Chapter 14: Silver Ice
"Are we there yet?" Hiro asked Silver. "You didn't answer, are we there yet?"
"What did I tell you the last thirty seven times?" Silver responded through his teeth.
"You said no each time."
"And my answer stays the same. So please-PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP-ASKING-ME!"
"There's no need to raise your voice, Silver."
Silver was beginning to reconsider taking Hiro along. He saw potential in him but this was just too much idiocy for a person to take.
"So Silver, want to play the questions game?"
"You mean 21 questions?"
"Nope. I play 21,000 questions."
"Huh?"
"Where do pokemon come from? Do pokemon bleed? How can we call Meowth a cat pokemon if there aren't any cats? Why's your hair head? Why's the sky blue? What's the sound of one hand clapping? Are your shoes untied? How come so many people take drugs then go to the doctor so they can take more drugs? Did you know that there's no such thing as race, all people's skins mutated from black people in Africa when they moved away from it? Did you know that? How come there's no squirrel pokemon? How come there's pokemon battles? How come we have our own pokemon bludgeon someone else's into a coma and call it a victory? What's P.O.O.T? Why can't it be C.R.A.P or S.H.I.T? What's the meaning of life? Where are we going? I'm hungry, are you hungry? Where do we go when we die? Why's the title Silver Ice? Why can't it be Hiro Waves? Are you gay? I think you are, are you straight? Why am I playing this game? Why am I asking so many questions? Why are you covering your ears? Do you like cookies? Did you know that people get killed more with falling Exeggutor eggs then Sharpedo attacks? What's a Sharpedo? Why'd we become trainers? Why do hate Gold? Do you think Crystal's hot? How come you don't answer me? Do you think Crystal's hot? Did I already ask that? Why's their hatred in the world? Why do girls wear stuff that makes them feel uncomfortable but pretty? Why is beauty so important to people? Why can't people be fat and not care about their appearance? Why can't we eat what tastes good and not worry about what others think? Why do we even think? Why is ignorance bliss? Do you have a Blissey? Why do all the Nurse Joys look the same? Do they have a genetic disorder? Why-?"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP! I SWEAR IF YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD I'LL HAVE MY TYRANITAR USE YOU FOR A CHEW TOY!" Silver hollered. He rubbed his forehead. Hiro had given him a migraine. The two stopped talking until they reached a dead end in the forest.
"This is P.O.O.T? You made me come with you for a giant rock and some trees?" Silver grabbed the back of Hiro's head and slammed it into the rock surface. Hiro disappeared behind it instead of hurting himself. Silver walked through the holographic rock formation. Hiro was on the ground with his jaw dropped and Silver smirked.
"Welcome to P.O.O.T..."
Story Change: Copper Winds
"Guys come on already! I want to battle now!" Copper cried. They were walking all night and through the early morning. Crystal seemed fine for somebody who hasn't slept but Gold was being sluggish.
"Battles can wait. We need to buy supplies first," Crystal said while pulling a bundle of money out of her pocket.
"Can we find a place to sleep first?" Gold asked.
"You can sleep at the store. As for you Copper, why don't you look for new pokemon or something?" Copper jumped into the tall grass to their left and searched for a pokemon.
"So it's just you and me Gold. I don't know-I-I mean do you want to go to the park together w-w-with me?" Crystal stuttered. But Gold wasn't listening. He was on the ground sleeping. Being the hot head that she was, Crystal kicked him stomach.
Meanwhile...
Copper and Spears were creeping up to a wild Growlithe (I took your suggestion Bigfoot).
"Okay, you Fury Attack." Spears soared through the tall grass so fast that it sliced the blades off. It slammed its beak into Growlithe's side once and came back for a second time but Growlithe used an ember attack first. While Growlithe was distracted Copper nailed it in the butt with a pokeball and captured it. He ran back to Gold and Crystal to show them. They were shouting at one another.
"What'd the hell did you that for?"
"Because you're an insensitive bastard!"
"What the hell! I was just sleeping!"
"That's exactly the reason why!"
"What'd sleeping ever do to you?"
"You guys are fighting just like my parents used to," Copper said. The other two stopped yelling and listened to Copper bragging about his capture. They arrived in the city and immediately went to the huge department store.
"You guys go do whatever you want. I'll handle the shopping," Crystal said.
"I'm going up to the fifth floor," Copper stated.
"I'm gonna sleep over there," Gold said pointing to a row of seats.
