To Shoulder a Burden II

Jack, Ennis and Bobby had talked till near midnight, when both Bobby and Ennis saw that Jack couldn't stay awake any longer. He had been leaning on Ennis' shoulder for awhile and now couldn't keep his eyes open.

"Ennis, I suspect you'll be staying here for awhile now?" Bobby asked quietly.

"Uh…well…I don't, um, want to impose." Typical Ennis response, said almost without thinking.

"I don't know if you got anyone over in Riverton, but I would hope that you would consider Childress your home for awhile until you and Daddy can straighten things out."

Ennis shrugged his shoulders, looking down at his empty coffee cup. "My daughters are there but we don't talk no more. Their Momma saw fit to turn 'em against me." Ennis had grieved for his girls for a long time but realized that there was nothing he was going to be able to do. He would always love them, but might never see them again.

"Do you need to go back for anything, any possessions…?"

"There ain't nothin' left for me there. I don't have my horses no more and that trailer…Well, there ain't nothing in that trailer that means anything to me…just things." There were a couple of items that he would have liked to retrieve but he wasn't going to take any chance at leaving Jack now that he had him back.

"Then I would hope that you would accept the Twist family hospitality and stay here in Childress for a spell. I know my Daddy would appreciate it and…..well, I'd like to get to know you better, myself." That last part Bobby said looking at the table.

"Thank you, Bobby," was all Ennis could say.

"I got to go but I'll come back tomorrow and we can talk some more. Did you bring clothes and things with you?"

"Well, I got a shirt and some shaving stuff…"

"If you would let me, I can go out tomorrow and get you some things…" Ennis started to say that it wasn't necessary for him to do that when Bobby waved him off. "Sorry, won't take no for an answer. But we can discuss all that later. Why don't you two get some sleep now, okay? I'll come by tomorrow afternoon. I have some meetings in the morning."

Bobby stood up. Ennis didn't move because Jack was still leaning on his shoulder, but he reached out to shake Bobby's hand. When Bobby went to release Ennis' hand, Ennis held on for a moment and turned to look Bobby in the eye. "Thank you, Bobby…I mean, for all this...for everything." Bobby looked back at Ennis for another moment, still holding onto Ennis' hand, then nodded. They released the handshake, Bobby standing for a moment longer, then with one last look at Ennis and his father, he turned and left.

ooooooooooooooooo

Ennis sat there with Jack for a few minutes, running over what had happened to him in the last two days, still not able to comprehend that his life had gone from grey desolation and waiting to die to finding Jack again. It was all so much to take in.

He looked at Jack sleeping calmly on his shoulder, remembering times past when he had done just this same thing near the fire on Brokeback…and how he had treasured those moments, knowing that someone in the world wanted to be that close to him. Ennis reached up and brushed the hair from his forehead, thanking Whomever might be out there that arranged miracles like this. He kissed Jack softly on the top of his head and sat for a little while longer.

He knew that this tiny, little moment of peace could not last because Jack had to get to bed…and so did he given his lack of sleep over the past 48 hours and all that had happened.

"Jack," he called softly, while touching the side of his face. Jack's eyes popped open, he sat up and looked around.

"Bobby. Where's Bobby?"

"He went home, Jack. He's gotta be up for some meetin's in the morning." Jack was looking around, clearly confused for a moment. "Yeah. Sure."

Ennis stood up. He had already been holding Jack's hand so walked with him towards the bedroom. Jack was rubbing his eyes like a child might, "I musta dozed off. I'm sorry. Bobby's coming back tomorrow?"

"Yeah, tomorrow afternoon." Ennis was taking it slow, Jack walking close by him.

"You got a fine son there, Jack. You brought him up good." Jack stopped and looked up at Ennis for a moment. "Without you around, Ennis, he was all I had to keep me goin'. I'm afraid I ain't been such a good dad to him the last few years." Jack looked down at his boots.

"I don't think he minds so much, Jack. He just wants his daddy to be happy, ya know?" Jack nodded, thinking that he had not thanked his son for all he had done for him, instead giving him grief and depending on him at such a young age. He put down in his mind that this was something he would have to do the next time he saw him.

They had gotten to the bedroom, Ennis released Jack's hand. "Jack, you gotta get to bed now, okay? You're draggin' here. Too much been happenin'." Ennis took a couple steps backwards and stood at the door.

"Ennis?"

"I….uh…thought I'd sleep…ya know, on the couch, so you could get your rest." Ennis turned a little pointing toward the living room. "I'll be fine out there, um, damn couch's bigger than my bed back home." He looked down again, scuffing his foot on the carpet, kinda picking at nothing on the door frame.

Jack looked at Ennis like he was an alien come down from outer space.

Jack's mouth worked but nothing came out. He'd look at the bed then at Ennis and back to the bed.

Finally, he got out, "What are you talking about? You want to sleep on the couch?"

Ennis looked like a scolded child, his chin nearly in his chest at this point. "Ennis, what's the matter?" Jack saw a tear drop to the floor.

Ennis looked around, looked left, looked back at his feet, anywhere but at this man that was literally his entire life.

Jack walked slowly up to Ennis and touched him, very gently, on the side of the face with his fingertips. Ennis' breath hitched once. "Ennis, what's wrong?"

