DISCLAIMER: The character's and the universe of the Battlestar Galactica do not belong to me.
Thank you to AMMONITE for still being my BETA.
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YEAR OF HELL by -yannik-
Chapter Six – FORGET ME NOT
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"You gotta be kidding me!"
"I'm sorry Commander. This is what the President ordered," Major Balder reported. She added in a softer tone "I tried my best to justify the need for over one thousand people, but his office said they need the military to help build habitable infrastructure. There is nothing more I can do."
Lee looked at the list of transfers she presented him. A thousand men were leaving Pegasus for a better life on New Caprica. His ship was to be left with only six hundred men. That wasn't even enough to complete the repairs the Battlestar still needed. And should the cylons return…
"This isn't happening" he sighed involuntary.
"I'm really sorry."
They remained silent for a long while, as if mourning the loss of those men. Those who did not die, not technically, but a part of Pegasus was dying. If things went further this way, sooner or later, the Battlestar was going towards inevitable doom.
"I have to see the Admiral," Lee said finally.
---
The Admiral agreed with his Commander; he also realized they were helpless.
"Balar is the Commander-in-Chief of the military. The Articles obligate us to do as we are told, and trying to reason with the man is futile."
"This makes me think it would be better if this election had been fixed," Lee muttered.
His father gazed at him. "Do you really think that?" he asked simply, after a moment, and Lee knew he did not. His father knew that as well. That made Lee wonder if his Old Man really had anything to do with that idea, as he had suspected a few days ago. Right now it didn't seem likely.
His pondering came to a halt as the Admiral spoke – changing the subject. "There is one more thing we need to discuss. Intra-ship transfers." He pulled out a piece of paper. "One transfer in particular."
"One transfer?" Lee blinked, not understanding what the Old Man meant.
"She hasn't shared the idea with you" the Admiral guessed. "That's kind of like her" he smiled softly.
Lee realized then, whom this chat was about. Dee had asked his opinion on the subject.
"Actually" he admitted, "she did."
"Did she?" the Admiral appeared surprised. "Hmm. She did. That's good. That's really good."
Lee gazed at his father. The Old Man seemed bothered. It was understandable, Dualla was a valuable member of his crew, and one of the people he considered… family. Lee had to admit it bitterly. He remembered, when he had first arrived on Galactica, how close some people were to his father. So much closer than he ever was… Even now…
"Would you rather have her stay here?" he asked, and regretted it immediately.
Bill Adama looked up at his son and smiled. "Of course I would." And then his demeanor grew more serious. "But if she wants it this way… I see no reason to force her to remain on Galactica. She will be as useful to the military on Pegasus. And as for my sentiments...well, let me put it this way – I think she'll be in good hands." The soft smile appeared on his face again. "And so will you, I guess."
"Yeah," Lee sighed, not meeting his father's eyes. He hated to admit that he wasn't looking forward to having Dualla on Pegasus. To having Anastasia on Pegasus – he corrected himself. He loved her – he thought. He was supposed to be loving her. But all he felt was resentment.
He forced himself to lift his eyes and to smile reassuringly.
"All you have to do then" Admiral Adama said, looking at the paper he still held in his hands, "is to sign here."
"Sure." Lee took the transfer request and put the pen to it. His gaze fell on the name printed on the page, and his breath caught. "Kara Thrace?" he exhaled.
"Yes, Kara." The Admiral's brows furrowed "Whom did you think?"
Lee couldn't answer. He tried to wrap his mind about this idea – Kara transferring to his ship, under his command. Why would she do that? Did it have anything to do with that kiss? Suddenly he felt nervous, he didn't like where this was all going.
"Lee?" his father's question startled him. "So, she hasn't spoken to you about it?"
"No."
"You thought about… Dualla?"
"Yes."
He did not dare to look into his father's eyes. Not when his mind was in such a maze.
The Admiral remained silent as well. Until he sighed - from the bottom of his guts.
"So the rumors are true?" he asked.
"Rumors?"
"About you and…"
"Yes."
