Quack Experimental Crossover Excel Hina: Palpitations of State
Chapter A/N: Takes place some weeks after the events of Chapter 1. Molmolese ranks follow those of the Indian armed forces; those of the Freelance Russian Army under General Tatarin follow the style of the USSR. Eventually both will be replaced by an Imperial Japanese style as stipulated and modified by ACROSS. My first names and patronymics for Tatarin and Bulba are entirely my own concoctions, said characters not having been named more than "General Tatarin" and "Colonel Bulba" during the Freedom Fighters video game.
Chapter 2: Skullduggery in Paradise.
Professor Seta Noriyasu strolled through the ornate halls of the Grand Royal Palace in Todai, capital of the Kingdom of Molmol and residence of his old student King Lamba Lu. He was reporting for a scheduled audience with the King, at the latter's request to discuss some undisclosed "troubling developments" in private. "Though I can't figure how that works. Usually the biggest trouble here is accommodating the year's influx of fiancées looking to get hitched in this city, the 'Wedding Capital of the World.'"
Pausing for the Royal Guard Subedar-Major's salute as he approached, which Seta promptly returned, he was then escorted into the King's presence in a private jungle arboretum. His Majesty returned the guard's salute and dismissed him before warmly bowing to Seta in welcome. "Many welcomes, my old professor. It is truly good to see that the years have touched you as little as they have your wife, Mrs. Haruka, or your spirited daughter Sarah." Lamba offered and was allowed a hug for his old Archaeology teacher after the latter returned the bow, casting class distinctions to the wind in this most private of refuges from a paradise grown increasingly superficial of late.
"You said you had some trouble to discuss? I can't imagine what help an adventurer like myself might be in politics, aside from some common-sense stuff of course; but I doubt you need any of that, looking like the spitting officer you are now." Seta remarked at Lamba's spare yet smart khaki uniform, that of a Field Marshal in the Royal Molmolese Army; which rank corresponding to his station as King, and superseding his Captaincy earned after three years of volunteer service, themselves following one year of Officer Candidate School due to his noble birth and two years of draft obligation.
"Perhaps not, but I have need of an objective opinion anyway. I do not quite trust my generals and Privy Councilors anymore, alas; my dearest Amalla is too quick to assume the worst, and my little sister-in-law is too… enthusiastic… to ever seriously believe I could be troubled by mere mortal powers." Perhaps magic yes, but surely not mere politics. King Lamba chuckled internally at Kaolla's innocence, and how soon it was likely to be tested, all things considered.
"Your Majesty," Seta said, obliging King Lamba's offer for them to sit beneath an opulent table umbrella, the three-Krishna-eyed elephant's head logo of the Kingdom of Molmol blazoned on each fold, at his equally elephant-themed picnic table. "Your Highness, are you saying you suspect a coup is imminent?" Seta nearly choked at the very thought; such things simply didn't happen here, and that was that! Sure, in other troubled Pacific island states or Third World countries maybe, but not a country that had enjoyed as strong a romantic tradition as martial since millennia before the present Indian diaspora civilization had even taken up residence here.
"My initial thoughts ran exactly as far as yours, old professor. However, the behavior of my Privy Council has been most disturbing of late." King Lamba closed his eyes and reclined further, even if not slouching, as he decided to unload his evidence. "They have proven unusually strong in opposing my calling a Parliament for this country. They claim it is blasphemy against my divinely ordained power, by me of all people! More like blasphemy against their egos and the comfortable lifestyles supporting them, I'd wager." Molmol had been one of quite few ex-British dependencies to revert to absolutism after it had gained independence in 1947, the same year as India proper's states which had promptly formed what became 'the world's largest democracy.'
"And my generals have let me down even more, putting their parochial interests above this country's welfare in opposing budget caps for our defense spending." Molmol had enemies, for sure, and was the most powerful of the Pacific island states considering its massive air fleets of armed dirigibles, besides more than respectable conventional air, land and naval forces for its size. But King Lamba saw the drain such power was on his people, they being forced by circumstance to work in a completely tourism-based economy as a result of the Kingdom's martial priorities, and he wanted to 'diversify' Molmol's spending in a more appropriate fashion accordingly. "I suspect much of their opposition stems from the bulk of the austerities being concerned with salary caps for officers and raises for the enlisted ranks." He hated to admit it, but corruption was another reason he wanted to trim the military's proverbial fat; a problem he'd gained extensive experience with during his six years of service therein.
