Chapter 53
Gold
Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45
Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35
Slowking-Lazy LV: 70
Hiro
Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32
Skarmory-Armor LV: 30
Muk-Stench LV: 38
Victreebel-Victor LV: 30
Magmar-Inferno LV: 30
Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42
Crystal
Meganium (Blue) LV: 40
Blissey LV: 35
Sudowoodo LV: 40
Jynx LV: 30
Dragonair LV: 32
Copper
Fears-Fearow LV: 32
Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31
Arcanine-Flares LV: 30
Machamp-Champion LV: 37
Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35
Red Gyarados LV: 50
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The gang had found its way to Celadon City and stayed the night at the pokemon center. Crystal came up to Gold in the hallway and tried to greet him.
"Um... Good morning Gol-."
"I have to go with my dad and Hiro to the Hall of Misfit Inventions," Gold interrupted. He didn't even look up into Crystal's face. He just stared angrily at his shoes. "We'll be back by tonight, so until then look after the kids." He then walked outside and took off on Whirlwind (the Pidgeot that tried to buck him off in the last chapter). Crystal sighed and took a seat across from Tit at a nearby table.
"He hates me," Crystal said putting her face in her hands. Tit wasn't even paying attention and reading from the Big Book of Curses.
"Raichu tails and Marowak bones, and seeds of strife. Point now at the nearest fool, and you shall end their life..." Tit read out loud. She looked around for a fool and found one leaving the center.
"Ahh, what a glorious day to be alive! I think I'll give money to the poor and adopt some underprivileged Hoennian children today! Wouldn't that be lovely?" the obvious child molester of a fool said. Tit pointed at him and he stopped in mid-step.
His eyes rolled up to the back of his head. He fell backwards and died right on the spot. Tit gasped and put the book away just as Nurse Joy came to check on the fool.
"I better not mess with that shit anymore," she thought to herself. "So what were you talking about Crystal?"
"Nothing... just nothing," she said turning towards Gold and Silver Jr. They were playing rock, paper, scissors. Gold did scissors and Silver did rock.
"Dang! How come you always pick rock?"
"Because you always pick scissors idiot! Now go ask her!"
"But why do I have to do it?"
"Because you lost. That's how bets work dude. Now do it!" Gold and Silver got off the floor. Gold trotted over to a little girl about his age.
"Um... can I see it?" Gold said scratching the back of his head.
"See what?" she asked. Gold mumbled something inaudible. "Speak up. I can't hear you." Gold pulled down his pants in front of her and started shouting at her as if she was deaf.
"DO YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE?" he asked pointing at his... I'm not saying it for obvious reasons. She kicked him in the twig and berries and ran out crying.
"GOLD! What the hell is wrong with you!" Crystal screamed as she ran to his side. Tit and Silver were laughing hysterically at him.
"If he really is Gold's clone, I can think of thirteen things wrong with him right now!" Tit said through her laughter. Crystal cast a look at Tit and Silver that made them shut up in an instant.
"Why would you do something so stupid Gold?"
"Silver said girls had wee-wees too and I wanted to prove him wrong- OH MY WEE- WEE!" he cried grabbing his nuts. Crystal smacked Silver across the face and knelt down so they were looking at each other face to face.
"That was a terrible thing to do to your little brother-."
"H-H-He's m-my-my older b-b-brother," Silver stuttered, trying his best not to cry.
"Whatever! If you do something like that again I'm gonna do more then just smack you. UNDERSTAND?"
"Y-Y-Y-Yes Mommy!" He couldn't help but start crying now. Crystal took out a tissue and wiped away the tears.
"Go help you brother up and I'll take you out for ice cream," she said. She went back and sat across from Tit who was looking very skeptical.
"It's weird. They're Gold and Silver but they don't fight as bad as they do now. And this Silver isn't a nasty son of a bitch like the other one. What's the deal?"
"People change from the way they're raised from birth," Crystal said philosophically. "And it totally kicks ass to act like I'm their Mom!"
STORY CHANGE: Golden Flames
"Boys! Stop playing with the inventions and help me with this!" Walter said. Gold and Hiro came back but weren't the same as before. Hiro grew a second head and Gold was walking around with Magikarp for arms.
"What do you want Dad?"
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TWO DO TO YOURSELVES?"
"We don't know exactly..." Gold said.
