Chapter 44
Gold
Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 32
Donphan-Trunks LV: 26
Snorlax-Lummox LV: 30
Ampharos-Sparks LV: 30
Sunflora-Sprout LV: 25
Hiro
Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32
Skarmory-Armor LV: 30
Muk-Stench LV: 38
Victreebel-Victor LV: 30
Magmar-Inferno LV: 30
Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42
Crystal
Meganium (Blue) LV: 30
Chansey LV: 9
Sudowoodo LV: 20
Smoochum LV: 5
Dratini LV: 15
Copper
Spears-Spearow LV: 9
Wooper-Whoopi LV: 5
Growlithe-Flares LV: 10
Machop-Champion LV: 15
Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 16
Red Gyarados LV: 50
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hurry up Gold!" Hiro shouted. Silver looked up from his newspaper and gave him a confused look.
"The ship doesn't leave until tonight. What's the rush?"
"There's something on the ship that I have to get to as fast as I can. I don't want to miss it!"
"What is it?"
"Let's just say it is incredibly sexy..."
"A strip cl-." Hiro slapped a hand over his mouth.
"Don't spoil it. Why must you have an incredible intuition?"
"Genetics." At that precise moment Gold came downstairs talking to someone on the phone.
"So you're not mad at me anymore?" Gold asked the person on the phone. "Fine. As long as I can never trust you around power tools, you can never trust me with alcohol, other women, condoms, round objects, lotion and my own penis anymore. What's that? Fine, we'll pick you and Tit up later. Love you baby." He hung up and tossed the phone onto a nearby couch. Hiro looked furious at him. "What's up with you?"
"You were supposed to read what I wrote for you to say Crystal."
"How does calling her 'An unforgiving bitch that doesn't let her boyfriend have a good time' solve my relationship problems?" Hiro didn't answer. Instead he picked up the phone and pressed a couple of buttons.
"Is this Crystal? No I am not drinking Crystal... I'm calling to tell you that you're an unforgiving bitch that doesn't let her boyfriend have a good time with other women on Gold's behalf. Say hi to Tit for me! Bye," he hung up on her. Gold's jaw dropped and his left eye twitched violently.
"What was that for?"
"Trying to liberate you pal. You can thank me later."
"I'M NOT GONNA THANK YOU! Crystal's like a ticking time bomb Hiro! She's gonna kill the two of us!"
"The situation can't be that ba-." He stopped when a gunshot came from the window. The bullet hit him in the back.
"OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED HIRO!" Silver screamed.
"Who's they?"
"You're supposed to say 'YOU BASTARDS!' like in South Park," he said calmly as if their friend just didn't get shot.
"Oh right. YOU BASTARDS!" He kicked Hiro's lifeless body in the face. "But it's what this bastard deserved!"
"Knock it off Gold!" He pushed him out of the way and checked to see if Hiro was still breathing. "He's still breathing! Quick, call 911!"
"Do I have to?"
"Yes, damn it!"
"But first, there's something I always wanted to do..." Gold started to unzip his pants.
"Um... Gold, what are you doing?" Silver said backing away from him.
"Just this." Gold took a piss on Hiro's back for three minutes.
"Are you done?" Silver said clearly aggravated.
"More or less."
"CALL 911!"
"Okay. What's the number for 911?" he said casually picking up the phone.
"911!"
"That's who I'm trying to call but what's their number?"
"911 YOU IDIOT!"
"9-1-1-9-6-8-4-3-4-6-8. Got it. Hey is this 911? Tony's pizza parlor? What are you doing on 911's phone number? Well anyway, can I have a large with pepperoni and mush- GAAAAAAAAAAH!" Silver grabbed Gold by the throat and started strangling him.
"Listen closely... the number for 911 is NINE FUCKING ONE, ONE!"
"Why didn't you say so before?"
"We don't have time for this! We're better off dragging Hiro to the hospital!" As soon as he reached the front door hundreds of shots went through the door. Silver ducked under them and Gold hid under a table.
"Open up! The NAACP wants to talk to the one called Gold!" A familiar voice said from behind the door.
