Chapter 2: Where Is My Mind?
::Marie's POV::
Ah woke in my bed. A horrible pain shot through my head as I sat up and grasped my temple tightly as if it would make it go away. It stayed and ah began to shake violently. My vision blurred and sorrow flooded my entire body, not my sorrow but Logan's. Ah became overwhelmed with his feelings and thoughts. I started to feel guilty, angry, miserable and...aroused? This lasted for about 15 minutes, by the time my brain managed to shut him out I prayed that ah had been given the mutation to be able to feel nothing, the mutation to think only happy thoughts. My vision returned and I looked around me. Ah felt, and yes this was my feelings this time, not the Wolverine's, hurt that no one was by my side. I shook it off and stood, a little wobbly.
Ah had an uncontrollable urge for a cigarette. I kept a pack of smokes in my panty drawer and grabbed them, rushing outside to lite one up. Ah had urges to smoke after touching Logan before, but this time it was worse.
What was today? No one was in the halls, not a soul. Ah tried to remember what the date was, was it day time or night? My head was still killin' me so ah tried to not to think anymore. Ah wish I could just turn my brain off. It was dark outside and ah sat down next to the beautiful water fountain that must have cost the Professor a fortune. Ah inhaled the gray smoke and felt a bit relaxed. No wonder Logan smoke this things, it was smoothing. Ah leaned back and sighed. It must have been pretty late and ah assumed that everyone was sleeping, thus the empty halls. Ah just wanted to stay here and not feel anything, ah tried to keep my mind off of what happened last night, afraid that Logan's thoughts would consume me again.
I lit another cigarette and looked down at my hands...Why did my powers kick in now? Was it just for this one time, or are they back again...for good? Ah…ah just want to touch someone. Is this some kind of sick karma getting back at me for something I've done? Letting me get a taste of what it's like to touch again, and than taking it away?
Ah leaned back and bit father and my hair fell into the fountain, ah kept it there flowing in the water. There was a small pain on the side of my temple. It felt like someone was tapping me on the head over and over again. "What?" Ah growled out loud. It was the Wolverine in my head. Not now Logan, stay out for now.
He wasn't going to let me off this easy, and ah began to think and feel his thoughts again. He reminded me of his guilt and sorrow. It was for Jean, for killing her. Figures. But than ah began to feel it even worse ... the guilt hit me so hard ah got a lump in my throat. Ah rubbed my eyes and sighed, preparing myself for whatever the reason it was that he was feeling this. Instead of tryin' to block him out of my head ah let him in. Ah don't know why, ah guess ah'd rather think about his thoughts than my own. Ah'm goin' crazy...ah lit another cigarette.
Okay Logan... ah spoke to myself...What else do you feel guilty about? It's not like ah heard his voice in my head or saw an image, but ah could just tell what he was thinking. It just popped up outta no where in my mind, as if it was my own. He felt bad for my nightmares, guilty as if he had done something horrible to me, for not being able to protect me in my dreams. This brought back memories of the night before...when he touched me.
Loneliness… Ah know this one well...too well. What it is Logan? What do you want so bad that it is making your heart ache? Jean? Your past? Ah concentrated a little harder. Ah was begging to amuse myself trying to figure out the Logan in my head, kinda pathetic huh?
He was lonely even though he was in a place where people welcomed him and cared for him he wasn't content with where he was...he wanted something else oh gosh Logan, ah feel just the way you do shugar. What do you want so badly? Ah poked my brain over and over again and nothing came. Ah wanted to concentrate more on what was making him so lonely since ah related with it so well, but another of his troubles squeezed in.
What? Ah blushed. Lust. He could get...touch...any women he wanted. Ah'm a hundred times more "lustful" than him, that shouldn't be a problem for touchable Wolverine. Ah thought about the times he's touched me...my blush deepened, ah could feel my cheeks get warmer. Yet another cigarette ah placed on my lips. Ah took a deep inhale trying to rid my mind of my own perverted thoughts ... ah wanted to know what Wolverine lusted for. Why? Well, ah guess it couldn't hurt to find out. Ah bet its Jean, maybe Storm. They are so pretty, so touchable... Alrighty Wolvie, what turns you on? The first thing that came to my mind was the color green.
::Logan's POV::
I opened my eyes and saw Storm standing over me in the infirmary. My mind felt like it was hit by a ton of bricks when the events from last night came crashing down into right now. I growled and Storm spoke seeing that I was awake.
"Logan, how do you feel?"
"Marie? Where is she?" I growled.
"Marie?"
"Rogue!" I almost yelled it at her. She jumped a little and blinked a few times.
