Ennis woke up in the afternoon. Sorry once again that he had to resort to drinking to drown out his problems or forget about his rage.
Jack was sitting at the dining room table drinking some coffee when Ennis woke. Ennis didn't see him until Jack got up to pour some coffee in another cup. Jack walked over to Ennis wit the coffee, hoping that Ennis would let him say how sorry he was.
Ennis looked up at Jack as he offered him the coffee. Jack saw there was not much in his eyes in the way of forgiveness or compassion. Ennis took the coffee.
"Ennis, can I…"
"Thank you for the coffee, Jack, but I can't talk to you right now."
"Ennis, please let me say I'm sorry.
"Jack…"
Jack stepped back. "Alright, Ennis. I'll leave ya alone." Jack couldn't have felt worse at that moment, knowing that his insensitive words and lack of thought for someone other than himself had gotten him…and Ennis…into this situation. He had no idea where this was going to go or how to stop it from going there.
Ennis sat there for a little while, drinking his coffee. When he was done, he got up, went in and took a shower, dressed and left. No word to Jack. Jack didn't feel like he could ask where he was going.
Ennis drove for a long while, not really knowing where he was going since he was new to Childress. He kept going over in his head what Jack had said to him, "Ya don't know what it was like to hurt all those years not knowing if ya was alive or dead, loved me or not. All I could think about was you…all the time, you…" Jack had said this as if Ennis hadn't been in excruciating pain the entire four years they had been apart. He had said it like he had not thought of Jack all the time, every day. Jack had said it like he was the only one who had feelings that could have been hurt.
Ennis had come as close as ever to really hurting Jack at that moment.
But then it suddenly occurred to him that the old Jack would never have said anything like that to Ennis before. The old Jack was not a selfish man…he had done what Ennis had wanted all those years, meeting a couple times a year far off in the woods. He had given of himself to Ennis all that time. He was the unselfish one, Ennis had been the one that wanted things the way there were…demanded that things stay the way they were. He had been the selfish one.
If Jack had not been selfish then but was now, what was the problem? All Ennis could think was that Jack had been alone too long, too much by himself. He hadn't gotten out of the house or met people or thought about much more than his own pain.
If he were the old Jack, he wouldn't be acting like this. If he were the old Jack…So what to do? He got real calm as a solution came to him.
Ennis drove to the Newsome Tractor company where he hoped Bobby would be at this time of day. As it turned out, Bobby was talking to some of the salesmen out near the parking lot so Ennis didn't have long to wait.
Bobby looked up as Ennis' truck pulled up. Couldn't miss it. Looked like it had been patched together with bailing wire and chewing gum on many more than one occasion.
Bobby spoke to the salesmen for a minute longer then excused himself and walked over to Ennis. Ennis didn't get out of the truck.
"Hey, Ennis, what are you doin' around these parts?"
"I gotta talk to ya, Bobby, if you got some free time. I'm sorry, don't mean to interrupt or nothin'."
"Don't worry, Ennis. Just talking about tractors…not much else to talk about 'round here. Come on in."
Ennis followed Bobby into his office and stood there holding his hat in his hands. "Can I get you anything, coffee, soda…?"
"Nothin' right now, Bobby, thank ya."
"You gonna stand there all day or can I get you to sit down where it's more comfortable?" Jack smiled showing he was only joking. Ennis nodded and sat, once again amazed to hear some of Jack playfulness in Bobby's voice. Bobby saw though that Ennis was wound up tight and would probably not start talking unless he was prompted.
"Everything okay? Daddy alright?
"Well, that's kinda why I'm here, Bobby. I need to see about getting a job for your daddy and me."
"Daddy's gonna work?" Bobby said with some amazement.
"Well, he don't rightly know that yet, but I think it's about time for him to get outta that house. It ain't doin' him no good to just sit around all day like that."
"Well, damn, Ennis, if you can do that I'd be most appreciative. He's done sat there for longer than is good for one man's pride. What kind of work are you looking for?"
"Ranch work of some kind. It's all I know but it's good work. It's hard and it'll make him sweat and I think that's what your Daddy needs right about now. I know I'm going squirrely sitting there all the time doing nothing." Lots of words for Ennis here. "I thought since ya was such an important man in the community now," and Ennis gave Bobby a nod and a smile, "you might know somebody needs some help."
