Goodbye Bartimaeus
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Bartimaeus. But it has to be this way. I was supposed to do this; I was meant to.
It's my destiny.
Let's face it; I'm not usually the type to be all about destiny. But knowing you has shown me that I must do this. You're pretty influential, huh? Sad. But it's the way things are meant to be.
I went to the Other Place with you. And not because I wanted something. I went because I had faith in you. I believed that you and I could--would have--made a good team. We could've done so many incredible things together.
But you rejected me and my ideas. You said it would never happen. That it was impossible; couldn't be done. After I dismissed you, with you went three years, three years, of my hopes and dreams. You said it was all impossible; said we needed to trust one another. And I did trust you. And I know you trusted me.
But you were too proud to admit it.
And that's why I'm doing what I've decided is my destiny.
I gulp as my shaking hand grips the butt of the knife. Sweat drips down my face as the cold steel of the knife presses against my wrist. It's exposed vein pulsating as my heart pumps more and more blood. Adrenaline rushing my heart, making me slightly dizzy.
There's one thought left for you Bartimaeus: Go to hell.
The knife's blade presses hard into my skin and cuts it deep. I don't stop it until I see blood. Then I drag it over my wrist as fast as I can. Blood squirts up into my face as I give a smile. I look away from it and move on to the next one. I ready the knife, press hard, and slice it. The effect is instantaneous. More blood squirts up into my face.
I drop the knife to the floor, half in shock of what I have done. The knife gives a soft clag on the floor. I fall to the floor and watch the blood squirt out of me.
This is my actual life force, here. Everything I have ever done, everything I have ever accomplished. Years of working for the Resistance. Years of fighting against the magicians. All for nothing. And it's your fault. If only you took me into consideration.
I'm getting dizzy. I rest my head against the wall, look to the ceiling, and close my eyes. It's so sleepy now...
Goodbye Bartimaeus.
Maybe I'll see you in hell.