Chapter 58
Gold
Typhlosion-Pyro LV: 45
Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35
Slowking-Lazy LV: 70
Pidgeot-Whirlwind: 36
Ninetales- Hiro??? LV: 100
Hiro
Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32
Skarmory-Armor LV: 30
Muk-Stench LV: 38
Victreebel-Victor LV: 30
Magmar-Inferno LV: 30
Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42
Crystal
Meganium (Blue) LV: 40
Blissey LV: 35
Sudowoodo LV: 40
Jynx LV: 30
Dragonair LV: 32
Copper
Fears-Fearow LV: 32
Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31
Arcanine-Flares LV: 30
Machamp-Champion LV: 37
Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35
Red Gyarados LV: 50
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"GO WHIRLWIND!" Gold had finally gotten over Ho-oh and Lugia's brutal mutilation and was finally taking the battle seriously. He grabbed onto Whirlwind's tail feathers and had it fly around Pikachu's bulbous. "Whirlwind use uh... WHIRLWIND! Man that was awkward to say..." Okay. Not completely serious...
Whirlwind... uh... whirlwind (he was right. That is awkward to say...) blasted Red off of his perch. Red tried to save himself by releasing a pokemon but Walter and his Charizard tackled him in midair. Gold took this chance to snatch the keyboard out of the air.
"AWESOME! Gold had successfully stolen the keyboard away from Red. He then summoned up an army of Aerodactyls from the dead to fight Red!" Gold narrated. And so it happened. "Gold then realized that this was a stupid move. He could of just zapped Red away and- GAAAAH!" Pikachu snorted at Gold, Whirlwind and the Aerodactyls with a mere snort of breath. This also knocked the keyboard out of Gold's hands.
Meanwhile, Red had grabbed onto Charizard's tail. Walter kicked his first born in the face which made him lose his grip of Charizard. Pikachu caught Red just before he hit the ground. Pikachu let off a massive thunderbolt towards Charizard.
"AERODACTYLS! COUNTER WITH A COMBINED HYPER BEAM!" Gold ordered. All of his Aerodactyls did what they were told. Walter and Charizard then picked up the keyboard off the nonexistent ground. Red released his own Charizard and had it tackle his father to the ground. He stole the keyboard again and began typing again.
"Red got pissed off about how his father interfering with his fight with Gold." Red said and typed. "Red then decided to bring his mother back to the physical plane." Do I need to say it? She came back (duh). "Red then hypnotized his father into telling all the lies he told to her for the past twenty years as a distraction. Oh. And he sang it all in a parody-style version of the Usher song Confessions Part II." Walter got down on his knees in front of Red's Mom. He had the same glazed hypnotized look in his eyes as their now vaporized friends.
"Watch this,"
These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
I came up with more secrets to tell you today
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
So now I gotta give you part three of my confessions
First I told you 'bout the skank (Gold: Skank? That's my Mom bitch!) that I was cheatin' with (with)
Then I mentioned she's havin' my kid
That's not all, now I recall more, you see
So now I'll give you part three of my confessions
Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do
Gonna tell you everything I left out of parts one and two
Like, remember when I told you that I knew Pauley Shore, Pauley Shore
That's a lie, I don't know what I said that for
I borrowed your ChapStick from you (without asking)
Oh, and I tried out your nose hair trimmer too
And by the way, that "diamond" ring is cubic zirconium
I killed your goldeen accidentally, just replaced it with another one
These are my confessions
Just when (oh) I thought I said all (oh) I can say
I need to get some (yeah yeah) things off my chest right away
These are my confessions (these are my confessions)
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
Now I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions, oh, oh
Threw up on your dog the last time I had too much to drink
There've been times I've peed in your sink
Don't know why (don't know why, no) but you and I (ah) should agree (ah)
That blongs in part three of my confessions
Baby forgive me, I'm still trying to figure out
Why I used your toothbrush to clean off the bathroom grout
Oh, and sometimes in private, really like to dress up like Shirley Temple
And spank myself with a hockey stick (hockey stick)
My boss thinks I'ma a jerk, didn't get that raise.
I haven't changed my underwear in twenty seven days.
And when I'm kissing you I fantasize you're a midget.
I'm so sorry Debbie (Karen's Mom) - I mean Bridget!
These are my confessions
Just when (oh) I thought I said all I can say
I got a few (got a few more) more secrets I'd like to convey
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind (my mind) the last two times (my mind), silly me (silly me)
Now I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions, oh, oh
Gave you buttered toast I dropped and picked up off the floor
FYI (I), it was not a cold sore (not a cold sore)
Whoops, my bad (hope you're not sore at me)
You'll be madder (ah) at me (ah) when I (even more mad, yeah, baby) finish part three of my confessions."
