go somewhere they hadn't been…maybe bring back some of the feeling of the old days. He was concerned about Ennis lately and thought this would be a great way to bring some light back to his eyes.

Ennis had his doubts about this new location and said so. He was comfortable with the places they had gone all these years…he knew them like the back of his hand. But Jack had been so excited, talking real fast with his eyes all shining bright…acting like a kid who'd just got a bike for his birthday…that Ennis couldn't deny him. So, dropping his head to look at the ground, with a smile half-hidden by his hat, he agreed to check out this new place of Jack's.

Jack had said nothing about all this being for Ennis since he knew that Ennis wouldn't want him making that kind of fuss. But Ennis knew that Jack was doing this all for him...to try to bring some excitement into his life now that he had been living alone for so long. To try to get him to open up instead of shutting down even more. He knew that he had begun to slip and knew he needed help…but also knew that he could never ask for it.

He didn't dare look up at Jack now. If he did he knew that he wouldn't be able to control himself and would reach for him to hold him tight. Jack didn't know that it only took a little thing…one small thoughtful thing from Jack…to cause his ears to burn and his heart to beat faster. Jack acting like this was almost more than he could stand.

He could feel Jack shaking with the anticipation, though he was ten feet away, with the desire to help Ennis and this only made it worse for him. But the truth was they weren't in a place where he could let those feelings go. So he gruffly told Jack to get himself ready. Jack smiled and bobbed his head to look at Ennis' face under his hat and try to see what he was feeling but Ennis only kept his head down. Only when Jack turned around to go could Ennis raise his head to look at him walk away…and release the death grip he had on the door handle of the truck he was standing against.

On the third day of their trip, they were riding on a particularly rough part of the mountain ridge. It was rough going for them and the horses, the area being strewn with rocks of all sizes. It was afternoon before they were able to find a place to stop and rest. There was a good clearing here, some sparse grass for the horses, and a level spot for Ennis and Jack to set up a small camp and cook some lunch.

The clearing they had stopped in was near the edge of a mountain that, in millenia past, had lost nearly half of its bulk in some cataclysmic event. The mountain was sheared from top to bottom.

Jack had helped Ennis set up what was needed to cook and left Ennis to it since he was the better of the two at it. He walked around a little just enjoying the sun and the fresh air. Ennis had seemed to pick up some after the harmonica incident yesterday so Jack was able to free himself of any feelings of having hurt Ennis.

He had wandered toward the edge of the cliff face, just exploring. He was experienced at being on mountains so knew how far he could and could not go. Ennis had been keeping watch on Jack as he always did…without letting Jack know and so saw him approaching the edge.

"Jack, you wanta stay away from the edge now." Ennis said loudly because Jack was some distance away from him.

"I'm fine Ennis. I know what I'm doing," which caused Ennis to chuckle since Jack always said that about things he didn't know how to do.

"Jack, don't make me come over there like one of my kids that don't listen," Ennis shouted again. As he looked down for a moment at the food he was cooking he heard Jack say "Fuck you Ennis. I been on mountains long enough….." There was the sound of scrambling and gravel sliding.

Ennis looked up in time to see Jack's hat slide over the edge of the clilff.

"JACK," Ennis cried as he jumped over the cooking fire to run to the mountain edge. His body slammed into a state of emergency…his eyesight keen, his strength beyond normal, his mind quick and alert.

"JACK, JACK…" he shouted. He got to the edge now being careful not to panic and move to fast or end up like Jack. He continued to call his name again and again as he moved back and forth along the cliff edge, his mind refusing to accept any scenario that didn't involve Jack coming out of this alive.

"Ennis", he heard. A weak sound but coming from very close, nearly beneath where he now stood.

"JACK, WHERE ARE YOU?" Ennis' voice was cracking.

"Ennis, I gotta hold of a tree here but I need some help."

"Jack, I gotta get a rope. Can you hold on?" Ennis was near panicking now but kept telling himself that Jack needed him, Jack needed him, Jack needed him.

Jack came back "Yeah, Ennis, I'll be fine, just you take your time now, ok?"

Ennis snarled. "Jack fucking Twist…gotta crack a joke at a time like this."

"Get a rope", he said to himself.

He began to carefully back away until he felt safe to get up and run. He took one of the horses near to the edge, tied the rope to the saddle horn, made a loop at the end, and began to unwind it to throw over the edge.

"Jack, I'm gonna throw the rope but you gotta tell me where you are. Are you right or left of my voice?"

Jack said, "Right".

Ennis moved a few feet and threw the rope.

