Chapter 54
Gold
Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45
Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35
Slowking-Lazy LV: 70
Pidgeot-Whirlwind: 36
Hiro
Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32
Skarmory-Armor LV: 30
Muk-Stench LV: 38
Victreebel-Victor LV: 30
Magmar-Inferno LV: 30
Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42
Crystal
Meganium (Blue) LV: 40
Blissey LV: 35
Sudowoodo LV: 40
Jynx LV: 30
Dragonair LV: 32
Copper
Fears-Fearow LV: 32
Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31
Arcanine-Flares LV: 30
Machamp-Champion LV: 37
Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35
Red Gyarados LV: 50
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"What do want with us Red?" Gold's dad asked the screen.
"REVENGE! Revenge for what that son of a bitch did to my Pikachu!"
"Dude, get a life!" Gold shouted. "First of all, it was a freakin' accident. Second, Pikachu's are gay. I can't even stand listening to those things. 'Pika Pika Pikachu' doesn't drive you nuts?"
"That Pikachu was my best friend!"
"DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? You know you should do? Go to a brothel, spend a hundred bucks and get your dick sucked or something. That way you're not bugging me with this Pikachu shit! Now get off my dad's screen you sorry son of a man whore!" Gold tossed an empty pokeball at the computer and smashed the screen into oblivion.
"You do realize that you could have turned the computer off instead of blowing it up right?"
"I do... now... Let's get back to the girls. Hiro! Where are you?" Hiro came back but not with Ricky hanging off his neck.
"Hey dudes."
"What happened to Ricky?"
"I found one of those cans that Mr. Ryu used to make your Magikarp disappear. I sprayed Ricky away but it made me grow a third tail. You know... you guys are starting to look pretty good... I can just eat you up..." He licked his lips and flashed his newly grown fangs. Gold's dad whispered in Gold's ear.
"I'll try and fix his tail problem. You go back to the girls and I'll probably have him fixed by tomorrow." Gold left the cave leaving the other two behind. "Okay, Hiro I need you to come with me and-."
"Back off!" He breathed in deeply and spat out a black fireball. Walter dodged it at the last second and pulled out a pokeball.
"HOLY CRAP! Why are you attacking me?"
"I don't like to eat my meat raw..."
"Hiro, listen! You can't let the curse take control of- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hiro tossed another black fireball at him and it didn't miss this time...
STORY CHANGE: Golden Flames
"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME SPEAK?" Crystal shouted at Gold.
"BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SAYING WHAT I WANT TO HEAR!"
"YOU ARE THREE SECONDS AWAY FROM GETTING KICKED IN THE NUTS!"
"THEN DO IT BITCH! AT LEAST THEY'LL ACHE LESS!"
Tit had enough of them fighting and was looking up a new spell in the Book of Curses to make them shut up.
"Hmm...This love spell should work. Hearts in fury, hearts turned, hearts tossed, clap to rekindle love once lost." Tit did what she was told. Gold and Crystal froze for a couple of seconds. They then looked at each other and immediately started to make out.
"Hey, Tit!" Crystal called. "We have to...uh... check on something in the back...and then we're gonna have-."
"Sexy Love!" Gold piped in. "Girl the things you do, keep me sprung, keeps me running back to you! Oooh, I love making love to you. So baby you know you're my sexy lo-." Crystal dragged him off by his collar into the back room. Gold and Silver tugged at Tit's skirt looking very distressed.
"Why were Mommy and Dad...?" Gold started.
"Trying to eat each other's faces before?" Silver finished.
"It just means they're in love again," Tit explained.
"Love's gross..." Gold Jr. said. Shrieks and moans started to come from the back room that Gold and Crystal were in.
"You two don't know how gross it can get..." Tit said feeling a little sick. After that first day, things were becoming pretty peaceful for the gang except for two things. Gold and Crystal had "Sexy Love" any chance they could and more importantly Walter and Hiro never showed up. For a week.
I know what you're thinking. A week? WTF? Let me remind you that this story follows the adventures of complete idiots. Idiots with intention spans equivalent to my foot. So once again I shall intervene so these aforementioned idiots do what they're supposed to.
Gold was sitting on the toilet, no cares in the world, just trying to take a dump. But that was before I came along. I typed a couple of words on my keyboard and Gold had instantly teleported to the Hall of Misfit Inventions. I'm God in this story; I can do whatever I want!
"Gold! Gold where are you?" Crystal called out to him from outside the bathroom door. After a couple of minutes she gave up and woke up Tit who was sleeping in the next room. "I need to go to the hospital so can you look after-?"
"NO!" Tit snapped. "You had me baby-sit those sons of bitches for six days straight! I need a break!"
"Please, Tit? This could be a life altering trip to the doctor's!"
"Unless you have AIDS or explain yourself, you're not going anywhere!" Crystal sighed and sat next to Tit.
"... I think I'm pregnant..."
MEANWHILE...
"Oomph!" Gold cried as he landed on his ass in the Hall of Misfit Inventions. "Damn you RTJ..." He pulled up his pants and started looking around for the others. The cave walls were trembling so much that Gold nearly lost balance. Just as he straightened himself, a monster came from the inside of the cave, none like Gold's ever seen before.
The creature was jet black from head to toe. Nine terrible swaggering tails smacked themselves against the broken inventions. At first glance it would like a black Ninetales but this thing was much more terrible than any Ninetales could ever hope to be. The thing reared its ugly head towards Gold and prepared to send a black fireball at him.
"OH SHIT!" Gold cried. For once, he started to think. Not knowing any better solutions, he tossed the Master Ball he got from Prof. Elm right between the creature's eyes. The monster had gotten instantly captured. Then, as if on cue, his dad came out of nowhere. He looked badly injured and slightly burnt.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" He smacked Gold in the back of the head.
"OW! What was that for?"
"You idiot! That thing was Hiro..."
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Tit was on the floor praying to God (me) as hard as she could. Crystal was pacing the floor waiting for her to finish.
"Tit stop it! What are you praying for anyway?"
"For your baby! We could be having retarded babies up in here! Can you imagine what evil will be unleashed if there's a third Gold running around?" Gold Jr. came into the room with nothing but is tightie whiteys on.
"Mommy, where are my pants?"
"In the pants drawer, honey. We've been through this before..."