DISCLAIMER: The character's and the universe of the Battlestar Galactica do not belong to me.

AMMONITE great thank you for BETA!

NOTE: Thanks for all the reviews. I too wish The Kiss could lead somewhere, but… the bad news is that this story ends where it does – we all know what happened a year later. That means that the end of the previous chapter was probably the brightest moment of my story. It's obvious that there was some big misunderstanding between Kara and Lee, and I have to go in that direction, but I just wanted to write some friendship into this year. Truth be told I felt tempted – for a while, after some of your reviews – to go AU at this point and try to use Kara to help Lee solve his issues. But of course this can't happen, so… Read and see what happened with the kiss…

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YEAR OF HELL by -yannik-

Chapter Five – FAREWELL

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The kiss was soft. Almost like a dream, almost unreal. But only "almost". It was real, and the reality of it frightened Lee. Could he throw himself into it? Could he forget? Forget what exactly?

He pulled away from her, and before he could think he whispered, "I'm sorry."

Kara's face shrunk, her gaze fell to the floor. He could swear she was actually joyful that split second ago, before the words fell from his lips, and he wasn't sure what emotions it fetched in him. He wasn't sure if he wanted to allow himself to feel them, really.

She looked up then, suddenly. "You're sorry, because…" she hesitated. "Why?"

His breath caught in his throat.

"You regret that?" she urged.

"I shouldn't have done it," he admitted finally, barely above a whisper.

"Not your fault, exactly," she said harshly. "Not like you were… you know… the only one guilty of committing this crime. There is a collaborator here." She bit her lower lip and looked at him expectantly.

But he really didn't know what to say. Won't happen again – somehow didn't seem like the right thing to say at this very moment. "We're both in a relationship…" he settled for a safer option.

"Relationship" Kara snorted, her eyes wandering off. She focused on him a moment later. "You don't love Dualla either," she said quietly and bombshelled him again.

Lee wasn't sure what he should react to first – her blunt judgment of his love-life and the fact that she apparently considered it her very own opportunity to display her judgmental talents; or the fact that she used the word "either." And what exactly did she mean by that? And… before he realized he was over-thinking again, she cut in:

"Oh, c'mon! Everybody knows that! I think even she does – she's not dumb, not really, you know."

And that was that. That was what tripped the balance of Lee's indecision about what he was supposed to do.

"This won't happen again" he said icily. "And you will stop being so patronizing when talking about my girlfriend."

"Right."

"Very right. This…" he pointed his finger between them, and he felt a kind of deja vu, it seemed so ironic. "This was a mistake, a moment of weakness - that won't happen again."

Kara clenched her jaw and put on her Starbuck mask.

The moment was gone; all he could do was turn to leave. He did leave, fighting the bitter taste in his mouth. Then he heard her soft call, "Lee."

He turned, surprised.

She took two steps forward. "Does she…" she hesitated, as if it was taking all her strength to ask this question. It probably did. "Does she at least know what's happening with you? Because I don't, and if she does…then maybe…. Maybe it's bet…" she choked on the word, bowed, hid her face from him.

And he stood there, silent, because he knew exactly what she was referring to, and he knew that Dualla had no idea there even was a problem. Nobody had any idea, and actually it was good, it was safe. It was better that way. But Kara couldn't take it. And she wouldn't believe if he lied and told her that Dee knew. So he stayed silent...and turned away, but didn't escape before she glanced up and caught a glimpse of truth in his eyes.

It didn't matter though. It just didn't matter.

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Dee looked so different when she wasn't wearing the uniform. But it still felt odd to call her Anastasia. Dee was too uncaring though. If he really loved her… If Kara wasn't right about that…. Did Dee…did Anastasia really know he didn't love her?

She smiled at him in the mirror, but he could sense nervousness underneath.

"Button me up, please," she repeated her request. Lee realized he was standing behind her with his fingers on her arms, just staring ahead. He began fastening her neat blouse.

"I'm sorry, D…" he halted on her name again. "I mean…"

"You know what?" she pulled up her hair, showing the curve of her neck to him, making buttoning easier. "I'll tell you a secret. My father used to call me Nasti. Or Nastia. I didn't like it." She looked at him in the mirror, smirking again, "It sounded as if I was nasty or something, but I guess I could learn to like it. Plus it brings memories of home." Her smile turned into a sad, grieving one. And then she spun to face him. She lay her hands on his chest. "I'm not nasty, am I?" She asked so softly, without looking up, that he barely understood her.

"Nasty? What? Why?"

"Nothing…" she sighed, and pushed apart, but before they really separated, she whispered something more "I thought I saw Billy today." She glanced up. "Stupid, isn't it?" She tried to smile, but Lee saw clearly, that whatever happened earlier that day had shaken her to the core. "We should get going," she hurried on, "the Admiral and the Pres…Madam Roslin I mean…they are probably waiting."

They left the officer's quarters and walked along the corridor, but Dee continued talking as if her life depended on it. Lee barely listened, he could barely understand what she was referring to. "I wish she was still the President, everything would be normal then. I mean normal, like… I was already getting used to this life; everyone moving down to the planet freaks me out somehow. I know that what we tried to do was somehow wrong, trying to fix it and all, and Gaeta had all rights to report on us, but I could hate him for this. And for what he did now, you know that he became Baltar's aide? Like Billy used…" she choked, and finally stopped the tirade. It was so unlike her.

"Dee… Nastia…" Lee turned her towards him and held her arms tightly. He had no idea why this memory of Billy affected her so. And why now? "Darling? Everything is okay."