They fell silent again. And looked at each other this time.
"That's good," the Admiral said, but this time he did not smile. "That's really good. I'll need you to sign her transfer as well. Frak the fraternization regs."
---
Dee's – or Kara's – transfers to Pegasus didn't change things much onboard the Battlestar. The Commander was so busy with coordinating the schedules of all departments, with his crew reduced to shreds, that he had no time to meet with either his friend – who assumed the duties of CAG of the remnants of both Galactica's and Pegasus' air-groups – or his girlfriend – who was busy getting used to more advanced communication post on the Mercury Class Battlestar, and at the same time was trying to learn how to deal with the tactical station. Everyone had to do the job of two or three men, and that left little time for nonsense.
For Lee it was a relief. Day after day, after day, the same duties, the same briefings with his officers, the same worries. It soon became routine. Five hours of sleep, morning run, Major Balder, paperwork, CAG Thrace, paperwork, Chief Sorrensen, Captain Ruud from weapon maintenance, Captain Abramowicz from the landing bay, network specialist, viper production specialist – who in fact wasn't really working, supplies advisor, Sergeant Soares in charge of the marines, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. The only break of this routine were not-heralded meetings with the Admiral, who tended to summon the Commander to Galactica at the weirdest hours, less often for the military purposes, more often for a family dinner.
After a while Starbuck started demanding the Commander's attention too, forcing him to come to the gym for some boxing sparring, which he liked actually, because she wasn't talking. Dualla wasn't talking either, and although Lee felt relief initially, he soon started getting worried. Dee seemed to get more and more pale, more and more exhausted, silent, shadowy.
One day, when Lee returned from another dinner with his father, he found her in his bedroom, wrapped in his blanket, sobbing loudly.
"Dee?" he asked, and she jolted upright.
Started wiping her eyes rapidly, soothing the sheets on his rack, and muffling the sobs.
"Sorry…" she mumbled. "I'm sorry. Had no idea you were back already. Wouldn't have been here. Sorry. I didn't mean…"
He held her arms, searching for her eyes with his, but she avoided his gaze. "Dee, what's happening?"
"It's the only place I'm safe" she whispered. "Not here in your bed, just in your quarters. They weren't coming in here, but today…" She shivered so violently, Lee got scared she might break into pieces right in front of him. "I should have told you sooner, I know I should, it's the matter of security, but I wanted real proof first, just couldn't get it. Couldn't get him. I checked all the cameras, all the recordings, but he manages to sneak around this ship without being recognized. I think he knows where all the security cameras are, and he hides his face when he passes them, that's why I haven't been able…"
"Dee stop!" Lee shouted, not being able to bear her prattle any longer. She was mumbling some nonsense! She was completely incomprehensible. "Whom are you talking about?"
"A cylon" she whispered, looking at him with her eyes so full of fear.
"A cylon?"
"This must be. It's the only explanation. That he is a cylon. Otherwise… How would he get here?"
"Who? Which model? What are you…"
"Billy."
She said this name so silently – it was barely the movement of her lips, no sound at all.
Billy.
"What? Here? On Pegasus?"
"Yes. I saw him here couple of times. At first I thought I was seeing things and it wasn't so often really, but those last few days… I kept seeing him everywhere. Maybe there are more than one of them? But why wouldn't anybody else notice? They haven't known Billy here on Pegasus, that could be the explanation, but now there are people from Galactica, and nobody said anything…"
Lee was terrified. They had a cylon right in the heart of the Fleet. This was to be predicted, there were not uncovered cylon models, they all knew that. But finding out that there really was one of them… One who's face they all knew…
The Commander jumped to the phone.
"Where have you seen him last? When?" he asked intensely.
"Here. Right outside your quarters, he was looking inside, as if searching for something. I don't know how long ago that was, I lost track of time, I'm sorry." She begun to cry again. Curled into a tight ball on the floor.
"Security, code blue" Lee said to the phone "We have a cylon onboard Pegasus. Identified as the model Billy Kikeya."
