Title: Phone Call - Aftermath
Author: Lisa M
Pairing: None exactly ...
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own anything. Don't sue ... no money.
Archive: Anywhere, just let me know.
Feedback: Would be appreciated - good or bad.
Summary: What happens afterward ...

A/N: This is basically closure for the fic. So many people have asked me - "What happened to BJ/Trapper?" "What were Hawkeye's thoughts after seeing them together?" This is dedicated to Boom, because she was the most vocal about wanting to see this written. And also to Lee for providing the challenge line of "true love never lives happily ever after - true love has no ending." I didn't send this to my beta (sorry Louise!) before posting, so any errors? Blame me.

The sound of running water pulls me from sleep. My mouth is bone dry and feels like it's full of cotton. My tongue is swollen and sour with the taste of stale gin. My throat sore and raw. I turn my head to squint at the clock on the bedside table.

7:36am

I make an attempt to sit, but my head begins to spin and I fall back to the bed. My eyes slip shut. I throw an arm over my face to block out the dim light that fills the room.

"Hawk?" My voice squeaks like a rusty gate and I clear my throat.

I stretch my body and realize that every inch of me hurts. Back, legs, arms - even my toes - protest painfully. None of these aches can compare to the throbbing in my head, though. Blurry, incoherent thoughts swim through my brain. I try and make my mind focus, but my headache only worsens.

"Hey, Hawk?"

Gritting my teeth, I manage to push myself up and sit on the edge of the bed. I run a weary hand through my hair and force my eyes open. Disorientation threatens to knock me back to the mattress again, but through sheer force of will power, I ignore it and glance at my surroundings.

I had expected to see the familiar room - my room - in Hawkeye's house. This, however, is not that friendly, welcoming space. Here, the walls are dingy white. Heavy, industrial-grade gray curtains cover a large window. A television sits chained to a table. A small lamp casts a sickly yellow glow throughout the tiny, claustrophobic space. Rumpled clothes are strewn across the worn carpeted floor.

This is a hotel room. My hotel room. The shower silences and I move my eyes toward the bathroom.

"Hawk?" I pose once more, already knowing the answer to the question. The door opens and on a billow of hot steam, Trapper John McIntyre, wrapped only in a towel, enters the room.

"No, not Hawk," Trapper says with a smirk. "But don't worry. I'm not offended."

"Sorry, Trapper." I sigh, grinding my knuckles into my eyes as vivid memories of the night before begin to flood into me. Dizziness invades me again and I feel as if I might vomit. But the feeling passes quickly. "I guess I had a little too much to drink last night, huh?"

"I'd say so," he agrees, dropping his towel. He gathers up his clothes and begins dressing. "Either that, or I just wasn't that memorable."

"It's not that," I say, remembering full well what had happened. How could I forget the feel of him pressing me into that solid wall as his lips bore down onto mine. Stumbling to the hotel room and barely making it inside before our clothes started to come off. The strong smell of gin on Trapper's breath as he kissed me roughly. His strong hands running over my body until I was shaking in anticipation. The sharpness of the pain when he entered me. Pain that quickly morphed into intense pleasure with each of his powerful thrusts. The warm fullness when he came inside of me and my own sweet release into his skilled hand.

Oh, yes. I remember.

"It's just ..."

"Don't try and explain, BJ. There's no need." Trapper pauses in getting dressed and slides his eyes to me. I can see the corner of his mouth twitching, fighting to curl into a smirk. Trapper doesn't allow it. "If I had been looking for something more than a one night stand, I wouldn't have been with you."

"Thanks, Trapper. I feel so much better now."

"Come on, BJ." He sits on the bed next to me and begins to pull on his shoes. "You live in the real world, don't you? I mean, you weren't expecting to find what you had with Hawk with me, were you?"

I nod because I do understand what he's saying. I wasn't looking for anything beyond this either. I needed a momentary escape from reality. Trapper had provided it. Very well. So well that I feel the heat beginning to coil inside of me and I have to will it away quickly.

"You needed me, BJ. And I guess I needed you, too. We did what we did to make each other feel better. There's nothing wrong with that and you shouldn't ever feel guilty for it. It is what it is, nothing else." Trapper stands and gathers up the rest of his things. "I have to go. My flight leaves in about two hours. Not that it matters anyway, I know you don't want me to stay."

"I'm sorry, Trapper."

"Don't be. I'm not." He holds out his hand and I shake it. "It was good to meet you BJ Hunnicutt."

"Trapper, you too."

"Can I give you some advice before I go?"

"Sure."

"Let it go, BJ. All of it. Me. Korea. Hawkeye. Everything. When you go back to California, leave all of this here, where it belongs. In the past. Go on with your life and don't let these things hold you back from anything." Trapper pulls me to my feet and kisses me one last time. "Let it go."

