Rude was out cold. The second his head hit the pillow, regardless of how uncomfortable the bed was, he was out. Whether he was sleeping or passed out wasn't important, seeing as how his brain just decided it needed no further external stimulation before it just went nuts.
Reno looks up at Elena who had been helping him go through it all. "Mom's ornament. .." He shook his head. "I didn't realize how much I lost. .."
Elena shook her head. "Don't think about what you lost. Think about what has survived."
"I know. ..Big Guy's been out for a while. ..'sjust.. I've never seen anything like. ..well like THIS. ..Not even in alla my years on the street." He then picks up his ringing phone, and a tearful smile crawls over his face. "You found those two things. ..my sheet music. ..my ornament. ..unharmed? Thanks, to. .keep 'em there for me, when I can I'll come get 'em. ..no, better idea, send 'em here." He gave the person on the phone Elena's address. "Thanks."
Elena's phone rang as well, and she offered Reno an apologetic look as she stepped out of the room to take it.
Reno just watched Rude now, wanting so badly to touch him, to reassure him things were going to be allright, but how to DO that when he wasn't even sure it would be?
Elena poked her head back in. "The President and Tseng are going to meet with the Wutan elders and Godo in two days."
"Good. ..maybe we'll have an end ta alla this madness soon." He hated not being able to even get up on crutches right now. He wanted to touch Rude so badly, and for another week he wouldn't be allowed out of the traction to even be on crutches due to the extent of the damage to the joints.
Elena's head popped back out of the doorway for a few minutes before it popped back in. "According to Tseng, the President's a wreck."
"I bet.. .he had ta kill the kid, and now he's dealin' with the people his father fucked up the ass without a thought. I don't blame him. Would be too."
Elena's head popped back out again, this time a few more minutes passing before she hung up the phone and came back inside. "Tseng wants us to round up all ShinRa supporters who can hold their own in a fight and have them on call."
Reno nodded "Already know we got Sam.. .Eric proba'ly would just ''cause it's his family. ..my cousins are rarin' ta get into it after what happened ta me, Kendell practically threatened ta fly out there himself regardless of tha circumstances, and Geroge an' Alex'll go where he does."
"You do yours and I'll do mine. When he wakes up," she nodded at Rude. "Have him do the same. Tseng wants a preliminary head count by dinner."
"Could you do tha honors of tryin' ta. .I obviously can't right now." He pouted a bit at not even being able to PEE like a normal person, much less being able to get up and walk around.
Elena shook her head. "Let him sleep. He needs it. If he doesn't get up within a couple hours, call the nurse and she'll come get me."
"Thanks, yo. ..prob'ly should try ta sleep a little m'self. "
"Probably."
With that he relaxes the best he can considering he's trapped on his back Rude's dreams were filled with falling rocks, debris, and a scream he couldn't quite identify. He twitched in his sleep, a frown covering his face.
Reno called softly for Rude, he hadn't been able to get to sleep, and he could see his aibou was having an extremely unpleasent dream, so he called in order to wake him.
Rude fingers twisted as he grabbed tightly at the sheets under him. A tiny moan left his lips as his eyes darted back and forth behind closed lids.
"Rude, wake up, yo! Yer havin' a nightmare."
A sharply inhaled breath accompanied Rude sitting up straight on the bed, quickly. His eyes scanned the darkish room, searching for the source of the scream that had plagued him.
"C'mere...I'm allright. ..I'd come ta ya, but I can't."
Rude shook his head, his hands shaking slightly as he continued to look around. "Was there a girl in here?" he finally asked.
"Elena popped her head in, for just a few minuttes, but other than that n' the nurse with my meds, no."
"No little girl?" Rude asked, his eyes blinking behind his sunglasses.
"Em was with her..what's got ya bugged, talk ta me."
"I heard a scream," Rude said carefully, schooling his breath as best he could. "A little girl's scream."
"Was a dream, yo. ..c'mere. .I need ta touch you too."
Rude took a deep breath, then another, before moving slowly towards Reno. "I don't want to hurt you"
"You won't, you'd hurt me more by NOT touchin' me. ..I need you, an' you most obviously need me."
Rude stood next to the bed, his hand barely touching Reno's exposed cheek.
Reno reached out a hand, gripping his hard, squeezingfirmly. "Talk ta me. ..I'm here. ..You've been m'wall for so long. ..let me be yours now"
"It was just a dream," Rude replied.
"It obviously has ya bugged. ..so talk ta me. ..I'm here."
Rude took a deep breath, sighing before he started. "There was a little girl. Screaming. I was trying to find her."
Reno nodded. "The building fallin' freaked ya that bad?"
"The cleanup mission for Sector 7," Rude said. "When you were unconscious still..." Rude paused, swallowing dryly. "There was a little girl... in a building... collapsed... just like ours... I... I couldn't get her out."
"Shit. ..had no idea. .no wonder you're so bugged."
"The rescue workers... couldn't get her out either..." Rude paused, not wanting to say the last part.