She sniffed. "Let's go." Freed herself from his arms, and left him looking at her back moving down the corridor. Kara had asked if Dualla knew what was going on with him, and he just realized that he had no idea what was going on with her - the girl he was supposed to love. She had been through quite a trauma, and he thought it had taken no toll on her. That was unlikely wasn't it?

He quickly followed her. It was their duty – the ex-president deserved a proper send-off. Later he and… Nastia could start worrying about each other.

When they entered the Admiral's quarters, everyone was already there. Bill Adama, Laura Roslin, both Tighs and Tory Foster. Briefly Lee wondered why Kara was not invited. After all, she was the President's chosen one – a soldier with a mission to retrieve the Arrow of Apollo. The one, who – by answering the President's request – nearly caused the whole Fleet to fall apart.

Lee smacked himself mentally – he shouldn't be thinking that. Not right now.

"I'm glad you could make it, Commander." Madam Roslin greeted him with a polite smile. Commander. What happened to Captain Apollo? Oh, he died out there in a blackbird crash. Or maybe earlier? Lee could not remember when was the last time Laura Roslin requested for advice from her military advisor.

"I'm glad to be here. Though the reason for our meeting is rather difficult to get on with."

"I couldn't agree more. But being a civilian, I don't really have a choice, do I?" She leaned to him confidentially, "the President's order."

"I'm sure my father could find you something to do up here, on the Galactica" Lee said quickly, without thinking.

But she did not feel offended. Instead she looked over, where the older Adama was talking to Dee and Tory.

"Yes," Laura smiled half-sadly, half… lovingly? Lee wasn't sure when that had happened, but somehow it seemed so natural. Laura Roslin was the best match for his father Lee could imagine. He had to admit this woman was more perfect for Bill Adama than Caroline – his own mother – and though the thought was strange, it was not as disturbing as it should be. She should really stay up here.

Lee followed Laura's gaze to his father. She should stay here. If she doesn't, the Admiral was going to be miserable.

"Bill already offered me a few choices, but I declined them," Laura said. "I am a teacher. I was a teacher, before I was pulled into politics, and I think that by shaping future generations I can help humanity more than by leading them to some mysterious promised land. I want that." She looked at Lee, obviously expecting his approval.

He nodded sadly. He could do nothing but approve her choices. She may have made some mistakes, but all she ever cared about was the survival of the human race.

That couldn't be said about Gaius Baltar. Sometimes it was hard to believe that most of the people trusted him over her, but that was democracy. The results of the public choice couldn't be… Lee held his breath as the realization hit him. "Fixed?" He breathed out.

"What?" Laura turned to him with a strange look.

"No. Nothing," he covered up quickly, though the eerie feeling remained. The ex-president was looking at him from under her brow, and he gazed at Dualla.

Was that what she had meant earlier? That couldn't be! But it would explain the Admiral's reluctance to discuss anything related to the election. It would explain Roslin's melancholy. She had been much closer to winning this election than anyone had suspected. Yet – she had given it up.

He could ask her, right now, in fact. He could, but it didn't feel right.

He no longer knew what felt right in this time of war. There were no morals any more, assassination was the proper choice, perhaps throwing the election out the nearest airlock would be wiser too. Then humanity would have a leader who cared, not this messed up freak. But what would it make of them? Of those responsible for the decision to give up on democracy? Capricans had lived under a democracy for so many ages one could not count – briefly Lee wondered how would other citizens feel about it – Gemenons, Librians, Aquarions?

But Laura Roslin was Caprican as well as Lee Adama, and she was faithful to her beliefs. She didn't want to cheat, so she refused to accept the gift Dualla and others offered her. Lee couldn't describe how relieved he felt, knowing that. She was still this Fleet's moral compass, she was Lee Adama's personal touchstone.

That's what he wanted to believe in.

"Let's sit to dinner" the Admiral neared them with a smile, took Laura's arm, and led her to her chair. He sat opposite from her, at the head of the table. With Tigh to his right and Ellen next to him, Lee and Dualla opposite to the Tighs. Tory to Madam Roslin's right, next to Dee.

The dinner passed in a pleasant atmosphere, though the gloomy mood hung in the air. Everyone seemed nostalgic, the Admiral and Colonel even started telling some stories about Galactica's last years of service prior to decommissioning. Ellen wasn't hitting on Lee, and he couldn't guess if it was out of respect for Dee, or he just wasn't so attractive to her anymore. That was odd though, he should be more attractive – he was higher in rank even than her husband. On the other hand – that could be the reason. She probably thought Colonel Tigh should have been the commander of Pegasus. Yes, that was probably it. And if there was one good thing about being in this position – it was making Ellen Tigh feel angry and offended.

After dinner Bill Adama walked Laura Roslin down to the temporary quarters in which she had lived since the election, and then down to the hangar bay. Lee saw them saying good bye at the shuttle that was taking the last passengers down to the surface, as he was boarding a raptor to Pegasus – and saying goodbye to Dee.

"I think I should ask him" Dualla said, and Lee tried to remember to what she was referring. All the way here she kept talking and he barely listened. He looked into her eyes, that were seeking his support.

"Perhaps…" he nodded.

"Don't you want it? I thought you wanted it. We're hardly ever seeing each-other. I miss you" she explained earnestly.

"I miss you too," he said flatly, starting to comprehend where this was headed.

"You see," she leaned forward, and put her arms around his neck. Lee suddenly felt trapped. He remembered that he had promised himself he'd try to help her solve her issues, but not right now! Not right now….

"I knew that you meant it, when you said, you weren't going to leave me," she whispered and a faint smile appeared on her lips. "But your work on Pegasus is taking its toll. We promised each other to try, and the only way I see right now – is to transfer over there. To be really close. Really." She eyed him. "You want that, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"So I'll ask for a transfer."

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t.b.c.

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