Tears started down Ennis' face. "I…um…I…uh, Jack, I…don't know what to do, Jack. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now…ya know, you been sick all them years and…uh…we been apart so long now. I wanna help but I don't know nothin' about what's going on with you. I don't wanna push…I don't wanna hurt you no more…" Ennis' face showed his complete confusion now. He really didn't know where he belonged or what he was supposed to do. It was all too sudden for Ennis to absorb.

Ennis reached for Jack, like he was brushing something off his shirt and said again, "I don't know what to do, Jack. Tell me what I'm supposed to do, okay?" He had started to cry.

The strain of the past years had finally come to the surface for Ennis. He had been the strong one coming into this but it was his turn to fall apart for awhile. Jack had been sick all these years…but so had Ennis, just in a different way, and he wasn't able to hold his pain back anymore.

Jack had gone to reach for Ennis when Ennis slowly went to his knees. Jack followed him on down pulling Ennis to him as he fell. Ennis was crying openly now, apologizing, Jack just kept telling Ennis that everything was alright, everything was fine, it's okay. Jack held Ennis until he had stopped crying and shaking. He pulled back a little and placed his hands on either side of Ennis' face, lifting it so he could look in Ennis' eyes.

"What to do? You are one ignorant cowboy, ya know that? There ain't nothing you need to do but be here. There ain't nothin' more than that."

Jack was looking Ennis straight in the eye. Those blue…unbelievably blue…eyes were staring right through him. How long had it been since he had been drawn in by those eyes?

Ennis reached up placing his hand on Jack's neck. He pulled him a little closer.

"I missed you so much all this time…I thought you were…and now…" Ennis said. Jack's eyes were tearing up. Ennis' tears were flowing.

Without warning, Jack kissed Ennis, if not with the power of their youth, certainly with the passion. Ennis was caught off-guard but took over and he grabbed Jack pulling him toward his chest. Each was trying to capture some of the past and draw it close around them so the four years of pain and suffering could be forgotten.

They parted for a moment, their foreheads together, each breathing heavy, forgotten feelings and sensations moving inside them like the old days.

"Jack." He looked up at Ennis. "Jack, I promised I wouldn't never leave you again. Promise you won't leave me. Promise that I won't never have to go through…all that…again. I can't, I won't…" Jack quieted him with his lips.

"There ain't gonna be a time, Ennis, never a time, when I won't be here with you. You ain't got to worry no more."

Ennis closed his eyes and rested his head on Jack's shoulder.

After a few moments, Jack said, "C'mon, bud. Time for bed."

They both stood now, somewhat awkward after all that they had said. They exchanged glances. Jack was the first to step forward reaching to help Ennis off with this coat.

They helped each other get out of their clothes, not in the rambunctious, wrestling style of Brokeback, but now in a more mature and gentle manner.

When they were finished, they looked at each other, both seeing the tracks of time in the other's body. Both embarrassed to show what the loss of the other had done to them.

Jack walked around to his side of the bed and got in. Ennis the same.

They came together quietly, gently. The love they made that night was more intimate than any they had experienced. Both had come through trying times and now each knew how precious the other had become…how rare was a love like theirs. There was no need to hurry or hide now. There were no more fences or barriers to have to fight through to get to the other.

They spent that night reacquainting themselves with each other, laying the first brick in the foundation of the rest of their new lives.

ooooooooooooooooooo

Ennis woke up as the sun had just started to peek above the horizon. It was that special time of day between night and day…a twilight that was some of each. He lay there thinking that he hadn't slept so calmly in many years.

He saw that Jack was still asleep and had by habit fit himself to Ennis…his back to Ennis' front, Ennis with his arm laid over Jack's waist. He smiled to himself thinking how automatic this seemed to be for them.

He lay there for awhile just listening to Jack breathe, feeling his body making those little jerks and movements that bodies do when asleep. Quietly pressing his face into Jack's hair, recognizing that, after all this time, his scent was only slightly changed. He noticed too that Jack had lost a lot of weight. He took it upon himself to make sure he fattened him up some.

He very quietly got up…Jack still asleep. He did his bathroom duties, then put on his pants. His shirt he rolled up and placed between Jack's arm and chest, so when Jack woke, he'd know that Ennis was still here. He walked quietly out of the room and went to the kitchen to make some coffee and wake up a bit.

He was on his second cup of coffee standing at the patio door looking outside at the sun coming up on this brand new and wonderful day. He kept telling himself this wasn't a dream, that it was real, he was here with Jack. That he didn't have to hurt anymore. It was too big for him grasp right now, but he figured in time he'd understand it fully.

He heard movement behind him and glanced back without turning around. He saw that Jack was coming into the kitchen, his shirt in hand. He walked up to Ennis without saying a word, picked up Ennis' arm and placed it over his shoulder, snuggling up close to Ennis.

They stood there a moment, then Jack reached over and took Ennis' cup of coffee, drank a sip, made a face, "Shit's cold, Ennis. How can you drink that?" Ennis smiled because a little peek of the old Jack had just shown through. "Wasn't cold when I got it." Jack nudged him, "Gonna go get me some." He had started to turn, when he hesitated. He handed Ennis his shirt, "Thank you, Ennis. I did wonder for a minute if all this was another dream."

Ennis watched Jack walk over to the counter and pour himself some coffee. He watched him as he walked noticing that he seemed to walk a little straighter than he had seen him last night. He was pleased to think that Jack was feeling better.

Ennis walked over and started breakfast.