"Mr. Ryu, have you met my evil second head? His name is Ricky and he doesn't speak. He keeps trying to bite my ear off- YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Hiro screamed as Ricky got a particularly good bite. Mr. Ryu pulled a spray of green liquid. He sprayed it once on Gold's Magikarp hands and they gradually turned back into regular arms.
"Damn it! I wanted to turn them into Gyarados!" Gold whined.
"Hey, remember that twin headed Gyarados of mine?"
"Yeah. So?"
"You'll end up like that if you raised them into Gyaradoses." Gold gulped and took a seat next to his father in front of the giant supercomputer. Hiro ran off deeper into the cave trying to shake Ricky off his ear.
"So what do you need Pop?" His dad tapped a couple of keys and a map of Fuchsia City came on screen. Four glowing dots labeled Silver, Bruno, Brock and Unknown were in the middle of the screen.
"P.O.O.T's satellite doubles as a laser. Just press that button and those four will be blown off the map. Forever."
"AWESOME!" Gold smacked the button as hard as he could. A shot came down on screen and after the screen stopped shaking, a gigantic crater filled half the screen.
"Oopsie... That laser is a bit too powerful... Huh!" In big red letters, the words TARGET MISSED flashed on screen. Walter pressed a couple more keys and found their enemies in Pewter City. They were standing on top of the Science Museum.
"No way..." Gold gasped.
"How could they move so fast without teleporting? Maybe we should monitor them a little- GOLD, STOP!" Gold had already fired again and blew up the Science Museum. Walter smacked him in the back of the head and turned back to the screen. It was completely black now. "What the hell?" H.U.M.P.M.E.B.I.T.C.H's leader appeared on the screen and started laughing at them.
"Nice try fools."
"I've had enough of these games! Show your face!" Mr. Ryu yelled at the screen. The leader pulled down his hood. He looked a little bit like Gold except his hat was facing frontward. Both Gold and his father climbed out of their seats in fear.
"OH MY GOD! IT'S RED!" They said at the same time. They looked at each other like they were crazy.
"What's your story on this guy dad? Mine's a bit long..." Gold said still backing away from the screen.
"He's... my very first bastard child..." he said rubbing his forehead.
"You knocked three un-married women up? Dang, you're a man-slut, Dad!"
"Just shut up and explain yourself!"
"Okay. It all started five years ago..."
FLASHBACK...
"Gold! I'm gonna find the crimson lightning bolt and win a chance to meet Red!" Platinum exclaimed enthusiastically. Whoever found the crimson bolt in their cereal could win a chance to have an exhibition match with Red, who was a celebrity of sorts back then.
"You do realize my ass has a better chance of sprouting wings, right?" Gold sneered back.
"At least your ass won't be so ugly with wings!" Plat said losing; his anger growing.
"What are you looking at my ass for homo?" Their Mom smacked them both in the back of the head and told them to eat their breakfast. The crimson bolt fell into Plat's cereal but only Gold noticed it. Plat picked it up with his spoon but still remained ignorant of it.
"Plat wait!" Platinum had already started choking on the bolt by the time Gold warned him. Their Mom smacked the Platinum's back which caused him to cough up the bolt. Gold caught it in midair. "I have found victory and it's covered in spit!" So after a long and arduous argument it was decided that Gold would get to go to the exhibition because he actually owned a pokemon.
When they got to the mall where the exhibition was happening, Red was being surrounded by the paparazzi.
"Hey dude, can I get your autogr-." Red pushed him away and continued to talk to the press. "I'm gonna kick your ass twice as hard just for that you douche bag!" In ten minutes the match started. Gold had chosen Kazam but Red was too busy blowing kisses to his fan girls to care. "Choose your pokemon, douche!"
"Quit calling me a douche, brat! Go Pikachu! Use Quick Attack!" Kazam teleported out of the way just in time. It's probably because of that, that Red hates Gold. Because a traveling knife salesman was right behind Gold.
"KNIVES! GET YOUR FRESH KNIVES HERE! GET YOUR STAINLESS STEEL BLADES OF DOOM HERE! HOLY CRAP!" Pikachu had lost control of its quick attack and collided headfirst into the knife cart. By the time the dust cleared, Pikachu had four knives lodged in its back and... dead.
"Pikachu! NO! YOU!" He pointed at Gold. He rushed at him and started strangling him to death. "YOU KILLED PIKACHU!" Three security guards pulled Red off of Gold. "I SWEAR YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS! I'LL MAKE YOU PAY OR IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!
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Sorry for taking so long. I can only use the computer on Mondays and Wednesdays, when my mom's not around.