Chapter X:
"Compensation"
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Did he deserve it?
Had his words been so terrible that needed instant retaliation?
Could Iruka never truly love him…?
Those were the things Kakashi had been thinking from the moment he had made it to his place.
At first he had wondered the streets, walking blindly to an unknown destination, he didn't care, all his mind was screaming for him to do was to get away as far and quickly as possible.
So here he was now, lying on his bed and thinking of him, as he had done so many times before, but this time there was a sad feeling to it, the memories would flew back as painful reminders, taking away as little hope as he had held.
He was feeling ill, physically hurting, and a sudden need to throw up overwhelmed him, so he pulled himself from his bed to the bathroom, but once he got there he couldn't, instead he just stood there, watching himself in the mirror, numbness creeping up his body, the nauseous feeling never letting go.
How long had he been there, he couldn't tell, he kept spacing out, completely oblivious to his surroundings, he didn't want to feel or to think.
Slowly he sat on his bathroom floor, never caring for how cold it was, in fact, he embraced it, he felt he needed it, he was so warmth and the floor was a way to relief him from it.
If he could have only fall sleep… perhaps this would all go away.
His world was swirling around him, images could not stay still, his head ached and his vision was blurry, but through it all… he saw him.
-Iruka..? – How sweet his name sounded
-I'm sorry- The vision said –Are you ok?-
Kakashi took a moment to shake up the blurriness, taking in his surroundings.
He was still in his house, still on his bathroom floor… He sat up straight and attempted to stand himself up, but the vision in front of him stopped him.
-Are you ok? - He seemed worry
Kakashi couldn't stop himself from smiling; this could not be but an illusion.
-Does it matter? - He decided to play along
-Damn Kakashi, you should take more care of yourself- the image frowned and sat right next to him.
Kakashi's mind woke up from its dream state, making him realise what was actually happening and blush slightly at the cold breeze that touched his unmasked face.
Quickly he turned his head to look at the chuunin, who sat there as if nothing had happened before, as if he hadn't turned his heart to pieces.
-What…- He couldn't think of anything to say, shocked at realising this was actually happening –How did you enter?-
-Your landlord let me in- Iruka blushed and smiled –He wasn't very happy thought-
They both fell silent and Iruka's smile slowly faded.
-I really am sorry you know- he finally said –I shouldn't have said that-
-You don't love me- Kakashi's voice became harsh –There's no way of soften that up-
Iruka stared at him for a moment and then sighed. How Kakashi hoped he would say he was lying, but the chuunin stayed silent, breaking his heart a little more.
-You are right…- Iruka broke the silence once more –Genma doesn't love me-
-Am I supposed to pity you?-
Kakashi didn't want to talk about Genma; he didn't want to think of them together.
Iruka gave him a sharp look, but ignored the retort.
-He says he does- Iruka looked at the floor and then back at Kakashi –I know he's lying though-
-Raidou? - Kakashi helped in, anger rising at Genma for putting such a sad face on his beloved chuunin.
To Kakashi's surprise Iruka broke laughing, it was mirthless though, Kakashi knew him and could tell by how he was avoiding his gaze now.
-Raidou? – Iruka seemed contemplative for a moment –I guess it could be, I don't know- He had been playing with a little thread in his trousers, finally letting go to stare at Kakashi.
-Love cannot be just that-
Iruka looked sad and Kakashi could not stand it… that vision in front of him, he could not let him be saddened, but there were no words in his mind, no ingenious joke, no proper comment.
So all he could think to do was to hug him, and for a while he felt Iruka hugging him back.
-I love you...-
They were still hugging, but he could feel Iruka's body tense up and finally pull back… away from him.
Kakashi was expectant, he watched how the other looked away, not daring to look at him, maybe just don't wanting to.
-No you don't- Iruka's voice did not hesitate, he didn't even turn to look at the jounin while he said it and stood up to leave.
He was about to turn the handle of the bathroom door, since at some point it had been closed, when he felt a hand clenching around his wrist, pulling him… making him fall.
Iruka fell upon Kakashi's body and was quickly locked into a kiss, one in which the jounin tried to pour all of his emotions towards him.
After what could have been hours Iruka pulled back, stand up slowly and opened the door, now more than ever intending to leave.
Kakashi followed him to the living room and noticed how the chuunin had stopped.
-You should really do something about this- Iruka said, shaking his finger around to signal the room.
-You could always help me- Kakashi dared.
