Chapter 20 – I'm sorry
Finally, a tiny bit of normalcy was back in her life. For the next few hours she would simply be Kagome Higurashi, and she would be a normal teenager on a normal date with a nice, normal guy.
They walked down the street side by side. He did try to grab hold of her hand a few times, however, she was oblivious to his advancements. They stopped by the theater and sat together watching the newest drama comedy. She couldn't remember the last time she laughed so freely.
The date was followed by a bite to eat at the local Wacdonalds. This date was utterly boring, but Kagome loved every moment. After everything that has happened, she liked this boring, uneventful date—even the food was bland. There were no demons, no interruptions, and no end of the world. It was a breath of fresh air.
Here, now, she wasn't a demon slayer. She wasn't a reincarnation of some powerful priestess from 500 years ago, she was Kagome…the normal high school girl forced to live a life she never asked for. Hojo was a nice guy. He didn't demand answers, and he didn't ask questions.
Kagome felt like she was cheating him, but for this one day she wanted to pretend she was just a normal girl who did normal things. It was hard pretending to be normal when there was a large sword strapped to her back.
Her hair hid the hilt and part of the sword's length. The sweater that was tied around her waist concealed the rest. She was glad that she had walked around the feudal era with a bow and quiver of arrows on her back. She didn't feel awkward wearing a weapon out in public. The sword felt like a security blanket over her dreamy, but boring date.
Hojo talked for most of the time, and she found herself smiling and laughing and living it up. She didn't know what would happen now that Hakudoshi couldn't have the jewel, but none of that mattered at the moment. All that mattered was that she was on a normal date with a boy who was interested in only her…and no hidden motives behind his actions.
This was her moment to leave her duty behind. Hojo was a sweet guy. He was boring and dull and so pitifully human. Kagome watched as he talked about his family. She didn't register what he was saying; instead, she was locking away this moment so that she could come back to it later. She didn't know how long this moment could last. She wished it would go on forever. She knew better; she knew that everything must come to an end sooner or later.
It seemed as if every moment was precious, and she didn't want to waste a single second. She excused herself for the table and slipped into the washroom. She stood before the mirror and took in her reflection. There was a strange smile plastered to her face. She realized that it wasn't plastered—it wasn't a fake expression. It was a real smile. She was so happy she almost didn't recognize the person standing before her.
It had been so long since she had felt like she was a princess; and after all she had been through, she decided she deserved it. That and much more.
Quickly, she ran her fingers through her hair and blew herself a kiss in the mirror before returning to her date. The word 'date' sent shivers down her spine. They were foreign words come to life. Kagome watched as a few girls eyed him, but he was oblivious. It was sweet how he only had eyes for her. Kagome could get used to feeling and being treated like she was a princess. It made her feel special, and it was about time someone else beside her mom thought so too.
"Are you ready to leave?" Hojo asked Kagome as she slid back into her seat.
"Yeah, I guess so." Hojo wouldn't let Kagome bring her tray to the disposal bin. He was being a sweet gentleman, and Kagome allowed herself to be spoiled.
"Kagome, I've been meaning to ask you…¨ Hojo started once they were out of the building and down one of the less busy streets. Kagome turned and cocked her head to the side waiting for his question. She partially knew what he wanted to know, but she silently waited for him to ask. "Why are you carrying a sword?"
She smiled softly and continued to walk. "It's a long story. Let's go somewhere a little more secluded and I'll tell you all about it."
Kagome didn't think it was possible for Hojo to have a bad thought. She knew she would have been screaming, 'there's no way in hell I'm going to be going anywhere secluded with you when you have a sharp pointy thing that could kill me on your back.' Instead he nodded and they continued to walk. She was lucky to have landed such a guy.
She followed him down to the riverbank and ever the gentleman; he waited for her to sit before he, himself, took a seat beside her. "I have to tell you before I begin Hojo, that I really enjoyed myself today. I thank you for all you've done. I've done nothing but take your kindness, so I'm sorry." She hung her head low.