"I see." Seta pursed his lips and stared downcast in thought. "Maybe this also has to do with…" He decided to shoot with his impending question. It seemed ludicrous because most of Molmol's enemies had been long-chastened, but… "Might there be any foreign interests who could benefit from a mutiny against you, your Majesty?"
"That is what worries me most, professor." King Lamba sighed and stood to look at a palm tree much like that in which Kaolla slept in her similarly verdant room at the Hinata House. Seta promptly followed, waiting for his host to resume as per protocol and simple concern. "Tell me, Mr. Seta… Are you familiar with the name Tenmangu Shioji?"
Seta nearly choked for the second time in scarcely fifteen minutes. "H-Him? Do I, Your Majesty? Who in the Japanese intellectual community wouldn't? He disappeared back when I was in junior high, so I never met him, but his disappearance at the time caused quite a to-do for those interested, all things considered." Seta gathered himself before continuing. "I've also heard about what became of his wife, Dr. Miwa Rengaya, in the aftermath. Quite the scandal, as they say." Being in polite company, and suspecting King Lamba already knew, most likely from Kaolla since she idolized the University of Illinois' same oversexed domme of a professor, Seta left the matter at that.
"Indeed. My Intelligence services have just informed me, Seta, that Dr. Tenmangu Shioji has been spotted in my kingdom. Worse, spotted conversing with at least two of my General Staff officers and consorting with various foreign riff-raff presumed to be mercenary elements. Under ordinary circumstances, a scientist of his renown would be greeted with open arms in this land provided he gave a sufficient account of the reasons for such a long absence from the world. But he has taken every measure to provoke and arouse suspicion against him, even going so far as to adopt the bizarre alias 'Lord Il Palazzo,' of all things. Clearly our mutually admired Doctor has become most disturbed over the years. As to what he might want thus in overthrowing my Government; that, as they might say, maybe even the highest God doesn't know." King Lamba paraphrased appropriately from Hindu scripture, specifically a philosophical inquiry regarding the Creation, in summary of the utter absurdity of the present situation as he saw it.
"And you haven't arrested him yet because you suspect the coup is already far enough along to be launched in that case, right?" Seta caught King Lamba's implication right away, and was impressed with his former student's political acumen as much as he was saddened by how far things had truly gone now.
"Precisely, professor." King Lamba gave a bitter smile as he got to the point. "Barring a miracle, the Molmol Raj… what my family has built in generations of rule since the British brought Indian colonists here to administer the people of Molmol and Pararakelse Islands, is running out of time. When that comes… I shall meet it with honor." Lamba only paused to put a hand to his heirloom Enfield Mk.2 .38-caliber revolver, prominently yet discreetly holstered from his equally British Army surplus Sam Browne belt. Aside from the royal coat of arms and some accompanying Hindi script engraved on the frame, it was an otherwise unadorned weapon for an equally no-nonsense commander-in-chief.
King Lamba's issue khaki dress uniform only carried what frills and decorations were absolutely unavoidable, most notably honorary campaign ribbons for Molmol's service under Commonwealth forces in World War II, the Korean War, and the various wars of decolonization afterward. Lamba Lu himself obviously couldn't have served in these conflicts at a mere 27 years old, but King Lamba Lu wore them as per the duties of his royal office, as all Kings of Molmol had previously. "And after that end… I want you to take what steps will be necessary to protect those people I could not." His stance and gaze became stern; those of a man resigned to a battle he knew he must fight, and equally so one he had no realistic chance of surviving.
"Your Majesty…" Seta paused, knowing this was indeed treacherous ground. "I am capable of what I believe you are asking, but are you sure it would be welcome? I am still a foreigner in this land however much I'm also your friend, and many would rightly question my ethics leading your people to revolt against whatever this 'Il Palazzo' has in store for them."
King Lamba gravely nodded. "Our pride will be an issue; but our need for leadership will be greater. In the event of my death or capture, I have formally and in writing instructed Amalla to assume full Queenship; and if the worst should happen to her… her sister Kaolla is to follow. It is the only way, and your aid will be especially needed in that event. Neither of them have the sort of combat experience needed for an uprising; you do." The Molmolese throne also had no heirs of any standing on either line absent a direct decree from the King resolving the matter, much to King Lamba's silent chagrin and Queen Amalla's vocal frustration.
