A/N: I'm so sorry about the long wait. I've only kept everyone waiting for about forever. If anyone is still reading this that is, in which case they deserve cake and cookies and big hug and a puppy.
This chapter has been written for a while, but I wanted to wait to post it until I got the next one finished as well (I lied. Two more chapters, this one and the next one). However, I think it's been long enough for any dear readers that are still hanging on, and I shall end your suspense. I hope you like the chapter, or at least don't hate it.

-----

Chapter 13

I remember my mother's death.

I was young when it happened, so young that I'm not even sure how young I was, but I know it was young enough that I had to accompany my parents to the machina building hangers when they went there to oversee or join in the buildings.

I don't remember exactly everything about how it happened or what it looked like, but I do have a lot of details and feelings and sensations I am quite certain about. I remember the blood, and her face. More than that, though, I remember Pop's reaction. The machina had gone crazy-- some sort of malfunction that happens rather often when you work with ancient salvaged machines-- and gouged a giant hole in my engineer mother's stomach. I'm sure she'd screamed in surprise and pain, but it had been Cid's heartbroken and helpless bellow that stuck in my mind. He'd dived across the hanger and snatched my mother's small frame from the floor, from the blood. That was another thing I could remember with vivid clarity: the blood, coating the floor and the machina and my mom.

I ran over to Pop then, abandoning my little toy machina and dropping down next to my kneeling father. He was sobbing in harsh gasps-- one of the only times I have ever heard him cry in life-- because he knew then what I did not. I pushed myself next to him, elbowing Brother-- who'd come running over as well and was shrieking his head off-- aside to make a grab for my mom's hand. My own soon became quickly coated in her blood, but I still didn't understand.

"Momma," I can remember saying. "Don't worry, Momma. You'll be okay." I had seen Al Bhed potions work miracles. I couldn't comprehend that there was no miracle in the world that could save her then. Pops kept crying, cradling her gently in his arms, and Brother had actually quieted, squeezing in next to me and putting his hands over mine. I started to get worried then. "Momma?" My voice had got higher, my grip tighter. "You'll be okay, won't you?"

She didn't answer. Her breath was coming in gasps almost as ragged as my dad's, her eyes glazed over, eyelids fluttering, and her skin paling rapidly as the life drained out of her. I don't know it actually happened or if I just want to think it did, but I swear she used the last of her strength to manage a smile for me and Brother, then press her lips to Cid's cheek before her eyes closed and her head dropped back, her hand going slack under mine. . .

The time that followed is where it gets fuzzy in my mind. My mom wasn't dead then, not yet, but she would be in a matter of minutes. I didn't stay to watch her, I had to get out of there or I felt sure I was going to explode. I vaguely remember leaving the hanger, then running and running until it was dark and I was exhausted and sobbing and some of my father's advisors (possibly Sahden among them) came and found me and took me home where I crawled into my dad's bed with him and Brother, and we attempted to sleep through our agony. I was transferred to my own bed the next morning and didn't get out of it for a week.

I thought then that that was the worst thing I'd ever see. I'd been pretty traumatized for quite some time, and was convinced for a long while that I could never stand to work with machina again in my life. I got over that when I got a little older and a little wiser, and even began enjoying bending the powerful machines to my will.

On the pilgrimage with Yuna, I'd seen lots of terrible things, not the least of which being one of my best friends throwing himself into supposed death off our airship. I'd killed fiends, and had fiends nearly kill me, but I'd always get really squeamish when it came to killing actual human beings. I preferred to simply steal a few items, then duck out of the battle and have someone strong like Lulu or Auron come in and take my place. I'd probably would have had a problem with human death even if my mother had lived, but after seeing her thrashing about like that. . .

Auron had faded to the eternal rest he had been refusing for years. Tidus had disappeared, and then returned, completely whole. I hadn't actually watched someone I knew and cared about die since that terrible day from my childhood. That was, until the terrible day in Bevelle Temple.

