Jack was leavin' for Lightning Flat.

Ennis didn't want to believe this…to believe what this might mean for the both of them. He knew what he had done had hurt Jack, it wasn't what he had wanted to do…but now Jack wouldn't talk to him…wouldn't let him say he was sorry.

He stalled. He did whatever he could to put off the moment when he had to leave. But the longer he stalled, the more time he had to think which meant more time to start getting angry to cover his own hurt and embarrassment…more time to erect defenses so he wouldn't have to look at what an idiot he had been. Won't even give me the time to talk, he thinks, in such a fuckin' hurry to get the hell away from me…well, fuck him, tried to say I was sorry.

Jack seeing Ennis wasn't hurrying made some coffee and breakfast, which Ennis was glad for after all the drinking, and they ate in silence. But this only put off the inevitable.

"Alright, Jack, you wanna get outta here so bad, let's go," Ennis said with some edge to his voice. Jack turned to look at Ennis, hearing the anger, wondering what right Ennis had to be angry. Ennis strode out to the truck slamming the door, Jack and Buck following.

The drive was long and excruciatingly quiet. Buck alternated his time between both available laps, oblivious to the tension…sleeping safe, dreaming doggy dreams.

Ennis' posture was tight behind the steering wheel, his jaw set. Jack knew Ennis was getting more and more angry as the miles went by but he was angry, too, and fearful. He just couldn't find it in himself to give any comfort to Ennis right then.

While they drove, Jack thought a lot about what had happened the day before. He still felt sucker punched by Ennis' action…his stomach clenching at the memory of how Ennis had jumped him without warning…his trust taking a damaging hit. It couldn't have been any worse if Ennis had stabbed him in the heart.

So many painful feelings of that moment brought back in an instant…blinding panic, the paralyzing fear, the fire of anger rising to consume when the reality of who had attacked hits him clear…the betrayal. His breath catches and his heart slams in his chest as these feelings replay themselves in his head.

His love for Ennis was telling him to forgive and stay but his mind kept conjuring the image of lightning striking between the two of them, in an instant severing the intense and magnetic connection they had.

He sat quietly watching the landscape roll by, tears of confusion and need for Ennis rolling down his cheeks. He kept his face turned so Ennis couldn't see him but the occasional hitch in Jack's breath did not go unnoticed by Ennis whose heart was branded by guilt every time he heard it.

They got to Lightning Flat and Jack directed Ennis to his parent's home…Ennis and Jack immediately seeing the disrepair and lack of care to the house and ranch. Ennis scanned the property, without conscious effort, recognizing all the things that needed to be done…sad that this land was so untended. Jack wondered why his daddy would let the ranch fall this far.

Ennis parked the truck both of them unable to make a move or say anything…Jack wanting so badly to take Ennis' hand…wanting so badly to ask Ennis for forgiveness despite the fact it was Ennis who had caused this shattering of trust.

Jack glanced once at Ennis, opened the door and stepped out. He walked over to Ennis' window, Buck by his side.

"Ennis…" Jack said quietly.

"Just go on, Jack. Got nothin' to say if leavin' is what you gotta do." Ennis could barely speak…his body shaking with the image of Jack walking away…the crushing weight of his embarrassment and sorrow tearing at his self-control.

Jack stepped back a little. Ennis sat, hands clenched on the steering wheel. He kept trying to turn the key and start the truck but he couldn't get his hands to the keys. He was taking deep breaths, not wanting to break down in front of Jack at the thought of having to leave. Jack could see the conflict in Ennis and knew that the longer he stayed standing there, the worse it would be for Ennis

He took one step forward and raised his hand to touch Ennis on the arm but Ennis shied away just enough to let Jack know to stay away. Jack took back that one step, looked once more at Ennis, then turned and walked over to the house, Buck in tow.

Ennis, not wanting to but needing to, turned to watch Jack as he walked away. He started crying from anger, despair, loss…not loudly…just tears rolling down his face. Jack didn't turn around.

As Jack walked away, the door to the house opened and Jack's mother came out. She had heard the truck drive up. It was a rare sound so caught her attention. She walked with some dignity towards the end of the porch, holding her sweater together though it wasn't really cold.

