Chapter 7

Dear Diary,

I farted. It was a wet one. It was one of those farts that you can feel slip out of your butt and leave a Hershey mark in your underwear, most of all when you wear whitey tidies. I wear whitey tidies, because only real men wear whitey tidies. Dude, whitey tidies are for the pimps. I made Mokuba smell my fart. He doesn't move anymore. Just like Guy. Goddamn it. Man periods seem to run in this family. He needs to start buying his own tampons.

-Whitey Tidies, Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary,

Today I was trying to learn how to play geetar. I had just bought this brand new one. It even has naked men on the front of it. And it's really shiny. Like, super shiny. Like, ALLLTRA shiny. That's what I like about it. It's shiny. I like shiny things. Condoms aren't very shiny, unless you get the glitter kind. Or if you blow them up. I do that a lot with my condoms in my spare time. Anyways, so I was trying to learn geetar, and went straight to the part where you wear a lot of white and black make-up and smash your geetar on stage screaming a lot. My geetar isn't shiny anymore.

-Geetar gurl, Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary,

I saw a monkey. And he got his monkey friends and jumped me. They said that my hair smelled like bananas. And then I broke out into song:

THIS SHIT IS BANANAS "B-A-N-A-N-A-Q!"

I love to masturbate to that song. Anyways, so, I'm pretty much bald now. But you can be anything when you're high. Even Michael Jackson. He's my fucking hero. I masturbate to his songs too.

-B-A-N-A-N-A-S, Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary,

People are actually reviewing to this story. That's pretty gangsta. I bet no one reviews to stories about 50¢, or M&Ms. I guess I owe this all to Ripper-Roo, for believing I could be a pony and save July 4th before Santa got drunk with the Easter Bunny and ran off with my Momma, and stole all the trash from the garbage cans. He knew I could do it from the very beginning, even when Hitler said I couldn't. But I did, and I owe it all to Ripper-Roo, the star kangeroo from Rippin' Friends. He's my hero, other than Michael Jackson. I'm gonna go stalk his ass right now.

-Rippin', Roo, Ripper, Friends, Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary,

Isono sung a song to me today. He wrote it all by himself. I was so proud of him, I let him fuck Mokuba twice as hard. It was such a moving song. It's beautiful. Like me. And my boobies. And the song goes:

Chinese Japanese Cut the cheese

Look at these(.)(.)

I love the part where he said "cut the cheese." It reminds me of when Mokuba spilled the beans. I miss my lunch. I wish I didn't have to throw it up all the time.

-Look at these(.)(.), Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary,

Funny words make me laugh. And masturbate. And poop. And man periods. OMG! I think I'm going through menopaws. I'm beginning to get very hot and have hot flashes. Although, I always seemed to be hot before menopaws. Oh well, it's just another one of those times in a man's life where he discovers he's a woman. But it's a good thing I paid people to make me a woman so I didn't have to discover anything. If you ate a book, you'd get a paper cut on your tongue.

-Masturbation station, Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary,

Mokuba says he needs pills to help him concentrate. He says it will help him improve his grades and learning abilities. Tisk, tisk, tisk. Mokuba, you can't always depend on drugs to fix yourself. Just look at me. It's takes a lot more than big words like "grades" or "abilities" or "it" to get me to do something for him. And come on, ME spend money on HIM. Ch-yeah right. I only spend money for MY drugs. Screw Mokuba if he has a stroke every other day, see if I care.

-No drugs for Mokuba, Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary,

Today I was watching the news, and I found out that Bill Gates is the richest man in the world. That's SO not cool. I mean, dude, I'm more good looking than he is, I'm taller than he is, and I'm SO not a nerd. Dude, who in the hell would say he's richer than me? What did he make anyway that makes him so rich? I bet it was that kind of toilet paper that doesn't scratch your ass. Everybody uses it. Once I tried to wrap myself in that toilet paper. I was successful, but I couldn't get myself out afterwards. Damn you Bill Gates. You fucking suck.

I like writing my diary entries in Microsoft Word documents. Whoever created Microsoft is probably, like, the richest guy in the world! Besides Bill Gates.

-Screw you Bill, Seto Kaiba

Dear Diary,

I found a turtle in my toilet today. How come I always seem to find things in my toilet? I think my toilet is Isono's hiding place. Once I found a bag of condoms shoved down my toilet. I mean, who else uses condoms? Uh, not me. Condoms are fer pussys. I mean, what's the point of sex if your using a condom? It's fucking pointless, I'll tell ya that. That's probably why the doctors always tell me I have AIDs.

-Sex in the city, Seto Kaiba

(Note: We do not support sex without protection. We want all you stupid little fuckers to use condoms so you won't die. Get it? Got it? Good. Bitch. Fucker. Hoe.)

Dear Diary,

E is for EEEdiut. I discovered that in my Special Ed class today. I like how they explain this to me. You know why the rest of the world isn't in Special Ed? Because it's only for smart people with special powers. I mean, just last week I saw Superman taking my Special Ed math. I asked him if he wanted to sniff some of my kryptonite, but he says he's allergic to it, and that he doesn't do drugs. But I'm pretty damn sure he's on steroids. I mean, maybe he should think twice before using a urinal. I mean, who would show their face in public when they had THAT small of a penis. Maybe Superman isn't all that. He must eat a lot of macaroni!

-Special Ed and super powers, Seto Kaiba

Dear Dairy,

I went into the bathroom today to throw up my lunch, when I discovered my long lost twin brother! He was throwing up too, so we must've been brothers! He likes to copy me. That cool kid. Who wouldn't wanna copy me? I have such sexy SKILLZ. Hee's definitely a better brother than Mokuba. I mean, at least this guy is my height, so he doesn't have to fucking reach when we're having sex. And he likes it too! Usually Mokuba will give me all this BS, saying he's gonna call the cops on me, and I'm gonna lose custody of him, and how I'm gonna get sent to hell. But he fails to realize that me and the devil are tight, so he's not gonna do much burning to me. Hey Summer, wanna play me?

-SKILLZ to pay those BILLZ, Seto Kaiba

This beautifully written chapter is dedicated to the only person man enough to review to our story, Ripper-Roo. We love you Ripper-Roo You stupid mother fucker who needs to pay me my MONEY.

Oh, and a special thank you to Josh who has helped create this diaster to humanity, thanks Josh:p

And now to the disclaimer; We do not own the following:

The lyrics to "Hollaback girl", AIDs, Bill Gates, Michael Jackson, Superman, M&Ms, Microsoft Word, Special Ed(but we should all let you know that the writers of this fic ARE in special ed, so that might explain some things), Santa, the Easter Bunny, Hershey, the devil, Hitler, whitey tidies, or anything else you little assholes find we don't own, cause you know what? We DO own man periods, BITCH!

Thank for smoking, have a great fucking day