Chapter Four – A Whole lot of Weird

"Does the logo on this card seem familiar to anyone?" Draco asked suddenly as they all gathered around the card.

It read...

"ALBUS'S COSTUME HIRE FROM YOUR EVERYDAY BOY-WHO-WOULDENT-DIE CHARECTERS TO THE BEDROOM!"

"Hmm...Albus...Albus...where does that sound familiar?" Hermione asked stupidly trying to scratch her head but only getting down to the 20 squazilion layer of her bushy thick hair.

Neville slapped her on the head.

"It's the JANITOR at the school stupid." He said stupidly.

The others nodded in agreement.

"Ohhh..."Hermione said as the others shook their heads.

"And she's meant to be the nerd." Bob said.

"BON BON! I THOUGHT YOUD LEFT!" Neville shrieked.

Bobetty got out her gun.

"RIGHT. THE PETNAMES ARE MINE!" She screamed chasing him around the place with no name.

"Where are we anyway?" Ron asked.

They all looked around finding some signs saying that Duncan was only a few miles ahead before shrugging and heading in the opposite direction.

They walked around for 576753967 miles (In 3.5 seconds hahaha) until they spotter an ice-cream shop. Harry ran inside straight away and ordered a GIANORMUS strawberry/banana/chocolate/toffee/peppermint/vanilla/fish/chicken MEGA CONE. At the sight of it he started to drool, until the ice cream person/man/lady asked if he wanted sprinkles. Harry felt his eyes welling up with tears at the mention of sprinkles and the thought of his beloved Duncan.

The ice cream person/man/lady looked petrified at him as the tears were about to pour down his face and his lip was quivering, until Ron grabbed him, ate the ice-cream and walked off muttering about the lack of chicken in them.

Everyone outside was looking bored out of there minds and had started a game of guess who. Ron had picked the person and Draco was trying to guess.
"Is it a girl?"

"Nope!"

"Is it a guy?"
"Nope!"
Is it a person?" "Maybeeeee"

"Its you, isn't it" Draco said in a complete monotone.

"HOW DID YOU GUESS?!?!?!" Ron Exclaimed

"Oh the whole not/guy/not girl part sorta gave it away"
At the mention of this everyone sort of shuffled away. Except Neville.
"Oh My GAWWWSH" Neville exclaimed, "I thought I was the only one!"

"You are one too?!?!?!" Ron asked, "I never knew!"
They both jumped into each others arms, tears of joy all over their faces while everyone else in the room was giving them blank looks. After 200000 minutes of them hugging and talking about the joys of how they use a toilet, Ginny cleared her throat and said
"Uhhh guys? You can sooo like stop that now"
"Heh. Ok" Ron relied, then whispered to Neville "Later we'll compare"
"Compare what?"

"Guess!, Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…ha… gasp…ha.."

Draco suddenly took out a mini TV and they all stared at him.

"OH MY FRIGGEN MAGGOTA!" Hermione screamed.

"Maggota?" Ron asked.

"Heh...the author tried to type maggots but decided she likes this better." Hermione said with the eyes that were shifty.

"OH MY BLACK MAMBA." Draco screamed and pointed to the TV. Everyone gathered around.

Bob was in a mini tuxedo that was getting Draco slightly turned on and was in the set of 'Australian idol'

"THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS! IM THE NEW HOST OF 'TRY AND GET THAT COOKIE IDOL!' THE JUDGES WILL BE SUCH STARS AS THE TWO AUTHORS OF THIS STORY MICHELLE AND ALANA...AND THE THIRD JUDGE WILL BE VOLDEMORT!" Bob said in an announcer's voice that made Draco drool.

Everyone thought it was pretty weird that Michelle and Alana would be the judges but since they controlled everything anyways it was all good.

"OK THEN" Bob announced "WE WILL JUST GET INTO SONGING OR SOMETHING BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ELSE TO SAY. OUR FIRST SINGY THINGS ARE GOING TO BE HARRY AND DRACO SINGING AS A DUET.

Harry strutted onto one side of the stage and Draco was suddenly pushed through the door on the other side

"What the... HOW DID I GET HERE?!?!" Draco screamed, but nobody answered him and the music started playing.

"Hiya Barbie" Harry said in a deep voice.

"Hi Ken" Draco replied in a high-pitched girly voice (Because he was sooo nervous)

"Wanna go for a ride?" Harry said, again in that deep scary voice.

"Sure Ken!" Draco managed to squeak.

"Jump in!"

The lights went all bright and scary and Draco was transformed into the image of Barbie, complete with mini skirt and fishnets (which made Bob very very turned on) he and Harry sang the Barbie girl song.

"Stop stop." Michelle said scowling.

"WHAT??? WASN'T I GOOD??? WAS THE BRA TOO MUCH?" Draco screamed tears in his eyes.

