Chapter seven – Some things we just can not forget
His soft lips brushed against mine in a way that touched my very heart. Automatically my eyes closed as my heart started to beat up faster. The kiss was very tender, almost careful. The kind I would never have expected from him. Not even being conscious of my actions I leaned closer to him as I responded, slowly kissing him back. I felt his arms wrapping around my waist as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Everything else had ceased to exist, there was just me, him, and his lips on mine. Nothing else really mattered.
"Higurashi!"
I yelped and found myself looking straight at colonel Hidaka's face which was mere inches away from mine. Considering the flashback I had been just living again in my mind it was no wonder that I blushed furiously.
"You're spacing out again", he spat, his eyes glaring me coldly. "Get a hold of yourself and hurry up!"
"Sir yes sir!" I saluted and rushed to catch up with others, feeling thoroughly embarrassed.
"You've been blushing to yourself and spacing out a lot. Is everything all right", Shippo asked as soon as I reached his side – once more we were on the running track, you see.
I glanced at him and bit my lip.
"Yeah, all's just great."
"So nothing happened during your little holiday?"
"Nothing", I managed to answer although my voice sounded a bit squeaky.
"Ah, all right."
I did not like the hint of mischievousness in his tone. At all.
I lowered my head and fought a blush from my face. I was hopeless. Totally hopeless. I couldn't stop thinking about him for a single second. I could still feel the warmth of his touch on my skin, my heart was still fluttering in my chest. I could still feel the jolts in the pit of my stomach caused by his sudden but oh-so-wonderful kiss.
Seeing him here again, constantly meeting him from day to day helped nothing either. He had returned back to his cold behaviour towards me which caused my heart to sink. It was clear to me that he regarded our shared kiss as a mistake and that he had probably already forgotten all about it.
Well, it was kinda forbidden, after all, he was my superior.
But somehow I got the feeling from him that it all had happened more accidentally than purposefully, in a mere spur of a moment. he really had no feelings for me.
Oddly enough this thought made me feel utterly sad and miserable.
"Have you noticed colonel Hidaka acting oddly lately", Bankotsu asked as he sat down onto our table on lunch break.
I kept my mouth shut, trying my best not to blush – again. Honestly, I'd been turned into a some kind of a blushing maniac, flushing red the instant I even heard his name – which was not just silly but also kind of pathetic. Damn it, his fault, all of it.
... Okay, it might be that I had a little crush on my trainer. Nothing serious. Just a tiny little crush, completely meaningless and –
.. who was I kidding?
I let my head fall down to rest on the table.
'Baka. Baka. Baka. Baka. Baka. Baka. Baka.'
"Kagome?"
"Huh? Oh? Yeah?" I got back up quickly.
The guys said nothing, just gazed at me oddly.
"What do you mean about Hidaka behaving in a weird way", Miroku asked, crossing his arms across his chest.
"He seems to be spacing out a lot. Not really concentrating on training us."
I paid no attention to the conversation the guys were having cause I was too busy mentally scolding myself.
"Well now that you mentioned it..." Shippo frowned.
"Hello you guys!"
I turned my head to see – no other than Jakotsu. He was smiling cheerily to Bankotsu and then turned a bit to send a cold glare into my direction. I paid no heed to it and fell back into my daydream.
"Maybe he's not telling us something", Bankotsu suggested.
"Hmh, might be. I mean, we get no news to here, who knows what's happening out there", Miroku said with a tiny nod.
"Huh, what are you talking about", Jakotsu asked, tilting his head.
"Hidaka's been all weird lately", Shippo said. "We're wondering why."
A smug grin spread on Jakotsu's face.
"Oh, that."
"Wait, do you know something", Bankotsu asked, suddenly seeming to be more interested.
"Let's just say a friend sent me something.." Jakotsu took a folded paper out of his pocket and set it onto the table.
"Huh, what's this?"
"It's an article from a very popular magazine's celebrity column! You know that the Minister of the Defense held the annual Shikon Gala last Friday, don't ya?"
"Uhh.."
"Umm.."
"You didn't know? Well, doesn't matter. Here, let your eyes rest on this." Grinning like a cat who got the cream Jakotsu folded the cut off article open.
The surprised gasps from the ones sitting at the table stirred me up a bit but what really woke me up was Bankotsu's voice, saying:
"That's one helluva hot babe Hidaka's having there!"