Bobby smiled at Ennis' little compliment. "Well, Ennis, I do know a couple people around here. Let me make some calls. We got all kinds of ranches around here, and all kinds of people come in here to buy ranch equipment. How're you going to get Daddy outta the house?"
Ennis got serious, "Well, I have my ways. He ain't gonna like what I'm gonna do, but down the road there, he'll know it was for the best. You let me handle him, okay? If he comes to you to get outta this or to complain some more, you tell him you can't help him right then."
Bobby looked at Ennis. He liked him and respected him. He knew he would never do anything to hurt his Daddy.
"No problem, Ennis."
"And I need to know about this medicine he's takin'. I know he ain't takin' it like he's supposed to. And does he need to be seeing some doctor or someone? I ain't heard that he's been anywhere."
"I can give you the instructions for the medicine. He missed his last appointment with the doctor. The next one's in about three weeks."
"Thanks, Bobby. You let me know when he has to be to that doctor and I'll make sure he gets there, okay?" Ennis stood.
Bobby stood also and reached for Ennis' hand. They shook hands and smiled.
"I know that you got my Daddy's well-being in mind, Ennis. You do whatever you have to do. I mean, you've known him a lot longer than I have."
Ennis smiled at that remembering Jack before he was a father. "I'll take good care of him, Bobby."
Bobby thanked Ennis, telling him he'd make some calls and to come on by in the morning and he'd take him to breakfast. Ennis agreed, thanked him again and left.
oooooooooooooooooooooo
Bobby made an arrangement better than Ennis could have hoped for. They were to go to a ranch not far from town. The owner, Gil Barclay, was a good customer of the business and a personal friend of the family. He was known as a standup kinda guy with a reputation for honesty and fairness.
Bobby told him some of what was going on…not that Ennis and his dad were lovers…but enough that he knew this was a special favor asked for. Ennis would get the work he wanted and Jack would start slow so as not to push him too far. Ennis' work would keep him close enough to Jack, though not too close to seem to be hovering, so he could watch him if he needed help.
At breakfast, Bobby gave Ennis the address so he could go out to talk to him about the jobs and told him that Gil was expecting him. Ennis thanked Bobby again and headed out to the ranch.
oooooooooooooooo
Ennis stayed away from the house until late that night. Jack had been waiting up. When Ennis walked in the door, Jack jumped up, "Ennis, where ya been? I ain't heard nothin' from ya all day." Jack paused for a moment and said quietly, "I thought you might have left."
Ennis didn't answer but went on in to the kitchen. Jack said, "Ennis, have ya eatin'? I made some supper but when ya didn't come home, I put it in the icebox. I can heat some up if ya like? Here lemme do that." Jack bounced around the kitchen getting some dinner ready for Ennis. He had Ennis sit and brought him out some meatloaf and vegetables. Jack sat at the table drinking his coffee watching Ennis. He never felt there was a good time to say anything so stayed quiet.
Ennis finished and put his plate in the sink. He turned to Jack and said very simply, "You need to be up and ready to leave at six. We got work to do."
Jack just blinked at him. This wasn't quite what he had expected to hear. "Whattya mean work?"
"You got a job to go to now, Jack. Be up and ready to go." Ennis turned on his heel. Went into the bathroom, changed and came out with a blanket and pillow. He stretched out on the couch and closed his eyes.
"Ennis, whattya mean I got a job? What kinda job? I ain't goin' to no job until you turn around here and talk to me. And what's this with you sleeping on the couch? Why aren't you comin' to bed?"
Ennis just said, "Six o'clock, Jack."
Jack mumbled some more and stormed around some more and when he finally realized that Ennis wasn't going to respond to any of it, he went on to his bed. Ennis could hear him talking to himself in the room.
Six o'clock came. Ennis was finishing his coffee. From the kitchen, he called to Jack, "Jack, you up and ready?"
"I ain't getting' up."
"Jack, it's six o'clock."
"I said, I ain't fuckin' getting' up."
Ennis walked into the room and turned the light on. "Are you gonna get up?"
"Fuck you. You go out and get me a job, don't even ask me, and I don't even want a job. Who the hell do you think you are to…" That was all Jack got out before Ennis grabbed him by the ankle through the blanket and sheets and pulled him straight off the bed to the floor. Jack jumped up sputtering and shaking.
