A/N: Thanks for the reviews, everyone! Sorry if you think I'm taking long to update, life's been getting busier and all… But as usual, a rough weekly basis is my aim.
A full day had passed since Boxer-sama had finished training. He stood with Jiraiya at the town gates, exhausted. The evening sun was in the sky, and soon Boxer-sama's company would arrive to accompany him to take on the Akatsuki. Boxer-sama was drooling slightly, somehow managing to sleep while standing, his chin slobbered over with sticky saliva.
"It's hard to learn new techniques in just one day, Boxer-sama," Jiraiya said to him, keeping an eye out for the others, and not noticing that Boxer-sama was pretty much not listening. "But don't worry, the spies said the encampment was about two or three days away, and the Akatsuki probably won't attack right away. Use that time to practice, okay?"
Boxer-sama dozed on quietly, his mouth hanging open. The training wasn't what Boxer-sama expected. Jiraiya taught him different ways of handling chakra, branching out from the techniques he already knew. But Jiraiya refused to teach Boxer-sama any specific techniques, rather he wanted Boxer-sama to invent his own. Boxer-sama wasn't incredibly happy when he heard that.
"You need to have moves that only Boxer-sama can use. That way, they won't be able to trace him to anyone they know," Jiraiya had told him earlier.
Even though he was somewhat reluctant, Boxer-sama worked hard, and managed to create a few new techniques, but they were yet to be perfected. Jiraiya didn't tell him, but he was incredibly impressed with the moves he had created, some of them he even considered to be worth labeling as S-rank techniques. But he would never let Naruto know that.
"Wake up, tough guy, they're here," Jiraiya said with a nudge, causing Boxer-sama to jump in attention.
Tsunade, followed by Anko, Shizune, and Kurenai, arrived at the gates. The Jounins looked at Boxer-sama, greeting him warmly.
"Hey there, handsome," Anko said with a playful wave. She licked her lips, looking him up and down. "Let's work well together."
Boxer-sama gulped shyly. "Y-Yeah, let's," he replied, his red eyes looking to his side.
"I'll try to send you some extra backup later," Tsunade told them. "I think it will be very difficult for just you few to defeat the Akatsuki, impossible even. But bear in mind that it's not easy to find people willing to help Boxer-sama."
"Don't worry, Boxer-sama will be fine!" Jiraiya said encouragingly, throwing a heavy arm around him, causing him to almost collapse from the weight. "Right?"
"U-Un," Boxer-sama said, trying to lift Jiraiya's arm off his back.
Kurenai, Shizune, and Anko all stepped up next to Jiraiya and Boxer-sama, and turned back to Tsunade.
"We'll be leaving, Hokage-sama," Shizune said with a bow. The others followed suit, lowering their heads in respect.
"All of you be careful," she said, then glanced at Boxer-sama. "You too, I guess. Don't screw up, or you'll make me regret my decision."
Boxer-sama nodded quickly before turning to leave the village. Jiraiya and the Jounin girls followed him, waving goodbye as they jumped into the trees. Tsunade waved back, and after they disappeared from her sight, she turned to head back to her office. Requests for Boxer-sama were still pouring in, giving her little time for rest. She hurried home, not paying attention to the small band of people shrouded in nearby bushes.
"They're about to leave," a girl's voice whispered. "Let's go, Hokage-sama isn't looking."
The group scampered out the gate hurriedly, Tsunade taking no notice of them in her weariness. She also took no notice of another group of people, who were hiding in other nearby bushes on the other side of the street.
"Did you guys just see something over there?" one of them asked. "By the other bushes?"
"It was probably just a rat. Focus on the mission, fool. We've only got one shot at this. If you screw up, I get blamed, so listen to what I say. You're all my responsibility."
"Yeah, yeah…" he muttered back.
The second small group hopped off, heading in Boxer-sama's direction, right behind Tsunade's back. In fact, Tsunade missed a third small group heading out, made up of only two people.
"I still don't see why we have to chase Bonsai-sama," one of them muttered in confusion. "Why are you chasing him, anyway?"
"…" The other one didn't reply. "They're going. Let's hurry."
"Tch, fine," the other muttered with little enthusiasm. They shot off after Boxer-sama, Tsunade once again clueless.
Tsunade yawned loudly, walking down the 'empty' street. "God, I feel like sake."