"Kagome," Hojo gently lifted her face so he could stare directly into her eyes. "It sounds like you are going to die…is anything the matter? Has the TB flared up again? Did you eat bad beef again and got worms? I know it's been a while since you were last sick, and—"
"Hojo."
"Think I pushed you too much too fast, I just wanted to—"
"Hojo."
"Spend time with you because I care deeply about you. I lov—"
"Hojo!" Kagome finally broke his train of thought. "I'm not sick and I'm not dying." She wouldn't be the one dead. Tuberculosis was one thing, but nasty tape worms! That was the first time she heard that one. Couldn't her grandfather say anything normal like the flu or staying with relatives?
"I'm so glad. I was worried I did too much with you in your stat—"
"I've never been sick. Everything my Grandfather has told you over the years have been a lie." Kagome's heart fell as she faced the years of her 'illnesses' come to a head. The betrayal on Hojo's face was all she needed to see to know. "I didn't do it on purpose. If you come to hate me, I would understand. I really would. I wouldn't hold it against you. I would hate me too."
"Tell me why."
She gave a sad sigh and hugged her knees. Her hands were shaking, and she would have liked nothing more than to puke up the contents of her bland meal. She took a deep breath and willed the butterflies to die down. She started from the very beginning. The well, the demons, the jewel, Inuyasha, Kikyo, Shippo, Naraku, Kouga's death, the sword—she left nothing out.
She didn't cover anything up or make it look pretty as she would have done if she were at home. Hojo received the ugly truth. Her hands were stained with the blood of all the innocent lives that were lost because of her and her jewel.
Kagome knew her story was a long tale but she didn't realize that the sun was already starting to make its descent for the day. She was finally able to look over to Hojo. She couldn't tell what he was thinking because he was simply staring off into the river.
It was a lot to digest, but he wanted to know, and she didn't want to keep lying to him anymore. "I know you must hate me now for all that I've done. I can't go back and change what I've done. I'm sorry." Her voice came out in a whispered tone.
Telling her story again became a little less painful each time, but she was still sad because all those days were gone. They had both the good and the bad. They were days she would never get back or could say, "Hey Inuyasha, remember when…" while he was protecting her while she took an extra long soak in the hot spring with Sango and Shippo.
Kagome stood. By Hojo not saying a word, he had spoken volumes. He was disgusted with her. She couldn't blame him. Murder was murder—be demon or human. It was all on her hands. "I'm sorry." She whispered again and turned to leave.
A hand on the hem of her dress stopped her. She was pulled back down to the grass. "I never knew how much you suffered. I should be the one to say I'm sorry." He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. "I wish you could have told me. I wished I was there for you more. I wish I could have been the one you held in your heart."
Kagome couldn't hold in the tears anymore. This was unconditional love. This was what she wanted Inuyasha to give to only her. It felt nice to be embraced in arms that accepted her for her true self. "Thank you."
Hojo pulled back and reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief and dabbed dry her eyes. "Thank you trusting me enough to tell me everything."
Kagome just smiled in return. It felt like life was finally getting back on track. She cleared her throat. All that talking left her parched. Hojo noticed right away and offered to buy her a something to drink from a vending machine just down the street.
She watched as he walked off. He was gone no more than a full minute when she heard his startled scream. She got up and ran towards him. A million different scenarios flashed through her mind. She hoped he was simply startled by a stray cat. Everything was finally starting to come together. Her life was finally going the way she wanted it to, and she wasn't going to let anyone take that away from her.
She felt his presence, and she willed her legs to move faster. She begged and prayed that her feeling was wrong. She turned the corner and saw that her gut feeling was dead on. "We meet again Kagome."
"Hakudoshi!" She couldn't help how the venomous word rolled off her tongue. "Hojo are you alright?" She called out to him, his body lying on the concrete ground.
"You know, your little trick was pretty mean. That jewel is mine and you stole it from me. Return the jewel to me if you want this boy's life to be spared." Hakudoshi's sickle hovered over Hojo's jugular.