"I'm just not feeling it from you man." Michelle said doing the peace sign with her fingers and acting like a hippie (sorry shell hahahahahaha)

"But... but..."Harry cried.

"DONT ARGUE YOU PATHETIC SINGER." Alana screamed madly.

"Woaaaaaah. Forget your medication deary?" Voldemort asked kindly.

"DONT PATRONIZE ME!" Alana screamed throwing a chicken over Michelle's uber cool afro at Voldemort who shrieked like a girl and tears welled in his eyes.
"That was mean." He whimpered.

"Yeah well you're a poo"

Voldemort ran out of the room crying.
"Great now look what you've done…man" Michelle said, still doing peace signs at everyone and poking Alana in the eye (hahaha) with the peace sign fingers.

"AHHHH MY EYE" Alana screamed and then got up and cut Michelle's afro into the shape of a poo.

Harry and Draco were cowering in the corner hugging each other.
"Can... can... we go now" Harry stammered.
"YES LEAVE MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

'Uhhh...ok...Heh...Voldy you have to come back nowwww." Bob said into his tiny little microphone.

"NOT UNTILL SHE SAYS SORRY!" Voldy called from his dressing room.

"POO HEAD!" Alana screamed.

Michelle whacked her with her poo like afro.

"FINE sorry..."Alana huffed.

"Heh." Voldemort said coming back into the room.

"Right...and the next contestant is...NEVILLE!" Bob screamed excitedly.

Neville came whizzing into the room in a poof of black smoke and in a frog costume.

"OH MY GOD YOU LOOK LIKE A FROG!" Michelle screamed at him forgetting about being a hippy for a second.

"THAT'S MY LINE!" Neville screamed.

Michelle looked down at the script for a second "Oh man, I am so sorry! Uhhh well you can do a different song then ok"
"But I only know one other song…"
"Sing it man! Sing your little heart out!"

"Ok. Mary had a little lamb little lamb Mary had a little lamb…"
"Alana turned to Michelle "hahaha you look like Marge Simpson but stupider"

"Uhhh thanks... Man?" Michelle replied, while Neville was still singing.

"ITS FLEECE WAS WHITE AS SNOW… AND EVERY WHERE THAT MARY WENT, MARY WENT, MARY WENT AND EVERYWHERE THAT MARY WENT THE LAMB WAS SURE TO GO!!!"
Alana and Michelle clapped sarcastically while Voldemort had tears in his eyes.
"That was so... So... So BEAUTIFUL he sobbed... I really felt you were singing about a LAMB and I felt so strongly for it. That's a Yes vote from me!"

Alana looked at him and threw a chicken at him.

"Well man, I don't like how you made it out that it was a lamb...I mean it could have been a sheep man...a sheep! So that's a no from me man." Michelle said stroking her poo head lovingly.

Neville burst into tears.

"Awww poor Neville remember my vote decides." Alana said almost nicely.

"Re...Re...really? You likes it?" Neville asked looking up and smiling.

"Hahahaha...no." Alana said throwing a chicken.

Neville ran off the stage crying.

"AND YOUR FROG SUIT LOOKS STUPID." Alana called after him.

"Well folks our next contestant is the lovely Miss Granger!" Bob called.

"LOVELY? ARE YOU HAVING AN AFFAIR?" Bobetty voice called out into the audience but was barely noticeable over the crowd.

"No I am not... Bettums" Bob called out through the microphone... Making everyone deaf.

Hermione walked on to the stage and started to sing a great song I'm sure and was dancing and everything but nobody heard her because of stupid Bob's yelling into the microphone.

Michelle and Alana and Voldemort stared at Hermione through little squinty eyes (Because the lights were really bright too) to them all she looked like a fish stuck on the end of a fishing line writhing around on the floor. When she bowed and finished everyone stared blankly at her.
"Welllll" she said "How did I do?"

"Uhhh you're in because FISH ARE SO DAMN SEXY!" Voldemort screamed.

"Totally man that was uber cool." Michelle said nodding

"I'm outvoted anyways but I hate fish." Alana scowled and threw a chicken at the lights and broke them

"AND NOW WE CAN SEE."

"Right...and next is Ron!" Bob said unenthusiastically.

"HOW ARE YOU LONDON??" Ron asked sliding into the room in his underwear and socks.

"What the..."Alana said.

"COME ON BABY LIIIIIIIGHT MYYYY FIIIIREEE." Ron screeched and played his air guitar.

The voting went like this...

"No way in frilly hell." (Alana)

"No man." (Michelle)

"YES!"

"DAMMIT! HE WAS SO SEXY!" Someone from the audience that sounded suspiciously like Bobetty screamed.

"THANKYOU LONDON!" Ron screamed before being pelted to death by chickens by Alana.

Bob reappeared on the stage stepping ever chickens... Getting the occasionally peck on the... Foot? Yeah foot. Penguins have feet, don't they? Anyways he walked out onto the stage and announced out.
"OK EVERYONE NEXT WE HAVE GINNY!!!"

