Chapter 17 Facing the Truth

In Yoda's private meditation room, they sat across from each other, palm to palm, eyes closed as they sought to meet within the Force. Yoda, knowing this was something they must do alone, had withdrawn silently to await the outcome.

Anakin welcomed the calm presence of his friend, his mentor, to ease his own inner turmoil; the events of the past several days had sent him back light years, to a time when the Darkness sought to take him over completely. He had thought it was gone; even on Belarid, when Darth Mortis had tried to convince him that his destiny lay with the Sith, Anakin had prevailed over Vader. He knew that Obi-Wan refused to believe that Vader was part of him, but Anakin knew; now he would prove it to his brother. But then a new fear crept into his soul; if he was part Vader, should he be taking on an apprentice? What was he thinking when he petitioned the Council about it? He would turn Ferri Cortis into a Sith, just like he was; and they could be master and apprentice, just as it had always been with the…."Stop it, Anakin." Obi-Wan interrupted his musing.

"It could very well happen, you know." Anakin replied.

"I know no such thing; I see no Darkness within you, Anakin; no more than is in any of us." Obi-Wan told him.

"Then you are blind, my brother; it's right here in front of me." Anakin refuted.

"It is only the shadow of what might have been; it is not real." Obi-Wan assured him.

"I don't understand." Anakin said.

"Look at it, Anakin." Obi-Wan instructed.

"I am; it's me." Anakin answered.

"No, it's not; look again, look into its mind, Padawan." Obi-Wan replied.

"I am; I still don't see…." Anakin began.

"What is it thinking about?" Obi-Wan asked, cutting him off.

"Palpatine and the secret to…oh…" Anakin started to tell him, "It can't be me, can it."

"No, my brother; because those things are past; Palpatine is gone, you already know there is no secret to preventing death and Darth Vader was crushed the moment your lightsaber entered Palpatine's chest." Obi-Wan explained.

"Then I'm not half Sith?" Anakin asked.

"No, you never really were; oh, Palpatine managed to ingrain some of his teaching into your head, but your heart has always been that of a Jedi. Palpatine sought to destroy your heart, but he failed; he failed because your love for Padme, your unborn children and the Jedi was too powerful." Obi-Wan answered.

"And for you, Master, my brother." Anakin added.

"Do you see now that Vader can no longer exist in you?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Yes, there is no room for him." Anakin realized, "I should have been able to see that myself."

"Well, you see it now." Obi-Wan replied.

"But the shadow will always remain; won't it." Anakin said.

"I don't know that; but even if it does, at least now you know what it is." Obi-Wan told him.

"Will it take over again?" Anakin asked.

"Only if you step in front of another speeder, Anakin." Qui-Gon interjected with a hint of amusement.

"Qui-Gon! Did you know what was happening?" Anakin asked.

"Yes, and I tried to help you, but you were not listening to me any more than you were listening to Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon answered.

"I'm sorry; I…I..." Anakin trailed off.

"You were not in control, Anakin; I understand that." Qui-Gon assured him.

"But it could happen again." Anakin insisted.

"I don't think so; perhaps this was something you have tried to avoid." Qui-Gon proposed, "Maybe you had to get a good up close look at what Darth Vader would have been."

"Why?" Anakin asked.

"Seeing what you might have become in your nightmares is one thing; remembering what it felt like is quite another." Qui-Gon replied.

"But I still don't see the purpose of it; beings were hurt, one of them is dead." Anakin countered.

"Wounds heal; the life taken was unfortunate, but it is done and cannot be undone. There was no real purpose, Anakin; it just happened, you stepped off the walkway without thinking, or rather thinking of something that concerned you and when you hit your head, your thoughts became your reality. In a way, it has inadvertently served a purpose in that it is unlikely that your mind will mistake that terrible nightmare for reality again; the feelings you experienced while Darth Vader was in control will forever remain, and your unconscious mind will now know to protect you from them." Qui-Gon explained.

"So this can't happen again?" Anakin asked.

"It is highly unlikely." Qui-Gon answered, "Is that not what Obi-Wan told you?"

"Yes." Anakin admitted.

"Then perhaps you should have listened to him." Qui-Gon replied.

"Yes, I know." Anakin agreed, "Sorry, Obi-Wan."

"It's alright, Anakin." Obi-Wan assured him.

With a sigh, Anakin withdrew and opened his eyes to see Obi-Wan looking at him intently, "What?" Anakin asked.