"Oh, she is in her room resting. She'll be fine, tell me how you feel."
Besides the events rushing around in my head I felt pretty damn good.
"I feel better than I did before she touched me," I said sitting up and scooting off the cot.
"Logan, be serious wit---"
"I am! I have to go see her... Now."
"Wait a minute," She placed her hand on my shoulder and stared me straight in the eyes,
"I need you to tell me about what happened, are you honestly all right?"
I stopped and thought for a minute. This was pretty odd, Marie's powers comin' back, not to mention how relieved I feel after she touched me. I feel better than I have in a long, long time.
"I'm perfectly fine. I couldn't be better, honestly..." I smirked.
"Hmm..." "So this 'cure' she took doesn't actually cure?" My eyebrow arched, curious.
"It seems that way, although it's almost as if she can control her mutation for a little while. The reason why you are alive Logan is because when you touched her and she consumed your healing power, she put her mutation aside while she controlled yours. Somehow she managed control your mutation and use it to heal you."
"I think she did more than just transfer my powers back into me. I feel like she lifted a heavy burden off of me."
"Hmm..." Storm rubbed her chin in thought, "I don't know why you feel better, but I will talk to Dr. McCoy about it."
I started to get impatient as she tried to make sense of what I had told her. I wanted to see if Marie was really all right, she must be going through a lot finding out her mutation has returned. We have so much in common, me and her ... things never go the way we want them too.
"Go ahead and check on her if you want, I'll call Dr. McCoy over and take a look at yours and hers blood work. I hope he can find out what's going on... Let me know if you begin to feel lightheaded or anything."
I smirked at the white haired Goddess, she really did try her best to figure things out.
When I left the infirmary I realized that it was pretty late. All the students were in their rooms sleeping, I wonder if any of them knew about Marie's mutation returning, besides Ice Prick of course. When I knocked on her door there was no answer. Maybe she was asleep. I knocked harder and still no response. I couldn't pick up her scent that I had taken in so strongly the night before up either, so I opened the door.
Her bed was empty and she wasn't in the bathroom either. I sighed and decided to see if she was in the kitchen. She wasn't there, so I checked the Library, I knew she spent a lot of time in there, but I had no luck.
After about thirty minutes of wondering around the mansion's hallways I was getting irritated, she wasn't anywhere to be found. My irritation quickly became fear as I imagined only the worse. I quickened my pace. What if she was kidnapped? What if she was lost or trapped somewhere? As I walked past a window something caught my eye outside. I stopped and looked, squinting to see.
There she was outside lying down by the fountain... Lying down? Shit! She must have passed out...Dammnit Marie, you should know better than to be outside. I ran as fast as I could downstairs and into the dark night. As I approached her I noticed she was awake, her head propped up against the concrete fountain with her hair floating freely in the water. The rest of her body was sprawled out on the grass and she held a cigarette up to her lips.
She reminded me of a mermaid, no, more like a siren. But what the hell was she thinkin' smoking cigarettes? She ain't like me she can get cancer from that shit. I got closer and was surprised she didn't notice me approaching. Her face was bright red. I grinned, what is she thinking about? I decided to walk up from behind her and startle her.
I slowly came up behind her, before saying anything I stopped and admired her. I wanted to take her hair and lick the water from it, I wanted to take her cigarette from her dark red lips and kiss them. Now my face was a shade of red too. I shook my head trying to rid it off these thoughts.
"Whatcha doin' out here kiddo?"
She jumped and dropped her smoke and turned quickly around towards me. Her eyes were wide and she held her chest and breathed heavily. Her hair was no longer in the fountain, but dripping wet and lying on her shoulders. I started to laugh as she got her composure back.
"You're gonna give me a heart attack one of these days Logan!" She hissed. I sat down beside her.
"Since when did you start smoking?" I took it from her and helped myself to a drag.
"After you touched me, if ah die from cancer I'll just blame you."
"Hey now, don't say that," I kept the cigarette and she stared at me anxiously wanting it back.
"I'm not givin' it back, I don't want you blaming me for her bad habits."
She just smirked and lit up another one. We sat there looking up at the sky for a good while, no need to share words. I really liked this about Marie. Whenever we were together we could just talk with our eyes. We didn't need to amuse ourselves with pointless conversation. The only time she needed to speak is if I wanted to hear her sexy southern voice. We hadn't sat next to each other and enjoyed the company for a long time... I really enjoyed being next to her right now, admiring the landscape and the way the moonlight looked on her pale soft skin, making her glow...and her shirt becoming wet from her hair...I looked away hoping she didn't notice me staring.