Boxer-sama and company had traveled until sunset, and Jiraiya decided they should rest for the night.
"The Akatsuki shouldn't be underestimated," Jiraiya said to Boxer-sama. "We'll need to be really careful around them, especially when we get closer, so we should get some rest while we can. We'll continue moving before sunrise.
Boxer-sama was dead tired, but the looks he was receiving from the flirtatious Jounins made him somewhat uncomfortable. While the girls were scouting ahead, Jiraiya and Naruto made a fire and were busy setting up the tents inside the cave. There were four tents in total, two for the girls, one for Jiraiya, and one for Boxer-sama.
"Uhh, Jiraiya?" Boxer-sama said (he was told not to call him 'Ero-sennin' when he was being Boxer-sama), taking his bagged eyes off the tent for a moment. "I… Need to ask for…" He paused, feeling strangely uncomfortable. "… Help."
Jiraiya eyed Boxer-sama mockingly. "The great Boxer-sama needs help? No way!"
Boxer-sama scowled. "Shut up, Ero-sennin!" he said, scrapping Boxer-sama's voice, red eyes, and also calling Jiraiya 'Ero-sennin' once again. "I think the girls are going to try something funny with me tonight!"
Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. "Well, aren't you the happy little camper?" he said, teasing. "What's wrong? You want to know how to please four experienced nymphs at the same time?"
Boxer-sama's face glowed red under his mask. "W-What the hell, no! T-That's not it at all!" he said hurriedly, showing signs that he was obviously imagining certain 'things'. He shook them out of his head with embarrassment. "B-Besides they're much older than me! It would be… weird. I just want to know how to keep them out of my tent."
"Oh? And why do you ask me for help on this?" Jiraiya asked enquiringly.
Boxer-sama looked at him as though the answer was obvious. "Well, you seem really good at it. A lot of girls seem to hate you, especially the Old Lady," Boxer-sama responded casually, referring to Tsunade. Jiraiya looked at Boxer-sama with a cranky and embarrassed face.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean, you stupid kid?" Jiraiya yelled at him sternly, grabbing his neck and locking him under his arm, dropping the half-set-up tent. Boxer-sama struggled madly in Jiraiya's strong grasp.
"Let me go, you frog-freak!" Naruto yelled with his normal voice. His nose flicked in panic. "O-Oh man, your armpits stink! Help me, I can't breathe! My God, I'm choking!"
"You reminded of a special Jutsu, Naruto!" Jiraiya said with a smirk, also forgetting to call him Boxer-sama. "You'll like this! Armpit Bomb no Jutsu!"
A green, thick gas began pouring out of the pores in Jiraiya's armpits, wafting into Naruto's nose. Naruto cringed, the smell making his eyeballs roll up.
"Can't breathe! Ack! W-What power!" Boxer-sama said, feeling faint.
"…Uh, boys?"
Jiraiya and Boxer-sama froze, Boxer-sama's head still in Jiraiya headlock, with his butt poking out in front of the girls, who had just returned. Shizune continued speaking.
"Jiraiya… What are you doing to Boxer-sama?" she said, somewhat disturbed when she heard him yelling 'Armpit Bomb n Jutsu'.
"Er… Nothing, ladies!" Jiraiya said with a laugh. He leant down towards Boxer-sama, whispering to him sternly. "Naruto, change your eyes, quickly."
"R-Right," Boxer-sama replied, shifting his eyes back to crimson red.
Anko strutted up to Jiraiya and Boxer-sama, her swaying hips catching Jiraiya's full attention. This also meant he forgot to let Boxer-sama out of his grip.
"Uh, Ero-sennin? You can let me go now…" he whispered, but Jiraiya was absorbed by Anko as she approached them.
"You know, Jiraiya…" Anko purred. "I like the position you're in right now."
"Huhuhu…' Jiraiya laughed stupidly, his face looking very perverted. "I can be in this position whenever you want."
"Eh, really?" Anko said with a feigned coy look, biting her finger lightly. "That's awful nice of you… In that case, how about tonight…"
Jiraiya perked up excitedly, his grip on Boxer-sama's head tightening.
"O-Oi! You're crushing me!" Boxer-sama gurgled underneath Jiraiya's massive arm.