Quickly I gazed up to find all the others bent over... something.
"What's going on", I asked all puzzled.
"Jakotsu managed to find an article. Look at the pic."
I did as Shippo told me to.
The moment my eyes fell onto the photograph my heart stopped.
Ground, if you hear me, come and swallow me right now. Please? Just. Kill. Me. Now.
"Kagome, you okay?"
"You seem a bit pale, Kags."
"I know it's a surprise but it shouldn't be THAT hard to believe that Hidaka might have a girlfriend", Miroku chuckled.
I managed to close my mouth – I don't know how I did it but I managed to do it so that was good enough. However I could not stop myself from staring at the pic with widened eyes.
It was taken as we had been leaving the Gala, when Hidaka had walked me over to my limousine. The door of the car was already open and I was smiling at him. I stood facing him, so you really could get but a very short glimpse of my face – which was a very good thing. It seemed that the guys had not recognised that it was me in the picture and if they would... Uh, I'd rather not think about it. Anyway, in the picture you could clearly see that Hidaka's arm was wrapped around my waist and his eyes were glued on me. My heartbeat sped up as I lived again the moment we had stood there in the cold night air bidding each other farewell...
"Well", I said as soon as I got my voice back. I didn't like the sound of my voice at all, it was weak and trembling ever so slightly. "This is truly something unexpected."
"If he's got that kind of a girl, no wonder he's spacing out."
"You think Hidaka's been spacing out because he has a girl", I asked, one of my eyebrows raised.
"Well, it's the most logical reason now, isn't it", Miroku said grinning.
"That coming from you…" Shippo muttered.
"Hmh, I don't think so. Imagining Hidaka head over heels... He wouldn't even have a crush, no matter how pretty the girl'd be."
"Oh come on! No matter how harsh he is over here, who here really knows what kind of a person he is", Bankotsu wisely pointed out. "Besides, that girl's not just pretty, she's a goddess."
"Oh, you're just saying", I said, trying my best not to blush. "Even if Hidaka'd have fallen in love, there's no way he'd be in love with that girl."
"You're evil", Miroku said, faking a sob. "You really keep putting that girl down. She's gorgeous, I mean, just look at her!"
At that moment, the situation took a swing to worse. Just my luck.
"Hey what're y'all conspiring over here?"
"Oh hi, Inuyasha", Jakotsu chirped, eyes twinkling.
Oh please. had I not already suffered enough?
"We found the most interesting article about your brother", Bankotsu smirked.
Inuyasha bent and immediately his eyes were glued to the picture.
"How weird", he muttered. Then he glanced at me. "Kagome, you have a moment?"
I gulped. This would be nothing good...
"Uh.. yeah.."
"Good."
He grabbed my fist and dragged me out of the dining hall.
"What the hell is going on in here", he barked out as sure as it was sure there were just the two of us. "First of all you and Sesshoumaru both act like teens caught doing something forbidden. Not to mention that your constant blushing reminds me very strongly about a girl head over heels in love. And then that article! You better start babbling now."
I could very well understand why he was asking this, because I could see the concern he tried to hide under his gruff behaviour. But still he managed to make me angry. I don't know whether it was the tone he used, or the way he was pushing me against the wall.
No matter the cause... I snapped nonetheless.
"Let go of me", I spat out.
Inuyasha took one look into my burning eyes and – wisely – let his grip of my shoulder go.
"What the hell you think you're doing, interrogating me? Like I'd tell anything to you!"
"Kagome, let's be reasonable – "
"HA! That coming from you." I laughed cynically. "Why you even think I'd tell you anything?"
"I know that something must have happened between you two and that's unnerving me."
"Oh, tear. See if I care if you're unnerved or not. That's your won problem, not mine."
"Cut the bitching already damnit! What's wrong with you?"
"Your attitude, that's what's wrong with me!"
"I have a right to know."
"The hell you have. I'm not your wife anymore, remember? It's called divorce. It happened right after I found you fucking around with my damn cousin!"
"DON'T YOU DRAG KIKYO INTO THIS NOW! We're talking about you and Sesshoumaru!"
"There's NOTHING between me and Sesshoumaru", I barked out. I couldn't help but notice the bitter undertone in that statement.
"Oh yeah? Why I'm not convinced."
"Leave it already."
"I want to know."