With that Reno's eyes clenched shut. .."I. .I killed that girl. ..and so many others. ..shit. ."
"I... I had to shoot her... otherwise... she would have just stayed there until she starved... or the animals got her... or worse..." Rude's words came brokenly, but quickly.
Reno's shoulders began shaking as he realized what his actions then had caused. .."M'sorry. ..shit. ..so fuckin' sorry. .m'hands are no cleaner than those of the ones doin' this. ."
"She screamed... called me a devil... I... I just wanted... to help her... Save her..."
Reno's hand shook as he held Rude's. "So sorry ya had ta face that. ..an' when I got buried. ..it brought it all back."
Rude just shook his head, opting for silence rather than to keep speaking. It was... too hard to deal with, so close to home.
Reno put both arms around him, ignoring the jolt of pain that shot through his back and legs as he did, holding the bald head to his chest.
"She wasn't the only one..." Rude finished, taking a deep, shaking breath before pulling away to attempt to compose himself.
"M'sorry. ..I regret more'n I can say all the destruction n' death I caused that day. ..m'surprised ya don't hate me for puttin' ya through that."
Rude shook his head, clearing his throat and attempting to straighten the tie he didn't realize he wasn't wearing.
"An here I was whinin' about the THINGS we lost. ..shitm, I feel like such a heel."
Rude just sighed again, moving to sit down on the bed he'd been sleeping on not that long ago.
"I guess I should feel lucky ta be alive, huh? M'sorry for scarin' ya. ..sorry for bringin' all that garbage back. ..but maybe it's good it came out. ..Maybe though. ..maybe this is a clue ta do somethin' you've been sorta resistin' doin', but a lot's changed since we last discussed it. ..maybe.. .it's time we stopped rentin' and bought a permenant placea our own. ..place with a yard for Livewire n' Rennan ta play. ..somethin' of our own."
Rude shook his head. "Not strategically sound." He didn't mention that he wasn't exactly commitment ready to a house... on the ground... by itself... with no one else around.
Reno nodded, sighing. ..in his eyes he WANTED something permenant,, some sense of normalcy, but he understood Rude's reasoning. "I guess. .after the bombing I'm just wantin' somethin' that feels permenant, ya know?"
Rude nodded, resisting that permanance with his own desire for freedom. His parents were people who had a house, not him. He was liable to up and move at any moment... something that couldn't be done with a house.
Which of course was opposite of Reno who'd had almost nothing but the clothes on his back that had been his for so many years.
Rude sighed, which was interrupted promptly by his stomach growling.
"Go on and get us somethin', but NO PIZZA!" He let out a soft bark of laughter as he spoke.
A tiny smile touched the corner of Rude's mouth as he walked out of the room, fully intending on getting pizza anyway.
OK, so Reno remembered what had happened the LAST two times they'd gotten pizza. .maybe third time would be the charm?
Rude returned within half an hour with a piping hot pizza. It just had pepperoni and cheese on it, but it still smelled wonderful.
Reno eagerly grabbed a slice. "Man, third time WAS the charm. ..this is. ..heavenly." And scowled at the nurse who shot him a nasty look. "Leave me alone, I c'n barely move, and can't walk ta escape the hospital food, have some fuckin' mercy."
Rude ignored the woman, choosing instead to get another piece after nearly inhaling his first.
Reno devoured 3 out of the 12 slices before he declared himself satisfied. .."m'surprised the place didn't get bombed while you were in it."
Rude gave Reno a look that clearly told him to leave fate and their obscenely bad luck out of any future pizza instances.
Reno just chuckled, then winced when he did. "Ow, remind me laughin' hurts.
"Laughing hurts," Rude said with a tiny smile on his face... and an even tinier spot of pizza sauce at the corner of his mouth.
"Smartass. .." He just shook his head then, his humor was hollow as his fingers ghosted over the window overlooking a ravaged Edge as he had over the remains of Sector 7 the previous year.
"Things'll work out," Rude whispered softly.
"Yeah, they always do. .. but shit. ..m'just tired o'losin' everything I've worked for. ..got outta this one LITERALLY with nothin' more than the clothes on our backs... my piano. ..my stereo. ...all o'the stuff I'd managed ta get for myself over the years. ..alla it gone because a few stupid assholes have somethin' against two guys lovin' one another. ..it ain't fair.. .an' I know no one ever said life was, but shit. "
"They don't have something against two men living together. They have something against ShinRa Company," Rude said pointedly.
"Don't matter really. . .. And it was because of the boss and Tseng gettin' married that they started it, may be that the same gender issue is a smokescreen, but you can't say it's not an issue. An' we still lost everytin'. ..but us"
Rude shook his head. "That doesn't matter. What matters is that we're here. Whatever it is you're worried about can be replaced. People can't."
"Yeah. ..I know. ..you're freaked over me. ..an' I guess I'm lucky ta have survived it. ..so many others didn't. ...I REALLY owe that cat my ass. ..yet again." Reno leaned his head up in a way that spoke of how much he wanted to be held right now. ..no matter what the cost in pain it may entail.
