A/N: I'm in exam heat right now, so it's a miracle that I'd even be able to finish this chapter at the moment. I'll probably need a fortnight or so from now to get into the next chapter, but I'll try to get it done as soon as I can. Anyway, on with it
After the play had ended, the audience was told that the auction for a date with Boxer-sama would soon begin. Hearing this, practically all the men took this as the time to go home. It took them more effort than they imagined, however, as their wives put up a good fight, clawing onto the floors and doorframes like their life depended on it, all the while chanting "Boxer-sama! Must have Boxer-sama!"
When they had finally all left, leaving a number of nasty scratch marks all over the exit, the remaining group of females was alive with excitement, counting their money and hoping to win a date with the illustrious hero Boxer-sama. Obviously they were thrilled with the notion.
Boxer-sama was not.
'Uhu… There's a lot of girls out there…' Boxer-sama thought, gulping nervously. He hid quietly in a dark corner backstage, watching Jiraiya as he ushered the girls off the stage.
"Boxer-sama's gonna be waiting up here," he told them. "And you're going to have to be down there to buy him, won't you?"
The girls nodded with vibrant optimism, rushing off to join the other young girls at the bottom of the stage. Hinata was not as excited, but was caught in the tidal wave that was Sakura, Ino, Tenten, and Temari. Boxer-sama looked at her in pity, watching her panicked face as they dragged her away.
"Hey, uh, Jiraiya, maybe this isn't such a good idea…" Boxer-sama said nervously as he stepped out of hiding. Jiraiya suddenly whipped his hands out and latched onto Naruto's shoulders, his eyes alight with passion.
"Are you a fool, Naruto? Think of the possibilities! First you're going to pick her up, and she'll be dressed in the sexiest dress she could find, posing cutely to grab your eyes… Then when you go to a restaurant, she'll try to feed you, opening her mouth and saying 'ahh…' And after that, maybe you'll go to a dance party, and the two of you start dirty dancing, rubbing each other legs and caressing each others' bodies… And then the two of you are feeling sweaty and lively, so you decide to book a hotel room… And she's trying to make for the shower, and you pull her away, throwing her onto the bed! You start ripping her clothes to pieces, watching her wail in anticipation! And then… And then!"
Jiraiya began drooling, staring upwards pervertedly, causing Boxer-sama to pull away with a hidden pink face. "I-I'm not like you!" Boxer-sama said with embarrassment. "I wouldn't do such a thing! Besides, some of them are my friends! That'd just be…"
He accidentally began to imagine Sakura, Ino, Tenten, Hinata, Temari, and even Kyuu, lying on a hotel room bed, their clothes half-torn off, teasingly hiding their private spots.
"Haha! You really are like me! You're drool's rolling out of your mask! Hahaha!" Jiraiya pointed and laughed as Boxer-sama wiped his mouth shamefully.
"Dammit, you Ero-sennin! I'm not like that! Look, you can see how serious I am in my eyes!" Boxer-sama yelled, pointing at his eyes. Jiraiya chuckled as he looked at Boxer-sama, then slowly came to a stop. "…W-What? You finally realize that I'm serious?"
Jiraiya looked around the room cautiously to make sure he was alone, then whispered into Boxer-sama's ear, surprising him by using his real name. "Naruto, why aren't you using the Kyuubi? Your eyes are still blue."
Boxer-sama quickly remembered that he'd been having problems using the Kyuubi's power, and the meeting he had with Kyuu explaining it to him. Before the conversation could continue, however, Shizune's voice was heard, calling for Boxer-sama to come on stage. Boxer-sama hurriedly waved at Jiraiya, signaling 'we'll talk later', as he headed on stage, clapping and cheering filling the room.
'Good timing,' he thought to himself. 'I don't think I should tell Ero-sennin about Kyuu yet… He'll probably worry and fuss over it anyway.'
"Well then, girls," said Shizune, who was standing on stage with Boxer-sama. He looked at her in surprise, seeing that she had a somewhat depressed face.
'Uuu…' Shizune thought to herself. '… Why can't somebody else announce so I can bid too?"
Boxer-sama worriedly tapped Shizune on the shoulder, standing close to her. "You okay, Shizune-san?" he asked with a worried voice. Shizune began shaking, then suddenly squealed happily.