"Well too bad because I ain't telling shit."
"WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A BITCH!"
At this point he grabbed both of my shoulders, slamming me against the wall. It seemed that I had managed to piss him off.
"From the same reason that you have to be such an asshole."
"WHY YOU –"
"Would someone care to explain what the heck is going on in here?"
Both of us froze immediately as Sesshoumaru's calm voice reached our ears.
"Cadet Hidaka, you weren't just about to beat up cadet Higurashi, were you?"
His observing gaze went from Inuyasha's raised fist over to his other hand which was still pinning me against the wall.
"You two still haven't vent off all your anger? That won't do. That won't do at all. You know what's the most important thing you ought to have learned by now? Teamwork. Out there under the gunshots you all have to form a group in which every single unit will seamlessly work. I told you on the first day that I won't stand quarrelling in my troops. You still haven't learned that? My God you're even thicker I had expected."
Colonel Hidaka gave us both a disgusted stare and then walked right through the double doors leading into the dining hall.
"ATTENTION ALL CADETS! I'm sorry to interrupt your meal but there's something I want to show you. Come along."
He turned around and walked back at us.
"Follow", he simply barked out.
Very soon we were all out on the training field. Colonel Hidaka stood in the centre with me and Inuyasha behind him, when all the other cadets were watching us, standing in a semicircle.
"Cadets Hidaka and Higurashi have been just caught up breaking the rules. I won't tolerate quarrelling in my troops in any case. Why? Because I would want to see you alive when the real thing comes. Teamwork is the key to survival. That is why I'm so specific 'bout this one special rule. Do. Not. Fight. With. Each. Other. We are the Elite here! We can't afford being torn from the inside when facing the enemy! Each group is always only as strong as its weakest member. But the group will survive as long as it sticks tightly together. Now I hope you understand that I am doing this following deed, not only to make you pay attention to my words... But also to show you what will happen when breaking the rules. Breaking the rules is a deed that must be punished."
I felt a sudden coldness within me then.
"It might not seem like it but I'm doing this to save your lives. Think about it."
With this he suddenly turned around sinking his fist into Inuyasha's stomach so swiftly and smoothly that it complete took us all by surprise.
I gasped and my hand flew to cover my mouth as I saw Inuyasha fall in slow motion, coughing up blood.
Colonel Hidaka however did not stop there. He took a firm grip of the front of Inuyasha's tanktop and harshly lifted him up with one hand. The other hand soon came crushing down meeting with Inuyasha's nose.
"Don't turn your heads away", the colonel roared to the crowd of shocked cadets. "You have to watch carefully. It seems harsh, but it's teaching. And you have to teach thick-headed people in a way that they surely get what you mean – the hard way."
My knees gave in and I fell onto the ground. My mind was in a haze and my heart broken into thousands of pieces. Colonel Hidaka, coldly beating up Inuyasha before my eyes... Was this the same man whom I had seen smiling to himself while watching his little girl sleep soundly? Was this the same man who had kissed me so carefully, so tenderly...? Was this the man, who had got a hold of my heart?
No. I refused to believe it. An involuntary sob escaped from within me.
Inuyasha collapsed, bloody and beaten. With one final kick into his stomach colonel Hidaka left him alone and turned to me.
He stopped right before me and for a moment nothing happened, I saw his golden eyes soften.
Then he heaved me up and started to beat me. I limply endured it. Why should I struggle? I could understand why he was doing this. I had broken the rules, I needed to be punished. It was nothing to wonder about, really.
But why with every punch he gave to me my heart shattered into smaller and smaller of fragments?
He let his grip go when he could no longer take it.
Damn it how soft he had got. But the bruises on her fair skin... the bruises he knew he had caused by his actions alone...
He felt disgusted.
"Take them to the medic squad", colonel barked out, his voice sounding oddly exhausted. With that he walked away.
Heaving a heavy sigh to himself he sat down onto the sofa.
"Daddy?"
"Rin, Daddy wants to be alone now. Go outside to play."
"Can Rin go to play with Nee-chan?"
He felt a stab in his heart.
"Cadet Higurashi's in the infirmary now, Rin. She got hurt."
"Oh that's terrible! Rin goes to see her right now! Rin has to cheer her up."
The little girl hurried away leaving colonel into the empty cabin by himself.