"Tonight…" Anko continued. "You can hold Boxer-sama down for me so I can do all kinds of things with him!"
From the look of disappointment and depression in Jiraiya's face, this wasn't exactly what he expected. He finally let go of Boxer-sama sadly, and continued to set up the tents with him while the girls sat around the fire, engrossed in conversation, that they probably should've kept quieter, as Boxer-sama's face was as red as a rose.
"Come on, girls, let me have him tonight!" Anko asked pleadingly, putting her hands together. "You girls can have him later."
Kurenai and Shizune went red as they shouted back "No way, I'm first!"
Boxer-sama tried to whistle to block out their voices. It wasn't working.
"Okay, okay, so we all want him the first night. How about…" Anko thought a minute. "Okay, Kurenai gets the top half, I get the bottom, and Shizune… I guess you can have one of his feet."
"I-I can have the top half?" Kurenai asked again happily, before she realized how perverted she sounded and blushed furiously.
"Why do I only get a foot?" Shizune exclaimed. "I want the bottom half!"
Anko giggled mischievously. "Ah, so you want him the same place I want him, huh?" she said with a grin. Shizune's face colored.
"S-So what if I do?" Shizune mumbled, looking away from her. Anko giggled again, then playfully crawled over to her and caressed her face, causing Shizune to blush even more.
"I guess I could share it with you," Anko purred, her fingers trailing down her neck. "After all, I like a little variety. Men are so hard and built, but women…"
Anko's fingers trailed down Shizune's chest towards her stomach, causing Shizune to shiver uncontrollably.
"Women are so soft! Hm, okay, we'll share the bottom half then, but only if you let me play with you too."
While Shizune showed slight signs of embarrassment and excitement, Boxer-sama was busy hyperventilating with a look of shock stuck onto his face. Jiraiya on the other hand had blood pouring out of his nose and pouring down the front of his chest, his imagination getting the better of him.
After Jiraiya and Boxer-sama somehow managed to pull it together long enough to finish setting up the tents, the girls left to take a bath at a lake they found nearby, and Jiraiya had of course left to try and get a glimpse of them, leaving Boxer-sama alone in the cave.
"Gosh, finally," Naruto's voice came out as he groaned tiredly. "I hope it isn't going to be like this the whole time. I should be more careful tonight."
Naruto took off his headgear, revealing his blonde hair and his blue eyes. "Ah! It's hard to breathe when I wear that! Ack, I'm cold…"
Naruto shuffled into his tent, rolling into his sleeping bag, and falling asleep within seconds, his headgear huddled in his arms.
"Hurry up, Kurenai!" Anko yelled out as Kurenai was going through her rucksack curiously.
"I can't find my body lotion," Kurenai told her. "I think I left it back at the cave. I'm going back!"
"Want to look your best for him, eh?"
Kurenai didn't respond, blushing slightly as she walked off.
"Well, hurry back, ne?" Anko told her as Kurenai disappeared into the trees.
Jiraiya, sitting behind a nearby rock and using his Look-through-rocks-to-peep-at-girls no Jutsu, sighed sadly.
"It's bad enough that Tsunade isn't here, her body is dynamite, but now Kurenai not here? Well, at least there's still these two…" Jiraiya said with a sigh. Then he grinned stupidly. "Anko sure does have nice curves…"
"Are you sure you saw them all leave?" a girl's voice whispered.
"Yeah, the only one in there should be Boxer-sama," another girl's voice replied.
The voices were coming from the ledge above the mouth of the cave, where a small group huddled onto the ground, looking down..
"Okay let's… Wait a minute, someone's coming!"
The group hid back in the shadows as a figure came past, heading into the cave.
"Who was that?"
"I didn't see, it's too dark."
"Nuts, we missed our chance."
Somewhere else nearby, another group noticed the figure walking into the cave. They were just about to head in as well, and jumped back in surprise, barely making it back behind the trees they were hiding behind.
"Did you predict that, smart guy?" a voice mocked.
"Look, shut up. Who's the one here with 200 IQ? Anyone with a 200 IQ rating, raise their hand."
The figure put his hand up, surrounded by people who kept them down. "That's what I thought. Now shut up."
"…Smart-ass," the voice grumbled back.