---
The search took several hours. Commander Adama, Major Balder and Sergeant Soares looked over so many tapes from the security cameras, that their heads were nearly exploding. All the personnel was reporting to their commanders, and was examined and identified. All the people were looking at one another with suspicion and fright. But Billy Kikeya was not found.
Dualla, exhausted with crying and fear, fell asleep on the couch in Commander Adama's quarters, and when the latter returned there, after this very long day, and found her, his heart broke. He kneeled by her, and stroking her hair, fell asleep too, right there, with his head right behind hers.
He woke up in the middle of the night, stiff from sitting in this awkward position. He looked at her peaceful face, and remembered the whole conversation. "At first I thought I was seeing things" she had said. And maybe that was all there was.
The report on the search waited to be written and sent to the Admiral. Lee thought that had been one wise decision, that he had not informed other ships of the threat. That was the usual procedure, but something had stopped him from going through with it – perhaps he suspected there was no threat at all. Sighing deeply, he sat at his desk and started writing. The search was a necessary precaution, but proved to be nothing more than that.
When Anastasia woke up in the morning, Lee asked her to come with him down to Doctor Ishay. She objected at first, but he led her there nonetheless. And after a few hours of observation, and some talk between the Doc and the patient, Lee was proven right.
"She's not the first one with a breakdown here" Layne Ishay explained to him later, when Dualla was asleep after a strong dose of sedatives. Earlier the Ensign had had another panic attack, when she thought she saw Billy as one of the nurses. Lee and the Doc were sitting in the office, discussing the diagnosis and the treatment. "It's very common that when you experience trauma, you withdraw from it. When it's trauma after trauma after trauma… when you expect nothing else… But pretending this bad thing did not happen doesn't mean it was less real – and it gets back to you sooner or later. Especially if situation starts to stabilize – like it does now. We're safer."
"But Dualla didn't feel safe" Lee objected. "She did not like any of this... settlement and all."
"Perhaps because she expected – on some subconscious level – that this would mean that she'd have to deal with all the pain she pushed aside for later. She expected that when things get better, her brain would betray her. And it did. And it's good actually, because now we can pin-point the problem, and help her deal with it. This breakdown means that she is willing to deal." Layne smiled. It all seemed so simple when she was talking about it. Just a case to diagnose and treat. "How about you?" she asked suddenly then.
Lee looked at her, startled. "Me?"
Doc Ishay took some papers from the shelf. "I've taken a closer look at your records after our conversation before the race," she started explaining. "You said you were afraid to fly…"
"Listen," Lee interrupted. He wasn't willing to have this conversation. "That's past, I got over it. Everything is okay right now."
"Commander" the Doc did not concede. "This prolonged pain in your shoulder may be a symptom of…"
"Pills are helping, alright? It does not hurt anymore." Lee got up. "If we finished talking about Ensign Dualla, I think that would be all."
He turned to leave, but Doc Ishay called him once more. "Commander, I suspect you're suffering from…"
"You suspect, do you!" Lee yelled, turning back to her. "Listen, I know myself. I know what is happening with me, and I know how to handle it." He lowered his voice to a near-whisper. "And you have been a doctor for what?… a few weeks?" He knew he was cruel, and faltered, when he saw hurt in her eyes. He hated to have hurt her like this, Layne Ishay was one of the few people he sincerely liked onboard this ship. But he needed her to stop. He couldn't afford her, Doc Cottle, or his father digging into his head. If they knew what he had done, they would relieve him of duty, and that would mean he'd have nothing left. He was doing his job, he was doing it well, and he could control his behavior now, he knew that.
Lane Ishay took the blow and shut her mouth.
The Commander's secret was safe again. At least for a while.
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t.b.c.
NOTE: Silwyna, thanks for reminding me about this story!
And great thanks to Mariel3 for fantastic set of reviews, sorry I haven't replied directly to you, I really wanted, but somehow I didn't. Anyway they made me feel my writing is worthwhile, which is a great feeling, you know.
-Y-