Title: Phone Call - Decision
Author: Lisa M
Pairing: BJ/Hawkeye
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Nope...don't own anything. Don't sue...no money.
Archive: Anywhere...just let me know.
Feedback: Is better than Brokeback Mountain!
Summary: Some phone calls change everything.

A/N: An expansion/continuation of my 10 min. fic "Phone Call". Someone on LJ (thank you!) suggested that I should continue this...and I decided that it was a good idea ;) No beta...any errors are mine, and I apologize for them.

"No, Hawk. I can't do it." BJ Hunnicut cradled the telephone between his shoulder and cheek. He reached up and brushed the tears angrily from his eyes. "I won't."

"Beej, you were my best friend. Are my best friend. Who else would I want, standing beside me, when I take this step forward in my life?"

Hawkeye Pierce knew that it was starting to sound like he was begging. And maybe he was. It had been six long years since he'd seen his friend, and the distance, the time apart, had taken its toll on the older doctor.

The first three years after Korea had been the worst. He and BJ had promised that they'd write, call, visit. Keep in touch. And they had...for a while. But after each time they connected, Hawkeye had missed his friend so much that he almost couldn't stand it.

Then, as time moved forward, BJ's correspondence began to dwindle. The occasional call or letter would come - with many months in between. And neither one had actually made the physical - or, for that matter, emotional - journey to see the other in person.

Halfway through the third year, Hawkeye had met someone. A woman - Christine. By that time, the letters and calls had become Christmas cards, birthday cards and the annual New Year's Eve "Just wanted to check in with you," call.

The relationship with Christine had progressed slowly, but Hawkeye had fallen for her almost immediately after they'd met. He remembered mentioning her to BJ once, maybe twice, although by the time he had decided to propose, even the yearly calls had stopped.

Now that Hawkeye thought about it, the two men hadn't actually spoken to each other in almost two years.

He and Christine had decided to get married quickly...no long engagement. The wedding date had been set and was just over a month away. Hawkeye had put off calling BJ because he knew that he would face some strong opposition. He had almost been afraid to pick up the phone and dial.

But he had. There was no way he was going to make this step without having BJ there with him. And Hawkeye Pierce was prepared to do just about anything to ensure that his friend would indeed be a part of this.

Besides, Hawkeye just wanted to see (and hold) this man with whom he'd shared so much in the years before. Whatever it took.

"Please, BJ. Please." He paused, wiping away his own tears. "I need you here."

"Why?"

"Come on...you know why."

"Maybe I don't."

"We haven't seen each other since Korea, man! Don't you miss me? Don't you want to see me? Do you even remember what we had..."

"Do I remember what we had?" BJ shouted. He felt his blood pressure rising with every word he spoke. "What we had is the reason why I can't be there!"

"Beej..."

"I can't stand there and listen to you say that you love someone else. I can't do it."

"But, she's..."

"Hawk, it doesn't matter that she's a woman. Don't you get that?"

Now it was Hawkeye's turn to get angry.

"What did you expect me to do, huh?" He tried to keep his voice under control. "The whole time in Korea...the whole damn time!...I had to hear about Peg. 'Peg this' and 'Peg that'. I bit my tongue each and every time. I knew from the beginning that you were married. I understood what you had with her. What that meant for us. But I still fell for you. Hard. We had something special there. Something I've never had before."

"That was different! It was..."

"Let me finish!" Hawkeye's harsh words sliced through his own ears and he winced. He took a deep breath and continued speaking. "You promised that we'd keep in touch. And we did. For a while. But who was the one that began to fade away? You. You, BJ Hunnicut! Not me! I tried and tried and tried. And it got me nowhere. I never expected you to leave Peg for me. The thought never crossed my mind. But what I did expect was that my best friend...my lover...would have kept his part of the bargain!"

Hawkeye was now sobbing so hard that he almost couldn't speak, but he pushed on as best he could.

"You left this friendship, not me. What did you expect, Beej? Did you think I was just going to sit around and wait for you...pine away for you...never have any contact with anyone ever again? Well, you know what? I got lonely. Real lonely. And just when it had gotten to the worst possible point, I met Christine. She pulled me back from the edge of the black hole that I had been ready to fall into forever!"

"Hawk..."

"I fell in love. I'm sorry. But I did. I'm finally happy again, you know? I feel almost complete with her." Hawkeye paused, trying to put his thoughts into words. "The thing is, I've come to realize that I will never be able to love someone as completely as I love you. It's impossible. And to be honest, I don't know that I even want to. No matter what has happened, no matter how much time has passed, no matter what mistakes we've made, you are special BJ. The most special person in the world to me. Understand that it doesn't matter who I marry...who I love. You will always be the first. You hold the biggest part of my heart, and it will be that way forever." He stopped and gathered himself together. When he resumed speaking, Hawkeye's voice was almost a whisper. "Please, BJ. I need you here with me. I need you. Please."

"Okay."

"Okay?" Hawkeye's breath caught in his throat.

"I'll come. I'll be there."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise. I will be there, next to you. With you. For you."

A long, slow sigh escaped from both men and neither spoke for a few moments. BJ finally broke the silence.

"So, will anyone else from the 4077th be coming?" He asked, lightheartedly.

"A few." Hawkeye paused. "The usual suspects. Margaret, Charles, Radar. Uh, and I think Klinger and Potter will be here too."

BJ noticed that one very important name was missing from the list. He wasn't sure if Hawkeye had skipped it on purpose or not, but BJ knew that a certain individual had been invited. A nervousness hung in the air. A giant elephant in the room that no one wanted to acknowledge. BJ wasn't sure if he even wanted to know, but he asked the question nonetheless.

"And Trapper? Will he be there?" He tried to keep the jealousy out of his voice, but failed.

"Yes, but..."

"Don't worry, Hawk." BJ's words came out more confidently than he actually felt. Especially because he was about to tell a lie to his best friend. "I'm not jealous of what you and Trapper had. That was a very, very long time ago. And I know it was different from what we had."

A sigh of relief escaped Hawkeye and made BJ grin slightly.

"Thanks, Beej. Seriously, though, I will uninvite him if you're going to be uncomfortable. I know he'd understand. He said as much himself."

BJ felt that twinge of jealousy try to swell again, but he quickly silenced it.

"No, it's fine." BJ heard Peg moving around in the kitchen. She was slamming cabinet doors. "Uh, Hawk? I should probably go. I need to get to bed...gotta work early tomorrow. And I have to check Erin's math and science homework before meeting the sandman."

"Okay. God, Beej! I'm so glad you've decided to come. Why don't you think about coming out a few days early? We could hang out, have some real martinis," he stopped speaking and swallowed. "Reconnect? You guys could stay with me. House is big enough for all of us. I bet Erin will love it here!"

"I think I'll probably be coming alone." More slamming. Pots this time. "It's pretty difficult for Peg to get much time off from work. And Erin, well, Erin's got school..."

"Well, okay. I guess I'll see you in a few weeks then."

BJ could tell that his friend was smiling. It made him smile as well.

"Yes. I'm looking forward to seeing you again, Hawk."

"Me too."

"Bye, Hawkeye."

"Goodbye, BJ. I'll see you soon."

"Yep."

BJ Hunnicut slipped the phone back into its cradle and stood. He took a deep breath, then exited his office. It was time to talk to Peg.

TBC