Yay! I actually kept a promise. Well, it's the end of one week, and the beginning of another. So, as i promised, here is the 5th chapter. Since there was some confusion, this takes place the same night as ch.4, which took place two weeks after ch.3. Well, not really. The story, not the narration. Get it? Anyways, hope you like this. Look out for the finale, where it all pulls together. Oh, i don't digimon. Never did. Probably, most likely never will. Please review! I do read them. They're like a guilty pleasure to me.

To Wait, Perchance to Know.

Taichi.

Waiting for someone, in itself, is a daunting task. It takes a lot out on one's soul, and it's usually unrequited. You cannot blame the dreamer's disease, for it is that shard of hope that keeps us waiting, dreaming of what could be. It is the basis of all angst, a feeling I know to well. My generation is a generation of dreamers, waiting for that day where dreams are not figments of memory, that we must watch pass by, only to wait for the next one. I wait, hoping to know if life is worth waiting for.

I arrived at the train station around a few minutes before midnight, but lucky for me, it was a Friday. All the trains were Tokyo-bound, sending those who were ready to get their freak on to the hottest and noisiest clubs, for a night of guaranteed regret. I think that's not my thing. All the sweat and gyration isn't appealing to any degree. Give me a quiet night at home, with that special someone, possibly entangled in warm comforter, eating all the ice cream around the tri-prefecture area, talking about our past mistakes, our present stomach aches, and our future goals. That's my dream.

I used the little money I had to catch a cab to Hikari's. Thanks to my father's wallet that was lying on the kitchen counter, I took some money. Only enough to buy a snack on the train, because I'm an honest guy. The cab ride was long, even arduous. I had to shelter my nose from the lingering stench of vintage vomit that lined the cab's suede bench seat. The driver didn't smell that great either. He reeked of self-deprecation and unreliability. But, thank a higher maker; I made it in 10 minutes, which was quite astounding. Astonishing, even.

I stood at the door for a minute, feeling the gentle night breeze blew behind my neck. I stood there, with a lingering sense of hesitation floating above my head. The slight gust blew threw my dirty blonde locks, my vintage green tee, through the cavernous pores of my dark aged jeans, down to my not-so-reliable flip-flops. Yup. After having them for a few years, they faltered to a climb of stairs. A real shame, it was.

That gentle breeze was a feeling of relief. It was so cold. It was so familiar.

After I gathered my nerves, I fumbled with the doorknob. I only realized after much recollection that I didn't bother to knock, but the door was unlocked. It was as if they were expecting me. I really didn't put that much thought into it. I could easily state that the decision to go in was made with certain reluctance, but with pure gut. Yes. I made that choice to go in. I didn't care. Hikari was in trouble. I cared for Hikari. I really did. She cared for me.

I opened the door, only to meet a disheveled Taichi, lounging on the couch, waiting. He was in a constant gaze, heavily staring at the moon's reflection across a jaded blue bay. Well, keep in mind, Taichi appeared to be more rugged than disheveled. In the right light, he may have seen decent. That night, it happened to be not the right light.

I had the instinct to scream for her.

"Where's Hikari?" I exclaimed from the top of my lungs, to the bottom of my heart. I screamed for her. Hikari. He took his sweet time to respond, still looking longingly at the majesty of the dark indentations that graced the brightest face of the moon. At the midst of exchanging simple glances, I felt his essence, that day. His eyes were eyes of humility and devotion, two assets that had eluded me.

"Takeru, don't hurt Hikari… Please…"

I nodded as a response to such a direct request. We never bantered and danced with petty small talk, but I was surprised that Taichi actually engaged in a conversation. After looking at the midnight sky that sparkled with a million points of light, he turned his head towards me and leaked out a faint smile.

"You know… You look more and more like your brother everyday…"

He let out a faint sigh, and drifted back into a self-founded sense of euphoria. An inner-peace, if you will. He closed his eyes gently, but they were shut tight, and he reminisced. He started humming a familiar tune. It was a tune that I thought I only heard in my dreams, or in faint memories. It was a melody that brought me to a world of dreams and inevitability. It was a world in which I felt that at ease. It was Yamato's song.

I remember like it was yesterday. Oddly, I don't when exactly it happened. I guess it was during that limbo between the time in which my father beat us into submission and my mother divorced her shortly lived 2nd husband. I remember leaning against the door of Yamato's room. I overheard a conversation, but I never knew whom Yamato spoke to. I can only assume it was someone he truly trusted.