::Marie's POV::
Ah liked having him here beside me. I'm glad we don't have to always speak when we are together too, ah have enough voices in my head already. Ah was glad that he found me out here, although he didn't have to startle me like that. My heart was still beatin' fast. Ah hope he didn't see me blushin'. What would the Wolverine think if he caught me thinkin' bout what he would be lustin' after? Ah was probably gonna figure it out too if he hadn't interrupted me. I looked over at him and examined his face ... there something different about him. I sensed he was about to look over so I quickly turned my head the other way. Ah hope he didn't catch me...When he turned back around I looked a little harder. What was it? Why did his face look so different? Was it the moon light playing tricks on me, or did he really look any different? He was smiling, that was a rare sight. Perhaps that's what was different.
"What? Got something on my face?" He asked, arching his eyebrow.
"Huh?" Oops, didn't realize ah was staring at him for this long.
"Uh...N-no," Ah looked down.
"What?"
"Nothing!" Ah could feel my face turning red.
He growled knowing ah wasn't telling him something. "Fine. Be that way."
"What way? There isn't anything on your face but hair," ah smirked knowin' ah was gettin' to him. He grabbed my pack of smokes and threw them in the fountain.
"Hey! What'd you do that for?" Ah stood up and watched as the water devoured the tobacco. He just smirked. Ah balled my fists thinking of how to get him back.
"Whatcha' gonna do? Running out of facial hair jokes?"
Ah leaned down and placed my hands in the fountain and tossed water at him. Ah laughed and he jumped up, look who was startled now! He grinned and walked over to me giving me a dirty look.
"Oh yeah?" He growled.
"Yeah? You running out of things to throw into the fountain?" Uh-oh, Shouldn't have said that. He picked me up and threw me in the water despite my kicking and twisting.
Ah couldn't believe he did that! Now my butt was hurting from the harsh landing and ah was soaking wet while he stood there trying not to fall over from laughing. Ah splashed more water at him and he jumped in the fountain after me. He chased me around while we both splashed water at each other every time we had the chance. A brilliant idea popped into my head. Ah purposely tripped and fell face first into the water. He stopped splashing me and picked me up in his arms when he realized ah wasn't splashing back. Ah pretending to grunt and he got closer to my face, perfect! Ah spit water at him and he dropped me. I couldn't help but roll around in laughter.
"That's real funny huh Marie?" He splashed more water at me and rubbed his eyes. "Y-yes, it i-i-s!" Ah said in-between fits of laughter. He sat down on the side of the fountain and titled his head trying to get water out of his ears. Ah sat in the water watching him, admiring his wet body. Ah found myself craving to peel off his wet clothes and see what was underneath. He came over towards me and lifted me up with one arm. Ah blinked confused by his action.
"C'mon lets go inside before you catch a cold."
"But ah'm not cold... And it's summer!"
"Then why is your face so pink and your eyes glossy like that?" He still had hold of my arm. At first ah cursed myself of lettin' him notice ah was turned on but then ah realized he was touching my bare skin.
"L-Logan?"
"I'm already gonna get blamed for you gettin' cancer, I'm not gonna get in trouble for you catchin' a cold too," He said continuing to hold onto me he dragged me out of the fountain. Ah concentrated as hard as ah could to keep my mutation from acting up. Ah was going to tell him to let go but he seemed fine, it was working! I concentrated harder...told myself not to kill him. Was the cure returning or had ah stopped it myself?
"Logan! Logan!"
"What?" He turned and looked at me with his 'what the?' look.
"My mutation! Ah stopped it!"
::Logan's POV::
I stopped and looked at her. Her eyes were wide and shinning.
"Are you sure?" She just smirked and looked down at my hand on her arm.
"You can touch me!" She almost sang the words. I pulled her into my arms and gave her a hug. Our soaked bodies pressed together.
"I'm happy for you Marie."
"Do you think ah'm actually controlling it or do you think the cure only returned?" She lowered her head.
"We'll have to ask that McCoy guy about it when he gets here."
She began to walk off, her head still lowered.
"What's the matter?" I asked following behind her.
"It just seems that once something good happens there is always something worse afterwards..."
"Don't talk like that kid."
"You know it's true! In my case anyway..." My heart sank seeing her so sad. I placed my hand on her shoulder and she looked straight into my eyes. My heart beat quickened for a second.
"I know how you feel darlin'. But ever since I've met you things have only gotten better...Maybe soon it will turn out that way for you."
She looked up at me with a look of disgust burning in her eyes.
"You're such a liar," She yanked her shoulder away from my hand and rushed towards the mansion away from me.
"What?" I didn't understand what she meant.