'Ohhh! Boxer-sama's too kind to me! With this I can do the announcement and die happy!' Shizune thought, tears of joy coming out of her eyes, leaving Boxer-sama bewildered.
"A-Anyway! Tonight we're going to be auctioning a date with the great Boxer-sama to produce funds for Konoha! Is everybody ready to begin?"
"YYYYEEEEAAAAHHHH!
A powerful roar from the girls answered her, and in Boxer-sama's eyes, the crowd looked like a horde of ferocious lions that would tear him to pieces. He gulped fearfully.
"I'm going to die."
"Allow me to explain how this is going to work! Similar to a normal auction, you will be bidding money, and the highest bidder will be given the date with Boxer-sama! However, we've added some extra rules to make it more interesting!" Boxer-sama stared at her with a 'what-the-hell-do-you-mean-extra-rules?' look. "Because of how high in demand Boxer-sama is, you will be given the option of pooling together with other girls in order to increase the amount that you will bid! That's right girls, if you don't mind sharing, your chances of winning would greatly increase!"
An excited murmur in the crowd was heard, causing Boxer-sama to become even more afraid.
'I-I might have to deal with more than one!'
"Now that everyone is ready, let's have the first bid! Everybody use the numbered flags you've been provided to bid, and call out how much you're bidding, please!"
Without hesitation, the flags began to rise rapidly. Within seconds, the bidding had gone over to the hundreds. Within minutes, they were in the high thousands. Boxer-sama looked around in disbelief, seeing the many girls raise their flags like it was exercise. Even the girls he knew were going at it like crazy. Except for Hinata, who only raised her flag once, and that was because somebody pushed her in the excitement.
'What the hell is with these girls! Are they rich or something?'
"One hundred thousand!"
The bids were speedily increasing, and Sakura, Ino, Tenten, and Temari found that they didn't have enough money to continue bidding.
"T-This can't be!" Tenten moaned, counting her money over and over.
"I must have more money somewhere…" Sakura mumbled, searching her pockets.
"That's it, girls!" Ino said with fired-up eyes. "We came here for Boxer-sama, and we damn well are going to get Boxer-sama! Let's pool our cash!"
The three girls looked at her, and suddenly smiled. "That's right," Temari said with a smirk. "If we combine our money, no doubt we'll be able to bid a whole lot more!"
"How about I join you all too?"
A mysterious voice suddenly appeared seemingly out of nowhere, and the girls turned to see a beautiful young girl with red hair. It was Kyuu.
"Who are you?" they asked, wondering why they didn't notice her there before.
"I'm actually an acquaintance of Naruto's," she explained, causing a noticeable reaction in Hinata. "He told me they'd be auctioning Boxer-sama off, and what can I say?" she said with a sexy shrug.
The girls agreed to it wholeheartedly, welcoming any help in winning their beloved Boxer-sama. They happily pooled their money, even going as far as forcing Hinata to join in with them. After they finished counting, they hurriedly raised their flags, yelling out in believed victory.
"Two hundred fifty thousand!"
The room was silenced for a mere moment, before an overly girly voice popped up from the back to break the silence.
"Five hundred thousand!"
The crowd gasped and turned around to see whom it was. Standing there was a person dressed in a white, frilly dress, with shoulder-length black hair, and a white sunhat covering her face. The girls looked at the mystery person, uncertain of who it was, but Sakura and Ino were staring with dumbfounded faces.
"Oh God, no way…" Ino said as her mouth gaped, tugging at Sakura's arm. Sakura didn't look back, her eyes glued on the strange newcomer with a bland face.
"Five hundred thousand!" Shizune repeated in excitement. "An incredible bid! Can anybody top it?"
The crowd went into a moment of stunned murmurs as the remaining bidders contemplated banding together, but out of nowhere a new bid was made by another person in coincidentally the same white, frilly dress as the first strange girl.
"One million!" the girl yelled, yet her voice showed no signs of femininity. Instead, it was most certainly male. And this time, the first white, frilly-dressed girl was the one staring with a dumbfounded face.
"D-Dammit, Itachi, what the hell are you doing here?"
The first frilly-dressed girl ripped her dress off to reveal that the stranger was in fact Sasuke, much to everybody's surprise and disgust. Of course, it wasn't quite as disgusting as what he had underneath that, as Sakura blatantly pointed out to him.
"Sasuke, you're naked!"