"It's only one person in there, you know," a voice whispered sleepily. "If you want to get to Boktai-sama that badly, then you can just kill whoever that was. Or something," he said with a yawn.
"…No," a deeper voice responded. "We wait."
However the other person wasn't listening. He had fallen asleep.
"…If you don't wake up and listen to me, I'll kill you."
The other person suddenly shot to life, all signs of sleep leaving him.
"O-Of course! We wait! Yes! Don't hurt me!"
Kurenai stepped into the cave, the fire beginning to die out. She looked around and noticed Boxer-sama and Jiraiya were nowhere in sight.
"Jiraiya-san? Boxer-sama?" she called out. She sighed, guessing they were out training or something. She went through her bags, finally finding her special body lotion. Suddenly, she heard a sound coming out of one of the tents. It was Boxer-sama's.
Kurenai's curiosity, or possibly deep, intimate urges, got the better of her as she quietly edged towards his tent, her heartbeat quickening as she gulped nervously. She stepped to the front of the tent, and slowly pulled the flap open.
"B-Boxer-sama…" she whispered, her face flushing. He had his back to her, wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. Her eyes trailed from the shorts, up his back, where his scar was still visible, and up to the back of his head.
"…B-B-Blonde hair!" she gasped suddenly, and quickly threw her hands to cover her mouth. Boxer-sama shuffled lightly, but luckily dozed on. Kurenai thought to herself.
'He has blonde hair… Who do I know that has blonde hair?' She crawled halfway into the tent, her hands holding her up inside Boxer-sama's tent. 'I just have to look over his shoulder, and I'll finally know who he is…'
"Crap, I think she saw you!" a voice whispered urgently to her friend.
"H-How? I was certain I was hidden!"
"Well, apparently you weren't, pig! She said blonde hair, and you're the only one that fits that description!"
"Shut up, forehead-girl! What about the Sand girl?"
"I know it was you, cause you're too clumsy."
"Why you…!"
The two figures began to quarrel, their voices becoming louder and louder. The other girls tried to hold them back, but the two struggled madly, causing them all to topple over the edge, right in front of the cave entrance.
"Who's there?" Kurenai yelled, as she hurriedly jumped out of Boxer-sama's tent, taking a fighting stance. She looked outside and saw a clutter of young girls, groans of pain emanating from them. "G-Girls? What are you all doing here?"
The group was in fact (Even though you should know by now) Sakura, Ino, Tenten, Temari, and Hinata.
"We couldn't just sit by and let Boxer-sama go all alone!" Sakura explained.
"But he isn't alone," Kurenai replied, frustrated that the girls took her chance to check who he was. "…But why is Hinata here? I'm sure she told me she wasn't… er, into Boxer-sama as much as you girls do."
"They… Asked me politely," Hinata said quietly. Basically, they had forced her to come with them on their romantic escapades, against her wishes to stay at Konoha.
"Nnngh… What's all that noise? Ack, my headgear… Better put it on before someone sees my face."
Kurenai turned back to the tent, hearing Boxer-sama shuffling about. She silently mouthed something that was most likely an obscenity, as she turned back to the girls.
"You must all leave, now!" she grumbled. "This is very dangerous!"
"B-But we can help you!" Ino begged. "I'm sure we can!"
Boxer-sama stepped out, headgear covering his face and hair once more, and looked up at them in surprise. "S-Sakura? And all of you?"
They ignored him for the moment, intent on convincing Kurenai to let them stay.
"Oh yeah?" Kurenai responded mockingly. "How?"
The girls thought hard. Except Hinata, who would've happily gone home.
"I know!" Tenten exclaimed. She grabbed Hinata and dragged her to the front of them. "Hinata can use her Byakugan to scout for any nearby enemies!"
"W-What?" Hinata said uncertainly. Tenten whispered into her ear.
"Just help us out, please?" Tenten asked nicely. Hinata sighed. She was incapable of saying 'no' to them.
"Why don't you demonstrate, Hinata?" Tenten said out loud. Hinata nodded meekly, activating her eyes.
"Byakugan!"
Veins popped out around her eyes, making her look somewhat scary.
"No need to demonstrate, we've already checked the area and-"
Kurenai stopped as she noticed the look on Hinata's face.
"We… We're not alone."
Boxer-sama tensed up, grabbing a kunai he kept inside his tent.