"What the hell do you mean by 'gotten better' Logan? Things have only been worse for you after what has happened to Jean. Ah know cuz your inside my head! You're miserable over it! You aint got to lie about things to make me feel better!" She pushed her hands up against her temple in anger and slammed the door behind her. I just stood there speechless trying to register everything she had just said. What the hell did I do this time?
I had completely forgotten about Jean ever since last night. I wasn't lying, ever since I had met Marie things have only been for the better. Hell, I would still be drifting from bar to bar gettin' in fights if I hadn't met her. Right now I would be locked in my room depressed over Jean if it hadn't been for Marie doing… whatever she did. Somehow she relieved me.
Dammnit Marie, I would be a mess if it wasn't for you. I decided to go inside and try to find out where she was. The image of her holding her hands up against her head replayed in my mind over and over again as I sniffed around the mansion trying to pick up on her scent. She should touch me again...see what I'm thinkin' now. Her! That's what I'm thinkin' about, and I'm happy. If she touched me now she would see that things have 'gotten better' despite Jean.
I picked up her scent towards the Library. I opened the wide doors and looked in. It was dimly lit giving the room an orange glow, it was cozy and warm. I had been in too much of a hurry to realize it earlier.
I didn't see her at any of the tables...I looked down the long isles of books. She was curled up leaning against the wall in-between two long shelves of books. I grinned for some reason and sat down next to her.
"Sorry ah yelled at you..." She spoke first, her hair blocking my view of her face. I brushed my fingers against it and tucked the white strand behind her ear. Looking down she smiled, trying to hide it from me.
"You ain't gotta apologize kid."
"It's just...a lot has happened since last night. In my head..."
"Tell me about it then."
She looked up at me with her sad green eyes. Even though they were sad they made my heart jump in my chest.
"Your thoughts...and feelin's, are much stronger than before. It's like ah adsorbed a lot more than ah ever have... Ah can't..." She paused and let out a long sigh, once again facing back towards the floor. I inched my face closer to hers, wanting to see those eyes of hers again.
"Ah don't know how to help you. Ah don't know how to even help myself. In my mind you are so," She looked at me again, " tormented, ah can't feel sorry for mah self over somethin' as insignificant as my mutation or Bobby, when ah know and feel what you are goin' through. I want to make you feel better, ah-ah tried to figure it out...ah think ah understand..." She was starting to ramble. I enjoyed listening to her, I found myself reaching out to her. I couldn't stop my hand from caresses her soft chin... Her pink cheeks, I couldn't take my eyes from hers, I couldn't stop my heart from beating as fast as it was.
"Marie...You don't have to 'help me' please don't burden yourself with me, you've got enough goin' on in your life as it is, and it is just as important, if not more, than what's goin' on in mine darlin'," I did mean what I said, but it sounded almost false coming from me.
Why did this girl bring out all these soft spots I didn't know I had?
"But what about Jean? She's all over your thoughts...and your thoughts, they are so... A-and your nightmares... Ah can't stand to know you feel this way. You've done so much for me Logan ah would give anything to make you happy, help rid you of these...feelings."
No one has ever spoke to me the way Marie does. I haven't had a conversation this intense in a while. I was flattered that she wanted to help me, but I'm not going to let her think I need it. She had already helped me, she just didn't know it.
"First of all, you don't owe me shit, so don't think ya do. Secondly, ever since we touched last night I haven't thought or felt one unpleasant feeling, not even about Jean. So somehow, you have helped me, it's like you erased all the bad thoughts. I don't know how you did kid, but I feel refreshed."
"You're so full of it Logan," She chuckled.
"No, I'm dead serious."
"So every time I've touched you before you felt like this?"
"Nope, before I just ended up with a bad headache." I winked at her letting her know I wasn't trying to make her feel bad.
"So you're not messin' with me, you really do feel better?"
"I haven't felt this… relieved in a long time."
"Promise?"
"Yeah, of course," She leaned her head on my shoulder. I remembered a moment similar to this that we shared awhile back. When she tried to run, and I promised I'd protect her. She is my Marie after all, I would die for this women. I will never understand why I feel this way about her, why I act and think so differently around her. Rogue, the untouchable troubled girl I found in hidden away in my trailer.
We sat together, her warm breath against my shoulder, her silky hair slightly brushing against me almost tickling me. As we sat there in silence enjoying each other's company I thought back on her words. It seemed that whenever I thought back on the things she said there was always a deeper meaning behind them. Why I realized or even allowed myself to think that much into her words, I don't know. When I'm around her I don't know anything, it's kind of scary.
