Hey Guys...

So this is my first story in a looong time, not sure if this is going to be a one shot or not but please let me know what you think...

Disclaimer: I own nada

XXX

Kate woke with a start. Checking the time on the cheap Walmart alarm clock, she sighed and let herself relax into the bed again. She hated it when this happened, not only dreaming of him and his stupid face, but waking up a good couple of minutes before her alarm.

She missed him, not only the man himself, but the way he made her feel, the way he laughed and that smirk, damn that smirk.

Kate pulled the worn white sheets off her body and made her way down the short passage to her bathroom. Shedding her pyjamas, she hoped that maybe a shower could wash him from her mind. She got out and, wrapping the towel around her body with a little too much force, Kate groaned. That man.

She bit her lip and looked towards the top shelf as the water droplets ran down her thin frame and into the thick fabric of the towel secured at her chest. She shouldn't look. She knew she shouldn't bring back those memories, it was asking for trouble. Trouble that walked on two legs and had the bluest eyes she had ever seen. Trouble that made her knees tremble and hands shake. Trouble that made that stupid hummingbird in her chest flutter about. Trouble that made her cry into her pillow at two in the morning. Trouble that arrived with pain. But she couldn't help it.

She knew she needed to throw that box away, the one hidden behind her skating gear. She had hoped when she shoved it back there six months ago, that it would help her forget about him and about all these feelings she couldn't seem to shake. The pictures of them, the letters... and she's tried but every time she got close, it was almost as if she couldn't breathe, and digging it out from the trash containers behind her building was not something that she wanted to do. And so there it sat, on the top shelf, waiting for the day that she needed to open it again. Flicking the lid off, Kate felt her heart ache. She wasn't sure yet if it was out of sadness or love, but as she picked up that polaroid picture she felt a tear run down her cheek. They looked so happy and she couldn't help but miss him. The photo was taken at his first gig, she remembered the pride that had burst out her chest at the sight of him up on that stage. As the first note left his guitar and the crowd roared for him (as much as a crowd of 50 could), she had to physically stop herself from jumping up onto the sticky pub tables and announcing that he was her man. He jumped off the stage as the last note faded, pulling her into his arms and spinning her around. His arrogantly cute grin that took up half his face and the huge smile, resulting from the laugh she couldn't stop from bubbling out of her chest, was the main focus of the photo. A perfect moment captured by a friend.

She felt her chest cave in, no, she couldn't do that now, not today...

Kate pulled on a sunshine yellow sundress, the one he said made her look like- no! No, she was not going to do this today. She couldn't. She knew why she was falling apart today, why all these memories were floating to the surface. It was their second anniversary, or it would have been if they hadn't... yeah.

Coffee. She needed coffee. It had been her comfort juice since she was around nine years old. Kate could still remember scrunching her nose in disgust as her mom prepared that first cup. They were standing in her mom's friend's kitchen, the cold red-sand-coloured tiles felt like ice beneath her feet, and all Kate had wanted was a cup of tea, a milky sweet cup of tea, but of course, Amanda did not have tea. Why would a hard-working, over the top grown-up have tea? And so, on a Saturday morning after a hard night of dancing to her favourite songs of that time, she had to settle for coffee. At least, it had felt like settling, until she took her first sip. Thinking back, it was probably too sweet and too milky and it probably did not taste like coffee at all, but at that moment it was perfect. And today, Kate needed coffee, she needed that comfort, that perfect cup of magic. Because it would have been two years.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on or are we gonna have to beat it out of you?" Lainie asked, her eyebrow raised and her usual I'm-your-best-friend-and-I-know-everything look on her face.

"Nothing's going on, I'm fine, everything's fine." Kate replied ...

"Ya see," Lainie pointed her finger at Kate, leaning forward to rest her arms on the table, "That's how I know that you are defiantly not fine."

"Lainie seriously, I don't want to get into this now."

"Oh, so there is something to get into."

"Lai-"

" 'Cause I thought you just said-"

"We broke up okay! And I don't want to talk about it, or how I feel or anything, because I'm fine."

"Ka-" Lainie began, pity dripping from her voice.