"Well then, Your Majesty, it will be done as you command." Seta knelt before his former student in acknowledgment of his charge. When King Lamba dismissed him, they again shared a long hug goodbye, probably their last… before Seta departed. On his way out, Seta began running through his mind the list of his graduate assistants and student leaders at Todai University and the University of Pararakelse whom he felt capable of forming the framework of a resistance organization if the worst went down. It probably would, and shortly too.
"Ohhh… Blue skies, white sand; green seas, clean air! Island trips are so un-fair!" Excel sang at the top of her most grating voice possible as her van swerved around yet another 90-degree bank through Todai's medievally cramped streets. If an accident didn't kill the passengers inside, all but perhaps two already wished it would do so NOW and just end their suffering already. "You can swim and swim as much as you like, but you can't get no sa-tis-fac-tion!" It was debatable whether the song or the swerving was turning the huddled Russian mercenaries in the back greener.
"Stop senior, please! You're ruining MY song! My special song for myself and Lord—GACK!!" Elgala didn't get to name her (supposedly) special someone before Excel effortlessly backhanded her across the van into the back while swerving left again to avoid ploughing through a marketplace stall. Not that Excel would've exactly minded running over one or two of the ignorant masses just to remind them of their place, but it was a bit early for that as yet.
"Huck you El-chan, you flithering bussy! Lord Il Palazzo is mine, MINE I T3LL J00!" Excel screamed rabidly back at her junior officer in ACROSS. She fixed her equally so eyes on Kentaro Sakata, or Agent Clarion rather, as he tried to slip an arm around the semi-conscious Elgala to comfort her. "You too, Kura-kun! Don't go giving this DECADENT any ideas; she's mine too!" Excel had already been long deriding Kentaro as "Kura-kun," a semi-formal short version of his codename as pronounced in Japanese, "Kurarion."
Kentaro could only hide his tears as he thought in despair. "Is THIS what you wish of me, most glorious Lord Il Palazzo whom mine eyes have not yet had the infinite blessing to gaze upon as yet? I only wish to do your bidding and get my revenge on those Hinata fools, but you place me with your most deranged of agents escorting a squad of barbarous Russian thugs unworthy to even perish by your hand. Is this a test of my faith, of my worth to fight alongside the divine Elgala? One of those same mercenaries decided to back Excel in this matter, galling though that prospect was to him, before Kentaro decided to put words to his gibbering horror at the abuse Elgala had just suffered.
"Your thoughts are just a bit too predictable, Agent Clarion." Major General Nikolai Sergeyevich Tatarin, commander of the Freelance Russian Army that Lord Il Palazzo had contracted for the upcoming coup here, growled at Kentaro in agreement with Excel. "You must learn to obey, before the reward of victory can be yours by right." He was of course referring to Beauty, such as that doubtlessly possessed by Elgala, for example.
"What he said, OH YEAH!" Excel's chilling tone indicated how she could already tell she'd like working together with Tatarin: it was seldom people actually agreed with her. Ex-KGB Senior Colonel Leonid Iosipovich Bulba shrugged in agreement with his longtime comrade and superior's statement, Tatarin having handled the matter effectively enough, and true to form besides. Excel inquired to the petite form hanging out the passenger window so her emanations didn't poison their guests. "Feeling better yet Ha-chan?"
"Yes… Senior." Hyatt had died out AGAIN on getting into the van, and Excel had needed to dangle her as far out the window as her seat belt and general safety would allow, unless she wanted to put the last batch of soldiers Tatarin and Bulba had brought in today on sick report. "We should be nearing the main safe house for our final planning soon, senior." Once Lord Il Palazzo had been briefed on their final reconnaissance prior to commencing action, the coup d'état would be on through cooperation between the Russians and defecting Molmolese forces, all under ACROSS' supervision.
Arriving at the safe house, a squalid Todai apartment block which ordinarily would've been beneath ACROSS' dignity, Excel hurried Tatarin and his fellows up the stairs before hauling Clarion and Elgala out after them. She then grabbed Hyatt and helped her up the stairs behind, careful to accommodate her hobbling pace. The final briefing before the coup was soon to commence and Hyatt needed to be at least lucid for it to proceed on time.