It was a day I won't forget. I remember it was Taichi and I. I called him to meet me in front of the apartment building entrance. It was late already. Afternoonish, I think. He was late, but he was there. He was being his usual obnoxious self. Same ol' blue shirt and khaki shorts, knee-high socks, fly kicks. Same ol' goggles. Same ol' Taichi. I didn't know why I overdressed. Even I thought I used too much gel that day. He was pushing me around, playfully. I only pushed back, so that he knew I cared. But that day, I was so nervous. I didn't know why I called him in the first place. Moreover, I didn't know why I was so nervous. But, like a bolt of lightning, I remembered why I called him, so I grabbed my guitar that was behind the coat rack, near the front door. I hid it there, thinking that my mind would forget. But my heart would have never allowed such a thing. It was just Taichi. Just Taichi and me. For once, I felt good.

He gazed onward. Without any resentment from the peanut gallery, I proceeded to Hikari's room. Before leaving, I heard a faint whisper, as if it was a prayer to the gods of love and luck.

"I wonder if he still loves me… I wonder if I'll ever hear that song again…"

I didn't know exactly what to expect. At the time, I didn't know what sort of mental or physical anguish she was going through. At the time, I thought she was incapable of any form of negative, or rather, malicious emotion. She was the one girl that all the girls wanted to be, and all the guys wanted to be with. And I had her wrapped around my proverbial finger, clinging onto every nonexistent word that I failed to mutter to her, even if it was just to let her know that she wasn't that girl to me. She was Hikari to me, actually. In all actuality, she was just one of those people who try to hold up the glimmering night sky, just to preserve, or prove, rather and quite frankly, the resilience of the stars. The world of perfection that she lived in was falling apart, one cornerstone after another. Even though I caused the cataclysm, I wanted to make it clear that I would pick up the pieces. I didn't perceive the damage that I done. I didn't perceive that there was damage dealt in the first place. I'm sorry, Hikari. I truly am.

We were walking down the tree-lined sidewalk that lined the outskirts of the park. Each step, my and I guess fate wanted to play with my freeform jittery nerves. So, for the sake of kicks and giggles, an apple from some sinister tree fell onto my head, and it scared the life out of me. Already frantic, I began to shout and scream and run around, as if it was something supernaturally horrific. Almost like a tantrum, it was. And Taichi was there, looking at me, who was clearly making a fool out of myself.

The next thing I know, I see him with those gentle eyes of his, and he took my arm and pulled me aside, as if he was defending me from the festering, pestering apple, which laid on the unleveled slab of sidewalk in half-glory. Then, he looked at, straight in the eye, assuming if it had any, and without any hesitation, he used his fancy soccer moves and kicked it into the busy street. It was so brave of him. Something that was ascribed into my memory was that overripe apple being crushed by the tire of a passing freight truck. It was a pleasant sight to see, but not as pleasant as the satisfaction that was in Taichi's eyes afterwards. He noticed that I was calm, and I noticed that I was smiling. Shortly afterwards, I began to feel the butterflies emerging from cocoons of anxiety. Yep. I was nervous again.

Hikari was in her bed, sitting in the dark. To me, quite a familiar thing, or at least it was for a while. But she was smiling. I would have never expected such a smile from her. It was as if she was really happy to see me. I started to second-guess myself. I didn't know why she was smiling. There was no camera. She always had the idea that she had to present herself every moment of the day, as if she was posing for pictures that weren't being taken. It was always a front with her. Always proving her happiness. Her one true flaw was her opaque soul. I never knew what she was feeling.

"Are you okay, Hikari?" I guess I should have made my sense of caring more convincing. Or at least I should have mentioned that I loved her, in some way. She looked at me, with her body wrapped by a pink comforter, only exposing her bare feet, her face, and her hazelnut-chestnut-fused locks. All I did was stare at her from the comfort of the doorway, gawking at her hovering incompetence. She seemed okay. The thought of her in any sort of trouble made me drop all my things, including any rational thinking, to rush to her, only to figure out that she was lying.

