Chapter 57
Gold
Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45
Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35
Slowking-Lazy LV: 70
Pidgeot-Whirlwind: 36
Ninetales- Hiro??? LV: 100
Hiro
Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32
Skarmory-Armor LV: 30
Muk-Stench LV: 38
Victreebel-Victor LV: 30
Magmar-Inferno LV: 30
Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42
Crystal
Meganium (Blue) LV: 40
Blissey LV: 35
Sudowoodo LV: 40
Jynx LV: 30
Dragonair LV: 32
Copper
Fears-Fearow LV: 32
Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31
Arcanine-Flares LV: 30
Machamp-Champion LV: 37
Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35
Red Gyarados LV: 50
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Note: I've been poking around the site lately and I've seen something astonishing. All the Johto fics that pop up every so often are based off of MY ideas. Before I came along, only a couple of people nicknamed their pokemon! What really pisses me off is the damn titles! Golden suns, Silver skies or some shit like that! MAKE UP YOUR OWN TITLES DAMN IT! Not to point any names (cough-I've Seen This Before-hack, sputter-Jordan R Was Here-cough) but if you're gonna read my fic and steal jokes and ideas from my true genius and not have the decency to leave a review that tells me how awesome I am, I WILL FIND YOU, YOU CHEAP IDEA STEALING WHORES! This rant has been brought to you by RTJ; the Supreme Being, telling you that if you take my ideas without asking I WILL hunt you down like the dogs that you are! PEACE OUT BITCH!
"Red; in all his sexy glory, summoned his Pikachu back from the dead," Red said and typed at the same time. "Only this time Pikachu was seventy stories high and resistance to all attacks." And so it happened. Red stood on top of his new monstrosity, mocking the ones he hated so much from up above.
"We are so screwed..." Gold sighed.
"Then Red had a brilliant idea. He raised a mighty stage for them to battle on." And so it happened. A stadium appeared out of the nothingness around them. Red had summoned a throne to sit on and had stationed it on his mutant Pikachu's head.
"What the fuck are you doing now?" Walter asked his first bastard.
"I've got the power to destroy you at any moment. But that'll be too boring. I'm having you fight against your own friends instead." He typed something on the keyboard swiftly. Crystal, Hiro (as his normal self), and Tit appeared in front of Gold and his father. Their expressions were blank, as if they had no life coursing through their veins.
"HOLY CRAP! YOU GUYS ARE BACK!" Gold sprinted towards to his friends. He was just about to give Crystal a hug but she kicked him in the-."
"MY CHOCALATE SALTY BALLS!" Gold shrieked as he fell to the ground. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" They all stayed silent. "FUCK YOU FAGGOTS!" He said limping back to his dad.
"Why did you bring them back Red?" Walter asked Red.
"I want to see you two squirm! You're gonna fight each of them in a pokemon battle. If you beat them all then you'll fight me!"
"Oh your evilness? I hate to interject but like almost all stories at one point has the main character fight his best friends." Gold pointed out while rummaging through things in his backpack.
"Are you trying to say that I'm an unoriginal villain?"
"Nope. I'm just saying that you're not the only who packs some heat!" Gold pulled out what he was looking for. OK. Get this. Gold is gonna fight Red; the evil master of non-existence and his gargantuan vengeful Pikachu with... a tampon gun. No. Your eyes aren't playing tricks on thee. I said tampon gun.
For those of you who don't know, a tampon gun is basically a blowgun made out of household foam and a glue gun... that shoots tampons... Ah yes. Golden Flames, destroying society one mind at a time. Gold's Dad dragged Gold by his hood so they were out of Red and their zombified friends were out of earshot.
"Gold what the hell are you doing?"
"I'm gonna knock some heads with some tampons!"
"Why can't you take this seriously? We're the last ditch effort and all you want to do is play with tampons." He started pacing the nonexistent floor rubbing his temples.
"Dad these aren't normal tampons. I stole these from Crystal and filled 'em with gunpowder. Watch and be stupefied!" Gold pulled out his lighter and set the tampon string on fire. He loaded it into the gun and aimed the weapon at his friends.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU LITTLE JACKASS!? DON'T AIM AT THEM!" But it was too late Gold already let out a shot.
"GOLD'S ABSORBENT COTTONY SPECIAL: EXPLODING TAMPON GRENADE!" The tampon exploded on contact in the same way a grenade would. The arena was sent into a scorching blaze of fire. When all the smoke and fire was out of the way, well... due to my fear of being bumped up to an M rated fic let's just say there were three less people in the fic.
"SUPREMELY PWNED!" Gold cried out in triumph. Red got off his throne out of horror."
"THUNDER!" He commanded of Pikachu. Gold rolled to the side of the bolt and shot three more rounds of Gold's Cottony Special at Red. Red typed something quickly and an instant Gold's gun and tampons disappeared.
"Oops... I forgot that he could do that..." Gold's father dragged him away again, only this time to dodge the oncoming massive lightning bolts. They didn't stop running until Red and Pikachu weren't seen in any direction. When they stopped to catch their breath my voice came to them from up above.
"Gold! Can you hear me?"
"Loud and clear boss! What do you want?"
"I'm here to help! Listen. Just as I'm the god of all people (in the story) there is a god of all pokemon. He's given me his finest pokemon to me so I could give them to you!"
"Who is this god of pokemon? Satoshi Tajiri?"
"What? No! It's Aru-. Never mind. I don't wanna spoil Diamond and Pearl. Just take these." Two pokeballs floated down from up above into Gold and Walter's hands. They released them at the same time, revealing Ho-oh and Lugia.
"FUCK YEAH!" Gold cried out. He jumped onto Ho-oh and hugged its beak. "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU GUYS IN AGES!"
"Isn't this touching?" All four of them turned around to find Red and Pikachu behind them.
"How the hell did you-." Red pulled out the keyboard again. "Oh yeah, evil keyboard powers... SACRED FIRE!"
"AEROBLAST!" Before the legendary duo released their attacks, Pikachu grabbed them by the throat. It hoisted them up and lifted the birds to its mouth.
"Uh... Dad? Please don't tell me it's gonna- HOLY CRAP!" Pikachu popped Ho-oh and Lugia into its gaping mouth and ate them as if they were Thanksgiving turkeys. "OH SNAP! THAT IS THE MOST MESSED UP THING THIS STORY'S EVER DONE! DAMN! PIKACHU'S AREN'T SUPPOSED TO EAT LEGENDARIES! NOW WE'RE DOOMED! RTJJJJJJJJJJ!" Gold called.
"WHAT!?" I asked from up above.
"Can give you give us something to fight with again?"
"Nope. That was all we had!"
"FUCK!"