-Stop it…- The chuunin turned to finally look at him –I won't play house with you- he seemed angered –and that kiss… it should have never happened-
-I love you- Kakashi repeated seriously –and you cannot make me forget that-
-Stop saying that- Iruka was blushing angrily, obviously distressed –You don't love me! You don't even know me! –
They were surrounded by silence once more, both of them looking away, immerse in their own thoughts.
-I know you better than you know yourself, and I do…-
Kakashi was pushed backwards; Iruka seemed to be beyond angry now.
-Just because you stalk me…- Iruka raged –Just because… don't think you know me for just some facts you might have caught up about me-
-I lo…-
-Stop saying that! - Iruka finally punched him, breathing heavily afterwards, amazed at how Kakashi had let him do it.
-What do you know about me?!- The chuunin had tears forming in his eyes –What do I eat? How do I walk?-
-The way you smile, the way you frown, the way you blush at things- kakashi stand up again since that blow had landed him on the floor –the way you care for others- Kakashi laugh as he cleaned the blood droplets from his eye.
Iruka looked at him but could not restrain himself from hating that smile.
-What if I've slept with him? - He said with a venomous glare –I bet you couldn't stand that could you-
Kakashi froze, smile gone from his face, a menacing loath glowing in his eyes.
-You haven't… he has not touched you… has he?-
-Does it matter?–
Iruka could see the effect his words were having in Kakashi's body, the way it trembled with contained rage.
-So… does it matter? Would that make me filthy? – Iruka had a vicious gleam in his eyes –Would that taint me? Make me disgusting? – He had been getting closer and closer to Kakashi, asking him to look him in the eyes.
-You wouldn't…- Kakashi's voice went out with struggle.
-And you would know right? – Iruka paused his taunting to make the other look at him -Because you know me so well… right?-
Kakashi willingly looked at him, eyes getting threatening, which made Iruka for the first time realise who he was dealing with, so he stepped back a little, afraid of what the other might do to him.
Kakashi started to move towards the chuunin, emitting a dark aura which reached the other man, who, knowing the situation he was in, tried to move away, but to no avail. The jounin had clenched his hands around Iruka's wrists once more, pushing him to the wall, pressing him against it.
-So…- he started –did you?-
Kakashi's voice was more than enough to terrorise any other man, but today Iruka felt brave and not taking his gaze from the other he answered.
-I did-
Those simple words were more than enough to make the jounin loose his mind, and before he could restrain himself he started kissing the chuunin fiercely, not really caring but pleasantly surprised when he realised the other was responding just as eagerly.
They kept kissing there, and between bites and sighs they were taking out their anger.
Slowly, the kisses became softer, needier, but still full of that rage that really wasn't.
Kakashi became aware of his hands still clenched around Iruka's, making them stiff, and slowly took the pressure off, lacing their fingers and kissing Iruka's wrists as if asking forgiveness for the hurt he had caused them.
Iruka was aware of what Kakashi was thinking and that awareness brought a smirk to his lips, after which he bitted Kakashi's earlobe.
-I'm not made of porcelain-
Kakashi was cut by surprise and stared for a while at him, smiling after noticing how Iruka's eyes gleamed with playfulness, and he wondered what other looks he could get out of the chuunin.
Once again they stayed silent, but this time neither of them looked away, instead they reengaged in their previous activity, as eagerly and forcefully as ever.
Kakashi took again Iruka's wrists and pulled him against his own body, embracing him, hugging him and being hugged harshly.
Iruka never noticed when had they stumbled into Kakashi's room, at least not until he found himself being launched upon the bed and trapped against it by Kakashi's own body.
This was going to be a long night.
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Author's note: hahaha I had to end the chapter there //wants to keep it clean//
So, it isn't very long and it isn't very good but... happy ten chapter anniversary! Well… that would be more for me wouldn't it? I wanted to thank everyone who has been so patient with me and read the whole story, and what better way to do that than having Ruka and Kashi together? Yeah… I thought so.
Sorry for the crapyness of it all though, I might have thrown them together too quickly... oh well
There's also another present! If you go to my profile page and enter the home thingy(the link I put there) it'll take you to a new image I've drawn, and it's in full colour too! It's the moment Iruka finds out, hope you like it!
By the way, don't think this is over yet! If you thought I've put too much angst before, wait to see what I have in store! Well nothing much really, but there are still some things that need to be cleared up.
See ya!
http:// pics . livejournal . com / loveprettynerds / pic / 0000p2cd / g2
without the spaces