"Yah… I just missed you these past few weeks…" I was a little relieved, but still uneasy, and most definitely, perturbed and annoyed. Her smile looked warm, but it didn't feel that way. I've been around warm smiles, and I knew that the smile she had wasn't warm. "Takeru," she continued, "I don't care that you haven't called in a while, because you're here right now. You really love me…"

I did. I thought I did.

"And since you really love me," she murmured seductively, "I'm going to prove that I love you. I'm going to make my Kerukins happy…" She stood up, and began to sashay my way, unraveling herself from the confines of the blanket, to reveal nothing. She was wearing nothing. And moments after, I found myself wearing nothing. We were in the heat of a passionate moment. Hot, sweaty, and steamy. I began to fade away into nostalgia, with my last conscious act being a deceitful one, to both Hikari and myself.

"I love you… Hikari…"

He saw the tears that were welling up in my eyes. I knew I couldn't hide them. Most definitely as a gesture to rid me of the troubling feelings shown on my face, he took my arm again, and dragged me to the park. He told me to close my eyes and trust him. I did. My entire heart, I did. After a few stumbles and steep climbs, he told me to open my eyes. As I did, the lights of the lampposts began to flicker on. We were at the playground. Sure, we may have been a little too old for it, but nothing was more fun than the playground. I guess he knew that I always had a weakness for these kinds of things. He knew the true me. He saw beyond what all my other friends saw. He even saw beyond what my parents, or my brother saw. Even you. He knew the true me. You know that Taichi was always a kid at heart, and I envied him for that. I wanted to be him. I settled to be with him. Yep. A bit cliché, I know. Songwriters practically breathe and eat clichés. To aspire for the top, you gotta start from the bottom, right?

Anyways, we swung on the swings together, hung upside-down on the jungle-gym together, slid down the slide together, and even peed in the sand… not together. I wasn't ready for that stage yet. Besides, we weren't kids, in a sense. I don't know. I guess it was a really bad joke. Anyways, after an exhausting session of roughhousing, we tumbled onto the sand, only to collapse. It was too comfortable. It was too perfect. As we were laying there, beneath the stars, Taichi, short of breath, pointed out the guitar that I brought. He asked me to play a song for him. At that moment, I gained all the courage I had, and I probably borrowed some from him, and I said 'no.' He looked a little upset, but I knew better. I told him, 'not here.' I had an even better place in mind. If I was going to spill my soul to him, I wanted it to be perfect. So, I took his arm, but I missed. Maybe it was intentional, or maybe it was fate giving me a break, for once. I took his hand, and I took him to a place that I knew was perfect. To this day, I hope he thought so, too.

I found myself sitting at the foot of Hikari's bed, covered only by her blanket, on the verge of tears. She was in her robe, staring out into nothingness, her back facing me. I couldn't believe what she said.

"Are you sure?" I asked her so intently. I asked her in a way that was a smidge from ostracizing, like an informal inquisition. She didn't bother to look at me, and I her. I was still shocked. With my sulking, shameful head down, I awaited the 'just kidding.' It never came.

"Yah… I found out two weeks ago. I couldn't call you. I didn't know how you would react." What a silly consideration, on her part. That was true, though. I wouldn't have known what to do. I had made one of the biggest mistakes in my short, unproductive life. The biggest, to date, but of course, that is debatable. I went off on her. I truly did.

"You're damn right! I wouldn't know how to act! I don't know what to think of it… Why do you have to ruin my life?" I spoke for every other person that was hurt by her, and based on all the clawing she did getting her way up the social pyramid, it was more than safe to assume that there were many.

"I don't know what to do… Should I get rid of it?"

"No. Just… don't."

I rushed into my clothes and I stormed off. I just left her. I didn't want anything to do with her, or my unborn child. That's right. She was pregnant. Yah, she could have gotten rid of it, but that wasn't the point. I ruined my life. She wanted a feeling of commitment that I couldn't promise. I thought I love her, but the truth was I didn't know what love was. Not at all. Love, to me, was something I never felt. I thought I did, but I never did. I couldn't have said it to anyone, and actually meant it. I rather would have died, than lie once again.

I 'loved' her too much to ever do such a thing.

We ran home as fast as we could, even though I wanted this moment to last forever. At that moment, we were so carefree. We were running, chasing dreams that seemed at our reach. There was hope for us, and all we had to do was run, and catch it, and hold it tight. But we kept running. The chase is what fueled our hope. That was more valuable than anything. We made it up the stairs to the apartment. My mom was there, stirring something in the pot, needlessly boiling it into oblivion. Our dad was there, just sitting, watching what bejeweled crap primetime had to offer. Takeru was on the floor, staring along with him. Taichi and I went to the balcony, and that's where I spilled my heart.

