Unwanted
Song belongs to Avril Lavinge.

He's ignoring me again. I don't seem to exist anymore whenever we walk into a room with pretty alien babes in it.

It's times like this I wish I never convinced him to come back. I should have left him to rot on Earth and never looked back.

When we first got together, I was all he could ever see. The first thing he'd look for was me so he could come over. But now, I'm just some accessory that he hangs on his arm until something prettier and shinier comes along.

Here I am, though, standing up straight with a smile on my face as he flashes that smile at some other woman. My smile.

"Trip?" I say quietly. Once again, I'm ignored. Whatever, I figure as I slip my arm from his and walk away. I doubt he even notices.

"Where are you off to?" Malcolm asks as he stops me. At least some one knows I'm still here.

"Out side. Want to come?" I ask as I look up at him. He glances around the room for a moment, probably checking to see if the captain is keeping an eye on him.

"Let's go," he says as he places his hand lightly on the small of my back.

"Any reason you abandoned Commander Tucker in there?" he asks once we're outside and find a place to sit down. I laugh a little.

"He abandoned me in there a long time ago," I say as I look out over the alien coastline. Malcolm stays quiet and follows my gaze.

"We used to talk all the time at things like this. Everyone and everything else was just a formality. Be nice to the aliens, we might need them some day, and now . . ."

"And now?" he asks as he looks at me.

"I don't know, it's like I'm there to talk to him in case there's no hot babe for him to talk to."

Malcolm snorts a little at that comment.

"Trust me Hoshi, he still thinks you're a hot babe."

"Could have fooled me," I mutter. "He doesn't even know I'm gone."

"Hoshi, I'm sure . ."

"Take a look!" I say, raising my voice a little. "Take a look at him, in there flirting with Miss Taller-and-more-interesting-than-plain-Hoshi."

My voice turns into a whisper as I turn from the party to look out at the ocean again. I hear fabric rustling and assume that Malcolm is looking at Trip and his latest babe.

Instead, I find him on his knees in front of me.

"He's fool," I hear him say as he takes my hands in his. "He doesn't seem to see what he's at risk of losing."

"Malcolm . . ." I start, no idea where he's really going with this.

"Just remember you'll never be unwanted," he says as he kisses the back of my hands. I swallow as my mind takes what he said into consideration and wonders what exactly he means by that.

He looks at me for a moment longer before standing.

"Do you want to go back to the ship? I'm sure the captain would allow me to escort you. . . " I look from Malcolm and back into the ball room. Trip is still laughing and talking with that alien. What was her name again? Seirreb? Still hasn't even noticed I'm gone.

"Yeah, let's go," I told him softly as I turn back to the ocean for a moment.

I dry my hair slowly as I come out of the shower. The dress and heels are long gone in exchange for a pair of pants and a tank top.

Malcolm is off puttering around in the armoury for all I know. I know he hates formal events like that. I kick some of Trip's stuff into an out of the way corner and stare at it. I like a clean floor. Nuts to anything and everything else, but I have to have a clean floor.

Normally, I pick it up and put it away, but I'm not going to. I'm gonna leave it there and ignore it. I give it one more kick for good measure then I throw the towel in the bathroom before sitting on the couch and reading for a while. I'm still up when he gets home.

"Hey," is all he says as he loosens his tie and kicks off his shoes before heading to change. I'm not surprised by this, it's the way he's always been; get out of the dress clothes then be more social. Only instead he heads to the shower then to his desk.

"Did you have fun?" I ask.

"Yep." he says, offering nothing more.

"Whom did you talk to?"

"Lots of people," he says.

"Did they have names?" I ask again. I watch as he looks up at me.

"I can't really talk now Hoshi, I gotta catch up on this," he says as he goes back to his PADD.

"The Captain doesn't want it until Thursday," I say.

"Look, can'tcha understand that I want to do this and not talk right now?" he asks, a little more anger in his voice then he really needed. That was the straw that broke this camel's back.

"No, commander. I just can't understand why you don't want to talk to me, but some PADD is more interesting than I am, or that you don't seem to want me anymore than you want a physical from Phlox," I say, all the disappointments and anger coming to the surface.

"I'm sorry I seem to cramp your style now! It hurts that I'm so unwanted for nothing, for no reason!" I yell. "Go a head and finish that up if it's so damned important, I won't bother you any more!"

Someone bangs on the wall on the other side.

"You bugger off too!" I yell at them as I turn leave his quarters, heading for my own. I hear him call to me as I leave but I ignore him.

If he doesn't want me, then I don't want him.