Chapter Forizzle

Dear Diary,

Mokuba likes to lick his friends. That makes me jealous. He's beginning to have friends. Pissed off me am. I shot some of his friends today. If I can't have friends, he can't ether. Plus, I couldn't risk his friends having more money than me. And dat would be a big N O NO. Like ISONO. Dawg. Rapping makes me feel like a pimp. Like doggie dog, pimp. YO MOFO!

-Never ever land, Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary,

I think my diary is invisible. That's why I can see it. And my invisible friends can too. They like to attack people on the street, especially hobos on the street with violins. But no one EVER notices them. That's why they're SECRET. They are my SECRET friends. I told Mokuba about my SECRET friends, and he told me to get a higher dosage. Then I told him I fed my pills to my dog, Guy. And lately, Guy hasn't been pooing as much as he has lately. He actually doesn't do much else. He kinda just lies there. Motionless. I yelled at him to shit, but he didn't hear. Then I yelled at him to go get hit by a car, and he still didn't hear me. I then decided that, he was PMSing, and it was just one of those times in a man's life when he couldn't speak his emotions. I guess that could explain why his brains are all over Mokuba's face. I guess it is just part of the process of PMSing. God, I wish I could have a period. Damnit. Fuck. Period. Hi.

-The invisible, period man, Seto Kaiba

Dear FAGGOT, I mean, Diary,

Isono had his baby today. He said I could be the godfather. And I asked him why I couldn't be the godmother. He said it was because my PMSing wasn't good enough. DAMNIT. It makes me mad like woah. Anyways, Isono doesn't exactly know whom the father, or mother; he doesn't even know what the parent was. The doctors don't even know how he had a child. Isono says he just pooped it out one day. That EXCITES me. I wanna poo a baby out. I think that's how Mokuba came to be. And I've been taking multiple birth control pills, to make sure I have a nice big baby. Like Isono's asshole.

-Living in a toilet world, Seeto Kaiba

Dear THIS-THING-THAT-I-TALK-TO-A LOT-BECAUSE-I-HAVE-NO-LIFE,

Yesterday was the best day EVER. Not only was it a Tuestday, but also Mokuba agreed to play with me. Little did he know that I was going to play with his head with a chainsaw. It was EXCITING. I liked the part where he screamed in pain, and he had his period like Guy. I love those kinds of guy periods. They're pretty sexy. Which is why I raped him afterwards. What's a homo?

-Brain stew, Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary,

Wow.

-Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary,

Today I was attacked. By a gorilla. I don't know how a gorilla got in my car, but it found Mokuba's bedroom. That's what I like about the creature. I invited it to my room, but it refused. That's when I had to shoot it. It was a sad time for me. Not for Mokuba. Mokuba was happy about it. And jumped out a window. He kept saying that he was finally going to just kill himself and get it the fuck over with, and that he was sick of me, Isono, my invisible friends, Guy's poo, Guy's guts on his face, man periods, drugs, cheating, hobos, boy scouts, old people, fat people, Satanists, Jeoy, Tuestday, Disney Land, shooting people, GANG BANGAS, runaway parents, anorexia, cocaine, money, trees, pet rock, Idiot Face, strip clubs, rain, womanhood, green pea and condoms, armpits, and just plain sick of being a KAIBA. So he jumped out of the window, but because of plot terms, he couldn't die. He hates the authors now. He just took my gun and told me he was going hunting. And then someone came into my house, OMG kjheighaiufjbsjfbuawkfhgjyg

-The-authors-have-just-been-killed-by-Mokuba-and-his-middle-finger-swords-…rainbows, Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary,

Today I had the best pee ever. It was just the right shade of yellow. I even took a picture of it I guess the other guys thought it was kinda weird I was taking pictures of my piss, but, ya know, a guy's gotta do, what a guy's gotta do. And that's taking pictures of my piss. I mean, come on, how can you not take a picture when it's that color and texture. It felt great too when I was relieving myself. Most of the time, it kinda hurts. I guess it's from all of the butt raping I have been doing. They say that happens when you have sex, but butt raping hurts more.

-I C U P, Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary

Remember when Isono called me a homo? Well, I really showed him! I threw a baseball in his toilet, so that when he poops, the toilet will explode! It's gonna be amazing… I just wish I could be there to see it. Maybe I'll put a camera in Isono's bathroom. Yes! But wait, what if Mokuba poops in it first… Oh, well, brothers are replaceable. If Mokuba gets injured, then I can just hire a hobo off the streets to pretend to be my brother. Awesome.

-The Prankster, Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary,

Today I saw a squirrel. I named him Igor. After my best friend, Igor. Igor is so awesome. I love that hunk of sexiness. I wouldn't mind that guy arresting ME for stealing something (drool). God, he's so gangster. I wish I could be gangster like that sexy beast. Anyways, I'm gonna go drive under the influence now. I wonder how many cops will pull me over… or at least try to, before I bribe them and seduce them. It's the only way to go.

-My best friend, Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary,

When I started typing today, a paperclip appeared on my screen. It asked me if I was writing a letter. I typed in "Yo, yo, wazzup?" and then it ran away from my ghetto-ness. I love being… gangster. I wear my hat to the side, it makes me look like a cool pimp. Down in the hizzle.

-Paperclip friendly, Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary,

Today I'm on a mission. After watching "Ice Age 2." I discovered that it was up to me to repopulate the earth with more Kaibas. I mean, come on, there's me… and midget, I mean, Mokuba. And then there's Isono, but he's only an honorary member of the Kaiba Klan. So, who's good enough to help me repopulate the Kaibas? I know that Isono pooped a kid out once, but I don't think it'll do the trick. Plus, the doctor said it was a once in a lifetime thing, and that the chances of it actually happening were 1 to a bajillion. And I don't have a lifetime. I'm the last of my kind. Better find a couple new whores. And they can't be guys

-Seto Kaiba, the last of his kind

Can Seto repopulate the earth? Will Seto ever see his best friend Igor, the squirrel ever again? Can Mokuba find some way to kill himself? How much more sex and drugs can we put into this fic?

Find out in the next chapter, bitch!