Chapter 7 – Bigger Problems Require a Bigger Size
A/N: Well, I decided to postpone the third 'I Hate Boxers' plot for another chapter or so to build up material. Anyway, people are becoming concerned about whether or not this will stay a harem-fest. I'm going to assure you here and now, that it will.
And to GarretPI, thank you as always for your informative and infinitely helpful feedback. I'm certain I wouldn't have gotten as far as I have without you, so thanks again for spending time to help me out. And reviewers also, thank you for your kind and motivating words! I'll do my best to continue to impress!
Naruto finally made it to their meeting point at the bridge, huffing and panting. The other three stared at him intently, and he thought they were probably very annoyed with him at the moment. Seeing Kakashi not having his face glued in one of his books only made him more nervous. Behind them were a few bundles of papers tied together with string.
"Uh, well you see…" Naruto tried to explain, his hands flailing about nervously.
"Don't worry about it, Naruto," Kakashi said seriously. "We have something important to talk about."
"Really? Uh, okay…" Naruto said, relieved he didn't have to explain himself. "What's up?"
"Naruto," Kakashi said, Sakura and Sasuke looking at Naruto intently. "What did you do last night?"
"L-L-Last night?" Naruto said, gulping down anxiously. "W-Why do you ask?" he said, fidgeting.
Sasuke took out the top paper of one of the bundles, raising it in front of Naruto's face. He looked at it with squinting eyes. On it was a picture of heart-patterned boxers and big words saying 'Boxer-sama's Identity Challenge!"
"W-What's this about?" he asked, uncertain of what it meant.
"Last night Boxer-sama defeated a world-famous pervert and saved the girls and me," Sakura told him, sighing slightly at the memory of it. "And when we told the reporters and authorities what happened, news about Boxer-sama spread even more."
"All the genin teams have a special mission today," Kakashi told him. "First we have to put up these flyers and spread around all the information we have on Boxer-sama. Then we are to go out and check anyone who could possibly be Boxer-sama."
Naruto stiffened in surprise. 'That doesn't sound too good… They couldn't have a lot of info on me though, right? They won't think it's me, right?'
Kakashi pointed at two of the clues on the flyer. "These two points are the most evident. 'Boxer-sama is capable of using Kage Bunshin no Jutsu', and 'Boxer-sama may be carrying a wound or scar on his back.'
Naruto gasped slightly, nervously loosening his collar. "R-Really? T-That'll really make it easier to find him then!" he said, his voice shaky.
"Anyway, I thought it would be a good idea to check both you and Sasuke before we head off. In fact, I was just about to check Sasuke."
"I already told you, I'm not him," Sasuke grumbled, refusing to let Kakashi near him. He wasn't comfortable with a guy asking to see him naked, even if it was only his back. "I just want to kill that weirdo."
"It's okay Sasuke, I know you have to keep it a secret!" Sakura said with glee. "I already worked out last night that you're really Boxer-sama! You're so amazing, Sasuke!"
"I told you, I'm not him!" Sasuke almost shouted, feeling grouchier than ever. When Sakura began making her unwanted approaches once again, Sasuke had thought that she finally gave up on Boxer-sama. However when he found out she thought he was Boxer-sama, he was, to say the least, annoyed.
"But Sasuke, I never knew you could use Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. It's so surprising! And when I saw his red eyes, it must've been your Sharingan!" Sakura said with amazement.
"Indeed, I am also surprised," Kakashi said, eyeing him with an aura of killing intent. "I never thought you were the one who I'd have to kill."
"Y-You have to kill Boxer-sama?" Naruto said, suddenly feeling sweaty. "Is someone giving you a mission to kill Boxer-sama?"
Kakashi didn't take his eye off Sasuke as he replied. "I have my own reasons for wanting him dead, but Hokage-sama prepared this mission herself. She really wants to find the real Boxer-sama, among other people," he said, remembering the maniacal desire she had shown in their meeting. "Anyway, if you aren't him, you have nothing against me checking your back, do you?"
Sasuke grumbled in annoyance. "Fine, I have nothing to hide," he said, as he pulled the back of his shirt up. Sakura eagerly ran up to check in Kakashi's place, feeling that there would certainly be a mark of some sort.