"Ginny POOFED onto the stage somehow wearing funky hot pink bike shorts and a bright yellow shirt…A.K.A a bike riding uniform, and started singing. I WANT TO RIDE MY BICYCLE I WANT TO RIDE MY BIIIIKE I WANT TO RIDE MY BICYCLE I WANT RIDE IT WHERE I LIKE"

"WELL MAN RIDE YOUR BIKE AND GET OUT OF HERE" Michelle screamed, while Alana threw a bike at Ginny's head. Ginny went flying into the audience and landed on some random guy's knee. The guy thought it was his lucky day until the security man (Really Harry dressed up funny) came and ran off with her.

"BUT I THOUGHT SHE WAS GOOD!" Voldemort screeched and started crying

Alana threw another bike at him but missed and hit Ginny again.

"I'm not sorry."

"Man..."Michelle said trying to get back into the conversation.

"AND NEXT WE HAVE DUMBLEBEE!" Bob screamed

Dumblebee came whiz banging into the room wearing nothing but hot pink Speedos (MY BRAIN...)

"SEXBOMB SEXOMB YOUR MY SEXBOMB AND BABY YOU CAN TURN ME ON!"' He said winking at Voldemort.

"Oh you are SOOOO in!" Voldemort screamed.

"Totally man...that pink really goes with the twinkle in your eye." Michelle said nodding.

"I LOVE YOU." Alana screamed and everyone turned to look at her.

"Heh..." She said…
"HES MINE BUMHOLEMAN!" Michelle screamed, remembering that she is meant to be a hippie at the last moment.

Alana got out of her seat and started throwing more chickens around.

"BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK" The chickens screamed as they flew through the hair and got caught in Michelle's poo afro.

Michelle jumped up and charged at Alana poking her with her poo afro until she fell over. Alana started squirting Michelle with a water pistol until she poked her in the eye with the HIPPIE FINGERS and flew off with the chickens that had caught in the afro and were flying away.

"NOOOOO SHES GETTING AWAYY!!" Alana? screamed.

"Everyone was watching Michelle flying through the air, and were to busy to notice that Voldemort had, for some reason jumped onto the stage and started pole dancing… wearing a scary looking pole dancing outfit thing. Someone from the audience made the mistake of looking, which Voldemort thought was a come on sign and jumped on the poor guys lap.
"AVADA KEDAVRA ME ANYTIME BABY" Voldemort screamed into the poor guy's ear.
He's still in therapy.
BUT ANYWAYSSS

"Shouldn't you be getting…THIS?!" Bobetty asked pulling an umbrella out of her large brown handbag.

"OHMYGAWWWWSH. SHE'S MARY POPPINS!" Hermione screamed pointing at the umbrella drastically.

"THAT'S RIGHT!" A magic cactus said as it jumped from the corner and started tap dancing.

"What the…that cactus…"Ron said looking at it weirdly.

"I think it's time we eat." Ginny said holding out a big plate of cookies.

"OHH COOKIES! THAT'S RIGHT!" Harry squealed pointing a bony finger at Bob.

"Huh?" Bob asked tearing his eyes away from the pole dancing Voldy.

"YOU STOLE MY COOKIE YOU BEAST!" Harry screamed.

"Did not." Bob said nearly crying.

"DID TOO!" Harry wailed

"Did not!"

"DID TOO!"

A chicken flew past, leaving everyone mesmerized by the mesmerizing chicken.
WOW A CHICKEN!!!
I like chickens, sooo mesmerizing.

"Did… not…" Bob tried to say, being mesmerized and all.
"You... di…" Harry was completely mesmerized.

Until Mr. Chicken (A.K.A, a cock…) flew into a nicely placed wall. WOW HOW CONVENIENT!!!

Hermione giggled and fell over laughing at the cock. Which made Michelle laugh, because she is stupid and likes to laugh at stupid things? Like the word cock. Haha!

Alana looked at the chickens and started crying.

"THEY'LL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS MY COCK!"

Voldemort looked at her in that demented waggy eyebrows way and she leaped for joy. Alana and Voldy came out of the closet a little while later with Alana pregnant and Voldy holding 39374584 kids.

"ALL THAT IN 3.5 SECONDS?!" Asked Ron.

"Yep!"
"LET ME TRY!" Michelle screamed but before she could get enter the closet with a scared looking Cole Bob and Draco sprinted in with Bobetty banging on the door.

A/N

Thankyous to the peoples whose songs we…used…

Barbie Girl – Aqua
Stick it to Dolores - Harry and the Potters

Sexbomb – Tom Jones
Light my Fire – The Doors (Says Google..)

Bicycle Race – Queen

Aaaaaand anymore that we forgot to write down… Thankyou

Oh yes, If you think the rating needs to be put up… Review and tell us ok? Ok!