'She broke the rules. She needed a punishment. In a sense I was protecting her…'
It did not matter how hard he tried to convince himself, he did not buy it.
'You caused her pain', a little voice filled with malice whispered to his ear. 'You made her suffer. You saw how her eyes dimmed. You noticed the tears she was trying to hold back…'
He buried his face into his hand.
He disgusted himself.
Ever since the Gala last Friday-night... He still did not quite understand what had possessed him to kiss her.
But the memory lingered. It was burned into his mind for forever. The softness of her lips, the sweetness of her taste, the way her body lightly pressed against his…
The memory was driving him mad.
He wanted nothing more than to experience that again. it was bloody hard to try to train her out there and treat her as any other cadet when all he wanted was to rip off her damn clothes and –
Well, he indeed did not want to do those things to any other cadets.
And now he dwelled on his guilt. He hated to see her fair skin on bruises. The fact that he had caused those bruises...
It was unbearable.
If she hadn't be under his troops... Who knew what might happen between them?
He had never been affectionate one. He hadn't even loved Kagura, his ex-wife. Actually the reason he had married her in the first place had been Rin. The luckiest mistake ever happened to him. He had not got along with Kagura, not at all and it had been so hard, vexing and stressing to even try. In the end he realised that it hurt Rin more with them trying to act like a married couple.
So they had given up. It had not been easy. Life. For him. Well, no one had ever claimed it would be.
But the week he had been through now had felt as if it had been the longest week in his life. She was so near that he had to but reach his hand…
And yet he knew he couldn't.
Damnit. That woman made him feel.
He didn't like it at all. Feeling made it all seem so much complicated... And it wasn't too easy to begin with. Feeling.. Feeling made him softer. And he could not afford being soft.
There was a knock on the door.
"Yes?"
"Colonel Hidaka, the training should be continued."
He got up, hardening the wall around his heart the best he could.
"Nee-chan!"
"Ara, Rin-chan? What are you doing here?"
"Daddy said he wanted to be alone and told Rin to go out to play. Then Rin asked if she could go play with Nee-chan but Daddy said that Nee-chan's in the infirmary 'cause she got hurt again. So Rin came here instead to cheer up Nee-chan!"
"That was kind of you, Rin-chan."
The little girl flashed a wide smile and climbed to sit on the edge of my bed.
"So how are you?"
"I'm quite fine, thank you. The nurse said that my injuries are nothing serious. I just need to rest for today and by tomorrow morning I'm able to continue with the training."
"Oh, I'm glad!"
"Yeah, I think I've trained so hard that I should be beaten up pretty bad before I'd be forced to stay in bed for weeks. Or then I'm just so clumsy that my body's been forced to get used to healing fast."
Rin giggled.
"Then maybe you can come to read a bed-time story for Rin today?"
"Uh.."
I really didn't feel like it. I'd be forced to meet with colonel Hidaka and.. Well, I did not want to see him.
Okay, I did want to see him but I knew I could not bear seeing him... Especially like that... Alone, behind closed doors...
My mouth suddenly felt very dry.
"You have to, Nee-chan! I didn't see you at all last week. You went away and left Rin here. Rin was lonely! Rin missed Onee-chan."
I knew she was right. I owned it to her.
Besides... There was no way I could say no to those warm chocolate-brown puppy-eyes.
"All right, Rin-chan. I'll come to read you a bed-time story tonight."
"Yay! Yatta!" The young girl hugged me warmly.
I watched as she ran away and returned a while later with a sheet of paper and crayons.
"I'll make a pretty drawing or Nee-chan", she explained enthusiastically and started her work, sitting on the floor right next to my bed. I watched her antics for awhile until I allowed my thoughts to take over.
I apparently doze off since the next thing I realized was Rin's small hand tugging my blanket.
"Nee-chan... Wake up Nee-chan.."
I opened my eyes.
"You fell asleep." her tone was accusing and she had one small hand planted on her slim hips.
"So it seems. I felt a bit tired, gomen."
"Nah, it's okay", she said letting out a cheery little laugh.
She jumped down from my bed and soon climbed back.
"Look what I did! It's for you."
I took carefully the drawing she offered to me. There were three figures, surrounded by a bunch of bright, colourful flowers.
"It's Nee-chan and Daddy and Rin", she explained cheerily.
One thing in the drawing caught my eye immediately.