"Jack, either you get ready in the next 10 minutes or I swear I will knock you out, dress you and wake you up at the job site."
Jack looked at Ennis like he was insane or something. But the expression on Ennis' face was clear and Jack knew he'd do just exactly as he had said.
Jack spun and went to the bathroom. Ennis went into the kitchen to wait.
When Jack got to the kitchen, Ennis handed him his medication. Jack right off said, "I ain't takin' that. I don't like how it makes me feel."
"Do you know how I give a dog a pill, Jack?" This was said with absolute seriousness. He took his medicine. He didn't forget after that.
ooooooooooooo
Jack refused to speak to Ennis while they drove to the ranch, which was kind of a moot point since Ennis wasn't talking to him either. As they drove up, Jack turned to Ennis. "Ennis, I know whose ranch this is. I know Gil. I can't work here. I mean, I used to sell him tractors, now I'm workin' on his ranch?" Ennis felt sorry for Jack but didn't answer him. When Jack saw Ennis wasn't going to stop, he just started mumbling.
Ennis checked in with the foreman and they were assigned the day's work. Ennis got to work with the horses and Jack was set to cleaning harnesses, saddles, and the like in the stables. Not hard work but work nonetheless. Ennis was able to keep a watch on Jack throughout the day. Ennis could hear Jack grumbling every now throwing his name in amongst a bunch of expletives.
At the end of the day, they walked on over to the truck, Ennis feeling better now that he'd had a chance to get out in the fresh air but Jack was still smoldering over the way he was being treated. Jack was tired though not exhausted and was more angry with Ennis than the work he had to do. This was not hard work for him. He liked the stables, the horses and the work needed to keep them clean and in order. He wasn't going to let Ennis know that he had deep inside kind of, maybe, almost enjoyed himself.
Once home, Jack went straight to the shower. Ennis went in and started a simple supper. When Jack came out of the bedroom, Ennis had set the plates and was serving the food. Jack came around the corner and stopped for a second because this was unexpected. That morning he had threatened to knock Jack out and now he was fixing supper.
Jack sat down. Ennis sat down. No one spoke.
As Ennis got up to put his plate in the sink. Jack asked him, "Ennis, why are you doing this? Is it because of what I said the other night? I'm real sorry about that, Ennis. I didn't mean it the way it came out."
Ennis simply turned and said, "Six o'clock." He went in and showered, came out and laid on the couch. Jack saw the hopeless battle he was trying to wage so gave up and went to bed.
Ennis couldn't go to sleep and could hear Jack crying alone in his bed. He was not immune and shed a few of his own tears.
In the morning, Jack was up and ready at six o'clock.
This went on for a week…two weeks. Ennis wouldn't speak to Jack unless it was necessary for the work they were doing. He slept on the couch all that time.
Jack might have thought that Ennis was getting even for what he had said to him that night but Jack would have been wrong. Ennis was having a really difficult time with this whole thing. He loved Jack and it pained him greatly to have to treat him like this. He wanted nothing more than to reach out to Jack and pull him close, hold him, touch him, love him. He didn't like the silence, the distance…he most of all missed the intimacy, the skin-to-skin contact, the feel of Jack in his arms. But he knew that right now that wouldn't help Jack.
Ennis knew now that it was Jack's seclusion for those years that had changed his character. He knew that if Jack got out into the sun and wind, worked under the sky and the open spaces, rode the horses, he'd remember who he had been those years past. He knew this would change him and bring back the old Jack. At least this is what he hoped. Ennis was no great thinker. All he knew was that Jack used to be a certain way and now he wasn't. He was trying to put him back the way he was by putting him in the same places he used to be.
The work Jack was doing now was more strenuous and had him outside in the sun and wind and rain. Ennis would catch sight of him sometimes and notice how he had been putting on weight and muscle. Ennis had been cooking heftier dinners.
Once Jack was clearing some brush and had taken his shirt off. Ennis was watching him from behind a fence…Jack's back reddened by the sun, sweat glistening on his body, the muscles sliding under the skin as he swung the axe he used. Ennis tore his eyes from Jack, looking around to see if anyone had seen him staring at Jack. He had this uncontrollable urge run over to Jack, drag him down in the grass and take him right there. It took every bit of his self-control to back away…very far away.