Rude, however, missed the gesture entirely. "I think... I think I need to go out and have a smoke. Sorry"
As soon as Rude left is when the first tear fell. ..He wanted to call him back, but he just didn't know how. ..he felt so tentative with Rude at the moment for some reason. . and the nic fit he was suffering sure as HELL didn't help. . .he was tired, strung out, and he didn't have the energy to keep up the brave face anymore.
This time, before Rude's feet even made it out the door the cigarette was lit. He glared at the doctors and nurses and other hospital staff that looked at him with disgust, but didn't care. He needed to straighten things out in his head, and nicotine always helped.
"I love you. ..but how much more can we take before we break?" The question was asked to empty air, and he didn't have an answer to it.
Rude sighed, exhaling the smoke out of his nose like he used to do when he was young and stupid. One of his friends had told him it helped get more nicotine in his system... but that friend also swore up and down that coke wouldn't make your nose cave in... until his did.
Reno could see Elena standing in front of the snack machines and he called out "Hey, get me somea those twinkies, would ya?" Though he heard the tremor in his voice and cursed himself.
"Yeah," Elena said, jabbing at the buttons on the machine, hoping against hope the bag of chips she wanted weren't going to jam... again.
"Thanks yo." There, his voice held steady this time. ..much better.
A loud crash was heard from the hallway. After a few minutes, Elena appeared, carrying three twinkie packages and five bags of chips. "Teach that piece of shit to deny me my munchies."
Reno smiled, but it had a sad quality to it, from what could be seen of it from the bandages that almost covered the entire left side of his face.
"Tell me whatever it is the twinkies can't fix," Elena said, settling down softly on the bed, making sure she didn't bump Reno.
"Just. ..I know I freaked Rude out. ..this whole damn thing has him freaked over the Sector 7 cleanup and I CAN'T HELP because it was MY FUCKIN' FAULT." His voice came out harsh, tight, cracking a bit.
"You might have pulled the trigger, but you didn't make the order," Elena replied, opening one of her bags of chips.
"You think it helps. ..? I know how many people I killed. ..and he had to clean up MY mess.. . yet again."
"But he doesn't blame you," Elena replied, chip in mouth. "He never blamed you. Not even the slightest."
"Also. ..he's so afraid ta even touch me right now. ..an' I need him to. ..I need him ta hold me. ..to not be afraida hurtin' me. ..I'm banged up, but I ain't spun glass yo. .."
Elena sat and thoughtfully chewed, adding another chip after swallowing before she responded. "I... don't know what to tell you"
"I don't either. .." He just shook his head, hissing at the pain it caused, but it didn't stop his normal gestures.
"Did he talk to you at all about what happened... back then?" she asked.
"some. ..He had this nightmare about this girl screamin'. ..I woke him up from it."
Elena frowned. She hadn't heard any specific stories from the big guy: just generalizations.
Reno told her everything Rude had told him. .. and how it had stirred the resulltant feelings of guilt.
"He had to kill her?" she asked quietly, her chips long forgotten.
"Yeah. ..he couldn't get her out. ..an' the rescue workers couldn't either. ..he figured it was kinder n' leavin' her ta die of exposure or for the animals."
"Fuck."
"Now. ..I think I know why he was so reluctant about Rennan. ..an' especially about Em. ..shit."
"Maybe... maybe he's got it stuck in his head that if they couldn't get you out..." She left the remainder of her thought silent.
"Gods.. .." He gulped "I don't even wanna think that thought.. .I don't wanna think about what woulda happened. ..he'd prob'ly have killed himself. ..an' I wouldn'ta wanted that"
"It's probably what's bugging him," Elena said carefully, goign back to eating her chips.
"But I ain't dead. .I'm here. .I'm alive. ..an' I need his touch. ..need him...just as much as he needed nme. ..I need him."
"You know how much he broods over things," Elena said. "He's probably just stuck in a rut thinking about how he might have had to kill you. And now, even though things are okay, he can't stop thinking 'what if?'"
"Wasn't he the one who told ME gta stop worrying over 'what ifs' ?"
Elena rolled her eyes. "You know you can't tell him anything."
"Get his ass in, make him sit next ta me. .I'm gonna get him ta stop thinkin'. ..even if I can't make love, I can still touch him. .."
"Don't do anything to keep yourself in here longer than you have to be," Elena warned.
"I won't. ..I just. ..need him ta know I'm here...an' alive. "
"Okay," Elena said with a sigh as she stood up.
Reno nodded, moisture still glimmering at the corners of his eyes. "Thanks, Laney. .."
"Anytime," she replied, tossing an empty chip bag into the garbage on her way out.
Reno when Rude came in patted the bed next to him, then reached over. ... pulling him in close. .. "Please. ..don't be afraid ta touch me. ..I'm here, I'm alive. ..an' I need ya ta hold me. ..I need your touch as much as I ever did."