Jack yelled "Ennis, a little more to your right."

Ennis pulled the rope back and moved a few more feet. When he threw the rope this time, Jack yelled back that it was a good throw and he could reach it.

"Get that rope around your waist, Jack. I'm gonna use the horse to pull you up." Ennis gave him a second and Jack called up that he was ready. Ennis slowly walked the horse away from the edge. He saw Jack's head appear over the cliff face. He very nearly dropped everything to run over then but continued to guide the horse until Jack was safely onto level ground. Only then did Ennis stop.

Jack lay on the ground not daring to move, the rope still tied around his middle. His breathing had begun to slow down but his heart was still racing. He had indeed gotten hold of a tree on the way down which saved his fall but he had dared one look below him and saw a thousand feet of open air. There had been nothing under him that could have saved him.

He sat up seeing that he was at a safe distance from the edge and could get up without fear of falling again. To vent a little anger, he spit at the cliff edge. Didn't do much but it was all he could spare at the moment. He began to untie the rope from around his waist and to stand up so he could move further away from the edge.

As he turned he caught sight of Ennis and what blood was left in his face drained. Ennis was still standing near the horse, still had hold of the reins but had closed his eyes, had his hand near his face, and was shaking violently all over. Jack was sure the horse was the only thing holding him up.

As he discarded the untied rope, he began to run.

"ENNIS!"

But Ennis didn't open his eyes nor stop shaking. Jack got a little closer and called his name again. No response.

Jack was coming up on the rear of the horse when Ennis finally opened his eyes and looked at Jack. He stopped dead in his tracks. It was impossible from one second to the next to know what Ennis was thinking. His eyes flamed with anger one moment and then would go blank with the thought of the loss of Jack. His body still shook but seemed to be easing with the knowledge that Jack was alive and not at the bottom of the mountain.

Jack took one step but Ennis backed up.

"Ennis," Jack said softly. It was as if he didn't hear Jack.

Jack took another step and so did Ennis.

Jack said "Ennis, I'm here. I'm right here. It's okay. You saved my life Ennis. You did, Friend. I'm right here."

"Stop where you're standing, Jack," Ennis warned.

But with each plea to Ennis Jack stepped just a little closer. Finally he stood directly in front of Ennis and looked him straight in the face. Jack winced because Ennis had settled on anger to express at that moment.

Jack realized he had hurt Ennis more than anything he had ever done before by not taking to heart his warning about the cliff edge, but there was nothing he could do about that right now. He stepped a fraction closer fearing that Ennis would lash out and strike him down for what he had done to him. He still had not released the horse.

"Ennis, you saved my life back there. While I was hanging on that tree all I could think of was that I would lose you…that this would be it…I'm sorry Ennis. I'm sorry. I should have listened to you."

"I told you not to get too close," Ennis pushed out of a rigid face as he speared Jack with his gaze.

Jack decided that silence was a probably best at this moment.

Ennis tried to speak but found his throat wouldn't open.

"I…" Ennis tried to say. "I thought…" as he tried again to speak through clenched teeth. He still trembled from the terror that had rushed through him seeing Jack go over that edge.

Ennis' hand rose hesitantly to grab hold of Jack's coat lapel. When he grabbed it he began to tighten his grip. Jack became concerned because Ennis began to slowly pull him toward him still with fire in his eyes.

"Ennis," Jack said softly.

Other than the one time on Brokeback, Ennis had never struck Jack no matter what. Jack was not certain that he would be safe this time.

Ennis stood there for a moment, Jack's coat gripped tightly….and then slowly tears began to roll down his face. He loosed the horse in order to grab Jack's jacket with his other hand. He started shaking Jack and shouting at him.

"You could have died, you bastard. Why didn't you listen to me? What would I have done if…?"

"Ennis, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." was all Jack could say.

He was crying also by now. Jack reached up and put his hands on either side of Ennis' face. He slowly pulled his forehead to Ennis' all the time saying "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Ennis began to sob. Jack leaned in and sought blindly for Ennis' lips to reassure himself that he was still alive and Ennis was still here. Ennis tried to turn his head but Jack had a tight lock on it and refused to let him move. Suddenly Ennis locked onto Jack's mouth and Jack felt that they had become one person...each trying to latch onto the other to erase the fear and panic that had engulfed them both.

It seemed like forever before their lips parted and they both could breathe again. Jack continued to hold him tightly and continued to reassure Ennis that he was here and safe…here and safe. It was hard because Jack was beginning to realize…the reality was finally setting in…that he had nearly died…and in dying would have lost Ennis forever.