An ocean away, in the bustling city of Fukuoka in the so-named prefecture of Japan, an equally important meeting was on regarding the same issue. At City Hall, in a boardroom reserved for meetings of the Department of City Security staff, six very weary office-slaves were droning off as their lecturers attempted to conclude.
"And so, ladies and gentlemen, the Company's best intelligence sources in the South Pacific all indicate the worst. It seems that the Secret Ideological Organization ACROSS has thoroughly penetrated the Molmolese government and military agencies, such that a coup is certainly imminent and likely to be successful. This is especially so in light of the stated evidence that, despite numerous opportunities to do so, the Kingdom's security agencies have not been able to arrest the plotters involved; something we can now only attribute to collusion." Thirty-three year old Agent Isabella Angelina, long a veteran of the CIA after her recruitment in the '90s while briefly heading the liberal activist group "Warning Against Browns," opposing fascist tendencies both at home in America and abroad, hated how what she had to say next would sound to her audience; but there was no way around it. "What you can help us with is to understand precisely how such a supposedly incompetent right-wing terrorist group, which you supposedly liquidated years ago to boot, has suddenly grown so powerful?"
"HEY! Lighten up Miss!" Norikuni Iwata, still as boorish as ever despite some four years living as a cyborg now, objected to Isabella's prodding. "I'm sure those ACROSS fools will just fall on their faces like they always did. Hell, if you send us to fight for," Iwata posed like some sort of superhero, "'Love and Peace' down there, we'll kick their butts no problem! And I can get back in time to give you, Ms. Angelina, the sort of welcome you deserve…" His ceaseless flirting with Isabella since she'd arrived had officially crossed the line from rude to ridiculous.
Iwata promptly found himself kissing something quite opposite what he had in mind as Misaki Matsuya punched him straight into the whiteboard at the opposite end of the room, where he collapsed in a heap just behind Ms. Angelina. "Forgive my colleague's imprudence ma'am. I'm sure some further violations of his fundamental rights, which he no longer has come to think of it, should keep him in line well enough."
"Umm… thanks, I guess." Isabella happened to like Misaki, seeing how much they had in common regarding temperament, but even this struck her as a bit much to inflict on a guy for mere flirting. She sighed at how strange the Japanese could really be when they wanted to, even for one who'd become acquainted with them up in Hokkaido while researching her college thesis on the Inuit and related aboriginal cultures. Turning to Phil Bagzton she asked: "Do you have anything to add, Bagz?
"Aight!" Bagz helped his unfortunate fellow, Iwata, up as he whispered "Feel ya', bro. Isabella does that to me all the time…" He then turned to the assembled Daitenzin Force and Dr. Kabapu as he added "Now listen; I know these ACROSS goons' record looks about as tough as crème brulée but let's NOT get stupid here. From what Doc Kabapu says…" Bagz waved broadly to the bizarrely mustachioed man positively seething in his yellow suit at being treated so informally, "…these guys have hired some of the best; or worst rather.
"Major General Nikolai S. Tatarin," Bagz clicked the slide show forward one step to show the burly Russian officer, "is one example. The Russian Army's files still list him as an AWOL Senior Colonel; but he went rogue in '92 after refusing to either return to Russia or join the Uzbek army of his birthplace, giving himself a nice little promotion to Major General in the bargain. So he goes and decides to recruit a couple hundred ethnic-Russian Uzbeks like him into a merc outfit titled the "Freelance Russian Army; or rather 'the Army that Time forgot.' Where 'it's always 1984' and like… HEY!" Bagz protested as Christopher Stone, Isabella's newest field operative by some three years, took over the briefing at her weary nod to do so. The man was smarter than his affect made him seem; years of handling an abusive stepfather saw to that. But Phil Bagzton's sense of tact was clearly stunted from the years of living defensively he had needed to endure.
