A Test of Flesh and Metal

Chapter One: A Man Short

Vex'ahlia pounded sharply on the bedroom door. "Scanlan!" she barked. "We're late! Are you coming or not?"

The answering groan barely made it past the thick wood. "Not."

"What do you mean, 'not'?" Percy demanded. "Sovereign Uriel has given us a great honor. We can't just show up to court a man short."

"He's a gnome. He's always a man short," drawled Vax'ildan, earning a giggle and a fist-bump from Grog, and a glare from Percy.

The door opened a crack, and a hand slid slowly out, middle finger raised. A bloodshot eye stared blearily out from behind it. The unmistakable smell of sick rolled out an instant later. "Trus' me," Scanlan slurred. "Y'don' want me to—" He vanished mid-sentence, replaced by the sounds of retching and splashing.

Percy wrinkled his nose and took a step back as the stench redoubled. "You're right, we don't want you to," he said drily. But despite his sarcasm, he had to admit to being concerned. For Scanlan to hole up in his room all morning without so much as a bawdy joke meant something had to be terribly wrong. This was like more than just a hangover.

Pike seemed to draw the same conclusion. "Scanlan, buddy?" she called out. "Can I help?"

"No." His voice was ragged, scratchy and miserable. "Jus' go on without me. 'M fine."

Pike frowned. "O-okay," she said hesitantly. "Feel better!" She looked up at Percy and Vax, and shrugged. "I guess we should go?"

"Sovereign Uriel asked for Vox Machina, not Vox Machina Minus One," Percy grumbled as they set out. "He will not be pleased."

But as it turned out, Sovereign Uriel was more curious than angry. "Where's your bard?" he asked mildly once they'd presented themselves.

Keyleth gave a nervous giggle and began to wring her hands. "Well, you see, he's, uh…"

"Under the weather," Percy cut in smoothly. "But rest assured, Sovereign, that even a man short"—he pointedly ignored Grog and Vax as they snorted with barely contained laughter—"Vox Machina remains fully capable of protecting your illustrious person."

Uriel studied them for a moment, looking… relieved? "Very well," he said finally. "Let us be on our way."

"So, what did happen at the tavern last night?" Vex asked as they walked beside the royal carriage. "I didn't think there was enough ale in Exandria to put Scanlan down that hard."

Vax and Keyleth exchanged guilty looks. "Well, in our defense," said Vax, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, "I believe his exact words were… 'fuck me up'?"

Keyleth nodded. "We'd been experimenting with some potions that could, you know, puch up a drink's potency, and I… may have miscalculated the dose." She blushed and hunched her shoulders.

Percy buried his face in his hand. "Dawnfather's mercy. You drugged him."

"He literally asked for it," Vax protested. "Anyway, I'm sure he'll be fine by the time we get back. Right, Kiki?"

"Yeah! Of course." Keyleth nodded. "Um, I hope so."

"See? Nothing to worry about." Vax grimaced and lowered his voice. "Besides, it's not like he's missing anything. Babysitting royalty for some annual joyride isn't exactly our specialty."

By the Nine Hells, these people had no sense of decorum or tradition whatsoever. "Sovereign Uriel is making his yearly pilgrimage to his mother's tomb," Percy ground out through clenched teeth. "To be invited to accompany him is a great honor."

"Traveling from one castle to another hardly seems like much of a 'pilgrimage' to me," Vex shot back with a snort. "That word implies some sort of hardship. Count Gildspire is nearly as rich as the Sovereign himself."

"It's boring, is what it is," muttered Grog. From her perch on his shoulders, Pike patted his head reassuringly.

"Boring can be good sometimes, Grog," said Keyleth, a little too brightly. "Easy day!"

"Easy day," Vax agreed.

Percy shook his head. With their luck, that was just asking for trouble.

And sure enough, as if on cue, Vex halted in her tracks and motioned the carriage driver to stop. "Did you hear that?" she asked the group at large.

"Hear what?" asked Grog.