Sasuke stood with his shirt up in annoyance. "Well? Are you satisfied yet, or do you want me to take my pants off now?"
"Well, I guess it isn't Sasuke," Kakashi said, returning to his usual cheery self. "That's good. It wouldn't be nice to have to kill my student."
Sakura on the other hand wasn't taking it as well. "W-What? You're not really Boxer-sama?"
"Of course not, you annoying girl," Sasuke said, flaring in anger. "I would rather die than become that insane flasher," he said flatly, devastating Sakura. However she did recover fairly quickly, immediately losing all interest in Sasuke once again.
"Doesn't matter! I'll just search out on my own and find out who Boxer-sama really is! I'll check absolutely, positively everyone in this village!" she announced with determination, managing to make Naruto even more nervous than he already was. Something told him everyone was going to be like this.
"Well, shall I check you now, Naruto?" Kakashi said, making it sound more like an order. "You do, after all, use Kage Bunshin, making you one of the more likely suspects."
Sakura glared at Kakashi. "Naruto? Yeah right! There is no way in the world that Boxer-sama is Naruto!"
Naruto felt slightly hurt at this comment, Sakura still thinking he was weak, but was, for once, grateful to have someone taking their attention off him.
"O-Of course it isn't me, Kakashi-sensei! How could it possibly be me?" Naruto agreed reassuringly.
"Of course, I also don't believe it's you," Kakashi said, making Naruto feel more heartbroken. "After all, you don't have red eyes. But I thought if I check you then at least I can tell everyone it isn't you and save them the trouble."
Naruto was sweating erratically, resisting the urge to back away. Kakashi began to walk up to him slowly, raising his hands up.
"Come on Naruto, turn around," he ordered, his hands moments away from Naruto's jacket.
"KAKASHI MY HIP RIVAL!"
Naruto never thought the day would come, but for once he was glad to hear the voice of the strange, self-proclaimed rival of Kakashi as he bounded enthusiastically in their direction. Naruto turned and noticed that he was accompanied by his team, Neji, Tenten, and of course Lee. Gai was clad in his usual green suit, and his team managed to convince him that if he wore his boxer shorts outside of his gym, he would be labeled 'hip', and Kakashi wouldn't be a fitting rival for him anymore. And thus, Gai was tricked into keeping his boxer shorts at the gym, where hopefully nobody else would ever have to see the horror.
"Ah, Gai. How goes the flyer-posting?" Kakashi said, taking his attention off Naruto, who sighed in relief.
"It is excellent as always! My team and I have already posted more than two hundred flyers all around Konoha!" Gai proclaimed with a pose.
"More like you forced us to run around and post them while you yelled at us to be 'irrationally exuberant'." Neji murmured, rolling his eyes.
"So how many have you posted, Kakashi, my rival?" Gai challenged, pointing at him dramatically.
Kakashi took the flyer out of Sasuke's hand, and effortlessly stuck it onto the railing of the bridge.
"That's one," Kakashi told Gai, holding up a finger to emphasize his point. Gai flared out in dramatic surprise.
"Uooo! As usual you are full of stylish, hip, 'in' surprises! You are indeed the only one worthy to be called my rival!"
Gai looked at Kakashi intently, who was staring out quietly. Gai inspected further, waving his hand in front of his face and poking him in the cheek.
"UOOOO! You're asleep and not listening to me! What a unique new-world reaction!"
Naruto looked over at the other team, where he had guessed from Neji's irritated look and Tenten's lack of interest in his presence that an event similar to that of Sakura and Sasuke had ensued between them. Lee, however, was preoccupied with staring at Gai with puppy-dog eyes, cherishing every word that came out of his mouth. Lee's personality still managed to creep everyone out.
After Gai finally managed to wake Kakashi with his incessant ramblings, he eyed the stacks of paper behind him meticulously.
"Kakashi! I believe it's time for another duel!" Gai yelled out, jamming his fist in front of Kakashi's face.
"I'm in the middle of something right now. And besides, we just had a duel yesterday," Kakashi stated.
