Disclaimer: I don't own the Evil Overlord List. The Evil Overlord List belongs to Himizu and Ryouko, from This version has slight changes made to have it be funnier to those familiar with the in- progress Hudei Novel. I do own the in-progress Hudei Novel, and some of the ideas in it also belong to the real Kyoko, Shiro, and Erico! Enjoy!

Evil Overlord List, Volume 2, Items 13-22

(A/N:Warning: I wrote this after going to the RMH from taking an anatomy test! My brain was fried! So if this sounds really off the wall, that's why! BTW, I got a 86 on the test, so I was also very happy!)

"WE'RE BAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK!" Souta yelled, scaring the crap out of everyone.

"Why can't you at least try to be normal?" Tret demanded.

"NEVER BE NORMAL!" Souta, Kohanna, Ash and Saounga screamed simultaneously. Tret twitched.

"Um… okay…" he muttered. The evil elves grinned.

"Okay, let's get started! Welcome to our newest Co-Hosts, Kohanna and Ash! Places, everyone!" Tret yelled.

"Item 13… All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal," said Kohanna with a wicked grin.(A/N: I'm quite certain she was thinking of Raeana's death Xb ...)

Saounga grinned and conjured up a ball of fire. "That can be easily arranged," he said, smirking at Shiro and Char, who ran for their lives as Saounga hurled fireballs and shot a machine gun at them.

"We've created a monster…" Souta said. "And he's wasting my bullets!"

"He already was a monster," Tret replied. "And you can always conjure up more."

"Excellent point. Moving on. Item 14… The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request," said Souta while smirking.

Saounga glared as Shiro smoked a cigarette from a holder, like Captain Hook from Peter Pan. Char made out with Raeana. Saounga knocked the cigarette out of Shiro's hand, setting his shirt on fire. Then he tried to drag Raeana out of the room, but she and Char beat him up.

"Okay… that was a really bad idea…" Saounga muttered as Char and Raeana made out again. All except Char and Raeana rolled their eyes.

"Get out of here, Raeana! We're in the middle of filming here! You and Char can make out later, but we're busy now!" Tret yelled. Raeana snorted in disgust and stalked out. Tret rolled his eyes again. "Item 15… I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation," Ash announced this with a sneer plastered on his face.

Saounga fiddled with a digital clock and then made it blow up just as Char was climbing onto Shiro's shoulders to try to open a small trapdoor that he never would have fit through… Saounga laughed like a maniac as Char and Shiro lay on the floor with swirly eyes and suchlike.

"Item 16… I will never utter the sentence, 'But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know'," Tret smiled after previewing the cartoon that would follow.

A little cartoon popped up showing Saounga saying that sentence. As he paused, Char stood up and fired a Super Shocker at him, yelling, "Too bad, punk!" The cartoon then showed Char laughing like a maniac as Saounga ran around with his head on fire. Saounga sweatdropped and his eyes became small dots. (A/N: I had no idea what to name his lightning/thunder attacks...)

"Okay then…" he muttered, looking slightly frightened.

"Item 17… When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice," Ash looked thoughtful about this.(A/N: ...perhaps thinking of reinstating the Thieves Guild?)

Saounga was seated around a table with Kohanna, who was listening intently and filling Saounga with too many ideas, Karuto, who was making tornados, Kyoko, who was eating peanuts, and Aika, who was reading a book and not listening to anything Saounga was saying.(A/N: THE K'S ARE SEPARATED! OH, THE HORROR!!!)

"Make that… very, very occasionally…" Saounga muttered in disgust. Ash nodded his head vigorously in agreement.

"Um… yeah… Item 18… oh dear… I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time," said Souta looking quite baffled.

"WTF?" squawked Saounga. "I've already have a son, and It's you!!!"

"Yeah, why else do you think he said 'oh dear.' Just listen to the next part of it, would you?" Tret reminded him. Saounga scowled. Souta twitched slightly and signaled that the cartoon should be shown.

The cartoon showed Souta trying to take the crown from his father, Saounga, as Saounga tried to fight off Char with one hand and keep his son away with the other.

"Aaawww, it's so cute!" Kohanna said, laughing evilly while thinking of blackmail.

Souta rolled his eyes and said, "Item 18, Part 2. If I do have a son after getting married, I will be sure to raise him carefully, and instill all of the proper rules into his mind that would prevent him from taking over. If this still does not seem to work, I will..." Souta's eyes widen. "...Erase his entire memory and place him in a foster home!? Dad, you didn't seriously do that did you?"

Saounga pauses and then whistles innocently.

Souta, "..Dad? DAD!?"

