Disclaimer: Part 5 ispretty pointless. It does nothing whatsoever to add to the story (not that there's much of one, anyway). I only wrote it because I liked the idea, and because I didn't think Xiahou Yuan had suffered enough.

Part 5: A Whole New Ballgame

Xiahou Dun shook the severed head, checking to see if it rattled. After careful examination, he set it on the ground and raised his scimitar. "Time to reveal the delicious creamy centre!"

Cao Cao stepped in and snatched up the head. "I don't think so, you psychotic bastard! Yuan failed me. I decide what we do with the head- and we won't be eating it!"

"Give me the head, Lord Cao Cao," Dun said evenly.

"No!"

"Head."

"NO!"

"Gimme," Dun growled, looking evil in the firelight. He made a grab for it.

Cao Cao shrieked and blindly passed it to the next officer: Sun Quan. "Baaaaaall," he drooled happily.

Xiahou Dun turned to him. "Give it to me, you little spastic!"

Quan nodded and grinned, then started to walk off with the head. Towards the fire.

"Give me that head," Dun yelled, brandishing his blade.

Sun Jian slapped his forehead, but then smirked as an idea formed. "Go, Quan! Run with the ball!" Yes, run and die! Ahahahaha!

"All right, football!" Sun Ce yelled, crash-tackling Sun Quan and wrestling the head free.

Jian cheered, watching Xiahou Dun bear down on his sons. "That's right, Ce- football!" Even better. . .

Sun Ce passed the 'ball' to Guan Yu, who caught it reflexively. "You're on our team, Beardo!"

"What?" He looked down at Xiahou Yuan's horrified expression. "I truly feel for you." He tossed it away. To Sun Jian.

"I don't want the bloody thing," the Wu ruler screeched, fleeing as Dun charged.

Cao Cao groaned as Xiahou Dun continued his wild run.

Behind the fence, Yue Ying watched in confusion. The outsiders seemed to take great pleasure from kicking her discarded trophy around. With a shrug and a grunt, she dragged Yuan's headless corpse off into the bushes.

Sun Jian watched Dun warily, the campfire now between them.

Dun stepped left. So did Jian. They circled the fire.

"Back off, freakshow!"

"Give me the head."

"If I do, will you stop trying to kill me?"

"Tiger of Jiang Dong. . . eyeball. . . eye of the tiger. . ."

Sun Jian frantically cocked his arm and sentYuan's head flying back to Sun Ce, who kicked it to Cao Cao.

Cao caught it readily. Xiahou Dun, consumed with rage, closed in.

The Hero of Chaos hurled the head at Liu Bei. It smashed him in the face, twisting his broken nose even further. "Play ball, hippie!"

Liu Bei fell back, dazed. The head bounced away and rolled to a stop near the campfire.

The officers fanned out around the fire. Dun ran in to seize the ball, shouldering Zhang Fei and Sun Jian out of his way.

Finally, he had it in his hands again. Bracing himself for a taste sensation, Dun held the head high, lowering it slowly towards his open mouth. You shot my eye, I eat your head! How's that for irony, fat boy?

Sun Ce rammed Dun from behind, sending him falling forward. He fumbled the head. It rose into the air, turning slowly over and over. Dun rolled onto his back in time to see Yuan's face. He could have sworn it winked.

The head landed in the fire with a light thud, sending thesparks flying.

Xiahou Dun's eye bulged. Cao Cao opened his mouth to speak, but found he couldn't form words. Liu Bei wiped blood from his face and stared blankly. His brothers whispered to each other in hushed tones. Sun Jian sighed at a lost opportunity. Sun Quan gaped at the pretty light.

Sun Ce threw an arm around Dun's shoulder. "Was that not totally awesome, my man?"

". . . . . . . .Take your arm off me. Now." Something in Dun's eye told anyone who cared to look that he was now insane- more insane than before.

Ce backed up. "Okay, scary dude. . .I won the game though, right?"

Xiahou Yuan's head rolled out of the the blaze, trailing flames. Liu Bei screamed shrilly as it rolled towards him.

"Whoa, it's so totally still on," Sun Ce exclaimed, grinning as Bei ran for cover.

Black Dragon lanced downwards, blocking the head's path. Guan Yu batted it away.

The fireball shot about the summit as officers parried desperately to keep it away. The head tore towards the ruler of Wei. Cao Cao ducked. Behind him ducked Zhang Fei, then behind him Sun Ce. Sun Quan stared dumbly as the missile homed in on his head. Ce reached up and yanked his brother down at the last second.

"Damn," Sun Jian cursed.

Xiahou Dun howled like a wolf and ran after the fiery object. By this point he had descended fully into the happy world of madness and hallucinations.

The head zoomed over Liu Bei. The Shu ruler sighed with relief, then looked up to see his hair was on fire. "Aieee! HOTHOTHOT!" He ran around in a circle waving his arms as Fei and Yu tried to catch him and put him out.

Cao Cao cackled as he watched the show, but sobered somewhat when he looked again to Dun. The man was screaming about the voices in his head.

Yuan's head bounced off a rock, and the warriors scattered as it came flying back. Zhang Fei deflected it as it went by, sending it wide and causing a shower of sparks. Sun Jian hurled himself out of the way.

The head sailed through the air like a meteor. Sun Ce jumped high and slammed a kick into it. He landed and stamped his foot to put out the flames.

The burning head crunched into the iron fence, rebounding and hurtling straight for Xiahou Dun.

Dun saw it coming. He saw Yuan's unmarred face bearing down on him, laughing insanely. 'You'll never get rid of me, brother! I CANNOT DIE!"

He swung his scimitar like a baseball bat, sending the fiery head arcing up into the night sky. It disappeared from sight.

Guan Yu let out a low whistle.

"I WIN," Dun proclaimed, grinning widly. Everyone took a step back.

"Look," Sun Jian exclaimed, pointing to the fence. The others turned to see the gate opening with a loW creak.

"It's showtime, ladies!." Zhang Fei called, striding forth.

This part didn't take long to write. Hope that's not a bad sign. . . Anyway, it was fun to do, and reviews would be helpful.