Chapter 64
Gold
Cyndaquil-Pyro LV: 100
Poliwrath-Hell Frog LV: 35
Slowking-Lazy LV: 70
Pidgeot-Whirlwind: 36
Donphan-Trunks LV: 40
Snorlax-Lummox LV: 41
Ampharos-Sparks LV: 39
Sunflora-Sprout LV: 39
Alakazam-Kazam LV: 47
Hiro
Feraligatr-Highfang LV: 32
Skarmory-Armor LV: 30
Muk-Stench LV: 38
Victreebel-Victor LV: 30
Magmar-Inferno LV: 30
Rhydon (Insert nickname) LV: 42
Crystal
Meganium (Blue) LV: 40
Blissey LV: 35
Sudowoodo LV: 40
Jynx LV: 30
Dragonair LV: 32
Copper
Fears-Fearow LV: 32
Quagsire-Whoopi LV: 31
Arcanine-Flares LV: 30
Machamp-Champion LV: 37
Heracross-Big Pickle LV: 35
Red Gyarados LV: 50
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Welcome to another exciting segment of Copper's expeditions!" Copper said out loud to no one in particular. "Today I am exploring the jungle frontier of Mt. Silver with my trusted monkey slave, Gold. I am leading the way to a glorious new title, Kantonian (I'm pretty sure that's not a word) Champion!"
Gold was the one leading this 'expedition'. He had somehow acquired a sword and was now cutting down bamboo thickets in their way. Copper got ahead of him and told him to stop.
"Stop Monkey Slave! Look at that!" He pointed towards a Nidoking and Rapidash fighting in the distance. "We are witnessing an altercation between two wild pokemon. For innuendo purposes I shall call the Nidoking Rod and the Rapidash Carpet."
"Innuendo purposes?"
"Yes, you poor Neanderthal, innuendo purposes."
"I swear if you call me your Monkey Slave or Neanderthal again, I'm gonna beat your skinny white-."
"ROD!"
"WHAT!? I WASN'T GONNA HIT YOU THERE!"
"NO! Rod just got pounded in the butt!" The Rapidash had just used horn attack on Nidoking's you-know-what. "Now Rod is turning around to stick it in carpet! Wow! That Rod is pounding Carpet with gusto! That Carpet is sweating like a whore in church now!" Gold had led them away from the fight and towards the base of Mt. Silver.
"I don't know what's worse, what you just said interpreted with innuendo or without."
"Don't strain your tiny brain over it monkey. We have climbing to do!"
"THAT DOES IT!" Gold gripped Copper around the neck and proceeded to choke him. Unfortunately for him, Copper had the opportunity (and used it) to kick him in the...
"MY SUBMARINE AND TORPEDOES! (God, I'm gonna miss that joke)" Gold had released Copper and fell to the ground.
"STOP FOOLING AROUND!" Copper wheeled around to find a Nurse Joy sprinting towards them. She picked the two of them up by the ears.
"LET GO! WHERE'RE YOU TAKING US?!" Copper shrieked as he struggled against her. Gold; however, had nearly passed out from the kick.
"You two are here for the stupid race right? The line starts over there," she said releasing the both of them. She pointed to a mile-long line of people. The line started at the front of the cave. The newest President of the Pokemon Association stood above them all on a tall hill near the Pokemon Center. He held up a microphone to his mouth and began to speak.
"Hello and welcome trainers! My name is-."
"NO ONE CARES! GET TO THE DAMN POINT!" Copper ordered of him.
"Oh... OK..." the man said meekly. "The rules are simple. Whoever gets to the top first is the new champion. You're also allowed to use your pokemon to interfere with the other trainers' progress. On your mark... get set... GO!" All the other trainers ran in all at once but Copper and Gold stayed behind.
"You remember the plan right?" Copper asked. Gold nodded and released Whirlwind. Copper released Fears right after him. They climbed onto their respective pokemon and started flying towards the top of Mt. Silver instead of climbing through it. Technically, it wasn't cheating because they were using pokemon.
"You know what's funny Gold? The two of us have IQ's lower then your Mom's panties but we're the only ones smart enough to fly up here."