"Exactly! Twenty-four hours is much too long! My passionate body is crying for a duel with my greatest rival!" Gai said, posing in a unique 'strong-man-yet-still-nice-guy' pose, which involved flexing while giving two thumbs-up.
"And I'm assuming I can't say no?" Kakashi said, but already knew the answer. "Okay, I guess we can have one. It's your turn to pick, right?"
"Indeed! And I have the perfect idea!"
Gai picked up two piles of flyers, handing one of them to Kakashi. "Let us see who can post up the most of these within one hour!"
Kakashi just looked at Gai with a bored face. "Sure, whatever."
Gai flared up with excitement. "Excellent! We will meet back here in exactly one hour!" He looked at the students that were standing around watching them. "I suppose we should have our teams combine and work together while we are absent?"
"Sure. Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto," Kakashi said, getting their attention. "Go with Gai's team and post more flyers around, and then start searching everyone you can. We'll come back for you in an hour"
Within moments, the two Jounins were leaping away, flyers sticking onto everything they could reach, as they disappeared into the distance, leaving the six genins to finish their mission on their own.
"Hmph, I guess they really did send all the teams to find Boxer-sama," Sasuke mumbled. "Whatever. When I find out who he is, I'm going to take him down."
"I believe that's my line," Neji said, his eyes showing his rage. "That boxer shorts guy made a fool of me in front of my family. I will kill him and regain my honor."
Sasuke and Neji glared at each other menacingly, speaking with their angst-voices.
"I will kill him."
"No, I will kill him."
"It will be me."
"He will die by my hand."
It was an almighty angst-filled battle for the death of Boxer-sama. By now, Naruto was probably going crazy with fear for his life.
'I am so screwed.'
"I don't know what you guys don't like about him!" Sakura said in Boxer-sama's defense. "He's been running around saving people, and what have you guys done?"
"That's right!" Tenten joined in. "He stopped that pervert and saved us, even though he got hurt badly!"
"That guy is just some moron in the nude!" Sasuke yelled back. "He deserves to die!"
The four of them broke into a massive argument, yelling and screaming relentlessly. Even Sasuke and Neji, known as two of the few that could keep a cool head, were in a fit of rage, screaming and yelling obscenely. Naruto was genuinely surprised that girls that once idolized the two boys were now arguing with them with such intensity. He felt partly responsible for it, since he was, after all, the real Boxer-sama.
"H-Hey! You guys!" Naruto yelled, waving his arms about. "This isn't something you have to fight about, you know?"
"Keep out of this, idiot!" Sasuke yelled at him. "This doesn't concern you!"
Naruto twitched in annoyance. "Oi! It concerns me now!" he yelled back icily. Naruto's slightly more serious tone caught their attention. "I don't know how you all ended up arguing, but you two shouldn't be fighting with the girls!"
"You don't understand anything, Uzumaki!" Neji scoffed at him. "You don't know what it's like to be undermined by someone! To be overshadowed! To have nobody recognizing that you are strong! And some weirdo in underwear is the one outdoing us! How can you be the one to tell us off?"
Naruto snapped uncharacteristically, Neji's words pissing him off. "I have every right to be the one telling you two idiots off! I have more right than anyone in this whole village to stop you all from fighting each other!"
The girls looked at Naruto, surprised by his outbreak.
"I know damn well what it's like! If you've got the time to bitch about Boxer-sama, why don't you just become stronger and challenge him or something, rather than taking it out on other people! I hate people who can do nothing but whine about everything! If you guys want attention, why don't you try earning it on your own?"
They all stared at Naruto at a loss for words. Neji and Sasuke had nothing to counteract that with. They bit their lips in annoyance.
"…Whatever, Uzumaki," Neji groaned. "Let's just get our mission over with."
"Hmph," Sasuke muttered after him. "It's not like I want attention, idiot…" he mumbled quietly.
"N-Naruto…" Tenten was very much surprised by Naruto. Sakura at least had an idea of Naruto's hardships, but Tenten knew next to nothing about him. She just knew nobody liked him, so instinctively thought she didn't like him either. His recent speech, however, did entice Tenten's curiosity. She had never heard Naruto speak with such passionate emotion before.
