Title: Phone Call - Leaving
Author: Lisa M
Pairing: BJ/Hawkeye
Rating: PG13 for bad words
Disclaimer: Nope...don't own anything. Don't sue...no money.
Archive: Anywhere...just let me know.
Feedback: Would be, like, totally awesome!
Summary: Some phone calls change everything.
A/N: No beta...any errors are mine, and I apologize for them. I read a story in the Yahoo!Group archives a while back in which the author chose a name for BJ. I liked it, so I'm going to use it too. I can't remember the author's name, but I want to thank her for the idea. Peg might be very OOC in this story, but I'm not sure since we really don't know much about her...at least how she'd react if she had been put in this type of situation. Enjoy!
BJ Hunnicutt stood just outside his office for a few moments, fingers gripping the doorknob so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. He turned back and stared at the phone as if waiting for it to give him some answers. Some direction. What in the hell was he going to do now?
Hawkeye was getting married.
The wedding was ina month.
BJ had agreed to be Best Man.
Shit.
And now, Peg. What was he going to tell Peg? How in God's name was he going to explain this? He didn't even know where to start.
The loud clang of another pot snapped him out of his thoughts. BJ released the doorknob and pushed himself away from the office. He knew his wife was in the kitchen, so that's where he headed. Running his fingers through his hair, BJ paused in the threshold before walking into the brightly-lit room.
Peg's back was to him. She was standing at the sink. Steaming water cascaded into the basin. He watched as she placed the dinner dishes, one by one, into the bubbles. BJ could hear her sniffling.
"Peg?" He began crossing the distance between them. "Honey?"
"Please don't call me that." Her voice was soft, yet sharp. The words she spoke resonated with regret and sadness. They also held the slightest tinge of anger. "Not right now."
BJ stopped in his tracks. He wasn't sure what he'd done to make his wife upset. Mind spinning, BJ tried to figure out the cause of her mood.
"I don't understand. What's wrong?"
"What's wrong?" A chuckle of disbelief escaped her. "What's wrong I've found out that my husband is in love with someone else. And not only is he in love with someone else...he's in love with another man."
That was the moment BJ realized that Peg had overhead his phone call with Hawkeye.
"Peg, please let me explain."
"I don't know that there is anything to explain."
Peg's hands shook slightly as she held them above the steaming dishwater.
"The funny thing is...I think I've always known. The way you talked about him in your letters from Korea. And, then, when you finally came home, the way your eyes sparkled at the mention of his name. That stupid black and white picture you've carried around with you since you came back. Even after you lost touch...that picture stayed."
BJ rushed over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. He turned her around so they were face to face.
"You know I love you, Peg. God, and Erin. I love you both so much."
"But that's not enough, is it?"
Was she right? It sure felt like she was. And BJ chose not to argue with her. Releasing her, his hands dropped to his side as he shook his head slowly from left to right.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"How could I have told you something like that, Peg?" BJ dug his fingertips into his eyes in an attempt to block the headache he felt coming on. "Was I supposed to write you? Tell you that I'd fallen in love with someone else? And that the someone else Hawkeye?"
"I don't know."
"I tried to forget him. I swear I did. I stopped calling. Stopped answering letters. Had only minimal contact with him. I didn't even go to Crabapple Cove when his father died. Nothing worked. No matter what I did, I went to sleep every night with his face in my head."
"I wish you would've told me, Ben."
BJ shivered when his wife used his given name. Besides his parents and a few others, Peg Hunnicutt was the only other person that knew him as something other than BJ. Benjamin Joseph, actually.
God, how he hated his name.
So much so that, as a child, he had created 'BJ'. For as long as he could remember that was who he had been. Benjamin Joseph Hunnicutt did not exist. He was BJ. Even in kindergarten, his teachers would try and call him Ben or Benjamin. He would always correct them. Imagine, 5 years old and saying...
"No, ma'am. It's BJ, not Ben."
Even Hawkeye didn't know the truth. BJ smiled softly, remembering back to that crazy week when Hawk had basically tortured just about everyone in camp to find out what 'BJ' stood for. His friend had not succeeded. The night Hawkeye gave up the great name quest, was the first time that they'd slept together.
"Come on Beej. We've been intimate now." He'd said afterward. Always the comedian, that Hawkeye Pierce. "You can tell me your name now."
"Sorry, Hawk," BJ had replied as he brushed his lips over the older man's cheek. "I guess you'll just have to live with 'BJ'. Sorry."
To this day, BJ still wasn't sure why he'd refused to tell Hawkeye. After all, this was a man he had come to love. He wasn't closer to anyone in the entire world.
Not even Peg.
Was it because they had the same first name? BJ didn't think so. Hawkeye was Hawkeye to him...not Ben. Not Benjamin. Just Hawkeye. It was a mystery that probably wasn't ever going to be solved. Not that it mattered much anyway.
"Ben?"
Peg's soft voice in his ear and warm hand on his forearm broke BJ from his memory.
"He's getting married."
"I know."
"I just can't believe it."
"Did you think he'd wait for you forever?"
"He said the same exact thing to me over the phone." BJ scratched his head. "I don't know. Maybe that is what I thought. Or more to the point, wanted."
"Benny, do you know how unbelievably selfish that is? You were here, with us. Hawkeye was there, alone. Sure, his father had been there for a short time, but that really isn't the same thing, now, is it?"
"No."
"Be happy for him, Ben."
"I am happy for him. He asked me to be his best man."
"And you said yes?"
"Yes. The wedding is in about four weeks."
"Then you go, be there for him for as long as he needs you. Be his friend again, BJ. Do it for him...and do it for you."
"But what about this?" He gestured between them. "Four weeks is a long time to be away. Especially now. What are we going to do about us?"
Peg. Sweet, loving Peg, leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. She reached up and brushed a stray tear from BJ's face.
"We'll deal with that when you're ready." She paused to squeeze his hand tightly. "Go. Call Hawkeye and tell him you'll be coming early."
"Thank you, Peg." BJ felt more tears forming behind his eyes, but he somehow managed to keep them from spilling down his face. "How did I ever deserve to be with you?"
"Just go. Do what you need to do. And don't you worry about us." She smiled sadly. "We've been through much worse...we've been through war, remember?"
BJ hugged his wife tightly.
"I'm so sorry, Peg," he whispered against her hair. BJ pulled his hand from hers and walked back to his office.
After pulling the door shut behind him, BJ sat down behind his desk and picked up the phone. His fingers dialed the number that hadn't been used in a very long time. Somehow, he remembered the correct digits. BJ's body shook nervously as he waited, listening to the steady ring gripping the receiver as if it were some kind of anchor. He stilled immediately when he heard the familiar voice on the other end of the line.
"Hawk? Hey, it's me. ... Yeah I know we just talked an hour ago. ... No, nothing is wrong. ... Uh...will that spare room be available earlier? ... Two days from now...maybe less than that? ... Seriously, everything is fine. ... No, I'm not lying. ... I just need to come right away...no, I want to come. As soon as I can. ... Okay, that sounds fine. ... What? ... No. Don't you worry about that. I've got the time as long as you'll have me. ... Okay, I'll see you in a day or so. ... Yeah, I'm looking forward to it too. ... Bye, Hawk."
BJ sighed and hung up the phone.
"I hope I'm not making a mistake..."
TBC