Ennis woke up on the couch one morning to the smell of bacon and eggs. He turned around and Jack was making breakfast. Ennis closed his eyes for a moment hoping this was some kind of progress. He got up, did his bathroom thing and sat at the table. He and Jack ate in silence, Jack stealing a glance at Ennis now and then. When they were done, Ennis helped Jack with cleaning up. After, Ennis only said "Ready?" and Jack grabbed his things and they were off.
In the beginning of the third week, Jack actually smiled occasionally. Ennis heard him whistling in the bathroom one morning. He saw Jack with some of the other ranch hands…he had kept to himself most of the time he had been there. Some of them he knew from the tractor business. They were laughing about something, Ennis couldn't hear. Ennis smiled to himself and went off to his own duties.
Later that day, a ranch hand named Bo, angry because the foreman had chewed him out, chose to take his anger out on Jack.
Jack had been walking towards the stable with a saddle. As Bo walked by, he bumped Jack and then accused him of not watching where he was walking. Ennis had come around the corner right about the time Bo shoved Jack. Ennis had dropped the tools he was returning to the shed and was on his way to Jack when Bo slugged Jack laying him out on the ground. Ennis was like a bull seeing red. He hesitated because he knew Jack needed to take care of his own affairs with the ranch hands this way, but his protective instinct where Jack was concerned…and the continued vision of the tire irons…was overcoming his hesitation.
Right as he had decided to break both of Bo's legs, Jack got up walked toward Bo and before Bo could react, decked him. Jack picked up his saddle. Bo did not get up for a long while.
When Jack met up with Ennis to go home, Ennis stopped to look at Jack for a moment, and the shiner that had risen since his fight. It looked eerily like the one he had given Jack on Brokeback. Jack stopped and looked straight at Ennis. All he said was, "What?" Ennis nearly lost it all right there.
The next day, Bo was gone. The foreman had been told to watch out for Jack.
Two days later, Jack and Ennis were let off for the afternoon so Jack could go see the doctor. Jack had started to put up a fuss, but a quick glance at Ennis squelched that before it got started.
They arrived at the doctor's office. Not a real fancy place, small waiting room, some old magazines from the year before. The receptionist, a young woman who eyed both Ennis and Jack when they walked in, greeted them both and asked them to have a seat.
After a minute, she asked Jack to go on in to see the doctor. Ennis sat in his chair holding his hat. He could read, but not the fine print in the magazines, so with nothing to do, he just looked around.
The receptionist kept sneaking glances at Ennis. Despite his graying hair and hard-working look, he was still a handsome man. He tried to ignore her and focus on what he would need to do for Jack.
After awhile, Jack came out and spoke to the receptionist. When he finished, he walked over to Ennis. "The doctor says I'm doing a lot better and he's real happy with the progress I'm makin'. Seems the medicine's doing me good." He looked Ennis right in the eye, "He says if I keep it up, I won't need to come back to him much longer." He kept hold of Ennis' gaze not letting him look away, "I think I'll keep him to that."
Jack put his hat on, "There's a real good restaurant around the corner from here that serves a mean steak, how's about we go on over, my treat."
ooooooooooooo
It had been six weeks now. Ennis' mind was stretched thin and tight.
One day Jack just started talking…as if nothing had happened, much like the old days, Ennis noticed. He let Jack go on with this. Jack seemed unconcerned that Ennis wasn't talking back.
Jack had taken over the cooking and cleaning. More and more he took Ennis out to eat, or a movie, or just driving around. Again, as if nothing was wrong.
Jack was looking much better than when Ennis had first seen him some weeks back. He had put all his weight back on, was tanned, had muscle back….and wore his jeans too damn tight. Ennis was having a hard…uh…difficult time with that.
"Ennis."
Ennis started, he hadn't heard Jack walk up. "Ya need to get your sleep, Jack. It's been a long week."
"Ennis." Jack ignored him and sat cross-legged on the floor by the couch.
"I got something to say, Ennis. I'm gonna say it and you can listen or not, but I'm gonna say it…then I'll go." Jack took a breath to calm himself.
Ennis felt the moment coming…the turnaround moment in both their lives. He was shaking now.