"HYPER BEAM!" Gold shouted. Whirlwind shot the beam of light towards Fears. Fears dodged to the left and let the attack bust open the side of the mountain. The hole it created revealed the place where you fight Red in the games. But instead, two unknown people were there.
"OH NO! SOMEONE'S TAKEN MY TITLE!" They flew into the hole and then landed behind a cluster of boulders to listen to the two people talk. Gold squinted through the dark and on further inspection, one of them was Silver.
"Okay. Can you run that by me again Silver? Why did you try to destroy the world twice?" Silver's female companion asked. She sounded supremely pissed off at Silver.
"... After we left the orphanage together, you started following around that Blue guy. I knew that I couldn't hold a candle to him so I tried taking over the world. You know... to show you how much I care... the thing is... I love you Green..." Green turned away from him.
"Let me get this straight. You got jealous of my relationship with Blue so you decided that you had to take over the world so I can notice you?"
"Yep." Green pushed past and was turning to leave.
"Psychopath..." she muttered as she went past him. Gold and Copper came out of their hiding spot to confront Silver.
"GET OFF OF MY MOUNTAIN BITCH! I'm supposed to be the Champ of Kanto! NOT YOU!" Copper roared. Silver was too zoned out by Green's sudden departure to notice them. Gold pulled Copper away from Silver.
"Silver doesn't have any badges you little asshole! And that Green chick left without claiming the trophy. Look!" Somehow the President of the Pokemon Association got there before all of them and was holding the Championship Trophy. Copper rushed at the man to get his trophy and Gold walked back to Silver's side.
"No offense dude but that has to be the DUMBEST reason for trying to take over the world EVER!" Gold said. Silver finally snapped back to normal and turned to face his rival.
"I just can't help it. I love her so much that I'd give her the whole world. Don't you feel the same way about Crystal?" Gold shuddered as he remembered that Crystal was gonna murder him when they got back home.
"Uh... I guess I never thought about it... I mean it's really hard to love Crystal because she's out to kill me half the time..." Gold sat down facing the hole they had made in the mountain, gazing at the endless blue sky. He suddenly felt much older. "I'm under the ball and chain of a solitary woman for the rest of my life. God, I feel married already..." Silver sat down next to him watching the clouds go by. For this instance, all of their past rivalries and hatred of each other just disintegrated.
"And I'm hopelessly following after a girl who can't stand me anymore... God damn it, I feel like a stalker!" Silver complained. Copper had beaten the President of the Pokemon Association for the trophy.
"WHO'S THE BEST? I'M THE BEST! AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF YOU TELL ME OTHERWISE! I AM THE CHAMP! I AM THE CHIMP- I MEAN THE CHAMP! OH YEAH! BOW DOWN TO ME YOU MORTAL FOOLS!" Copper said to no one in particular. The other racers didn't make it to the top yet.
"Hey Silver, I think this would be a good time to settle the old score between us," Gold said.
"What old score?"
"When me, Hiro and Crystal were going to Cherrygrove, you and Karen got the jump on us. We teleported away but I still say you won that battle. And then a couple of weeks later, I beat you in a pokemon battle. So one more match should settle it."
"You want a match right now?"
"Hell yeah! You and me, one on one, right now! Go Pyro!"
"Go Tyranitar!" The behemoth stared down at the fire mouse.
"Hah! Pyro's the world's strongest Cyndaquil! You can't hurt-." Tyranitar used is tail to smack Pyro into the rock wall behind Gold. It fell back to the ground but didn't get back up. Silver had taken Pyro out in one hit.
"That is so unfair... but I guess you win dude." Gold outstretched his hand to shake Silver's. Silver seemed confused.
"I don't get you. I nearly destroy you, made fun of you, beat you in battle and even slept with your girlfriend but no matter what I do, you keep being nice to me. Why?"
"Hmm... I don't know. I just can't hate you dude. It's like we're connected or something..." Silver took Gold's hand and shook it. Finally, the rivalry between Gold and Silver was officially ended.
NINE MONTHS LATER...