"Let him go. He's not a part of this Hakudoshi!" Kagome watched on as Hojo started to move. He wasn't dead, which was a very good sign. Right now she wanted Hojo as far away from Hakudoshi as possible.
"Everyone that has come into contact with you is part of this. He is merely the first stepping stone. You have taken what should be mine…so I will take everything that belongs to you." Hakudoshi licked his lips slowly like the predator he was in front of his prey.
"I'll give you the jewel; just leave him alone." Everything screamed inside her that she shouldn't, but she couldn't just leave Hojo like that.
"Kagome, don't!¡¨ Hojo managed to shout before Hakudoshi kicked him in the side causing Hojo to cough up blood.
"Shut up, maggot." Hakudoshi sneered. "You should be lucky I don't eat your soul as a snack."
Kagome shook in fear. "I told you I would give you the jewel. Let him go! Why are you doing this? Naraku is dead. You're free to do whatever you want."
"I know," Hakudoshi gave her a sadistic smirk. "Why do you think I'm doing this? I'm going to take the jewel from you and kill everyone you hold dear. Don't worry, I'll leave you alive long enough to see you suffer. My plans are already in place."
"Plans what plans?" She demanded.
"It's my parting gift to the spirit realm. Do you seriously think that after five hundred years of waiting and planning I would just let everyone walk off happily into the sunset and allow my personal ambitions to get trampled on? I only hope they appreciate the hard work I've done. I mean, what I did is no easy task."
"Stop this! This is madness. I just want some peace."
"Kagome, you don't know what peace is. Where ever you go, there's only chaos. Do you know why? It's all your fault. You bring destruction and madness where ever you go. I listened to your tale to your play-toy here, and you are right about one thing. Blood is on your hands."
"Don't listen to him Kagome," Hojo shouted. "Nothing is your fault. You've only done what you should have!"
"Shut up." Hakudoshi growled and placed his sickle closer to his throat drawing a thin line of crimson.
"I know, now let him go, and I'll make it up to you." Kagome begged and pleaded. "For God's sake, just let him go, please." Kagome begged some more and took the sword off her back. "You can have the jewel, if you just let him go."
Hakudoshi smiled and released the boy. He started to walk over to Kagome. Hojo stood and ran towards Hakudoshi. "Don't do it Kagome." Hojo's voice rang out loud and clear.
Kagome gave him a sad smile and held out the sword. He would be saved. She wanted to at least save one person she cared about. It was the least she could do to make amends. Everything that happened next seemed to move in slow motion and she wished it was nothing but a horrible, horrible dream.
She knew this was a reflexive action on Hakudoshi's part…Hojo reached out and grabbed Hakudoshi's white kimono. "I'm sor—" Hojo looked at Kagome with sad and knowing smile on his face.
Hakudoshi turned and sliced off his head in one clean sweep.
Kagome watched as Hojo's head rolled away from his body. Her mind went blank. She grabbed the hilt of her sword and gave into its power as it flared up her arm. No longer caring about controlling the sword, she allowed the sword to take over her.
She couldn't protect another person precious to her. She failed again. Because of her, another person close to her was dead, and she couldn't do anything about it. A single tear managed to escape and run down her cheek.
"I'm sorry everyone." She whispered before she fell into herself and allowed the sword's power to consume her.
AN: I think that was a nice place to end it. (Claps wildly) And now the fun begins. I know… I'm bloody evil, and I LOVE IT. Remember to review. I should work on the next chapter, but I need your long and insane reviews to spark my creativity. Oh and Welcome back from ND E!!
Beta: (scowls) That's not the kind of welcome I was wanting, honey. And now your reviewers are going to flay me alive (probably after you finish the story) for taking half a week to beta this. Gee, thanks. And killing Hojo is not very friendly…yeah, that's my current catchphrase.
Author's retort to the beta: Who didn't want Hojo to die? (snorts)…
Depending on the reviews, the next chapter might be out next week—it's up to you reviewers.