"Everyone wait here," he told them, stepping outside cautiously. Before he even had a chance to do anything, he suddenly found himself glued to the spot. "W-What the…"
"Gotcha," a familiar voice called out. Boxer-sama looked into the trees, and saw a group of boys step out, a certain one of them holding his hands together to hold his Jutsu.
"It's a good thing I predicted the moon's brightness tonight," Shikamaru explained cockily. "Or my technique wouldn't have worked."
"… You guys?" Boxer-sama said in surprise, as he saw Shikamaru, Sasuke, Neji, Chouji, Lee, Shino, and Kiba, his dog sitting on his head, growling.
"Time for us to kill you, you weird perverted bastard!" Kiba yelled out.
"This is for revealing to everyone that I'm related to a panty thief!" Neji roared in surprising anger. He dashed at Boxer-sama with speed, as Boxer-sama shut his eyes to brace himself for the attack.
But it didn't come.
He slowly opened his eyes, and saw that Neji had been stopped in his tracks by a wall of sand, which surrounded his body and held him in place, with the only visible part of Neji left being the head.
"Oh, this can't be as good as it looks," Naruto mumbled to himself. Gaara and Kankurou popped out of the bushes, Gaara eyeing the boys menacingly. Shikamaru let Boxer-sama go, in case he had to use his technique on their new foe.
"You can't kill him," Gaara announced, shocking everyone, even Kankurou.
"Y-You don't want them to kill him? You actually want someone to stay alive?" Kankurou asked uncertainly. "…Who are you? Where's my brother gone?"
"Wow, maybe this won't be so bad…" Boxer-sama said hopefully.
"You can't kill him, because I will kill him."
"…Well, that wasn't what I expected," Boxer-sama sighed. He was getting used to it always being a bad thing.
The girls suddenly came out, and yelled in surprise when they found out who was there. Coincidentally, Anko and Shizune arrived, towels wrapped around them, dragging a carcass that may have at one point been Jiraiya. It was hard to tell with the large amount of swellings on his face. Everyone stared at everyone else in confusion.
"What are you boys doing here?"
"What're you girls doing here?"
"Kankurou, why are you here?"
"What am I doing here, Gaara?"
"… Hey, Anko-sensei and Shizune-sensei are practically naked!"
"Iyaaa!"
Boxer-sama sighed, looking into the sky sadly. "Will it ever get better? Can't I just have one good day? Just one?"
"Our senseis are naked! But I won't look at them, even though my hormones are raging and my tight, green pants are becoming even tighter! MY EYES ARE ONLY FOR SAKURA-CHAN! ONLY SHE CAN TAME THE GREEN, SEXY BEAST OF KONOHA!"
"God, Lee! You're on fire! Oh, God! Now you've put me on fire! Put it out! Jeez, put it out! It's goddamn bothersome! Sasuke, I order you to put me out!"
"Get away, Shikamaru, you dolt! Oh crap, now I'm on fire! Curse you, Shikamaru! I'm gonna get all 'Avenger' on your ass when I put this fire out! Come here, dog! I'll brush the flames off me with your fur!"
"You cruel bastard! You made Akamaru catch on fire! Come here, boy! I'll put it ou- OH MY GOD I'M ON FIRE! Put it out! It's FREAKING HOT! CHOUJI, HELP ME!"
"G-Get away! You'll burn my calories! My precious, precious calories! OH NO, YOU GOT ME! I'M MELTING! MELTING! NEJI, DO SOMETHING!"
"Stay away from me, you lard-tub, or I'll 'gentle-fist' you back to the Stone Age! OH NO, MY HAIR! YOU IDIOT, YOU SET MY HAIR ON FIRE! NOT MY HAIR! Shino, put it out! Quickly!"
"… It would appear you have made me caught fire… The pain is excruciating, and I'm suffering second degree burns."
Boxer-sama looked at them, as the boys other than Shino ran around madly, all on fire, the girls and Kurenai trying to put them out, Shizune trying to cover up while Anko posed sexily, and Kankurou questioning Gaara almost philosophically about why he was even there. Boxer-sama sighed again, something he felt he had been doing a lot lately.
"…Guess not."
END CHAPTER 9A/N: People light on fire way too often in my story. I need a new joke, like freezing people or something… Anyway, reviews and such appreciated!