"I don't know if I can."

"Yes, you can. Go home, BJ. Be a good husband and an even better dad."

I watch him walk to the door and open it. He is halfway through it before I call out to him.

"Hey, Trap?" The taller man glances over his shoulder and I smile. "Thanks."

A salute and a thousand-watt smile are the last things I see as the door closes behind him.

The sun is beginning to set in Mill Valley, California. I am sitting behind my desk reading an article on a new surgical procedure, when the door bursts open and Erin runs in. She throws her arms around me and kisses my cheek.

"Hi, dad!"

"Hello, sweetie. How was school?"

"The same," she says noncommittally. She releases her chokehold and backs away, handing me an envelope in the process. "I didn't mean to disturb you, but this came for you today. Mom said that you'd want it ASAP, so here you go!"

Erin gives me another quick peck on the cheek and speeds out of the room.

"Bye, dad! Love you!"

The door slams shut behind her. I flip over the letter and notice there is no return address. I glance at the postmark.

Crabapple Cove, Maine. Hawkeye.

I almost throw the letter directly into the trash. It has been over a year since the wedding and neither of us have tried to contact each other. I took Trapper's advice and left everything behind. I put my memories where they belong - in the past. Life, it seems, has finally become quiet in my world. I am happy and peaceful for the first time since leaving for Korea. I'm afraid to read Hawkeye's words. I can't go back to where I was.

But, I know that even if I throw that letter into the trash, Peg would pull it out and make me read it. She would never let me hide behind excuses or fear. My wife is an amazing woman. I think I had forgotten that during my time overseas. When I came back from Main, she never asked any questions about my time there. I had come home a new man - determined to do whatever I had to do to make my marriage and life work. She recognized that and dedicated herself to work as hard as she could to reach the end goal of becoming 'us' again.

After nine months of both couple's and individual counseling, we have succeeded. There are still those moments when I think of Hawkeye. How could I forget him completely? I still have the picture of us. I keep it in my desk. I can't make myself throw it away. Peg wouldn't allow it anyway. Same thing with this letter.

I glance at the white envelope sitting on the desk in front of me. I swear it's staring at me. Daring me to open it. So I do. The familiar sight of Hawkeye's almost unreadable scribble makes me a little sad. Yes, I have moved on, but I still care about my friend. I trace my fingers over the paper and begin to read.

Dear BJ,

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to write you. Then again, you haven't written me either, but I guess that's neither here nor there. And it really doesn't have anything to do with this letter, anyway. The reason why I'm writing this, is to tell you that I know about you and Trapper."

I inhale sharply. Hawkeye knows? Guilt floods into me.

"I saw the both of you outside of the reception hall. I didn't stay long. Just long enough to know where things were headed. I'm sure that you're sitting there thinking that I'm angry. Or that I hate you.

I don't. You know I could never hate you.

I was upset for a while, of course. That's one of the reasons it took me so long to write. When I heard you say Trapper's name out there, the same way you used to say mine, it almost killed me. The thought of you falling in love with him was a nightmare. I know Trapper. He doesn't fall in love. He was always a good friend to me, but I knew he could never love me. Or you. The last thing I wanted was for him to hurt you.

I don't blame you for going with him. I know you were feeling bad. I am to blame for that. I practically forced you to come here and stand with me at my wedding. I never even really thought about how it would make you feel. We had a wonderful couple of weeks together, and once Christine came home, I drifted away from you. I am so sorry. I could see that you were miserable the day of the wedding and I understand that you needed something that night. Trapper was willing to give that to you.

I don't expect you to feel guilty for it. And you don't owe me any explanation either.

I guess a part of me wishes that you had chosen someone else. Someone who wasn't so close to the situation. That's the only thing that still bothers me. If it had been a stranger, it would've been easier for me to handle. But again, that's not for you to be concerned with. You did what you needed to do and I could never be upset with you for that.

I want you to know that you will always have a place in my heart. What we had was pure and true and it means everything to me. Though I feel - no, wait - I know that our relationship is over, you are a part of me. On our last day in Korea, I told you that I'd never be able to shake you. It was the truth. I haven't.

Someone once told me that true love never lives happily ever after - true love has no ending. I believe that. No matter where this life takes us - even if our paths never cross again - I will love you forever, BJ Hunnicutt. I want you to remember that.

Yours,

Hawkeye

I wipe my hands across my tear-soaked cheeks and carefully fold the letter that will become the final chapter in my life with Hawkeye Pierce. I slide it back into the envelope and place it in the drawer, beneath the picture.

Before closing the drawer and joining my family for dinner, I place my fingertips to my lips. I press them against the faded black and white image of two young doctors, in the prime of their lives, smiling happily in a place that deserved no happiness - simply because they were there together.

"I love you, Hawk." I pause and slide the drawer closed. "Always."

The End