Chapter 5
Dear Diary,
Today I watched Yu-Gi-Oh GX. Which is a poorly made show about a bunch of little assholes going to some dueling school that apparently, I made. Ok, who the fuck is making this shit? For one thing, I would never waste my fucking money on making some fucking school for a bunch of fuckers. They didn't even consult me on using my name in the show. I'll have to sue those little bastards. And what the fuck is up with me having a Yugi shrine. Don't people know that it would NEVER happen. Plus, Yugi wouldn't give his deck up just so a bunch of little fuckers could look at it. No, wait, he would. Goddamn this American series, first my parents runaway, and now this? But at least I look good with boobies.
-Sex and GX, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
I just came back from seeing, "Happy Days☺" Which I wrote, directed, and acted in. It was basically about myself… ok, well, I come in later. But it was BASICALLY about Mokuba learning the valuable lesson of sex, and how it is done. It has all the hit actors in it. Isono, Niomi, Pansy… and, of course, the Japanese Tom Cruise, except gayer, Seto Kaiba. I'm very happy with this production. I bet it'll be a smash hit in no time. I mean, just think of how much Japan's population is made up of sex-obsessed teenagers.
-Having a happy day, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
I've started to collect chainsaws. OMFG! They are SOOO shiny! I polish them, and practice juggling them every day. Someday, Mokuba will call me his hero, when I can juggle 4 chainsaws without chopping my arms off. I've got it all figured out, though. Isono will do the practicing for me, and if he cuts HIS arms off, I'll pay so that we can make a clone of Isono, and then the clone of Isono will learn to juggle chainsaws. Then we can take the real Isono's blood, and wash his child's face with it. Then his child will become a man.
-Manhood rituals, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
Today I was dueling Yuuugi. Of course he got his God cards onto the field in no time and I was left with shit. Mokuba was also dueling, so I pretty much would sacrafice his monsters and inflict life point damage to him whenever one of my cards needed life points. Then Yuuugi started winning, so I did what I was born to do; cheat. But even my cheating, and using my brother for my own well-being wasn't enough. So I had to thrown down my "Break the Rules" card(which I cheated to get by the way). And soon enough, Obelisk died from a heart attack, and all in the valley was happy.
-Breaking the rules as I may, Seto Kaiba
DeaЯ DiAry,
Mood: Apathetic
I listened to the emo song today. I could really relate to it. So I have declared myself emo. My life is a black abyss. Suffocating me. Throwing me into a hole of darkness. It's grip around my neck growing tighter and tighter, tighter than my little brother's pants(which look great on me, by the way). I couldn't exactly get my hair to do that flippy thingy. So I hired someone to do it for me. Sometimes, my brother just doesn't get me. He saw me kissing a guy, so now he thinks I'm a homo. Don't know why he's so surprised. But really, can't a guy kiss another guy? Or 4 guys kiss each other without being gay? Plus, chicks dig that stuff.
Diary, sometimes you're the only one who gets me… You're my best friend.
I like tacos.
-The little emo kidd, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
Ok, gotten over being emo. Being emo is too hard. I have to hire people to get my hair to do that flippy thingy, I have to hire people to write depressing poetry and write my suicide notes, and I really don't feel like going out to the music store to buy some Fall-Out Boy and Hawthorne Heights. I feel best the way I am. A power-hungry, money addicted, brother-beating cheater. That's just who I am. And there's really no reason to be emo about it. Plus, emo people probably aren't as rich as me.
I need some emo friends.
-Proud to be an asshole, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
There's a tree outside. It scares me in the night. Just like when Isono puts Mokuba to bed. Or when that old lady walks her dog by my mansion. Her dog always takes a shit in front of my house, and that stupid old lady never picks it up! Sometimes I feel like that poop is watching me. But here's the plan; I'll hire some lumberjacks to cut down the tree when she's walking in front of my house, and then when she walks by, the lumberjacks will cut down the tree, and the tree will land on the dog, the dog will die, then the lady will die too because she never cleaned up the poo. Then I will call the police to have her arrested for not cleaning up- wait. Never mind.
-Man with the plan, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
Today this guy called me and told me to go and stalk someone. He said he would pay me MONEY. And we ALL know I'd do ANYTHING for money. The guy said I had to stalk this other guy, right? He said this other guy is about my height, owns a company, and only cares about money(he sounds like my kinda guy). But anyways, so this guy that is paying me to stalk this other guy is actually Isono, but since the English version made me stupid, I have to pretend like I don't know it's him, and that's it's just some stranger who's calling me from Isono's cell phone. Well, I better start stalking that guy. I mean, dude, it's money on the line here. I'd give Mokuba's life for money.
-Stalking for money, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
I was doing my math homework when all of the suddenly I realized I own a company. Why do I have to do homework anyways? It's not like I don't have a job or anything, I have one, so why the fuck am I sitting here trying to figure out what 2+2 is? Plus, we ALL know that you never use math in real life. I mean, I PAY people to count my money, I don't ACTUALLY need to know how to count(in reality, I really don't know how to count.) But you have to look at it from my point of view. I can pay people to learn this stuff for me, plus, it's not like some hobo is gonna come up to me and ask weather y is greater than 5, right? Bob is always asking me that anyway, I wonder why hobos do homework. I sleep in money.
-A B C equals 1 2 tree, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
Today I wrote a story. No, not the incredibly gay story, A story. It was about man, whom created the earth. And decided, "Hey, I've got money, I'm gonna make people so they can repopulate. And hey, how bout I add some animals, maybe they can kill off the humans. That'll be great entertainment." So, this asshole Butch, creates the earth, and people, and humans, and money, and trees, and drugs, and all was happy. But THEN, a terrible storm arose, and for some odd reason, they needed to make a boat. On this boat, they need 2 of each kind of drug. If they saved every kind of drug, then the world would survive. The leader of this elaborate plan, was none other than Evil Man, who had gotten this terrible news from a talking rock. Of course, being on so many drugs, he thought a rock was talking to him, so he ran away onto the boat with his drugs, and stayed there for many, many days.
-Al'Seto Kaiba
On the next episode of, 'Why the fuck am I reading this?' Find out if the legend of Evil Man is real. Find out what different kinds of drugs Seto is doing. Find out what in the hell does Isono's baby look like.
Stay tuned for 'Why the fuck am I reading this?' Otherwise known as "Daer Diary."
Disclaimer: We do not own Yu-Gi-Oh GX, we do not own the emo song, we actually don't own the "Break the Rules" card ether, and we do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of it's characters, we only use them as our toys of harmless, sexual fun. We DO own Evil Man, Happy Days☺, the inbcrediabely gay story, Yuuugi, and all the other sick and disgusting jokes we put in here.