"NAACP? Does that stand for Nacho Attackers and Cheese Paper?" Gold asked.
"No you idiot," Silver said. "It stands for National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (that's a real organization)."
"You're both wrong!" another voice said. "We're the Hot Umpire Manly Poolboys Man-eating Entities Boyfriends Itching Tits Choking Hampers!" Silver and Gold looked at the door in amazement and confusion.
"Not only does that not make sense or match with NAACP, it spells H.U.M.P. M.E. B.I.T.C.H."
"And several of those words were gay," Gold added. Their enemies kicked the door down. In the doorway was Bruno, Brock from Pewter City and most importantly: Lazy. It had several scars across its face and was looking at Gold with the utmost essence of loathing. But Gold didn't notice and waved to him. "Hi Lazy!"
"Is that all you have to say to me bitch?" Lazy pointed the gun at his face.
"Pretty much," Gold said backing away.
"You let me go to jail for half a year and that's all you have to say?"
"Um... sorry?"
"SORRY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH ANYMORE BIOTCH!" Lazy roared. "My new trainer ordered us to kill you and I'll be happy to oblige..." He took a couple of more steps towards Gold and Silver.
"Before you kill us, let me ask two questions. Who is your new trainer?"
"Classified information."
"Okay... And why are Bruno and Brock here?"
"I don't like you and Brock lost a bet," Bruno explained. Silver inched towards Gold with Hiro on his back.
"What do we do?"
"RUN FOR IT!" Gold and Silver ran downstairs to the garage skipping several steps at a time. Gold slammed the door shut and put several boxes in front of the door. Lazy and the others were trying to shoot down this door too. Gold took a key from under a paint can and opened the door to his Mom's car. Silver tossed Hiro into the backseat and sat next to Gold. Gold rammed the car through the garage door and made their escape.
STORY CHANGE: Crystal Leaves
"When I see Hiro again I'm gonna introduce him to Mr. Chainsaw!" Crystal exclaimed. Copper and Tit sat bowlegged watching Crystal pace out of anger. But just when Crystal was about to say something else, Gold and Silver rammed the car into her living room wall. "MY HOUSE! MY WALL! MY FANCY NAPKINS! GOLD YOU'RE GONNA-."
"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET IN!" Gold screamed even louder then she did. The three of them got inside and didn't say a word. Gold started to drive away from New Bark Town completely forgetting about Hiro.
"Is Hiro dead?" Copper asked at last. Tit looked at Hiro and took out his so called bullet.
"He got hit by a tranquilizer but he's not dead." Gold and Silver looked at each other.
"You strangled me and taught me the number for 911 for nothing!" Gold complained.
"It sounded like a gunshot alright! And Hiro's gonna be pissed when he finds out he got a black eye and smells like pee!"
"What did you two do while we were out?" Crystal asked interrogatively.
"Nothing," they said in unison. For the next six hours, Gold drove them to Olivine City with the constant fear of Lazy in his mind. When they finally got on the ship, he decided to hire a bodyguard. But only a guy named Russell showed up.
"What does this job pay?" were the first words out of the large man's mouth.
"Toothpicks and used combs."
"You're kidding right?"
"Nope."
"I'm not gonna work for toothpicks and combs."
"How about toothpicks and half eaten bananas?"
"No."
"Toothpicks and a jar of ratatta feces."
"NO."
"Toothpicks and several articles of my girlfriend's underwear. Including the ones with the Pikachu design and Pikachu tail shaped vibrator."
"FUCK NO!"
"Okay this is my final offer. Toothpicks and toothpicks," he said pulling out two handfuls of toothpicks.
"WILL YOU STOP IT WITH THE DAMN TOOTHPICKS?" Russell smacked the toothpicks out of his hands. "I want cash you little freak! So from now on I'm taking 40 percent of what you make."
"Forty! I say thirty!"
"And my fist says sixty!"
"Fair enough..." Gold said in fear of being hit. Russell walked outside the cabin without a word. The ship's intercom system had just started up.
"There is a talking criminally insane Slowking here for Gold and Silver. Will Gold and Silver please come here now?" Gold sighed and shook his head.
"Damn it Lazy..."