"So what's goin' on with Bobby?"
"Huh?"
"You said you can't feel sorry about him or sumthin'," I knew what she said, word by word, I just didn't want her think I did.
"Oh."
"Oh?"
"Umm ... well we haven't really been talking much." That made me feel somewhat...happy?
"Humph, why is that?"
"Well, ah don't really feel like ah belong with him. He is so different from me, ah know Bobby is older than me, but it feels like ah'm datin' a little boy sometimes. Everytime ah'm with him I feel father and father away, if ya know what ah mean. Ah- ah feel bad about it, ah don't wanna feel this way but I do. He's always askin' me what's botherin' and treats me like some fragile doll or somethin'."
"You just don't have anything in common with him. You are woman Marie, which is obvious, he's just..."
She gave me a dirty look.
"Since when did ah become a women huh? Thought ah was a 'kid'." She laughed. I returned her dirty look.
"Anyway, since ah'm a woman now I guess ah'll go to his room right now, break up with him, and than sneak into your room later and passionately seduce you?" She purred teasing me.
I sat up straight and could feel my face becoming red. I arched my eyebrow and gave her a smirk just as arousing as her words had been. Now she was the one beaming. Two can play this game. I leaned in as close I as could to her face, our noses almost touching, and then growled in her ear. I could see the hair on her arms stick up and could smell arousal all over her.
I was going to get her back for saying that, even if it took everything I had not to pin her down and rip off every article, although it wasn't much already, of clothing she was wearing. She knew what I was doing and played back.
"Wolverine..." She purred in my ear, her lips so close they brushed against it. This time my hair stood up as well, along with something else. She was good, but not as good as me. I pressed myself up against her and pinned her up against a book case.
"I'll show you Wolverine if you're not too scared." I thought I had her there, but then she licked her lips slowly giving me sexy intense look. She was driving me crazy! I really was in her head she knew exactly how to turn me on.
"Why stop now? Ah'm not scared of you, Wolverine..." She wrapped her legs around me and pressed me even tighter against her. Her breasts squished up against my chest. I breathed her in again she smelled so good, hormones seeping out of every pore in her body.
I couldn't take it anymore I couldn't beat her at this game. Not right now, I was afraid of what I might do next. I leaned backwards and peeled her legs off from around me.
"I need a smoke"
"Ah think ah'll join ya shugah"
I arched my eyebrow at her and she did the same back to me. Hot damn how does she do this to me?
::Marie's POV::
When we got outside ah tried my best to hide my blush from him. Ah inhaled his cigar almost threw up. It wasn't anything like cigarettes. Ah kept smoking it though, hoping it would relax me after gettin' all worked up. And besides, it had been on his lips. Ah was kinda glad Logan suggested a smoke, Ah was afraid that ah couldn't hold back anymore and would do something ah'd regret. Or would ah regret it? Not sure, but ah didn't want to think of what would happen if he rejected me. Things would probably never be the same between us, and right now he was the only person ah could talk to you.
When we finished the cigar ah was expecting Logan to have gotten bored and want to go do his own thing, but instead we ended up back in the same spot he found me in. We didn't speak, just sat there, leaning against each other caught up in our own thoughts. Ah loved being close to him, close to a real man. Ah loved it when he played with my hair and pushed me closer to him. Ah missed being around him, we've been separated for a while. Ah remember when I first came to the mansion, I would leave my room and crawl into his bed in the middle of night. Ah stopped after that night when he...stabbed me. I'm not scared of him, never was, ah just thought it would be better not to spend the night with him for a while after that. Ah remembered him wrapping his strong arms around me, inching closer to me and placing his chin on my shoulder. Every night he did that...ah miss it so much, just thinking about it makes me exhausted. My eyes got tired and ah cuddled closer to him closing them. It had been a long day.
I started to get tired, which was a blessing considering I hadn't had a full nights rest since Jean's passing. I was about to offer Marie to come stay in my room, which she used to do all the time when we first came here, but noticed she was already passed out. I watched her chest move up and down while she breathed. Her eyelashes resting on her cheeks, her lips forming a faint smile. I figured I'd carry her back to her room but couldn't find the strength to move. My legs felt like rubber, and I was comfortable. Comfortably numb. I played with her hair until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. I really miss her, why did I wait so long to come and find her?
: Coldplay :
Green Eyes
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I came here to talk I hope you understand
The green eyes, yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could, anybody, deny you
I came here with a load And it feels so much lighter
now I've met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes
Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk I think you should know
The green eyes, you're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you, must be out of their mind
Because I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter since I met you
Honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes, green eyes Oh oh oh oh
Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand