Chapter 19

"Spike, the cars here." Andrew shouted. Spike was standing in front of Willow who was making sure his suit looked presentable. Madison would have killed him if he looked a mess to her funeral.

Spike said nothing the whole way to the funeral, he just stared into space. No one could really imagine what he was going through; none of them had had their partners die before the wedding. Spike was totally on his own. He felt guilt for leaving her.

Spike put his hand in his pocket and started fiddling with some paper. Then he remembered what it was.

Two days ago…

Spike ran sat in his office flooding in his own tears. His pain was mixed with the whiskey he had been drinking. He couldn't believe she was dead, he had been expecting it. But not like this. He wanted to be with her when she died.

Spike stared down at the pictures that sat on his desk, two of them. One for each of the women he had lost; Buffy Ann Summers, and Madison Marie Sanchez. Quickly he put them in the pocket of his black jacket and wiped his eyes. He was going to be strong.

When they arrived at the church, everything was how Madison would have wanted it. Flowers everywhere, lilies. She loved lilies.

Spike remained silent throughout the service. Tears often stained his cheeks but he wiped them off. He couldn't show a sign of weakness.

"It's okay to cry." A voice said from nowhere. He looked to where he heard it.

"Buffy?" he whispered looking over at the women sat beside him.

"What you say?" dawn asked form his other side.

"She was there." Spike pointed to where Buffy was seated, she was gone. Then he saw her once more, she was leaving through the door.

Spike ran out of the church into the night. She studied everywhere, Buffy was nowhere. Then she was, knelt by Madison's gravestone.

Spike went over to her.

"She was beautiful." Buffy said placing down some flowers gently.

"Yeah." Spike had a look of confusion on his face that Buffy picke dup on immediately.

"Don't worry, I am dead this time. Madison gave me a message for you." Spike had a look of hope in his eyes. Maybe she wasn't dead?

No, she was.

"She loves you you know? And I can see why, the same reason I did. You maybe a monster, but you were a man to her. And you still are, to me too." Then Buffy was gone.

Spike peered at the flowers Buffy had left. On them were a piece of paper, he picked up the paper and began to read;

Dearest Spike.

I love you with all my heart, you know that and I hope you continue to. I'm sorry you couldn't be there, I didn't want you to. I knew it was my time. Everything happens for a reason after all. I loath myself to cause you this pain, to cause everyone this pain. But I love you so much and I hope you remember that. You were my guardian Angel.

Madison.

"No, you were mine." Spike mumbled to the letter.

"Thought I'd find you out here." Lorne said walking out of the church and joining Spike. The air was thick and cold, but neither noticed. Spike folded up the paper and placed it in his pocket.

"Any idea's on what your gona do now?" Lorne asked putting a arm over Spike, the two began walking back to the cars. Spike thought of the question. What was he going to do now?

"You know what Lorne? I'm gona carry on living."