Naruto took a deep breath in an attempt to calm back down. "I'm going to wash my face down by the river. When I get back, I'm going to pretend that fight didn't happen, and I want you guys to do the same. Go ahead of me if you want, it's not like I'm not used to running after someone's back… Something you two obviously suck at."
Naruto headed for the stream, walking away from the bridge because he wanted to be apart from them while he calmed down. Finding a nice, shady area that had tall, large trees blocking out the sun, he bent down and washed his face in the water, the coolness helping to calm his heated temper.
"Mou, I think I went too far…" Naruto said, splashing some water into his hair, soaking it out. Then something in his head clicked, and he moaned again. "Mou, I told them to challenge Boxer-sama! What am I, stupid?"
Naruto scooped some water, rubbing it behind his ears. He sighed loudly. "Man, I screw up too much."
Even with all the water, he still felt angry inside. Naruto glanced around suspiciously for anyone nearby. After confirming that nobody seemed to be around, he stepped onto the water, doing as Jiraiya had taught him. He walked effortlessly to the center of the river, closing his eyes.
After a short moment of silence, his eyes shot open again, his intense rage shown completely in his deep red eyes. He threw his right hand up with a powerful cry, thrusting his hand into the water, putting all of his anger and annoyance into it.
The water splashed up loudly, creating a geyser-like wall of water around Naruto. He punched with such immense strength that for a moment the water looked as though it was frozen in its place, an impossible tower of liquid. The water collapsed after a few moments, Naruto hardly drenched, his force impacting all the droplets of water away from him. He had in fact dried up his hair and face in the process.
"Kya!"
A sudden cry caught Naruto's attention, and he looked up in surprise to see a strange yet familiar person falling towards him.
"T-Tenten!"
Using his Fox-induced reflexes, Naruto managed to catch Tenten as she fell, but lost his concentration on his chakra, sending the both of them into the river. Luckily it was only roughly knee-deep. Naruto clung onto Tenten as they fell, making sure she didn't crash into the hard, rocky bottom of the river, leaving her basically on his lap. The two of them sat there, soaking.
"T-Tenten? What are you doing falling out of the sky? Are you okay?" Naruto asked in a hurry, worried. Tenten, however, was more concerned about sitting on Naruto's lap. She jumped up hurriedly, rising to her feet.
"W-Well, the thing is… I was sent back to come get you! Yeah!" she lied hurriedly, extending her hand to pull Naruto to his feet. She had in fact come of her own will, telling the others to leave ahead of her. "I just tripped off the tree up there while looking for you!"
"Ah, okay!" Naruto replied cheerfully, feeling much better after he relieved his stress with his punch. He gladly took her hand, not noticing the slight blush on her face. She helped Naruto to his feet, leaving him standing quite close to her. Tenten looked up at his eyes, and noticed something.
"N-Naruto? Y-Your eyes are…" she hesitated, thinking her eyes were playing tricks on her. "Aren't your eyes normally blue?"
"Huh?" Naruto turned around and looked at his reflection in the water and almost yelled out. His eyes were still red with the power of the demonic fox. He shut his eyes tight, hurriedly erasing all traces of the fox's chakra.
"A-Are you okay?" Tenten asked curiously.
"Y-Yeah! I'm looking at my reflection, and my eyes…" he turned back to her, looking at her with his blue eyes. "… Look like they always do. Don't they?"
Tenten looked at him in wonder, then shrugged. "Y-Yeah, of course!"
'I'm sure his eyes were red just then… My eyes are too sharp to be wrong… They said Boxer-sama could use Kage Bunshin and had red eyes… So does Na-'
"Hey! Hello?" Naruto called out, snapping Tenten out of her thoughts. She looked up to see Naruto had already gotten out of the water. "We going or what?"
"Ack! I'll be there in a sec!" she called, running after him.
They strolled down the streets looking for the others, who had told Tenten the general area they'd be around in. Tenten turned to Naruto to ask him something that had begun to bug her.
"Hey, Naruto," Tenten asked. "When you stopped Sasuke and Neji from fighting with Sakura and I, what did you mean you had 'more right than anyone else'?"
Naruto, in surprise, glanced at Tenten. He thought for a minute, then looked at her with a huge grin.
