More stories on why people don't like Boxer-sama. This includes Shikamaru, Neji, and Chouji! Chapter 5 is almost finished too, so in a few days time it should be done! The reviews have been unbelievably helpful, some even giving me ideas for new plots and jokes, so thank you everyone! As for coupling... well, we'll just have to wait and see who's going to be the lucky girl... Don't worry, there is a main girl, and you'll find out soon enough!
Shikamaru's Story
Shikamaru lay down on the roof, as he had always enjoyed doing, but something about today had thrown him off. It wasn't as relaxing as usual, and he realized it was because the streets were much louder today. He took a moment to listen in.
"… So cool… Saved Uchiha… Handsome… Boxers…"
Shikamaru's eyes rolled up in annoyance. "What the hell is everyone so noisy about…" he grumbled. "It's pissing me off. Boxers… Hmm…" he thought, and seemed to vaguely recall hearing Ino talking enthusiastically about boxers. But he wasn't really paying attention to her at the time. Not that there ever was a time when he did.
After trying for a few minutes, he finally gave in, the chatter constantly growing louder. With a groan, he headed back downstairs, where his family was at the table with newspapers. His mother, Yoshino, was pouring coffee into his father's cup, which was already filled to the top, the coffee spluttering everywhere. His dad didn't even notice when the coffee fell onto his crotch, steam sizzling from his pants.
"Ahem, guys," Shikamaru started. They continued to read, obviously engrossed in something. "…Hello?"
"Oh, hello, sweetie!" his mother replied, surprised. "Didn't notice you there!"
"No kidding," Shikamaru grumbled. "What's wrong with you two?" he asked, grabbing a packet of potato chips and sitting at the table, minding the coffee, which his mother was still pouring.
"Haven't you heard? Boxer-sama, dear! Boxer-sama!" she squealed happily, turning the paper to show him. "He's a mysterious Konoha superninja! They say he's even stronger than that boy you know… What's his name…?"
"Uchiha?"
"That's it! Uchiha!" she replied. "I forgot his name! Silly me!"
'Well, that's a first,' Shikamaru said with shock. 'My mom used to love Sasuke.'
Shikamaru ate the second last chip in his packet, then nervously glanced around for a minute. When nothing happened, he thought to himself curiously.
'Did something happen to Chouji?' he frowned. 'It must've been serious. He didn't crash through my window for the last chip like he did last time…God, that was a messy affair…'
"You know what, Shikamaru?" his mother said with a smile.
'Oh no…" Shikamaru thought to himself. 'She said that phrase. That phrase she uses when she's about to lecture me…' he sighed. 'This would be a good chance to try that jutsu I've been practicing…'
As his mother was about to begin lecturing him, his hands moved at lightning speed, making seal after seal under the table. Trying his best to look as though he wasn't doing anything, he mumbled out of the side of his mouth as he held his hands in position.
"Blockout no Jutsu!"
"That Boxer-sama really is some guy. He's smart, and brave, and handsome! Don't you think he's handsome son? Why, I bet he's a hit with all the ladies in town. My, even I'm starting to find him slightly attractive! And don't you dare say I'm too old! You know, Shikamaru, you should learn a thing or two from the great Boxer-sama! You've been lazing about too much. You know, I think you've been gaining a pound here and there. You should look at the sketches of Boxer-sama I've seen: he's so toned! Such a sexy body on a young boy, it's a girl's dream come true! Why can't you be more like that, Shikamaru? You should be…"
Shikamaru stared at his mother, occasionally nodding. His jutsu wasn't working as well as he hoped, as his mother proved to be stronger than any jutsu that could stop her speeches. It wasn't completely useless, though. With the help of his technique, he managed to bring the ringing in his head to a chant of 'Bitch, bitch, bitch! Whine, whine, whine!'
An hour later, Shikamaru gulped nervously, sweat trickling down his forehead. His mother was still going, the technique was dying, and the damn coffee was still pouring. Shikamaru would've used his high IQ to determine how the coffee could pour out of a container for a good hour, but all his brainpower was issued to holding onto his technique as though his life depended on it. But even with his effort, words were beginning to break through.
"… Boxer-sama… Workout… Maito's new gym…"
Finally, Shikamaru could hold it no more. His hands broke apart, the words once more becoming clear. He panted, breathing deeply. All of his chakra had depleted, and he couldn't move. He swore silently. Not only did he have to listen, but also he couldn't run away. He would've cried, but he couldn't be bothered.