Vex answered without looking back at him, her attention focused on the surrounding forest. "We're being followed."

At once, unquestioningly, Vox Machina readied themselves for battle. Percy drew his pepperbox; Vax, his daggers. Vex nocked an arrow in her bow, her sharp eyes scanning for a target. Keyleth clutched her staff with both hands, the set of her jaw terrified but determined. Pike hopped down from Grog's shoulders, her armor shimmering into place as her best friend took his greataxe in hand, chuckling. They arrayed themselves around the carriage, prepared to take on whatever may come.

And come, something did.

Goblins. They melted out of the forest like shadows come to life, a gibbering horde pressing in on all sides, waving clubs and spears. A few even had shortswords. And they threw themselves at Vox Machina en masse.

"Protect the Sovereign!" Percy shouted perhaps unnecessarily, and the battle was joined.

Two of them sprang toward Percy at once. He fired at them, the first bullet catching one in the head, the second going wide. Too close to shoot again. Percy swung his pistol like a club, knocking the other goblin sprawling.

A roar to Percy's right announced Keyleth's tiger form, and he glanced to the side in time to see her barrel through the horde in a storm of teeth and claws and blood, rending and tearing. What her claws missed, Vex's arrows picked off. To his left, Grog shouted with glee as he swung his greataxe in wide arcs, sending small misshapen bodies flying. More sounds of battle came from Vax and Pike on the other side of the carriage.

And still the goblins came. Percy retreated until his back was to the carriage, bringing his left hand to his mouth as he went to tear off his glove with his teeth. Fitted over his fingers, his latest invention gleamed darkly in the fading sunlight. It's about time this thing was battle-tested, he thought grimly. He flicked a switch on the back of his hand, and gave a tight smile when it came to life with a sharp whine and a slight tingle.

As more goblins rushed him, Percy fired his pepperbox again: one, two, three, four shots, four kills, and the chamber was empty. Still more came. With no time to reload, Percy struck out with his left hand and seized a goblin by the throat.

The new weapon worked a charm. At the moment his hand made contact, blue arc of electricity leapt out over the goblin's body, raking the horrid creature with deadly claws. It shrieked and writhed in his grasp, and then went still. Percy flung the corpse into the oncoming attackers, bowling the nearest ones over.

More coming. Reload. Fire.

And then, as suddenly as they had appeared, they vanished. As if on some invisible signal, the horde of goblins retreated back into the forest, leaving silence in their wake. Percy blinked in momentary bewilderment, then turned and flung open the door of the carriage. "Sovereign Uriel!" he cried. "Are you all right?"

Uriel nodded, his regal calm unshakeable. "I am fine, think you. What happened out there?"

"We were attacked by goblins, Sire, but we ran them off. The way ahead should be clear to—what is it, Pike?" Percy scowled at the interruption as he turned to face her.

Pike stared up at him with wide eyes, and spoke two words that made Percy's heart leap into his throat. "Where's Vex?"

Something in the tone of her voice… Percy suddenly couldn't breathe, could hardly move. He forced himself to look at Uriel again. "Excuse me, Sovereign," he managed, and then as if released from a spell, he sprag from the carriage and back into the erstwhile battlefield. "Vex'ahlia!" he called out, his heart racing.

He tried to reason with himself. She can take care of herself. A few goblins can't take her down. She's only scouting ahead. But the longer he searched, fruitlessly, the less he believed any of it.

He skidded to a halt an inch from colliding with Vax. "Vax'ildan," he gasped, "tell me you've seen her?"

Wild-eyed and panting, Vax could only shake his head.

A faint whisper was their only warning. Both men jerked back as an arrow sliced the air between them to bite deep into the wood of the carriage. They stared at one another in surprise, then Vax snatched at the arrow, breaking off the shaft and sliding a roll of paper from it. He unfurled it with trembling fingers, and as he read it, his face went white.

"What is it?" Percy demanded.

Vax held the note out to him. "It's… for you."