Jack stopped for a moment seeing his mother there…thrilled at the chance to see her again. She looked from Jack to Ennis and back. Saw Ennis' tight grip on the steering wheel, the tears, the palpable tension…saw Jack's hunched shoulders, his defeated look…could see as if it were real and visible the fragile, crumbling bond that existed between them. Mrs. Twist might be a simple woman but she wasn't stupid.

It was shocking for a moment, this revelation about her son, but she was a solid and practical women…and Jack's mom…so took it in stride. She put her view of the two of them aside for a bit to greet her son.

Jack wanted to run to his mother but turned and glanced back at Ennis, whose pain was clearly evident, then walked to the porch. Ennis watched as Jack and his mother kissed and hugged.

Ennis looked away, too many emotions running through him. He was finally able to turn the key, starting the truck. He pulled out, headed for the highway. He didn't see Jack turn quickly to watch as he left. Embroiled in his own emotions, Ennis headed out, completely unsure as to where he was going to go or what he was going to do. All he knew was that wherever he went, Jack wasn't going to be there.

He had driven a short distance when he had to pull over, no longer able to see the road. His tears flowed uncontrollably now…all his attempts at regaining self-control lost. He had both hands on the steering wheel and began banging his forehead between his hands, voicing expletives interspersed with, "What did I do? What can I do? Why was I so stupid? I can't leave…leave him behind," surfacing through the sobs and pangs of guilt.

It was some time before he got back on the road.

When Jack saw his mother, he felt a thrill run through him. He loved his mother because she had always been kind to him and, most importantly, had blunted the viciousness of his father. She was the one that had kept his capacity to love alive…that same capacity his father had worked so hard to squelch. His excitement at seeing her was only increased by the years since he had seen her last.

He reached for his mother hugging her tightly, kissing her cheek. He saw her eyes were misty as was his.

"Jackie," the name she had used for him as a boy, "my baby, it's been too long since I've had the chance to lay eyes on you."

"Hey, ma. I'm sorry I ain't come by before now. I missed you a lot."

Ennis pulled out. Jack turned quickly not noticing his mother watching them both closely.

Jack turned back to his mother. Mrs. Twist pulled out a handkerchief and was wiping her eyes. Jack was trying to maintain his composure. As he looked at his mother, he noticed she was thinner, her hair a little more grey, her clothes more worn…could that be the same sweater he had seen her in all these years ago?

"Well, Jack, we can't just be standing out here crying like fools. What are the neighbors gonna think?" Jack laughed knowing that the nearest neighbor was somewhere around ten miles away. "You come on inside. I got some coffee on. I'm betting you're hungry, too. I'll get something on the stove." Mrs. Twist started fussing over her son.

Jack looked down at Buck. "I'll put Buck in the barn, ma. I know pa don't like animals in the house." Mrs. Twist had turned to walk inside but stopped lowering her head. Jack could see her take a breath then turn slowly, her hand going up to clutch her sweater again.

"Jack…you're pa's gone. He had an accident about a year ago. His horse threw him. Your Uncle Harold found him up by the fences on the north part of the ranch."

A shock went through Jack. A couple of feelings warred in his head when he heard this news…relief that the bastard was gone and concern for his mom with no one to take care of her now.

"Ma, I'm sorry. I shoulda come by before now…I didn't know…"

"Don't fret, Jack. Life works as God wills it. You couldn't have known." Mrs. Twist stepped up closer to Jack putting her hand to his cheek. "But you're here now…my little boy's home. Come on in and bring your dog with you."

Jack smiled at his mother, really excited to see her, and called Buck to him as he followed his mother into the house. He hadn't forgotten about Ennis, though, and his pleasure at seeing his mother was tempered by his pain over having to leave him.

Ennis drove for awhile paying not a bit of attention to where he was going…except when he saw the neon sign announcing that there was bar located just off the highway. Ennis slammed his brakes on, spinning the wheel and turning into the parking lot with a screeching of tires and a spraying of gravel. Once his reckless attempt to stop and park was over, he sat for a moment.

Gotta have a drink. Gotta stop. Can't stand this no more.

Pulling his hat down low and clenching his jaw, he stepped on in…his mind set on pushing the pain aside…if just for a little while.