"Sorry, I don't remember anything about a fight happening. I have no idea what you're talking about."
Tenten looked at Naruto in bemusement, and burst out in laughter.
"O-Oi! What's so funny? Oi!"
Tenten didn't answer, she just kept laughing. 'Naruto's actually a pretty interesting guy!'
"There you two are!"
Tenten's laughter broke off at the sound of Kakashi's voice from behind them. They turned around to see that all the genin teams and their Jounins had gathered together. Gaara and his siblings were also there, who were apparently tagging along, Gaara and Temari wanting to find Boxer-sama, and Kankurou scared of what they'd do to him if he didn't agree to go with them. The only missing one was Gai.
"H-How come everyone's gathered together?" Naruto asked, feeling somewhat nervous.
Kakashi answered him. "Well, Gai and I finished our 'duel', and he's gone to eat ten thousand rice dumplings in one go. As for everyone gathering together, we thought it'd be best to get all you guys out of the way first."
"We've all been checked already," Kiba spat out. "I still think it's offensive for someone to think I'm that whacked-out Boxer-guy."
"A-All of you have been checked?" Naruto gulped, instantly looking around for any quick escapes. "W-Well, I'll see you guys later! I'm starting to feel really hungry!"
"Hold on, Naruto,' Kakashi called. "I have to check you out first so I can cross you off the list."
"C-Come on, you know it's not me!" Naruto said defensively.
Everyone murmured in agreement, save Hinata, who looked at him curiously. That didn't make Naruto feel any less downtrodden though, as he sulked slightly.
"True, but if I skipped anyone, Hokage-sama wouldn't be pleased."
Kakashi began to advance on him once again, only this time, everyone had their eyes on him. Naruto gulped, knowing that if they saw the scar on his back, he'd have no way to convince them otherwise, and he'd be screwed. He could feel the large droplets of sweat trickling off his forehead.
Kakashi reached him, putting his hands on his shoulders and turning him around, having his back facing everyone else.
Naruto's back stiffened up, his mind racing.
'It's all over… I'm gonna die. Everyone's gonna kill me.'
Kakashi's hands reached onto the bottom Naruto's jacket, getting ready to pull it up. Naruto stood in horror, feeling his jacket rise slowly, until it was up to his head. His heart stopped in shock.
"Um, Kakashi…" Kurenai noted to him. "You'll have to pull his shirt up too, you know."
"Oh! Of course! How could I forget?" Kakashi said, causing Naruto to collapse to the ground in surprise and relief.
Kakashi was just about to reach for his shirt, but was interrupted by Jiraiya.
"It's good everyone's here," Jiraiya said, referring to all the Jounins in particular.
"What's going on, Jiraiya-sama?" Asuma asked, his trademark cigarette curving his words.
Jiraiya looked at them seriously. "Remember that panty thief that was caught after being beaten by Boxer-sama?"
Everyone nodded. Jiraiya glared at Naruto for a moment, then glared over at Sasuke and Neji, who were standing next to each other. "And you all know of how the Hyuuga and Uchiha families are tied together?"
"Their Bloodline Limits, Byakugan and Sharingan?" Kurenai answered.
"Yes… Well…" Jiraiya was still looking at both Sasuke and Neji.
"That old panty thief was in fact an ancestor of both clans. He's Neji's great, great uncle and Sasuke's great, great grandfather, and was working with Itachi and the Akatsuki, who are now incredibly pissed off with Boxer-sama and have asked for his head or they will wage war with Konoha." Jiraiya explained it with a surprisingly calm tone.
Everyone stared at Jiraiya with wide eyes, then slowly directed them to Neji and Sasuke.
"WHAAAAAAT?"
Naruto thought for a minute, unsure of what happened, had just been happy that they weren't looking at him anymore. However, Jiraiya saw his confusion and whispered into his ear.
"That means now Akatsuki, like every other male in Konoha, wants to kill you, Boxer-sama."
"Oh…" Naruto said, nodding his head in comprehension until he realized that it was a bad thing.
"…WHAT!"
END CHAPTER 7A/N: Not as many jokes in this chapter, but a couple of key events that you should take note of! These little things (and big things) will be crucial to the story later on!