"Feeling better, I take it?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Yes, I am actually; thank you. And you're right, I'm no longer Darker than any other Jedi; I haven't been for a long time. The only difference is that I am more powerful, and could be more dangerous if I lose control of it." Anakin answered and then stood up.

"Yes, which it seems you are unlikely to do." Obi-Wan added as he let Anakin pull him to his feet.

Anakin nodded, "Yes, I know that; for the first time, I actually know that." He replied with a slight smile, "Now, it seems I have a few apologies to make and some news to give to my new Padawan."

"Don't you think perhaps you should tell your wife first?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Uh oh; I haven't even thought about what she is going to think about it. She doesn't even really like Ferri." Anakin replied.

"After Mustafar, that may well have changed, Anakin." Obi-Wan pointed out as he triggered the door and it slid open.

"How feel you now, Master Skywalker?" Yoda asked as they emerged from the room to find the venerable master waiting for them in the corridor.

Anakin sighed, "I feel clean again." He answered as he glanced at his brother.

"It warms my heart to hear that; consider teaching now would you?" Yoda asked.

"I haven't had time to think much about that; I've been a little busy the past few days." Anakin reminded him.

"If very long you must ponder it, then your path it may not be." Yoda surmised, "A mistake it was for me not to see this; concern yourself with your Padawan you must."

"Master Yoda, that's not fair; I never said…." Anakin began.

Yoda shook his head and started down the corridor, "Alright it is, Anakin; understand I do." He assured him.

Anakin sighed as he watched the old master hobble slowly down the corridor, "He can read your thoughts, Anakin." Obi-Wan told him.

"Then he should have been able to see that I haven't decided yet." Anakin replied with frustration.

Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes as he looked at him, "Haven't you?" He wondered, "Ah, here's Padme. Why don't you tell her the happy news; I'm going to see what my own Padawan is up to."

"I haven't decided yet, Obi-Wan." Anakin insisted as Padme joined them.

"Decided what, my love?" Padme asked.

"I'll talk to you later, Anakin." Obi-Wan said and bowed to Padme, "Padme."

"Obi-Wan." Padme replied and then watched him as he headed in the same direction Yoda had gone.

"What's going on? What haven't you decided?" Padme asked.

Anakin sighed, "Master Yoda asked me again if I wanted to start helping him instruct the younglings." He answered.

"But didn't you say you loved working with the younglings?" Padme asked.

"I don't know; I mean yes, but I just don't…well, I don't know if I'm…I just can't." Anakin told her haltingly.

"I don't understand; we talked about this at lunch the day you…that day. You wanted to do it; you told me you did." Padme said.

"Well, that was before; things have changed." Anakin replied.

"What, Annie? What happened these past few days is over and done with now; and apparently, Master Yoda thinks so too or he would not have asked you again." Padme answered as she put her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest.

"I know." Anakin sighed, hugging her to him, "I'll go talk with him, but there's something else I have to take care of first."

"The children want to see you." Padme informed him, "You haven't set eyes on them since…"

"Yes, I know that too; I'll visit with them now for a little while." Anakin promised.

"And then take care of whatever it is you need to take care of; what is that, Anakin?" Padme asked.

"Padme, there's something I have to tell you; something I've decided to do." Anakin began.

"I'm listening." Padme said, "But I'm not going to like this, am I."

"I don't know; maybe not." Anakin answered.

"Well, out with it; you might just as well get it over with." Padme said.

Anakin took a deep breath and pulled out from her just enough to look into her eyes, "I've decided to take an apprentice." He told her.

"Really?! What made you think I wouldn't like that? I think that's wonderful!" She exclaimed; then pulled his head down to kiss him.

"You might change your mind when you hear the rest of it." Anakin replied as her lips brushed his.

"Why?" She murmured, pressing her lips against his.

"Because it's…." Anakin started and completed their kiss before he finished, "Ferri Cortis."

Padme snickered, "Is that all?" She asked, kissing him again.

"You think that's funny?" Anakin asked.

"I think you thinking I'd be angry about it is funny, yes." Padme answered laughingly.

"But you don't like him." Anakin protested.

"A girl can change her mind can't she?" Padme told him, smiling mischievously.

"Well, yes, but what made you change your mind?" Anakin wondered, "You were pretty adamant about how you felt about him."

Padme sighed, look down out the floor for a moment and then look back up at him, "I wasn't being fair; I never actually met him until…and then I realized that I'd judged him without seeing the whole picture." She explained, "And then, after what he did when I thought you were lost….well, I could never see him the same way again."