The silence that followed the gun shot and my scream was long and deafening in it's intensity. I stood there, frozen and breaking, for what felt like hours even though it could have been nothing more than a few seconds. Then I was dropping down next to Ryhcis on the floor, determinedly not looking at his agony twisted face as I desperately tried to stem the flow of blood pouring from his chest.

Gippal had thrown his gun aside and made a dive for Meyn just after Ryhcis had fallen. He had been too late to stop Meyn from firing the dead-accurate shot, but he ran at him now. It was possible Gippal had fired his shot at the same time Meyn fired his-- I had no idea.

Buddy and Brother were still dealing with the other three Al Bhed, but I was hardly aware of anything that was going on around me. All my attention was focussed on Ryhcis.

I had pressed my palms flat against his chest where Meyn had caught him with the bullet. He was shuddering and twitching beneath my hands, his fingers curling over mine as he stared at me with a devastating knowledge in his eyes. Barely conscious, he was nonetheless painfully aware of his situation, and of the man who had caused it.

Meyn hadn't been aiming for me. When his gun had swung over in our direction, he hadn't been aiming for me at all. His ëpersuasion' for Cid was not my death, but Ryhcis's. He had been aiming for Ryhcis the entire time, and he had hit his mark dead-on.

"Rikku. . ."

Ryhcis was attempting to formulate a sentence, but at the moment he was only managing some gurgling sounds. Judging by the blood in his mouth and the position of the wound, I knew one of his lungs had been hit. He coughed and choked, spraying yet more blood over the both of us.

"Don't say anything." I was trembling almost as much as Ryhcis was, and my voice sounded like it was coming from somewhere else. "Don't try and talk." I had no idea what I saying. "Save your energy." My voice had that weird throaty sound to it that it gets when I cry. Was I crying? There was certainly moisture on my cheeks, but it could have been either tears or blood. I felt like I was drowning in both of them.

"Rikku!" It could have been either Brother or Gippal shouting my name, but I barely heard it. Ryhcis was still trying to speak, and right then his voice was the only one that mattered.

"Rikku, I--" He choked again, and again I shushed him. His fingers clenched on mine, and I could practically feel his heart fluttering inside his chest. "I'm sorry. Eblen--"

"Don't be sorry." It took me forever to remember Eblen was Meyn's first name. I was definitely crying then, gasping and heaving as I clung to the now-chilled hands that had once stroked my hair with ultimate tenderness. "Don't be sorry, Ryhcis. You didn't do anything." I was babbling by then, beyond comprehension even to myself. "You didn't do anything."

Despite another blood-choked cough, I could have sworn Ryhcis laughed. He tried to tighten his grip on my hands again, but his fingers, slick with blood, didn't have the strength. His lips that had kissed mine, now flecked with red, continued to move soundlessly. His eyes-- his gorgeous, intense eyes-- had been focussed on mine unwavering from the moment Meyn's bullet had ripped through his chest. Now they fluttered once. Twice.

"Ryhcis," I sobbed, unable to manage anything else.

His long lips twitched, curved into what just moments ago would have been a smile. His fingers slid on mine. His throat worked, his body shuddered. His eyes blinked, long lashes trembling as that light that had so quickly caught my attention during our first meeting flickered, then went out.

My breathed stopped, hitching in my throat as though doing so might cause Ryhcis's to start again. I clutched at his fingers, nearly breaking my own with the strength of my grip, and began to push feebly on his shattered chest.

A loud noise erupted behind me. It could have been a gun shot or a cannon or an explosion-- I didn't take any notice. I was focussed solely on Ryhcis. My vision and attention had narrowed completely to just the sight of him face, lying broken on the ground with blank eyes staring up at the ceiling. I began practically hyperventilating, ready to punch Ryhcis, scream at him, reach into his chest and force his heart to beat again-- anything to make those eyes lose that glazed, empty look.

I thought I heard my name shouted again, but I was too far gone by then to make any response. A strange rasping, gurgling sound filled my ears and I realized that I was the one making it. My chest was impossibly tight as I gasped and choked, completely unable to breathe. I felt like the blood that covered Ryhcis and myself was filling my stomach and my lungs, and all I could see were Ryhcis' eyes, staring, blank, staring. . .