"And so that's why I signed you up to join Maito-sensei's gym!" his mother finally finished. Shikamaru froze, creakily turning his head up to face her.
"You… Signed me up for a gym? Maito-sensei… Gai-sensei has a gym" he asked nervously.
"Weren't you listening to me?" his mom said hotly. "I told you he opened a gym to train people into becoming like Boxer-sama!"
Shikamaru gulped nervously. "There's no way I can get out of this, is there?"
His mother caressed Shikamaru's cheek with a smile, then gave him the look that said 'If you don't do it, you'll regret it. "You don't mind doing it, right Shikamaru?"
Shikamaru looked at her lazily, then turned to his father. "Dad, tell mom to take me off the program."
His father Shikaku looked up from his paper suddenly. "Huh? What's going on? When did you get in, Shikamaru?" He looked down at his pants, and jumped up. "Oh God! There's coffee my groin! It's still hot!"
His father jumped around, patting out his groin. Shikamaru groaned as his father tried shadow binding his pants and mentally make them rip themselves off him.
"Damn Boxer-sama…" he mumbled, as his dad slipped on the coffee and hit the floor.
"It's cooking it! Oh Lord, it's cooking it!" Shikaku groaned.
Neji's Story
Neji bowed silently in front of Hinata's father and head of the Hyuugas, Hyuuga Hiashi. He looked at Neji, and took a long breath.
"Neji, do you know why I have called you here?" he began. Neji responded, his eyes glued to the tatami mats.
"No, Hyuuga-sama."
"Sit up, Neji," he commanded. Neji moved to an upright position as he was told, and Hyuuga reached into his robes and pulled out a folded newspaper. How he managed to fit it and keep it there without people noticing it sticking is unknown. He flicked it open professionally, mystically flipping the paper around to face Neji. "Look."
Neji examined the picture in front of him. It was a flimsy drawing of Hyuuga Hinata, his cousin, and Uchiha Sasuke sitting on the floor covered in injuries, and standing in front of them protectively was…
"Who is that?" Neji asked. Hiashi almost fell over in surprise, but quickly composed himself. He sighed, speaking to Neji informally for a moment.
"Neji, don't you read the paper or anything? Or talk to people? Anything?" Hiashi asked with a hint of desperation.
"It's a waste of time, I don't really care about what's going on," he replied with a straight face. Hiashi sighed, and decided not to delve into Neji's loner habits.
"This guy here…" he pointed to the picture.
"The muscular one with boxer shorts on?" Neji asked casually.
"Er… Yes, the muscular one with boxer shorts… Yesterday, there was an incident that put my daughter Hinata in danger. This mystery man apparently saved her," he sighed. "I'm still uncomfortable with the thought that someone as… 'Unsightly' as this person has saved Hinata."
"You're saying that it should have been me, correct?" Neji replied. He didn't show it, but inside he was slightly nervous, thinking he was going to be punished. And he knew that Hyuuga punishments were severe.
"It's not that I don't believe in your abilities," Hiashi replied. "But… How to say, I believe that you can become so much more than you are now."
"What are you talking about?" Neji asked, unable to see what Hiashi was saying. Suddenly, Hiashi had tears forming in his clear, white eyes, as he wiped them dramatically.
"It must be my fault," he cursed himself. "If only I'd trained you properly, there'd be no need for this man in boxers, this Boxer-sama…"
Upon hearing Boxer-sama's name, Neji thought back to where he heard it.
FLASHBACK
Neji and Tenten had been instructed by their sensei Gai to collect materials, including wood, an assortment of paint, and various building tools. He had told them he had a 'super-special-nice-guy-idea'. As expected, they had no idea whatsoever what he was planning to do.
"Neji, don't you think Boxer-sama is amazing?" Tenten remarked, hearts in her eyes.
"Nn," Neji responded, not listening as usual. He carried a stack of planks tied together with rope on his shoulder, and had a can of red paint in his other hand.
"And don't you think he's incredibly strong?"
"Nn."
"Do you think he's really stronger than Sasuke-kun?"
"Nn."
"…" Tenten eyed him, wondering if he was really listening to her.
"He might even be stronger than you."
"Nn."
"He's also much cooler than you."
"Nn."
"I totally want to make out with him."
"Nn."