Sure, we kissed once. Actually, he kissed me. And I didn't do anything. I couldn't. My real father came in and nearly killed me. I really wanted to, but I didn't know how. I wanted it to be perfect. I knew he loved me, at the time. I still know. It's just that I wanted to show him that I really loved him, and that the kiss that he gave me meant the whole world to me, and then some. I wanted to play a song I wrote for him.

And I did. I played the song I wrote for him at the place that inspired me to write it. I don't know, but there was just something about it. And after I finished, I kissed him. Finally. I did the right thing. My heart was content.

I grabbed my bag, and I hurriedly made my way out of her life. I rushed by a dreaming Taichi, who was still on the couch. I let myself out. I ran down the stairs, and the whole world passed by. We didn't acknowledge each other. I'm glad it was like that. The buzzing neon and halogen zoomed by like streaks of euphoria. I was up on my feet. For the first time, I was sure of my emotions. I didn't love Hikari. A small baby step, but to me, that said a lot.

While flying through, I ran into a hooded passerby. All our stuff fell to the ground, scrambled amongst leaf litter and general urban clutter. I made my apologies, only for him to reveal himself: Takeshi Kobayashi. He looked at me, and I looked at him. It was too awkward, as well as late, to just leave and pretend nothing happened. Since he forcefully took a major chunk of my soul, he knew what I was feeling. He gave me a disgusted grunt, only to say something profound.

"You do look more like Yamato every day."

I said nothing. He was in a heavy corduroy jacket and gray slacks. Nothing significant about that, but he had the same face of disgust and malice that he had when I last saw him. Of all nights, I had to run into him on that night. I thought back, but I remembered nothing.

"Hmph… You're still taking advantage of what you have around you."

I didn't care to look at him, but my heart wanted to know. I kept running away, looking shocked, as if my world was shattering. Shaking. Collapsing on itself. All I could do was watch. Watch, and run. I was running away from responsibilities, emotions, and even myself. I had to run. I had to run to a place where time had a faint grasp on my heart. I gotta make a getaway, but maybe, I'll never find that place. I made it home, and no one was home, of course. Mom was out, not caring. Yamato was out of my life. He chose to leave. He did it on purpose. Hikari hated me. Daisuke never cared for me.

I'm still running. I'm still thinking. I'm still waiting for an answer. I'm still waiting for the sun to rise. I'm still waiting for the moon to smile upon me. I sat in Yamato's room, and I stared at his guitar and the picture of him and Taichi at the park, with ice cream slathered on their faces. I spiraled into darkness, knowing that Taichi will never hear that song again. It was just a feeling.

True. I probably never cared for anyone, really. Maybe, they cared for me. And all I did was take and take. Hikari loved me. Daisuke loved me. Yamato loved me. Father loved me. Mother loved me. And I didn't love them. Any of them. I never did. I hated them. I hated them with a passion from deep within. It wasn't the kind of hate that is said because of an off day, or as lip service to give in to any sort of peer pressure. I truly hated them. How unrequited. It wasn't fair to them at all. Takeshi was right this whole time. I never did care. I just kept taking advantage of the love they had for me. All I did was worry if I ever was loved. All I did was wait to find out what love was, even though it was always there. Nothing was ever wrong. I was the only one who was wrong. Me. It was all me. I hated myself, more than anyone.

And that's when I found it, amongst my shit, in all its radiating glory. Fate has given me a fork in the road of life. An utterance in the bowels of a temperamental rhapsody. Alone. I am alone. But I can be alone, no longer. It was all up to me. All I have to do is decide. There it was, just waiting for me to use it. A gun. I'm done waiting. Love was always there. But, I know that I never loved anyone. Maybe it's not late.

My writings are getting longer and longer. I really didn't like the ending. It's kinda unclear, which is what i was aiming for. One doesn't think clearly in a state of raw emotion, ne? But i think this is a little too unclear. Oh well, that will be up to you guys, my loyal readers, to decide! Thanks for sticking with me! I already started the last chapter, so it's only a horizon or two away, k? Well, 5 or 6. Before Friday Night, for sure.