"I guess that means you're staying with me. We'll come look for you in about two hours."
Copper took the crowded elevator upstairs. He was unfortunate enough to get sandwiched between two fat people.
"Excuse me but can you two move..."
"Did you hear something Fred?"
"Sure didn't, Jed."
Copper waited until they got off and ran off into the fifth floor. He was looking at a rack of TM cases when a woman beckoned to him.
"Aren't you a cute little boy? I've got a special TM for a kid like you." She pulled out two silver discs from her back pocket.
"What are those?"
"These teach your pokemon attacks that most people don't even know exist. You see; no pokemon in the world learn these attacks unless you use these."
"Cool. What do they do?"
"The attack power of these attacks increase on how much or how little your pokemon likes you. They are Return and Frustration."
"Give me them now! Give me them now! Give me or you will feel my squirrelly wrath!"
"Hold on Tiger. You need to show how much your pokemon like you first. I'll give you one for free if you show me." Copper was hesitant to show her his pokemon. She sounded a little bit of a child molester. He released Spears, Whoopi, Flares and Sleeper. Apparently he stole the Drowzee from Hiro before he left.
"Alright you guys, I need to show this lady how much you love, adore and worship me." Spears ignored him and picked at a bug on its wing. Whoopi looked confused and Flares fell asleep. Sleeper got ticked off that it was stolen from Hiro and blasted Copper across the room.
"Tsk. Tsk. They don't like you one bit. Here take Frustration." She walked off looking pretty disappointed. Copper pocketed the TM and returned Spears, Whoopi and Flares. He was going to take back Sleeper but a man came up to him this time.
"Damn, all kinds of freaks come up to me."
"I couldn't help notice that Drowzee of yours. Would you trade it for my Machop?"
"It's not exactly my pokemon but sure plot device. I'll trade with you." They switched pokeballs and walked away without a single word to each other. A security guard came up to him next.
"God damn it. Why do people keep coming up to me?"
"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"
"Do you have sex with your boyfriend with that pussy?" The security guard picked him up by his collar and led him off somewhere. "Let me go! Where are you taking me?"
"The children's area until your mother finds you."
"Earth to asshole, my parents are in Violet City. I'm came here with friends."
"That's Mr. Asshole to you," he said showing him his badge that clearly said Mr. Asshole. "Your friends can find you here later."
Meanwhile...
"Crap. Where is he?" Crystal said to no one. Gold was buried to his neck in shopping bags and still asleep. "Gold wake up!"
"I didn't do it!" Gold exclaimed.
"Pick up the bags and let's find Copper." They walked around aimlessly until they asked for help from a security guard.
"We're looking for our little boy," Crystal said. The man snorted when he looked at them.
"They'll let anyone be a parent these days." Gold nearly choked on his lollipop when he heard that.
"He's not ours, he's-."
"That's what they all say."
"Listen to me-."
"No, you listen to me. Sex might be fun but if you're not going to take proper care of the baby then you might as well just cut off your wang sonny." Gold's eye twitched and Crystal ran off somewhere to puke.
"Dude, we're like 14 and haven't done...that okay. First of all we're not looking for a baby. He's ten. Second; why do you care so much about what we do? Third; help us look for the kid. Fourth; go kill yourself you jackass."
"It's Mr. Jackass to you," he showed him the badge that said it.
"Man, who names these people?" Mr. Jackass led them to the children's area. Copper wasn't hard to find. He was; after all, sitting on a throne made out of building blocks. The other children were either bowing to him or feeding him cookies. The others were in lines to four attractions. Spears was lifting children into the air and dropping them one by one on a giant trampoline. Whoopi was being hugged and had its cheeks pulled by little girls. Flares was being used to warm up their cookies. His new Machop was arm wrestling with the boys and flinging them against the walls.
"Holy Shit..." Crystal and Gold said simultaneously. They ran up to Copper and pulled him off his throne. The ones bowing to him got up and picked up their toy swords and surrounded them.
"Don't worry guys, they're friends." They dropped their weapons and went to play with Copper's pokemon. "So what's up guys?"
"Why are enslaving these kids?"
"It's not my fault they'll pay their weight in cookies to play with pokemon. It's called capitalism."
"It's called communism if you make all the rules. Never mind, let's go."
"Fine. ATTENTION MINIONS! I NEED MY POKEMON BACK!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW..."
"But I'll come back tomorrow, because I love each and every last one of you... r cookies." He returned his pokemon and walked away with Gold and Crystal.