"Ennis, these last four years were real hard for me…" and Jack made sure to stress this next point, "…and you. I was sure after that big argument we had, you was never gonna wanna see me again. I lived in pain and in the dark all that time and all I could think about was how I hurt, how I missed you, how I didn't have you around, how I had messed things up."
"I can see what that did to me now and all I got to say is how sorry I am for what I said to you." Ennis heard the true sincerity in Jack's voice. He had been laying on the couch, the back of his arm resting on the back of the couch and his hand laying on his forehead. His other arm was laying across his waist.
His eyes had begun to tear up. He moved his hand to cover his mouth.
"I know, Ennis, that you love me and always have since we met, though you couldn't say that until now. I know that you would give your life for me if you felt you had to, same as I would for you. So many times, I thought, 'what if he thinks I don't love him no more?' how would he be feelin'? And I would cry and hurt more thinking of the pain you must be in too."
A single tear rolled down Ennis' cheek. Jack saw it.
"Ennis, I know what you done for me these last weeks. I cornered Gil a couple weeks ago and he told me that Bobby had called him. I went to see Bobby and got him to tell me what had happened…I told him I'd cut off his allowance if he didn't." This drew a muffled chuckle from Ennis.
"I know what you done for me, Ennis. You made me get off my ass and stop feeling sorry for myself. I feel alive again and ready to take on the world. I feel like a man instead of that broken down excuse for one I was for so long."
Ennis couldn't stop the shaking or the tears.
Jack sat up and leaned on the couch. He reached out with one hand to wipe away the tears from Ennis' cheeks.
"When you came back, I was so excited…but only half a man after those years. That ain't so no more, Ennis." Jack reached up to take the hand at his waist. Ennis didn't resist. "You seen to that, cowboy. And I want you to know how grateful I am for that."
"So, I guess I'll go now. I'll see ya in the mornin'." Jack went to release Ennis' hand but Ennis had tightened his and wouldn't let go. Jack stayed where he was.
"Come here," Ennis said as he tugged on Jack's hand. Jack's face split into a grin as he crawled up on the couch pulling Ennis's hand over his head so he could lay his head on Ennis' chest.
"Jack, I didn't wanna do this to ya. I didn't wanna be hard like this but I didn't know what else to do. You was gonna stay in this house forever if I didn't get ya out and where ya need to be. You was never meant to stay in a place like this for your whole life. I'm sorry if it seemed like I was mean to you. That ain't why I did it."
Jack slid up so his face was even to Ennis'. His eyes were closed and he still wouldn't look at Jack.
"Ennis, look at me." Ennis turned his head to the back of the couch, tears still rolling from his eyes. "Ennis…" and Jack turned Ennis' head so he faced Jack. He opened his eyes.
"I was the one mean to you, Ennis. I made it seem that you hadn't hurt all those years…that you hadn't missed me just as much as I missed you. That your life wasn't as much of a hell as mine was." Jack reached up to wipe his tears away again.
"That ain't ever gonna happen again, ya hear? I thought once that you might not love me no more…I know that ain't true, Ennis." Jack brushed the hair from Ennis' forehead.
"Will ya start talking to me again? It gets a little lonely around here without another voice but mine to listen to." Ennis smiled and laughed. "If I wanted to talk, Jack, when would I be able to get a word in edgewise with you jabbering like that all the time?"
Jack smiled and punched Ennis lightly on the jaw.
Ennis looked at Jack and moved his hand from his forehead to the back of Jack's neck. "I missed ya, rodeo." Ennis pulled him to him and kissed him lightly but passionately.
When they parted, Ennis said, "Jack, I don't wanna hurt no more, okay? I don't wanna fight, I don't wanna miss you like I had to. I just wanna be here with you…no matter what, alright? Just you and me. We both know that's how it's gotta be now."
"No matter what, cowboy…you and me."
Jack laid his head on the chest of the one person he had ever loved and ever would love.
Ennis wrapped his arms around the one person he had ever truly loved and would ever love.
"So, ya know, I saw you put Bo down with one swing that day?"
Jack raised his head, "You saw that?"
Ennis nodded, "Yeah, I think it was a lucky punch myself…I mean, Bo is kind of a big guy, and, well, you're just this little fucker ya know."
Jack pretended he had taken offense and started to wrestle with Ennis to show him just how wrong he was. Ennis let him.
End