"I said I don't wanna talk about it, okay, I don't- I just... It happened and it sucks but I'm fine and I need you to act normal so I can continue to be fine, because when you stare at me like I'm broken - which you're doing by the way - it makes me feel less fine. So, I'm going to go to the bathroom, and you're going to think about me and Rick, and how it sucks and whatever, but when I get back, there will be no more talk, no 'I'm sorry's' and no more looks, okay?"

"Okay."

XXX

He needed to take a walk to clear his head. All he could think about was her, and her shy smiles she would give him on their coffee dates, and the way her hair used to fall- his thoughts were interrupted and his breath caught when saw it. He needed to gulp in a big breath of air before he passed out... This place. This is where they had met.

"Can I buy you a drink?" Rick asked, mustering up with all the charm he had, which was an impressive amount, in his opinion.

"I don't know can you?" she fired back.

Okay, now he seriously wanted to buy her a drink. He paused and waited for a second before he replied with a smirk and a shake of his head, "Wow, sorry, I just had a flashback to ninth grade English."

A laugh escaped her lips, "Whiskey."

"Would you like soda or lem-"

"Straight."

"Straight?" he replied, trying to mask his surprise, and failing apparently.

"Is there an echo in here or...?"

"No, no sorry, I just never would have pictured you drinking that." he tried to backtrack.

"Yeah well," she ran a hand through her hair, "if you find something good, something pure, why would you want to change it?"

"Whiskey's not really pure..."

"It's purer than most things in this world."

He looked at her with a mixture of curiosity and confusion and then he turned to the man behind the bar, "Barkeep, I'll have two double whiskeys for me and," he turned back towards her.

"Kate." she provided.

"Kate," he repeated after her, "It's nice to meet you, Kate."

This is the place where he took her for her first date, and when he told her he got the gig and where they were going that night, the night they... Rick hated the reminders that popped up when he didn't have time to deal with them when he couldn't. But here it was and he needed to breathe and take a step, just one step...

"You're late." his friend replied as Rick took a seat across from him.

"Bite me." was his unenthusiastic reply, barely even looking at the man sitting and waiting for him.

Javi let out a gruff laugh, "How 'bout you order a cup of coffee, maybe you'll find your personality at the bottom of the cup."

"I don't want coffee."

"Rick-"

"You know, I don't even know why we broke up. What the actual reason was, one minute I was picking her up to go to that damn restaurant and the next... it spiralled and I couldn't get it to stop. And now I'm sitting across from you on what should be our second anniversary. No offence."

"Don't worry 'bout it, you're not my type anyway." Javi threw back, "Look I know you usually don't want to talk about this, but do you ever think about maybe giving her a call?"

"And saying what? 'so I know it's been about six months since we broke up - do you remember that day, when I practically called you a whore - anyway how are you?' "

"Well maybe don't follow that script but- bro if you love her, and you miss her and you know you shouldn't have said the shit you said, then why not? The worst she could do is tell you to go screw yourself."

Rick glared at him, clearly annoyed.

"You're right, I don't wanna talk about this. How was work?"

XXX

As she unlocked the door, Kate threw her keys in the round ornament that her mom had bought her to 'tie the room together', although she couldn't really remember why exactly, but anyway it had now become her key holder. It had been a long day, she was definitely getting take-out, even thinking about cooking had her cringing. As she pulled her phone from her small leather handbag, a missed call stopped her. It was from him... Almost dropping her phone when her voicemail service popped up and let her know that she had a message.

She should listen to it, she had to, it's... well it's him.

But what if... what if what? She doesn't even know. Why would he phone her? Of course, she knew if she listened to the voicemail she'd know but...

What if... with shaking hands Kate dialled the number, repeating the words in her mind, what if... what if... what if...

"You have one new voicemail. To play this message press one..."

Inhale. Exhale. Beep.

"Kate, hi it's um, it's Rick... Rick Castle. Look I-I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be calling, especially this late, but I just lost control and I... the boy's say you're doing fine, and I'm glad - happy for you. I just, I just need to know what you're doing, how you're getting over this... us, 'cause I... damn Kate I just miss- please just tell me what's working for you."

Dropping the phone from her ear, Kate let her head fall back and looked at the ceiling, "Well, fuck."

XXX

And Should I continue it? Please let me know what you think, your reviews make my day!

xxx Zalia