"…" she huffed, wishing her alleged boyfriend would be jealous.
"Nn."
"I didn't even say anything!"
"Nn."
"…If you say 'Nn' again, it means you want to make out with me, while I imagine you are Boxer-sama."
"Nn… Wait a minute, what?"
Before Neji could move, Tenten threw herself onto him, causing them fall over the floor, the things Neji was carrying flying into the air. Everything fell onto them, covering them in paint and pinning Tenten on top of Neji with a bundle of wood. Tenten eagerly tried to plant her lips onto his, but Neji desperately held her face away, her face squishing around into his hands.
"Bokker-kama!" she squealed, her mouth shapeshifting due to Neji's hands. The planks of wood, coupled with Tenten's body prevented him from getting up, and his hands were full holding back Tenten's puckered lips. People passing by stared at them curiously at the strange couple covered in paint and wood that were making out in the streets.
"D-Don't just stand there, you morons!" Neji begged uncharacteristically, panic-stricken. "Get her off me! Somebody! Anybody!"
Neji quivered at the thought. He looked up at Hiashi, who was still teary-eyed. "Please Hyuuga-sama, do not consider yourself at fault for anything," Neji said, bowing once more.
"No, no!" Hiashi said, lightly dabbing on his eyes. "If I had given you the love and care I should have, everything would be different."
"Hyuuga-sama, please do not think that," he bowed lower. "Please, give me the chance to show you I can become stronger than this Boxer-sama, and prove that you are not at fault."
Suddenly, Hiashi no longer had tears in his eyes, and was smiling brightly. "I'm glad you said that! And so, to ensure that you do improve, I signed you up to a special gym made by Gai-sensei, which is specifically for the purpose of becoming as strong as Boxer-sama."
Neji looked at Hiashi, suddenly understanding what had happened. He cursed under his breath. "You tricked me, didn't you? You made me feel sorry for you so I would do this gym thing!"
Tears appeared in Hiashi's eyes once again. "H-How could you think such a thing? It must be my fault. Your father must have eternal hatred for me now. He would want me to ensure that you can gain a strong body like Boxer-sama. And I thought that I could repent for my sins… How foolish…"
Neji bowed once again in a panic. "F-Forgive me, Hyuuga-sama! I will most definitely attend this program you have so generously set for me, and I will become the only protector Hinata-sama will need!"
Hiashi wiped his eyes happily. "Thank you, Neji. Show everyone the might of the Hyuuga family!"
Neji bowed and left the room. Outside, as he shut the door, he heard a slight giggling from inside. Curiously, he turned, looking at the door. Making sure nobody was around he began to concentrate.
"Byakugan!"
His eyes penetrated the walls, where he saw Hiashi, and his jaw dropped to the ground. Hiashi sat there, giggling with one hand covering his mouth like a Japanese old lady, and waving cheekily with his other hand in Neji's direction, as if he knew that Neji was looking at him. He was waving a bottle in his hands, which was labeled 'eye drops'. Neji burned in annoyance. Literally, Neji was so angry he caught on fire. The fire coupled with his freaky-looking eyes made him look quite intimidating.
"Damn you, Hiashi-sama…" Neji twitched. "And damn you Boxer-sama for making me look bad! I'll become stronger and defeat you… And then…" he glared evilly at Hiashi. "I'm going to rub it in Hiashi-sama's face!"
Chouji's Story
"D-D-D-D-DIET?" Chouji shouted in horror, feeling his heart stop as he heard his second most hated word.
"Now son," Chouji's father, Akimichi Chouza scolded. "We will not be having anyone in the Akimichi family to be fat."
He glared at his mother and father. "B-But you two are fat too!"
They glared back, then suddenly thwomped him on the head. "We're big-boned! BIG-BONED!"
His mother continued. "After we saw the picture of the great Boxer-sama, we realized that you have been gaining too much weight. I mean, have you seen that Boxer-sama's body? He seems so young, yet his body… Mmm…" his mother drooled slightly. "I could just gobble him up!"
Chouza and Chouji shivered, wondering whether she meant that literally.
"Anyway, son," his father continued. "Starting today, you're going to be eating on a strict program that we've found for you. In fact, it was made by Gai, a program that will make you as fit and strong as Boxer-sama."
"G-Gai-sensei made a program?" Chouji asked in surprise.