"Then you don't mind?" Anakin asked.

"No, silly; I'm happy for both you." She assured him.

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After spending almost two hours with his children, playing with them and reassuring them that he was actually their daddy again, Anakin headed for the medical center to bring the news to his Padawan. His Padawan; Anakin smiled just thinking about the thought. When he arrived, he checked first to see if Ferri had been moved; he had and so Anakin took the lift to the level where the boy was now located. He wondered, as the lift move upwards, what he could expect from Ferri's parents when they heard what he had to say. They had both been openly hostile toward him earlier; he doubted whether either of them had softened toward him over the course of the day. The lift opened and, after orienting himself to the floor layout, he headed toward the ward Ferri had been taken to, finding himself relieved when he did not see them out in the corridor; nor could he sense any other Force sensitive presence in the ward besides Ferri.

Anakin walked through the open doorway into the ward; the room was divided into several cubicles, separated by glass and curtained, presumably for privacy. He reached out and quickly located the cubicle Ferri was in; taking a deep breath, he entered the cubicle. The bed stood against the right wall with a chair next to it on the side nearest the door, and monitoring equipment between it and the back wall on the other.

At first, Anakin could detect no change in Ferri's condition, the tubes still extended from his arms, which were still secured to the side of the bed, the bacta pad still lay over his chest with the draining tube protruding from underneath, the monitor continued to beep incessantly, along with the rhythmic sounds of the respirator as it continued to assist Ferri's breathing through the mask that still covered his nose and mouth; until he entered further into the room and Ferri turned his head to look at him. Anakin smiled as he moved to stand over him next to the bed, "Hello; you must be getting a little better; they are letting you move." He said.

Ferri closed his eyes and nodded, and then tried to free one of his hands, "I think you have to keep your arms still yet." Anakin told him.

Ferri looked at him with frustration and tried to sit up, "Oh no you don't." Anakin said sternly and put a hand on the boy's shoulder.

Ferri moaned and Anakin could sense the boy's growing frustration, "It's alright, Ferri; there will be time enough to talk when you've healed up a little more." Anakin assured him.

Ferri closed his eyes and nodded again; and Anakin could feel him relax, "That's better, now let's see if I can boost your healing ability a little more, and then I've got something important to tell you." He said, smiling again as he placed his flesh hand on Ferri's cheek.

Ferri's brow furrowed in puzzlement as he opened himself up to allow Anakin's healing strength to flow into him.

"You were told to stay away from him." Lexi declared.

Anakin did not even turn to look at him, "Ferri is still a member of the Jedi Order; as a Master Jedi, I have the right to see him when I choose to." He answered and then smiled again to reassure his future Padawan.

"We'll just see about that." Lexi replied and Anakin sensed him as he moved up behind him.

"I would not do that if I were you." Anakin warned.

"What is it you want, Master Skywalker? Why can't you just leave us alone?" Lexi asked.

"Because right now, this boy needs my help so that he can heal. As for you, I can help you too, if you let me." Anakin answered.

"Me? I don't need or want your help; the only thing I want is to take my son back where he belongs." Lexi replied angrily.

"Where your son belongs is debatable; to deny him the chance to help others as a Jedi is not only unfair to him, it is unfair to all those he might be able to help. And you are in great need of my help whether you realize it or not; but that is not something we should discuss now and certainly not here. Now if you will either be quiet or leave so I can focus on what I'm doing, I would greatly appreciate it." Anakin told him.

Lexi huffed and Anakin could feel his anger cooling, "What are you doing anyway?" He finally asked curiously.

"The Force can be used for many things; right now, I am helping Ferri channel it to his chest to speed up the healing process." Anakin explained before turning his full attention to the injured boy.

"Oh; can I stay and watch?" Lexi asked.

"There is nothing for you to see; but you may stay as long as you are quiet." Anakin said, shaking his head with impatience at being interrupted again.

"I'm sorry." Lexi replied and did not speak again, allowing Anakin to slip into meditation.

Anakin remained connected to Ferri for an hour and when he withdrew and came up from his meditative state, Lexi was no longer with him, having slipped out early into the healing session. He looked down at Ferri, "Well, Padawan, are you feeling a little stronger now?" He asked.

Ferri looked at him, puzzled at first, and Anakin could sense his initial confusion, "The Council has granted me permission to continue your training; you can make a new start now." He explained, "Alright?"

Ferri smiled underneath the oxygen mask and nodded vigorously.