Large hands seized my shoulders and jerked me backwards. My vision spun and blurred and for a moment I felt sure I was going to pass out. The floor loomed in front of me and I shut my eyes, waiting for the impact, beyond caring.

The impact didn't come. I felt strong arms wrap themselves around me instead, holding me up, cradling my head and keeping me from contact with the hard stone. I forced my puffy, burning eyes open and looked into Gippal's face.

"Rikku." His lips formed my name, but I didn't know if he actually spoke it out loud or not. The only sound I could hear was still the ugly gasping sobs issuing from my throat. Gippal's hands were on my chest and back, attempting in vain to help me breathe, but I couldn't manage to suck in air with that body so near me. I was suffocating, sick and suffocating.

Gippal realized it just in time, and hauled me away from Ryhcis's corpse, flipping me over so I could empty the contents of my stomach onto the floor.

His hands remained on my back as I retched and heaved, stroking me gently while murmuring soothing words. After I'd finished at last, he pulled me back onto his lap, rocking me back and forth while trying to warm my now frigid skin.

"Shhhh, Rikku." I could hear his words almost clearly now. "It's okay, sweetie. It's okay now."

I made an effort to answer him, but all I could do was clutch at his chest, pressing myself as close as possible and burying my face in his shoulder. I was shaking uncontrollably, still half-crying, and babbling insanely. Gippal just continued to hold me and rub my back and stroke my hair, his voice murmuring softly in my ear. After a few moments, he took hold of my arms and placed them around his neck, shifting position so he could stand up, still cradling me like a small child.

I kept my face hidden in the crook between his neck and shoulder as he walked across the hall. It was the only place in the world that seemed safe at that moment. I knew without a doubt that Gippal was taking me out of the hall, away from Meyn, away from Ryhcis, away from all the blood. I heard the sound of the heavy stone doors opening, followed by a sound that made me attempt to raise my head.

"--onto the ship," A growling voice was shouting. "All of you, now." Blinking blearily, I stretched out a hand towards the blurry shape that was moving towards me, and felt the broad, callused fingers of my father close over my own.

He growled some sort of question at Gippal, who answered it in a low voice. Cid's other hand wrapped around mine as he moved closer, and I smelled his familiar, comforting smell of tobacco and steel and engine grease. If I hadn't been nestled so wonderfully in Gippal's arms, I would have crawled straight into Cid's lap like I had done often as a small child, to be comforted by his gruff tenderness and growling assurances.

I heard him saying something about "same way when her mother died" and "shock." Then he was trying to take me from Gippal's arms, but Gippal held on fast, and after a few moments of intense conversation we were moving again, through the city and the streets.

The buildings and people that passed us were surreal blurs. My head felt thick and heavy and I clung to Gippal in an almost dreamlike state. I had absolutely no grasp of time or distance, but he carried me without stopping until we reached what I was able to infer was the airship dock.

Surrounded by a sudden rush of Al Bhed (who actually might have been there the whole time), we boarded a ship of blue and purple that looked vaguely familiar to me. It's interior was dark and cool, smelling wonderfully of metal and gunpowder. We entered a small room that was even darker, and I thought for a moment I saw a bed in the corner. My suspicions were confirmed a second later when Gippal began laying me on it, muttering something about blankets.

I practically threw myself from his arms then, bucking wildly to keep myself from touching those sheets. I heard Gippal swear in surprise and I clutched at his collar, desperate to explain.

"My hands. . ." They had just come into my view then, scaly and unnatural looking as they were caked with dried blood. Ryhcis's blood.

I tore them from Gippal's white collar, falling backwards towards the floor. I knew if I had left a stain on his clothes like the stains that were all over mine I would most definitely throw up again.

Just like he had done earlier, Gippal caught me before I hit the floor, but he was nowhere near as gentle this time. He seized me by my shoulders and shook me, repeating something over and over that I couldn't understand. I shook my head at him, my vision fuzzy.