"Just sign here sir, and this gym will be yours." Gold and Copper returned to Johto without Silver. Since battling was about the only thing he was good at, he decided to make the abandoned Mahogany Gym his own. He signed the contract the man gave him on the dotted line. "Good. Now here are the keys Don't forget to lock up later." With that, the man left.
"Alright! I finally have a gym like Hiro! Copper, check this place out!" Gold said looking around the gym.
"Gold, this place is a dump." It was still singed and destroyed from when Pyro blew it up.
"Don't talk about your new home and workplace Copper that way Copper. We can fix this place up in three days."
"Home and workplace? You don't mean-."
"Yep. As of right now, you are my first gym trainer!" Gold and Copper started skipping around with glee but were interrupted by Gold's Pokegear ringing. "Hello, this is Gold, the new Mahogany Gym Leader. Who is calling? Crystal? Your water just broke? Uh... what does that mean?" Crystal started shouting into the phone. "GEEZ! No need to shout! The baby's coming. I get it! I'm on my way!" Gold hung up on her and ran past Copper.
"GOOD LUCK BUDDY!" Gold lifted off on Whirlwind once more and jetted towards New Bark Town Hospital. In 15 minutes he was only 2 miles away from the hospital. He ordered Pidgeot to fly along the road. Crystal's Mom drove up next to him. She wasn't looking to happy.
"HI MOTHER-IN-LAW!" Crystal's Mom pulled out her pet Swinub. "UH... WHAT'RE YOU- GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She had it use Ice Beam on Whirlwind. Whirlwind collapsed on the ground and Gold was sent flying onto the roof of her car. He returned Whirlwind to its ball before they got too far. He rode on top of her car until they got to the hospital.
"Hah! Now that stupid boy is gone, I can raise that child the way I want!" Crystal's Mom said climbing out of the car. Gold jumped off of the car and drop kicked his mother-in-law in the back.
"Take that bitch!" He got off of her and raced towards Crystal's hospital room. He kicked down the door to find Crystal holding a beautiful baby...
"BOY! And what a boy! He's got a bigger penis then me!"
"That's the umbilical cord you little Dumbass!" Crystal said as a doctor severed said cord. "It's a girl."
"Oh... I knew that... so have you named her yet?"
"No."
"Good. Because I've got the perfect name." Gold took the baby away from Crystal. "I christen thee... NINTENDO WII!" Crystal smacked Gold across the face and took their baby back.
"I have the perfect name. Hmm... your name is... Sapphire. What do you think honey?"
"Perfect. Just like her mother." Gold kissed her cheek and stared happily down at his seed and she stared back.
And that's it! The story's finally over! But before I finish I want to tell you what happened to everyone. Tit and Hiro returned back to Olivine Gym (after buying their way back in). Tit was afraid of getting pregnant like Crystal so to Hiro's displeasure, she cut him off from sex. Gold's Dad finally sat all three of his would-be wives down to discuss how to handle dead, psychotic and outlawed children (Karen was never found). Silver and Green were never found again but hopefully they would find each other one day. Gold and Silver Jr. stayed Gold and Crystal as their 'sort of' adopted sons. They spent their days creating mischief and chaos for their parents. Speaking of which...
FOUR YEARS LATER...
"... and that's how I saved the world from my maniac father," Gold said. He had just finished telling Sapphire the story of P.O.O.T and how her grandfather nearly destroyed the world. She got up from his lap and looked at him inquisitively.
"Daddy, will I ever have great stories like you when I grow up?"
"You sure are! We still have Golden Flames 2 to get to!"
"Golden what?"
"You'll see, oh, you'll all see MUHAHAHAHA!"
"MOMMY! DADDY'S WARPING MY MIND AGAIN!
"GOLD STOP IT! I NEED YOU TO STOP YOUR SONS FROM ICE SKATING IN THE GYM!" Gold still kept the ice from his predecessor Pryce.
"God damn it! I told them to stop that a million times already!" Gold left Sapphire behind in her room to apprehend his sons.
"I'll probably get in trouble for saying this but, MY FAMILY SUCKS!" Little Sapphire yelled to herself.