Following the traditional ways of girls seeing a naked guy, the sea of estrogen-pumped females promptly barraged Sasuke as they screamed, kicked, scratched, and punched Sasuke, Itachi mercilessly getting thrown in with him. Boxer-sama watched blankly as Sasuke and Itachi were thrown outside into the sky with ease.
As he flew through the air, Itachi's brow crinkled in thought on his usual dead face. "Hmm, I knew I needed more make-up."
"This wasn't how it was supposed to be!" Sasuke yelled as he flew through the air. "NARUTOOO!"
Boxer-sama gulped loudly, dumbly scratching his head. 'Yep, Sasuke's gonna kill me.'
FLASHBACK
"Okay, Naruto, here's what we're going to do," Sasuke began. "Intricate Plan no Jutsu!" he yelled, causing a large document to appear in a puff of smoke. Noticing Naruto's surprised face, he smirked intelligently. "It's academy stuff."
"The hell it is! I don't remember anything like that!"
"Just shut it and listen. This is the floor plans for the hall, where we're going to be having our play and the auction. We're going to get Boxer-sama with the help of that auction." He pointed at the front door. "First, we're going to get out from backstage after the play and get changed into our disguises, and head in through here."
"Disguises? What disguises?"
"We're going to be bidding on Boxer-sama. We're going to win him, and then I'll destroy him!"
Naruto nodded his head as though he knew what he meant. "Yeah, of course… Hey, wait a minute… Then our disguises are…"
Sasuke lifted up two frilly white dresses, hanging on coat hangers. Naruto stared at them, then back at Sasuke.
"Where'd you get those?"
"From my collection, duh."
Naruto squinted at Sasuke mildly. "… You know, for a gay guy, you sure have bad taste in clothes. And why the hell did you need an entire document and blueprint just to explain that?"
"You know what, Naruto? Here's an idea – shut up and go die somewhere. Ass."
END FLASHBACK
"Er… I guess those last two bids are obsolete now…" Shizune said, scratching her head. "… Meaning the leading bid belongs to the five girls with two hundred fifty thousand! Any higher bids?"
The room was in hysterics, as girls tried to join money with one another, but through arguments on how many hours they get Boxer-sama, they would reject each other and resort to scratching each other to pieces. Within minutes, the only girls left in one piece were the six girls that held the bid. Boxer-sama stared at them, twitching.
'W-Why am I having a very bad feeling about this?' he thought, shivering with anxiety. Shizune proceeded to smack her hammer to announce the winner.
"So it's settled! The winners of Boxer-sama's date are those six girls for two hundred fifty thousand! Congratulations! The date day starts at the first hour tomorrow, so be sure to use every hour wisely, because for that whole day, Boxer-sama will do whatever you want him to!"
As the girls jumped up and down with glee, Boxer-sama stood as stiff as a pole, his neck creaking as it turned to Jiraiya, who was standing behind the curtains.
"That wasn't part of the deal!" he mouthed in panic.
Rather than answering, Jiraiya gave him a hearty two thumbs-up, picking up the whip he had given Boxer-sama and whipping it on the ground with a perverted face. Somehow, Boxer-sama didn't like that.
Night was approaching, and the halls were now barren and empty. Naruto and the others were now in charge of cleaning the place up. Except for Sasuke, as his location was still unknown. Naruto's arm was now properly bandaged, yet he insisted on helping them clean up. He wanted to find a way to get his mind off the anxiety of the coming day.
"What's the matter, Naruto?" It was Ino, who was sweeping nearby and noticed Naruto's pale face.
"N-Nothing, I'm just ah…" Naruto looked at her for a moment, before blushing heavily and looking away. 'God, I'm going on a date with her and the others. It's somehow become hard to look at her.'
"What's with your face, Naruto? Are you blushing?" she asked with a grin, bending around him to catch a glimpse of his shy, red face. Naruto kept darting his face away in embarrassment, trying to rub the red off his cheeks.
"I-I'm not blushing, dammit!" Naruto said gruffly. "Why the hell would I blush at you?"
Ino grinned seductively, grabbing a hold of him and getting him in a headlock. Naruto shivered as he felt something soft and squishy patting him on the cheek. "I know why you're blushing," she whispered into his ear. "You're jealous that we're going on a date with Boxer-sama, huh?"
Naruto didn't reply. His eyes, however, were darting back and forth, staring at Ino's chest for a moment, before he realized how 'Jiraiya' that would be and turning away.