"Seriously Bagz, everyone; it's no joking matter. Since going mercenary, Tatarin's popped up just about everywhere in Eurasia there's been an atrocity or civil war within the last 15 years. Bosnia, Kosovo, Macedonia, Uzbekistan, Nepal, you name it. The man is a confirmed sadist; rather than letting his soldiers kill for him, he personally leads them in killing for the simple pleasure of inflicting pain on an enemy." At this necessary mention Chris saw Misaki tense and several others, notably the thin man named Watanabe Toru and his chubby friend Daimaru Sumiyoshi, turn several distinct shades of yellow and green at once. Iwata was visibly shaking, both from his obvious trepidation and his frantic attempts at self-control it prompted.
"Tatarin typically sides with pan-Slavic or neo-Communist movements, but that's not an exclusive pattern; as far as we know some evidence places him and his ex-KGB stooge, Senior Colonel Leonid Bulba, in Afganistan for most of 2001. There, helping the Taliban against a mutual enemy he shared with them: Northern Alliance commander Ahmed Shah Masood, nominal leader of the old Mujahedin whom Tatarin fought for ten years straight while still in the Red Army. At least, Tatarin was possibly helping the Taliban before he got wind of 9/11 just prior to the balloon going up, and smartly cancelled his contract with them post haste…" Chris had to hand it to the Russian provocateur. He sure knew when to make an exit; first from the USSR's fall and then from the Taliban's after they allowed one terrorist attack too many to originate on their soil. "We believe ACROSS is another departure from that pattern, motivated entirely by profit as the earlier anomalous contracts for the Freelance Russian Army were." Chris Stone then passed a glance at his most important fellow here: the CIA's civilian guest, who could personally testify to the seriousness of the ACROSS part of the problem. "Anything to add?"
"Yeah." Ashley J. Williams strode up to the podium, as the projector screen behind shifted to display the missing Book of the Dead, or Necronomicon ex Mortis. He surveyed the crowd as they gaped at his many injuries suffered in his time dealing with that accursed text, most notably his amputated right hand. Otherwise dapper in his Company-supplied suit, Ash addressed the so-called "Municipal Force Daitenzin." "Hey MORONS (except for you, babe…)!" Ash made his exception for Misaki, who just closed her eyes in muted appreciation. "How do you NOT see that a penny-ante fascist group like ACROSS plus the Necronomicon plus the friggin' Spear of Destiny plus a mysterious temple on the island they're about to take over equals a VERY BAD THING! I came THIS close," he pinched his fingers together to drive home the point, "to being still more scarred for life when those two hentai convention refugees Elgala and Key messed with yours truly like Sasquatch and beat it with the Necronomicon!"
He saw their resigned looks after this rant and decided to let up. "Ah well. Your boss Doc' Kabapu says you guys handed it to ACROSS pretty good some years back, forcing them to lay low and fruity like they are. So how's about we team up and give this 'Lord Il Palazzo' character a taste of some boomstick!" Ash made an exaggerated aiming motion to imitate his one-handed shotgun-wielding stance.
"Mister Ash." Kabapu emphasized to reassert his tattered authority. "That is indeed a good suggestion. However, I do wish to take Lord Il Palazzo alive if at all possible. You've also mentioned your unique choice in armaments before, and I believe you'll be quite compatible with the Daitenzin in the field. Hence, Why don't you join them while Momochi and I sort out the details of infiltrating you all into Molmol."
"Super." Ash stepped down as Isabella, Bagz and Chris cleaned up after their presentation. He fell in behind Misaki as the Daitenzin moved off to their own offices and whispered, "That was some composure there, ma'am. I like composure. So what about you and me lose these losers tonight and work together; one on one."
Misaki placed her hand on Ash's remaining left hand for a second, as if to accept. Then she jerked that hand and its attached arm into a devastating Judo shoulder throw, which she followed by a stomp to Ash's chest with her right stiletto heel. "Thanks. But although I am single, I prefer not to mix business with pleasure if you don't mind," Misaki demurred as Ash writhed under her heel in abject pain; especially with her legs turned just so as to deny him any good panty shots. She strode off with a hyper Ropponmatsu II and blank Ropponmatsu I following her in their various ways of admiration for her show of 'girl power.'
"No… problem… babe." Ash panted his reply out as he tried to extricate his pancaked form from the floor; failing miserably of course. "Call me back… anytime. I've got… it… goin' on." The Daitenzin strolled off as Ash sagged in defeat, catching his breath for a minute. There wouldn't be much time for that very soon otherwise…