"Yep, and it even includes a daily gym session! You're going to be doing a lot of exercise every day from now on!"
Chouji hyperventilated uncontrollably. He had heard the word that he hated even more than the word 'diet'. 'Exercise'. Chouji suddenly screamed in horror, grabbing his face and staring upwards, feeling that he was losing his mind.
"If you thought that was exciting, just wait until you see your lunch!" his mother said brightly, mistaking his scream of agony for one of joy. She placed a plate in front of him, and Chouji looked down to see a single pea, a rice patty, and a strange vegetable he'd never seen before. He screamed and grasped his face again, this time running out of the house in fear.
"That's our Chouji!" Chouza remarked, putting his arm around his wife. "He seems ecstatic about getting into shape!"
Chouza poked his head out the window, shouting to his son who was running into the distance.
"YOU CAN DO IT SON! AND DON'T FORGET TO THANK BOXER-SAMA FOR MAKING YOU EXERCISE AND DIET!"
Gai looked up at his gym proudly, seeing a mighty Maito castle. Lee looked up at it grimly, seeing a shabbily made hut consisting of wood and nails. It didn't even have a floor. The only feature that stood out was Gai wearing heart-shaped boxers with a grin and a thumbs-up.
"Gai-sensei, I've been meaning to tell you…" Lee stammered.
"What is it, Lee, my most adorable student?" he asked dramatically.
Lee had tears streaming down his face. "Gai-sensei! You're not being the Gai-sensei I know! The man I respected, the man that showed me the importance of the green suit! Where did he go, sensei? WHERE DID HE GO!"
Gai stared at Lee, stunned. He hadn't realized that Lee was going through a hard time. He became serious for a moment.
"Lee… It must've been strange for you… Not to see me in the great green suit…" Gai said, tears beginning to form.
"G-Gai-sensei…" Lee sniffled, snot leaking out of his nose, which went up and down as he constantly tried to suck it back in.
"You're right, Lee! I shouldn't have thrown off my green suit so dramatically!" Gai said, grinning broadly. Lee looked up, a smile creeping into his face.
"S-Sensei! Does this mean…?"
"Yes, my lovely student!" he yelled out, posing in his nice-guy pose. "I will once again don my green suit, and become the sensei you always loved!"
He dashed off into the distance, leaving a stunned and relieved Lee in front of the 'gym'. He weeped happily.
"Gai-sensei is back!" he yelled in glee.
Suddenly, he noticed a green figure approaching him. Lee began crying harder, waterfalls streaming out of his eyes and surrounding him in a puddle. As he approached, Lee yelled out his name.
"GAI-SENSEI!"
"LEE!"
"GAI-SENSEI!"
"LEE!"
Gai was getting closer.
"GAI-SENSEI!"
"LEE!"
Now he was clearly in view.
"GAI-SEN…sei?"
"LEE!"
"…"
"…LEE!"
Lee stared at him. He indeed had put his green suit back on, however…
"GAI-SENSEI, YOU'RE WEARING THE BOXERS OVER YOUR SUIT!"
Gai gave him his 'nice-guy' pose. Lee gave him 'what-the-hell?' face.
"You see, Lee? Your old teacher is still here! Never fear!" Gai replied, posing some more. He obviously didn't understand what Lee had actually meant.
Before Lee had a chance to say anything, a group of individuals arrived. Shikamaru, Chouji, Shino, Kiba, and Neji were walking together, all mumbling incoherently.
"Ah! And here are my first students!"
"Guys?" Lee asked in wonder. "What are you all doing here?"
They all stared at him, eyes twitching. They all came in different circumstances, but they all knew one thing.
"WE WANT TO KILL BOXER-SAMA!"
Meanwhile, at a small ramen stand...
"Aah-choo!" Naruto sneezed loudly, dropping his chopsticks. He sniffled, his snot smothering into the ramen that was halfway into his mouth. He looked down at it uncertainly. He reached into his pocket and removed his wallet, and turned it upside down. Unsurprisingly it was empty. His eyes jumped from his snotty ramen and his wallet, back and forth over and over. Naruto gulped nervously.
"Can't buy more…" he mumbled through noodles, sending stray bits of snot and noodles onto the table. "Oh well…" He took one deep breath, then sucked in deeply, noodles, snot, and all entering his mouth. He swallowed down, flicking his lips in wonder.
"… That didn't taste too bad…"
END CHAPTER 4.5