Chapter 26
Gold
Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32
Donphan-Trunks LV: 26
Snorlax LV: 30
Flaaffy-Sparks LV: 19
Slowking-Lazy LV: 25
Sunflora-Sprout LV: 16
Hiro
Croconaw-Highfang LV: 20
Grimer-Stench LV: 9
Magby-Inferno LV: 5
Weepinbell LV: 21
Crystal
Meganium (Blue) LV: 30
Chansey LV: 9
Sudowoodo LV: 20
Smoochum LV: 5
Dratini LV: 15
Copper
Spears-Spearow LV: 9
Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5
Growlithe-Flares LV: 10
Machop-Champion LV: 15
Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16
Red Gyarados LV: 50
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"After I get you all out of here, you have to promise to never come back to Ecruteak," Hiro's mom said.
"Now that's two places we can't ever come back to," Gold sighed.
"What do you mean 'we'?" Crystal said back.
"Oh yeah, I have a surprise for you in Olivine City, Hiro."
"Is it a fifth dimensional bag? The fourth dimensional is boring.
"Of course not Hiry Piry Poo. We're disgustingly rich! I've got something bigger in mind. Fifth dimensional backpacks are most suited for your commoner friends."
"We're standing right here you old bi-." Gold slapped a hand over Crystal's mouth.
"Cool it," he whispered. "She's the one getting us out of here. And she might even give us a couple handouts if we get on her good side."
"And don't even think of getting handouts, you street urchins!"
"FUCK YOU!"
"Hey don't talk to my mom that way!"
"Your mom's boobs are so big they've been mistaken for tree trunks!"
"Well your mom is such a sl-t and so bad in the sack that your dad couldn't stick around to do it twice!"
"Oooh, that was below the belt, Gold," Copper said with delight. "Are you gonna take that from him?"
Gold kicked Hiro in the groin. Hiro's mom rushed over to her son and glared at Gold.
"Take this money and bail yourselves out you sons of bitches."
An hour later...
"Okay, you're all free but don't do anything stupid." the warden said. The group walked outside.
"Don't do anything stupid? When's the last time we didn't do something stupid? Right Hiro?" Hiro had already gotten in a car with his mom and sped off towards Olivine. Silver knocked someone off their bike and stole it. He trailed after Hiro's car and eventually passed it.
"What do we do now?" Copper asked.
"We're gonna go to Olivine City where they'll make me the new gym leader," Gold announced.
"Why do you want to be a gym leader?" Crystal asked.
"I was looking at our profiles before the chapter started and I realized that I'm the strongest main character, I never lost a match. Plus I get to be one with my pokemon, reach new levels of strength, cunning-."
"You just wanna do it for the fat pay checks and that your mom won't have to work too hard make ends meet."
"Are you psychic or something?"
"Nope, I just know you too well. You can be sweet when you want to be."
"If you really know me then how big is my di-?" Crystal punched him in the stomach.
"I also know that you can be a disgusting jerk."
"Geez! I was just kidding. To Olivine my friends!"
"What'd you mean by profiles and chapters?" Copper asked looking puzzled.
"The entire world is a fanfiction made by a 14 year old boy who would rather write and listen to music on the internet then go outside. I am a merely a vessel for his own personality, Crystal is only here to serve as the main character's significant other and adds romance to a tale of idiocy, destruction, and semi-original plot line. Hiro and Silver act as best friends and rivals and you were made for the purpose of sarcasm/comic relief and apprenticeship. Now we shall forget that I've completely obliterated the fourth wall and go to Olivine City." Gold stopped talking and left Ecruteak City through the western gate.
"I am pretty sure I overdosed his medicine..." Crystal confessed.
"Clearly," Copper replied. "So... uh... what's he takin'?"
"Why do want to know?" Crystal asked him looking at him suspiciously.
"You know... just um... you know... looking out for Gold from the stuff... in the uh stuff... from the thingy... in the thing.
"Hmm... MARIJUANA!"
"WHERE!"
"HA! You just wanna get high again!"
"DAMN IT!"
"You're not gonna get your crack addict fingers on this stuff!"