Saounga hid a grin behind his hand. Kohanna saw the grin, and thought it fit to inform souta, "Souta! Calm down! He is just joking! Move on to the next item already!!!"

Saounga scowled again. Souta twitched again. "Fine...He's really not going to like the next one…" he muttered. Kohanna read the script, and twitched as well.

"No he is not… but the show must go on! Item 19… I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father," Kohanna said this with a frown apparent on her face.

"… …" -.- Saounga was too angry to speak. Kohanna sweatdropped nervously.

A little cartoon showed the minature female Saounga flirting with a rugged looking young man, who pulled off a rubber mask and showed himself to be Shiro. The miniature female Saounga cut off Shiro's head and ran off laughing like a maniac. Saounga turned to stare at Kohanna. So did everyone else in the Cast, except Shiro, who ran and hid.

"You have problems," Ash informed Kohanna.

"Heh heh… Couldn't resist…" Kohanna admitted, grinning sheepishly. Souta shook his head with a sigh.

Saounga said, "...wait...doesn't that mean that "my daughter" would kill the hero, and thus not betray me?...I don't get it, so I guess it is a good thing I don't really have a daughter..."

Kohanna timidly speaks up, "Ummm, excuse me?"

Saounga replies without hearing her question, "1) I meant a blood daughter. 2) You're technically not my daughter until you actually do the wedding. And 3) You'll be married to Souta, so I don't expect you'll be flirting with any other guys like in the cartoon."

Kohanna blushes, "...uh, I didn't think of that..." (A/N: sorry, real-Kohanna, but I just couldn't resist! XD)

"...I'll ignore that...Item 20… Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly," said Tret.

Saounga twitched. "You are making fun of one of my favorite things to do…!?"

"YES, DAMNIT!" Tret exclaimed, annoyed.

Saouga sighed, cleared his throat, and let loose with a barrage of maniacal laughter that made Kohanna and Ash (the experts at maniacal laughter) somewhat impressed. Meanwhile, Char and Shiro walked all over Saounga's stronghold and stole his world domination plans while Saounga laughed like a nut in the middle of the room.

"Good scene guys!" Kohanna said. As soon as she spoke, Saounga's laughter stopped as though someone had pulled a plug from him. He stood there, calm and serious as ever, waiting for the next scene.

"You can tell he doesn't mind doing this," said Ash.

"How so?" asked Tret.

"He hasn't seriously attempted to murder you yet," Ash responded.

"What!? Has he tried to do that to you before?" Ash nods. "...Then point taken. Ok, item 21… I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi storm troopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set."

Ash and several other members of the Cast stood around wearing Nazi uniforms. Souta ran in and threw bombs at them and ran out again. Ash looked at Saounga.

"We're doomed, aren't we?" he said with a gloomy, "all is going to hell" look.

"Think positive, Lieutenant Ash! Positive!" Saounga declared. (A/N: Oh dear...Ash has been demoted from supreme leader/commander of his own troops, the Thieves Guild, to being only the lieutenant of another man's troops...and it is a man who has previously tried to kill him...--" ...)

"All right… maybe they'll allow us to surrender peacefully instead of massacring us." he said with a small grin.

"THAT'S NOT POSITIVE!" Saounga yelled. Ash fell over from the force of the sound.

"Sheesh, for a little guy, you're sure noisy…" Ash shut up as Saounga pointed his machine gun at his head. Ash then looked over at Tret. "I forever curse the day you gave him those." (A/N: Saounga is not by any means short...he is just smaller than the very tall Ash...)

"Hey, it was Souta's gun!"

"BASTARD! STOP STEALING MY WEAPONS!" Souta yelled.

"MAKE ME!" Tret yelled back.

"FINE! I WILL!" Souta yelled, racing in with a katana.(A/N:...He is starting to sound like Myotai...)

Tret jumped up, wielding his own katana. They battled for several minutes, until Saounga tripped both of them and glared.

"Saounga actually wants us to get back to filming… and readers aren't threatening his life. That has to be a first," Kohanna noted. "Okay, back to work. Item 22… No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head. Oh this will be a good one."

Saounga looked at a giant ball of blue light that had to be at least twice the size of his head. "You have to be kidding me…" he muttered.

"Good choice, it'll turn you into a mutant with six arms and hair that will actually follow the law of gravity…" Kohanna muttered, bouncing the ball of light like a basketball. Saounga's eye twitched.

"Why do you have a giant energy field in your studio anyways?" Ash wondered.

"Uh… you never know when you might need one of these things…" Tret said, shrugging.

"What else do you have in here?" asked Saounga.

"Believe me, you don't wanna know!" Souta assured him.

After a moment of reflection, Saounga realized that he was right; he didn't want to know.

TO BE CONTINUED...