"My hands," I kept repeating. "I need-- my hands. . ." I almost started crying again at my attempts to make Gippal understand what was wrong. He must have gotten the message somehow because he quit trying to talk to me and settled for hauling me up off the floor, hoisting me in his arms once again and carting me from the room.

We passed through another cool and dark room, then passed down to the end of a hallway. Gippal set me down for a moment so he could open the metal door of the room on our left and I leaned against the wall, eyes closed, breathing shallow. I could still see Ryhcis's face in my mind; his face as he stared at me with his breath and life bleeding out of him. I began rolling back and forth on the wall, clawing absentmindedly at the skin on my hands and arms.

Gippal seized my wrists then and forced my hands away from my body, keeping up a steady stream of curses under his breath. I sagged against him once I realized I could no longer reach any skin to scratch, and he hauled me into the now open room, kicking the door shut behind us.

"Take off your clothes." Gippal's voice seemed to be coming from a long way away as I gazed about the room, taking in the neatly tiled walls and large shower stalls as best I could with the pounding in my head. "Rikku, take off your clothes."

I turned my gaze to Gippal and looked at him blankly, completely incapable of doing anything more than that. He ordered me to strip and get in the shower one more time, then let out a fierce exclamation when I could still do nothing more then stand there.

Stepping forward, Gippal seized the hem of my t-shirt and dragged it over my head, tossing it to the floor before attacking the button of my jeans. He shoved the dirty, stained pants to my ankles, lifting me out of them then leaving me standing there, shivering, in my bra and panties, while he turned one of the showers on full blast.

Seizing me by the arms again, Gippal thrust me under the hard torrent of water, ignoring both my gasping shriek at the contact with the lukewarm stream and the fact that his own clothes were almost instantly soaked. He snatched up a bar of standard issue Al Bhed soap and began vigorously scrubbing at my hands and arms and neck and face and hair.

I still just stood there, letting him do all the work and listening to his continued curses and muttered complaints while the now hot water wiped my mind blissfully blank, the pounding rhythm of the droplets striking my skin beginning to make me feel wonderfully numb. And yet, when Gippal shut off the water a few minutes later after shoving me under it for a final rinse, I started to cry again.

Unable to stop the trickle of tears, I wept weakly all through the time Gippal was bundling me up in the fluffy towels he pulled from the shower room cabinet, then scooping me back into his arms to carry me back down the hallway to the bedroom. I was still crying a little when he laid me on the bed, though I raised no objections this time. Once he removed the towels and replaced them almost instantly with a giant, fuzzy blanket however, I had quieted.

I don't know if it was the seductive warmth and comfort of the bed, or the slight smell pervading the room that made me dimly suspect someone had sprinkled Dream Powder on my pillow, but I found myself slipping towards unconsciousness. I felt Gippal's hand on my head, tenderly stroking back my damp hair as he murmured quietly to me in the softest Al Bhed I had ever heard him use.

"Sleep now, sweetie," he said. "Sleep. Everything's going to be okay, don't worry." He bent lower, pressing a beyond-gentle kiss to my forehead. "You'll be alright, Rikku. We'll get through this, sweetie, I promise."

Reaching up, I grabbed his hand and pulled it down next to my head, snuggling up to it even as I felt myself slipping deeper into lethargy. Comforted by his actions and his words and his presence, I felt as though I was able to breathe properly at last. I closed my eyes, but I didn't see Ryhcis's blank stare or unnatural pale under his tan skin. Instead, I saw nothing but darkness, darkness that was warm and secure with the knowledge that Gippal, solid and steady, was by me side as I fell asleep, and that he would be there, just a solid, just as steady, when I woke up.

----

I know I said this would be the last chapter, but I was wrong. There is ONE more to go (I mean it this time), and it's basically a baby chapter, then an epilogue of sorts. So if you've stayed with me this whole way, thank you. You are my absolute heroes, and I will give you my soul if you want it. If you're reading but not reviewing, you're not really so much my hero. You can just leave a little review on this chapter, can't you? A little one? If you're so inclined. If you don't, I will have to work a littler harder to love you. And you'd have to pay for my soul. :)