I was holding hands with colonel Hidaka.
"We're in the park on a walk", Rin continued to explain. "And we all are having a great time. that's why everyone has so happy smile."
"This is.. a very.. sweet drawing, Rin-chan. Thank you."
And I was being honest. The drawing was sweet. Somehow though I found it also unnerving.
"Maybe in the spring when flowers wake up again we can all go together for a walk in the park."
Back then Rin had said that she wanted an older sister. But now, when I was looking at the drawing she had done I could not help but to wonder was it truly a sister-figure that she wanted. I could be a sister to her… But being a mother was a totally another thing.
"Maybe", I replied.
"Ne, let's go. it's getting late already, Nee-chan."
"Kikyo", I called.
My cousin arrived a moment later.
"What is it now, Kagome?"
"Am I free to go already?"
"I can't see why you should stay here... Unless you wish to annoy me further with your presence."
I huffed and got up.
"Let's go, Rin-chan."
"Hai!"
I rose quietly from the sitting position I had been in, just next to her pillow. I tucked the soundly sleeping girl better in and then just watched over her peaceful sleep for awhile.
"You're always doing that", I whispered softly.
"Always doing what?"
I turned to look at him over my shoulder.
"You always linger there in the doorway, watching."
"I like doorways", he replied with a ghost of smirk on his lips.
I turned and walked out of the room, he made me way and I brushed past him.
"Do the injuries hurt?" His voice sounded oddly muffled.
"I've endured pain before, it's nothing. Besides, I understand your reasons. I deserved it."
"No... you didn't."
I turned around to see him staring at the wall. His golden gaze seemed somewhat pained and it stirred something in my heart.
"Don't you go and blame yourself."
He startled and turned to look at me.
I can't explain why I could so easily read his emotions after all that tight control he had over them.
I just recognised them, saw them even though she tried to hide them.
I suppose there just was a type of connection between us.
Maybe.. In a sense... We were the same.
Both afraid to show our emotions.. Fearing that we would just hurt ourselves again.
"I don't know why nor how... But I can see through you."
He walked over to me, his long fingers brushing the bluish stain on my cheek.
"You did what you had to do", I said softly.
"I did not like it at all."
"You still don't have to blame yourself. Don't dwell on it and punish yourself for nothing. Let it go. It's easier then."
"Kagome…"
A meaningless amount of time passed as they became lost in one another's eyes.
And then it felt as if something had snapped.
His hands slid down her spine until they became to rest in the small of her back, pulling her against his firm body. His lips were on hers once again, hungrily marvelling at their softness. She responded quickly, her small hands coming to rest on his warm pale cheeks.
A moment later the kiss broke.
"We shouldn't…" Kagome whispered gasping for air.
"I know", Sesshoumaru groaned attacking her lips again with his own.
He damn well knew he shouldn't. But she was there, right before him… he could not help it.
He was a man after all.
Her heart fluttered in her chest. The way he kissed her made her feel so warm inside... Even though she knew it was wrong – Kagome really didn't give a damn.
The door burst open.
"Hidaka-sama! Hida – "
All movement froze for a few moments.
Sesshoumaru and Kagome hastily sprang apart.
Colonel Hidaka cleared his throat, crossing his arms across his chest.
"What is it, captain Minakawa", he barked out coldly.
"Oh – right!"
Captain Minakawa saluted.
"I'm sorry I rushed in so suddenly but it's urgent."
"Yes, captain?" colonel Hidaka said one eyebrow quirked. He tapped his foot once to signal that he wanted Minakawa to spill it already.
Colonel Hidaka greatly disliked to be disturbed.
"The Big Boss is calling and requested your presence immediately. It seems that we have a job to do."
Chie: It's a cliffie ! I knew you guys were missing my cliffies - -evil smirk-
The Dah: I'm terribly sorry that my betaing took so long. My life really collapsed onto me, so I was selfish and took my time before betaing this. If you are curious what happened, well let's just say that I'm moving to another apartment, my local internet network collapsed (I had to be the nerd in the house and fix it) and then there are these lovelies called matriculation examinations (hardest exams in the Finnish schooling system) and course tests (one after every course) and test week (a week filled with exams. One per day... L ). And a top of all this, my body decided to be bitchy, meaning that I really can't do anything. (I seem to collect every kind of illnesses..) So, sorry again that it took so long.