Continuing from the last episode of 'Why the fuck am I reading this?' Seto was telling his story about Evil Man and repopulation.
Dear Diary (Part 2),
No one really felt like telling him there was no storm, so they kinda just left him there to talk to himself with his drugs. He eventually died, and then Noah's Arc came along and NO ONE SAW HIM AND HIS BOAT OF DRUGS AGAIN. Some say, that the drugs are hidden on the bottom of the Lake Evil Guy Who Did Lots Of Drugs, in his boat where his body lays. No one has ever gone down there and came back up with DRUGS. We don't know if the legend is true or not, because when the guys come back up, they are too high off of drugs to remember. Of course the lake only really exist to the people who are high and make up the lake and go and try to find it. But I know it exists. I most of all know when I, myself, am high. One time I saw it, but I was too high to remember afterwards. Don't really know how I know that I saw it, cause I can't even remember it looked like, but someone told me I did. Maybe I shouldn't always listen to Isono. I mean, the last time he told me that I was actually part possum, and that I was taken at birth by a bunch of hawks, and was raised by whales, and I actually have secret gills, even though when I tried to swim when I was drunk, I nearly died.
-NEARLY DEAD, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
OMG, Mokuba was all "You aren't smart, you're stupid!" and I was all "Hell yes I am smart! That's why I pay people to learn the alphabet for me. And I can even count all the way to 10 by my self!" then he was all like "Yeah, well, I can count over 10!" and so then he started counting and he was doing fine, until he got to the number past ten. You know what he said? He said eelevin. (A/N: eelevin 11) Well, if there's one thing I hate, it's a BS-er. So I call him out, I say, "eelevin isn't a real number! I know my numbers, and the number that comes after ten is… tenanone."
He starts laughing (I wonder why?) and says, 'Okay, Seto, I knew you were stupid, but I never knew you were that stupid."
I never understood that kid. So I shot him. Good thing Isono knows first aid. He did CPR on Mokuba… although it looked suspiciously like kissing to me. Anyways, after that didn't seem to be helping, we took Mokie to the hospital, and paid the nurse who saved him to keep things quiet. God, I love money.
-Money is my hero, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
Today I saw some stupid, son of a bitch, who was a poser ADD. OMG, I know, it's crazy. I had to kick that little bastard's ass. I know ADD when I see it, and that kid was NOT ADD. He was just pretending he couldn't pay attention just so he could get Ritalin and get high. God, I hate those people. They are such fucking posers. They need to DIE. Not that drugs are bad
-Pozers should die, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
Today I was listening to "Yu-Gi-Oh: The Movie Soundtrack" Oh my gawd, I was listening to my little theme song and I realized I wasn't really a poser emo after all. They make me sound like such a pussy. They suck. Although, I really love "For The People" by the Black Eyed Peas. They are pretty ghetto, just like ME. God, I would be such an awesome rapper if I didn't already waste my life on drugs. But rapers can do drugs, so I'll just be one of those.
-Looking for Mokuba, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
FUCK.FUCK.FUCK.
-Fucker, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
Dude, I discovered something today. I have an alter-ego type thing (a conscience as he calls it), and he's actually GOOD O.o Every time I tried to hit Mokuba, he put me into a coma. Little Fucker. He likes to color with crayons. He even drew a picture of me in a coma. So I paid some people to get rid of him, though. I mean, where would I be in a world where I couldn't beat, torture, and rape Mokuba? Nowhere, that's where. Well, actually, Isono's bed, but that doesn't matter right now. Anyways, He said he'd come back to haunt me. He didn't even have any money. Who did he think he was? A hobo? Ha, I don't think so.
-the only one now, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
There are people in my head who talk to me. They tell me about rainbows and ice cream. Only when I'm on drugs though, so it's ok. Remember that old lady I squished with a tree? Well, she came back this time and said she was gonna sue me for 10 dollars. But I wasn't down wit that shit, yo. So I bashed her over the head. Hopefully she's still dead. For real this time.
-Rainbows and ice cream, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
Goddamnit, I can never find the right stereotype for myself. I'm not an emo anymore cause Mokuba made me see a therapiss. The therapisses name was Isono. Well, no more cutting for me I guess. Then he said that gangbangers were for squares, so I can't be ghetto ether. But then I found my true calling. Preps. So I, like, totally went and, like, dyed my hair blonde, right? So, like, I could be totally, like, prep! I, like, am totally pissed right now, cause my buddy Maria, totally went and cheated with my boyfriend, and, like, she's a total bitch. Like, oh my gawd, how could my sexy bf, Isono do this to me? Gawd, Maria is creating all these, like, rumors, and shit like that cause she's, like, a total bitch and creating, like, so much drama. Dude, she's out of the herd. I'm dead serious. I'm sick of her shit. I'm too, like, beautiful to deal with this shit. Plus, we all know it takes a real man to wear pink. Oh yeah, and today, like, me and my girlfriends played the penis game, and I won.
-Penis champion, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
We had a water balloon fight today. Mokuba called me a whore cause I was maturbating through-out the whole game. What can I say? I'm a man with needs. Plus, Isono was doing the exact same thing anyway. I think the only one actually throwing the balloons was Mokuba. He spilled the beans again too. This time I dressed up like an old lady and said I was his godmother. The one with MONEY. And boobies. Lots and LOTS of BOOBIES. Damnit, I miss my beans. Isono is too lazy to go out and buy me some more. Bitch.
-Boobie man, Seto Kaiba
Dear Diary,
Today I was listening to "My Humps". Wow, it really inspired me. That's my new theme song. Screw the fucking pussy theme song they made from the movie, "My Humps" is way better. Goddamnit, I wish I had humps that I could write a song about. Maybe I will.
I'm a gonna get 'chu high, get 'chu high off all my bumpsMy bumps, my bumps, my bumps, my bumps, my bumps, my bumps
My lovely stinky dumps
Check it out
Man, I am so awesome. Once they see this, they're gonna beg me to be in the band.
Damn straight.
-My lovely stinky dumps, Seto Kaiba
Well, that's the chapter. We'd like to dedicate this chapter to "Ripper-Roo" the only man brave enough to review to our story. Thank you Ripper-Roo, when the shit hits the fan, well… then you got a whole lot of shit on the floor. We'd also like to thank our bestest buddy ever, Josh, whom helped create some of this chapter.
Now for the disclaimers… because we have a hell of a lot of them:
We do not own ADD (although we have a horrible case of it), Yu-Gi-Oh: The Movie Soundtrack, the Black Eyed Peas, or their songs "For the People" and "My Humps", or the characters in which we torture and corrupt, and make very, very OOC.
What we do own is our Evil Man story, eelevin, therapiss, and our own little version of "My Humps."
I hope you enjoyed the fucking story Now review.