"DOUBLE DAMN IT!"
The group got to Olivine City in a matter of days. It just occurred to me that none of the characters fought the NPCs in actual battles. But I'll make up for that up next. They entered the gym first to find Hiro waiting for them.
"Hiro, why are you here?"
"I own here."
"YOU'RE THE NEW GYM LEADER!"
"Damn straight," Hiro said leaning back into a throne of rock.
"You... Stadium stealing... sperm swallowing... son of a Starmie! You took my dream job away like an illegal immigrant!"
"That was both racist and true. And this place has always belonged to the Steel Family which I is am. You couldn't have taken it anyway."
"I'll fight you for it! Go Pyro!"
"Go Armor! (That's the name of Hiro's Skarmory)"
Armor didn't wait for Hiro's orders again and used Steel Wing. Pyro grabbed it by the left wing and tossed it across the room and then knocked it out with a Flame Wheel attack. Hiro used Highfang next but this time it was a Feraligatr.
"Highfang, slash it across the eyes!" Highfang sliced its claw against Pyro's face. Pyro wheeled round backwards clutching its now bloodied eye. Highfang started punching Pyro over and over until Pyro fell to its knees and fainted. Gold used the still un-named Snorlax.
"Snorlax, Double Edge!" Snorlax glowed white and charged towards Highfang. Highfang stamped down on a floorboard and sent Snorlax flying into the air.
"IF YOU WANNA LIVE, GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Gold screamed as he dove out of the way of his falling pokemon. Snorlax's plummet released a second floorboard and sent Highfang soaring even higher and through the roof. Hiro returned it before it hit the ground and switched in Stench. Apparently, all of Hiro's pokemon evolved because Stench is a Muk now.
"Use mega punch," Gold commanded.
"Acid Armor." Just as Snorlax was about to strike, Stench turned it into a purple liquid. It then sort of, slithered up Snorlax's mouth. Snorlax's face turned green and looked like it was about to vomit.
"Eww. Stench must taste like ass..."
"Uh-."
"No, I don't know what ass tastes like Copper. Snorlax, pull on your uvula and puke Stench out!"
"He's gonna need a lot of lotion and napkins for that, Gold!" Copper remarked. Crystal smacked him in the back of the head.
"What was that for?"
"The uvula is that thing in the back of your mouth, not the thing in your- you know what? I don't feel like explaining his. Just watch the battle and keep your mouth shut."
Who will win?
Gold or Hiro?
Will Hiro keep his gym leader title?
Will Copper finally know the difference between a wang and a uvula?
Where the hell was Silver the whole time?
Why am I asking you all this? You don't even know the answers!
All the answers to these questions and more on the next chapter of Golden Flames. If you don't read you are a pile of donkey droppings!
TO BE CONTNUED... PSYCHE!
Snorlax's hand was too big to fit in its mouth. Stench was using Sludge Bomb on the inside. Snorlax couldn't take the pressure anymore and collapsed. Before Gold returned it, Snorlax farted Stench out of its system.
"Nasty..." Gold winced.
"Next victim, please," Hiro said complacently.
"Victim this you son of a- GAH FORGET IT! Go Sprout!"
"Sprout? Stench's sludge will steamroll Sprout."
"Sprout scrunches stupid, smelly smucks like Stench!"
"Stench surreptitiously-,"
"Will you two stop speaking in S words, it's getting annoying!" Crystal pointed out. Stench was yawning the whole time. Sprout fired two razor leaves into its mouth.
"Stench spit those out and use Sludge Bomb!" The leaves were bouncing around inside Stench, preventing it from moving. Gold and Sprout stopped attacking.
"Are you giving up?"
"You wish. Those leaves will destroy Stench on the inside just like you did to Snorlax." What Gold said was true. Stench collapsed from the bouncing razor sharp leaves and swallowed them. Hiro switched in his Victreebel.
"Victor, reel it in with vine whip!" Victor grabbed Sprout by its waist and shoved it into its mouth. "Good now use Sludge Bomb!" Sprout came back out covered in sludge. Gold caught it in his arms. Victor used vine whip again and managed to knock out Spout and also knocked Gold off his feet.