"Hey Ino! Get over here, we're planning out tomorrow!" Tenten yelled out, catching Ino's attention. Before letting Naruto go, she bent down next to his ear one more time, whispering.
"Looks like I'm going to let you go… for now."
Naruto felt a mind-numbing sensation before Ino finally broke free and hopped off to join the circle of the girls. Naruto shakily felt his ear, his face beet red.
"Did… Did Ino just lick my ear?"
"Hey, Naruto! Get over here!" Naruto turned to see Shikamaru motioning for him to come, surrounded by the other guys. He plodded over, still holding onto his ear with a muffled grin. "We've been discussing something special, Naruto."
"Really?" he said wistfully, his mind imagining Ino's tongue. "And what's that?"
"We know the girls are going to be going out with Boxer-sama tomorrow, and let's face it – we all don't want that. So we're not going to sit back and watch it happen, we're going to take the initiative!"
The other guys nodded vigorously.
"We're going to sabotage their date!"
Naruto's mind was still wandering aimlessly, so he didn't actually notice what they were talking about. When he finally began to realize that Shikamaru was speaking, he only caught the last little bit.
"… And that's how we're going to sabotage Boxer-sama's date!"
Naruto's jaw quickly hit the ground. Shikamaru glared at him regretfully, putting his hand on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Naruto. I'm sure you'd have loved to help us out. But your injury would make you more of a hindrance, according to my calculations. Don't worry, we will take down Boxer-sama on your behalf!"
The other guys patted the stunned Naruto on the shoulder as well.
"Now…" Shikamaru said, pondering. "If only we knew where the heck Sasuke was…"
"Urgh…"
Sasuke's eyes opened groggily, looking up at a dark, cave ceiling. He sat up, rubbing his head. "D-Damn that Boxer-sama…"
"Damn him indeed, little brother."
Sasuke shot up, getting to his feet and taking a fighting stance as he saw Itachi and Kisame standing before him. "You're finally awake, little brother."
"Itachi!" Sasuke yelled dramatically, clenching his fists. "Finally, I have my chance to destroy you! Finally I can end all my suffering, my-"
Itachi swiftly backhanded him in the face, stopping his usual speech. "Now is not the time for dramatic speeches of sibling destruction, little brother. Believe me, I myself am fighting that undefeatable urge. For now, I believe that we have a more pressing matter to deal with."
Sasuke rubbed his cheek with a furrowed brow. "Boxer-sama."
"Precisely. It has come to my realization that Boxer-sama is a being of incredible power. Power that even exceeds my own. For us to defeat this super-ninja, I think we shall have to combine forces."
Sasuke looked up at him, contemplating his offer. "Say we team up – how do we beat him?"
Itachi smiled slightly. "I have the perfect plan. It's quite simple, really. We shall all dress in briefs and become the three-man team destined to destroy Boxer-sama."
Kisame stepped away from him quickly. "Whoa, whoa! There is no way in hell you're getting me to streak with you two freaks to kill some other freak! First, that's completely illogical, and second, we'd look like a bunch of morons!"
"That's a perfect idea!" Sasuke yelled out, causing Kisame to look at him with disbelief. "It's a completely logical way to beat him! And the three of us in briefs would definitely improve our chances!"
"For the last time, I am not doing this 'brief-wearing' thing! It's just stupid!"
Itachi clasped his hand on Kisame's shoulder. "Now, now, Kisame. Have patience. We shall obtain our stylish briefs soon."
"I said I don't want any part in this, you sadistic freak!"
"Now is not the time for compliments, Kisame."
"… You know what? You suck. You both suck."
"Thank you, Kisame," Itachi said. "That touched me. However, now we must move on and find the nearest underwear retailer. Come, Sasuke, let us hop on Kisame's back. He shall carry us to the nearest village."
"What the hell am I, a horse?"
"Our horse," Itachi corrected him.
Kisame sighed heavily, hanging his head in regret. "'Go into law', they told me. 'Get a degree', they told me. But did I listen? Nooo, I just had to join the Swordsmen and Itachi…"
END CHAPTER 19A/N: Yes, by popular demand, a squad of brief-wearing guys has begun the super team to defeat Boxer-sama. That's somehow disturbing… Anyway, hopefully the next chapter will be up soon. Thanks for still reading, guys!