A/N: Thoughts are italicized…

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize.

CHAPTER 2 Relinquish

She didn't know how she got there or how long she's been sitting on the docks and frankly, she doesn't really care.

Stupid! Helga mentally scolded herself.

She knew it was too good to be true. She just knew it.

Arnold not like Lila?

She scoffed. Embarrassed that she believed it… even for a moment.

All hope that was in her vanished when those words she longed to hear for a long time came out from his perfect mouth only for Lila.

For Lila! Not for her to hear but for Li-la.

She knew Arnold 'liked' Lila. But she always kept telling herself that it was just an infatuation.

A childish crush.

Of course, Arnold's anything but a child. He outgrew his football-shaped head and now its normal. Thanks to puberty, he had grown taller and now standing at 6 ft, a good three inches taller than Helga. He is now considered the hottest and sexiest guy in school.

(A/N: Anyway... back to the point)

She thought it was something he would grow out of eventually. However, now that he says he's in love with Lila there's just no hope for her whatsoever.

Maybe he'll never love or just even like me. Maybe he'll always love Lila to notice me. Like I will to him. I waited fourteen fucking years for him! And maybe I always will. She thought bitterly. I'm so pathetic!

She knew she should just give up. She's never going to get him. She's never going to call him mine.

She can never have him.

Still it was nice imagining him as mine someday. A voice in her head said.

She sighed, an exhausted sigh.

Well, I guess this is it.

I give up.

I quit.

It's over.

She's not going to make him fall for her anymore. Or try to make him notice her. Or try to get his attention.

What's the point anyway? She already told him what she felt. And what does he do? Gives her a chance to escape.

Me, being the coward that I am, took it. She thought.

They both agreed it was all in the 'heat of the moment'.

Since then, they never talk about it. She still bullies him, taunt him, tease him, call him names, but not as much as before. She even makes it a point not to be alone with him fearing that she might do something... stupid.

She can't believe she wasted fourteen years of her so-called life... waiting for him. Hoping. Wishing. Doing numerous of fruitless attempts to make him hers.

All because she had this stupid notion in her head that he might have feelings for her. That he would regard her as more than just Helga Pataki the girl who makes his life miserable.

Did I really think that he would notice her?

Yes... she told herself.

She really believed that he would see through her bully façade and really see her, the real her. After all he was the only one who believed, other than Phoebe that is, that she's more to what she lets on.

But he suddenly stopped trying in sixth grade. Either he gave up or just stopped caring, she never knew.

At first, she assumed it was just a phase... but as days, weeks, months, even years progress. She knew he stopped, really stopped. Sure, he still acts the way he does, caring, sensitive, helpful and so on. But its more like obligatory rather than willingly. The connection they had, not friendly or intimate, suddenly vanished. He always seemed to be...

... preoccupied, or something.

Looking down at the docks, she looked at her reflection on the clear water.

On the outside, you can see a girl that any sane straight girl would want to look like or so Phoebe had said. She never really believed her. Phoebe would say she looked totally gorgeous even though she personally knew she looked no better than Shrek. After all, Phoebe is her best friend.

Sighing, she was sure that she looks just as broken on the outside as she is on the inside.

Because inside all you can see is darkness. You can feel her disappointment, her resentment, her anger but most of all you can feel her pain. Arnold was her light through all of this obscurity before. Now, there's no one. No hope. She's totally lost.

It was no wonder to her that Arnold doesn't like her. For she's not anything like Lila. She's not pretty, smart, funny, sensitive, kind, helpful... She's the complete opposite of her.

And even if she change her appearance and attitude and be like Lila... its not the same.

She already did that once. But it wasn't her he was attracted to. It wasn't her who he wanted to spend time with and talk with. It was Lila he wanted to do all that stuff with. It was all because she reminded him of Lila. Not because he liked her or he saw the real her... but because she reminded him of who he really wants... Lila. (A/N: the "Masquerade" episode)

No one can blame Arnold for liking Lila. All the boys in the school do. The only reason that she has no boyfriend until now is because of...

Well, her probably.

Arnold was probably the only guy after Lila that wants more than just quick shag. And she knew that Lila knew that.

But Lila never did go out with Arnold. In fact, she always rejected him maybe because she didn't want her to get hurt. Because Lila knew that she loved Arnold. And Lila kept her secret even after all those years

She really is something. She mused as the revelation hits her.

She should talk to her. Tell her she can have Arnold. Let her know she won't hold it against her.

All she wants is for Arnold to be happy. And the only way that can happen is if he's with Lila. Even if he's not with her, that's fine. Just as long as his happy.

God knows he at least deserves that, with me torturing him 24/7 and all.

Helga stared at her reflection again and noted little waves gently padding the dock.

Finally, the sun began to set and before she knew it, it was nightfall. Hesitantly, she lifts her self up the ground and raises her head.

The night is full of stars. So beautiful.

A smile slowly crept unto her angelic face.

Like Arnold. The star is like Arnold in my life. Guiding me in times of darkness.

An epiphany hit her and the smile fell from her face only to be replaced by a frown.

A star that I will never reach. No matter how much I wants it or how hard I try... I can never have it.

She can never have him.

Sighing, she turns and walks away headed towards her house with a thought:

I have to let him go and try to move on, right?

A/N: Hi... thanks to all those who reviewed.

I revised this chapter because some of you maybe confused about the whole switching p.o.v. thing.

So... I did the italics for thoughts...

Anyway...

Tell me what you think...

…by reviewing, of course.