With Hope

I hate hope.
We dream of our wills,
And we die of its pain.
Yes, unfortunately,
Hope kills.

Cid frowned as he watched his beautiful work of art sink beneath the waves. It groaned one last time, as if calling out feebly for help, then gracefully disappeared, swallowed up by the ocean deep.

Cid growled, flicking his cig into the water, then lighting up another one. Yuffie looked over, concerned. He had done this ten times in the last twenty minutes, and never finished a cig, just started a new one. He'd be out soon, and cussing up a storm though.

Cid turned, "How many are dead?"

"None, surprisingly...we had time to get everyone off the ship." Yuffie said.

"Everyone we could find." Vincent added softly.

They all turned their eyes to him.

"And I think it's pretty obvious who we didn't find." He said, gesturing to the group.

Barret nodded sadly, "Cloud, Tifa, and Nanaki."

o

O

o

Cloud had frightened the little girl at first as he trudged up the dirt road. Holding both shoes in one hand, his shirt wrapped around his right arm, and salt encrusted hair, he knew he didn't look the best. She'd dropped the basket of laundry she'd been hauling up the hill, and made a dash for the house.

Cloud sighed, his face emotionless. It was the only house for miles it seemed, secluded by trees and hills. He bent over, picking up the dropped basket and laundry, and carried it up to the house. He reached the door, gazing through the glass window in it. There was a woman there, staring cautiously out.

Cloud put the basket down on the steps before him.

"Please, if you'll do anything, just answer me this question." He said tiredly. "Any news of the airship crash?"

The woman's eyes went wide.

"You were on that?" She said through the door.

A half hour later, Cloud was seated at a kitchen table, washed and in clean, borrowed clothes. The woman laid a sandwich out for him, but Cloud didn't have the energy to eat.

"Thank you." He said softly, his mind else where.

The woman looked at him, concerned.

"Please, why don't you wait in here," She said, gesturing to a doorway. "I'll try the phone again to see if there's any news."

Cloud nodded her thanks as he allowed her to lead him through the doorway. There was a crash from upstairs.

"Lily!" The woman shouted, making a dash back towards the kitchen.

Cloud looked into the room before him.

It was cozy enough, a fire despite the heat, and two comfortable looking chairs in the corner facing each other. It was only when Cloud sat down he realized he'd sat down in front of an old woman.

She looked up, her eyes milky blue, eyes of the blind. She gave him a crooked smile, her deep wrinkles accented, and a few teeth missing.

Any other time, Cloud could've probably managed something of a smile, but not now, not when everything was lost.

"I don't know you, and why are you so glum?" She asked, reaching out, and patting Cloud's hand.

He didn't move. "I've no hope left."

The little old lady gasped.

"No hope?" She asked, surprised.

Cloud nodded his head, "Yes."

"How can you live without hope?"

"It's better, isn't it?"

"Well, no!"

"After what's happened to me, I believe so."

"And just what has happened to you?" She asked.

Cloud could hear the scolding tone she took.

"My wife...we've been married for six months now."

The old ladies features softened immediately.

"She...she was at home the other night, and she runs a bar...and we have two children we took in together before we were married...well, she fell down some stairs."

"Oh no." The old woman breathed.

"Yes, and when I came home late that day, I found out that my children had been taken...but the worst part is, is that my wife was defending them when she fell, when she was shot, and when she was hit across the face with something."

"Did she...?"

Cloud shook his head, angered by remembering everything that had happened.

"No...but our baby...that she hadn't told me about yet..." Cloud didn't need to go on.

"Ahh." The old woman said, understandingly.

"And all I can keep thinking about is what if she'd told me? What if she'd told me that morning? Or the day before? What if she'd told me...how much would've been in me for this new part of my life? How much hope would've been there? And how much would've been destroyed when I found out about losing the baby?" He said, his tone angered.

Cloud let out a defeated sigh. He couldn't understand why he was just letting everything out on this little, blind, old lady.

"And then, when the airship wrecked...we had so much hope that we would be reunited with our children, and then the airship...and I don't...I don't even know if she's alive..."

Cloud felt his throat lock up, and buried his face in his hands, ashamed of the tears that the blind woman couldn't see.

But she could feel them, she could feel them in his words, and in his heart as it cried out for his wife. She sighed, her blind eyes seeing him and not seeing him.

"Do you feel her?"

"What?" Cloud whispered hoarsely.

"When my husband died, I felt it. It was just this feeling I can't even begin to explain. I mean, there was no way I could explain to my children, and their children, why I had suddenly dropped the bowl of potatoes and collapsed, crying on the floor. I just knew...I felt it stir my bones, and freeze my blood. Is she your soulmate?"

Cloud looked up.

"Yes." He said, with not even a trace of doubt in his voice at all.

"Then, you would've felt her die. It would feel as if a part of your heart was just ripped from your chest, violently and unfairly. That's what you'd feel...have you felt that?" She asked.

"No."

"Then your wife is still alive."

"Is that woman, your daughter?"

"No, my son's wife. Might as well be a daughter, though." She chuckled.

"Now, umm..."

"Cloud."

"Now, Cloud, you have to understand something."

Cloud looked up, intent.

"When two people are soulmates, and they know it in every fiber of their heart and soul, they feel each other. So when one dies, the one left has a choice. They can choose to die with them, to go on with the one they love, which is a perfectly acceptable choice."

"But you..."

"I'm still here, aren't I? Now, that moment, when that bowl broke on the floor, that spilt second, I made a choice. I knew that I could fall onto the floor there and die, just flat out die. But I didn't, because I took the other choice. To keep living, with my friends and family. Sure, I love them, but don't I love my soulmate more? Why, yes you're thinking! But I'll tell you this, why I didn't die...lean in close dear, this is a secret..."

Cloud leaned in, the old woman leaning in to.

"I had hope." She whispered.

Cloud looked up, surprised.

"Now, hope you say? You must be joking! I know that's what you're thinking, but you see, hope can come in many different forms. Oh, sure, I had hope that my feeling was wrong, but I knew in my heart, that only a miracle of God could change the fact that my husband was dead, my soulmate. But the hope that kept me going, kept me living, is that I would see him again one day! Of course you're thinking, but that's too long to go on without him! But it's not, because he's still with me, because I still have hope. I still have hope to see little Lily in there to grow up, to see her become a beautiful woman, like her mother. I still have hope that my story in this world isn't over, that my whole reason for being here isn't over. But even more important than that, and I know you're thinking, well, what could be more important than that! Well that, dear, is the hope my husband still had and has for me. The hope he had that I would live on, to live out life till my fullest dying day!"

She smiled here.

"Sure, there's bad hope, the bad hope that my husband was still alive. The bad hope you would've had for your baby. I mean, it might not be considered bad hope, but the situations that cause it to be bad are bad. Anyways, what I'm trying to say, dear, is that everyone lives with hope, the good and the bad."

She reached out, staring at him with unseeing eyes, and patting his hand.

"And that dear, is how you live."

A/N: I absolutely adore this chapter...the little old lady, she makes my day! I tried to make her appear fiesty and funny despite the serious on goings. This was just something that popped into my head over teh weekend, and I'm glad it did! So I'm back! Oh, and up at the top there is another snippit (heh heh) from a poem I wrote a few months ago...so enjoy!