"Gold, at least try to look decent. This match is being televised for Pete's-."
"We're on TV?"
"Yeah, you mean you didn't notice the cameras? Just give the viewers a good show."
"The viewers can bite my ass. I choose Lazy!"
"Why hello again, master. What rapscallion must I defeat for you this time?" Lazy said in its usual British accent.
"Use Fire Blast on that toilet with leaves!" Lazy shot the man shaped fire jet at Victor. Needless to say Victor fainted. Hiro chose Inferno, which evolved into Magmar at some point in time.
"Use all four of your attacks at once! Dizzy Punch! Fire Punch! Mega Punch! Thunder Punch! GO!" Inferno sprinted and used all four of its punch attacks over and over again. Inferno was punching so fast that Lazy couldn't counter.
"Shellder, can you hear me? Use Water Gun!" Shellder jumped off of Lazy's head and knocked Inferno out of the way. When it clamped back down on Lazy's head, Lazy's personality changed.
"YO! Get that fucked up mug of yours outs my grill, son! Or I'll be on you like a Primeape on a banana! You look confused, do I have to spell it out for you n---a? Get your slimy duck bill of a mouth off my d—k of I'll bitch slap you like a crack smokin' w---e! Get cho' fo' shizzle out my nizzle!" Lazy ranted.
"Whoah... What happened to the British accent?" Gold said in awe.
"Not cool, dude... Little kids are watching this! Thunder punch!" Hiro ordered to cover up what just happened.
"Lazy get out of the way!"
"Sorry but I don't listen to no white man."
"But-."
"But nuttin'!" Inferno knocked it out with one last punch. Gold shook his head and returned his identity impaired Slowking. He switched in Trunks and had it use Take Down. Inferno tried using Mega Punch but only to be brushed aside by the awesomeness that is Trunks. Hiro chose his final pokemon: Rhydon.
"Rollout!"
"Earthquake!"
Trunks rolled into a ball but due to shaking battlefield, it uncurled itself and landed on its back. Rhydon used Iron Tail and sent Trunks crashing threw the stalagmites on the ground. To Gold's dismay, Trunks had lost consciousness. All he had left was Sparks. Sparks evolved into Ampharos on the way over from Ecruteak but that didn't matter because of Rhydon's type.
"OKAY GIVE 'EM YOUR BEST THUNDERSHOCK!" The attack hit Rhydon head on but it did nothing. "THUNDERBOLT!" Again nothing. "THUNDERPUNCH!" Do I need to say it? IT DID NOTHING! "OKAY, ENOUGH OF THIS! GIGAVOLT!"
Sparks' attack wasn't as powerful as the one in Goldenrod but still did significant damage to the gym. But did nothing to Rhydon...
"Cough... Gold... cough... what made you think that would work... cough..." Crystal wheezed through the smoke.
"Cha- The-cough- TV show-cha-lied to me... That always worked for-cough-Pikachu..." The smoke started to clear.
"The ground pokemon on that show are told to fall when they get zapped by that runt! It doesn't work in real life!"
"Ash Ketchum lied to me again!" Rhydon was fighting Sparks while they were talking. Rhydon smacked Sparks to the ground with its tail. It finished Sparks off with a stomp attack.
"Return Sparks... I can't believe it... I've lost..."
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There you have it. God loses to Hiro for the first time. Now you know what Hiro's mom's surprise was. HIRO'S THE NEW OLIVINE GYM LEADER!
Hiro
Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32
Skarmory-Armor LV: 30
Muk-Stench LV: 38
Victreebel-Victor LV: 30
Magmar-Inferno LV: 30
Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42
Gold
Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32
Donphan-Trunks LV: 26
Snorlax LV: 30 (Insert Nickname)
Ampharos-Sparks LV: 30
Slowking-Lazy LV: 25
Sunflora-Sprout LV: 25
Disclaimer: Just so you know, I hope all black people reading this do not get upset over what Lazy said. STEREOTYPING IS WRONG! I'm African American as well and I know what I'm talking about. I am ReturnToJohto and I approve of this message.
RTJ