Gold and Red stopped fighting each other to listen to their father make an ass out of himself.
"Wow..." Gold said in amazement. "Dad's a pretty good singer..."
"Doesn't it bother you that Dad's been married to my Mom all these years and has not only did all that stuff he just said, had kids with two sluts, and made an evil empire?" Red asked.
"DON'T CALL MY MOM A SLUT YOU LITTLE PIKACHU LOVING BITCH! Aerodactyl Brigade! COMBINED TAKE DOWN!" All of Gold's ancient pokemon dive bombed towards Red. Pikachu smacked them all away with one smack of its tail.
"This isn't gonna work as long as that stupid Pikachu's around... Return!" Gold returned all of his Aerodactyls back to their balls. "Dad! I could use your help!" His father was still confessing all of his lies to Red's mother.
These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I can say
I thought of some more things that should scare you away
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me
I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions
Once I blew my nose and then I wiped it on your cat (cat)
And I lied - yes, that dress makes you look fat
Anyway, I shouldn't say anymore
'Til I give you part four of my confessions
"AH FUCK YOU DAD! WHIRLWIND TAKE ME UP!" Gold hitched onto Whirlwind again. He took out Lazy, HF and Pyro's pokeballs. "Get that keyboard you lazy bitches!" Red typed something on the keyboard. The next thing Gold knew, Hell Frog and Lazy were on the ground having a tea party.
"Would you like some tea Mrs. Frog?" Lazy asked.
(Uh... did you just call me Mrs. Frog? That's Mr. Frog to you bitch...) Hell Frog replied. Pyro however managed to reach Red. It tackled him off of Pikachu's head and caught the keyboard in its mouth. Gold jumped off of Whirlwind's back and landed besides Pyro. He took he keyboard from it and started typing.
"After stealing the keyboard yet again Gold turned his beloved Pyro into the world's strongest-." Red had climbed his way back to Pikachu's head. He drop kicked Gold to the ground and took the keyboard.
"-cyndaquil!" Red had finished the sentence Gold started. Gold watched in sheer terror as his Typhlosion de-evolved back into a Cyndaquil.
"PYRO! YOU'RE A RUNT AGAIN!" Gold picked it up to get a better look at it again.
(HOLY CRAP! Where'd my long and supple Typhlosion's penis go?) Pyro looked around its crotch area and didn't like what it saw. (I am a mere shell of a pokemon! DON'T LOOK AT ME!) Pyro freed itself from Gold and returned itself to its pokeball.
Gold kicked the keyboard out of Gold's hands and caught it in midair.
"Gold forgot to bring the world back again and brought all the hundreds of pokemon he has in an attempt to take down Red!" Gold typed. Trunks, Kazam, Lummox, Sprout, Sparks all came back next to HF and Lazy. All of Gold's other pokemon back as well, Titty Twister and the Tauros herd, Jugs o' Poppin and the Nidoqueens, Coco and the Exxeggutors, his Magnetons, and Ironbutt and the Steelix's all came back at the same time.
"How do you like them apples Red?" Red just snorted at him and climbed to the top of Pikachu's ear. He pulled a Thunder Stone from his pocket and pressed it to Pikachu. In a couple of seconds the already gigantic Pikachu evolved into an even bigger Raichu. "Oh shit..."
"OMNIPOTENT THUNDER!" Raichu unleashed the Thunder attack to end all Thunder attacks. The electric wiped out every last one of Gold's pokemon out including the ones resistant to electricity.
"Face it Gold. Not even that stupid keyboard can save you from me and Raichu!" Raichu bucked Gold off of its head. It then stomped on him with its massive foot.
"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Gold shrieked under the tremendous weight of Raichu. The sounds of the groans of his pokemon was everywhere. Red's cackling laughter and his father's singing was filling his ears.
"I can't fight it... I'm gonna die here..." Gold thought to himself. "I just wish Hiro was here..." The keyboard in Gold's soon to be crushed arm suddenly glowed bright white. Suddenly Gold felt something round and bumpy in his other hand. Gold lifted Raichu's foot just enough to see that the keyboard just gave him the Master Ball containing Hiro in it.
"Hiro?" Gold suddenly got an idea. He pulled himself out from under Raichu. His legs were partially broken but all he needed was his hands. "Gold used his bond of friendship with Hiro to turn him into the biggest, baddest demonic black Ninetales ever!" Gold narrated. Gold's master ball exploded in his hands and the next thing he knew was that he was sitting on Hiro's head, almost eye level with Red and Raichu.
"THIS ENDS NOW!"