Twenty minutes later Ken, Joe, Ryu and Nambu were all wearing ill-fitting, hand-knit sweaters featuring garish holiday designs. Ken's sweater sported a chartreuse partridge in a pear tree, Ryu now had a giant Frosty the Snowman emblazoned on his chest, and Hakase wore a neon orange Nutcracker on his front.
Joe grimaced. He didn't even want to look down at the ungainly penguin gracing his chest. It was decorated with fuchsia pom-pom balls.
Even worse, it seemed that Granny had gotten confused. She understood that they usually wore numbered shirts, but didn't really know why. So it was completely understandable that the digits had been mixed up.
So now Ryu was labeled Number 2, Ken was Number 4, and Joe was Number 5.
Great. Just his luck to rank at the bottom of the pecking order.
Or was he? To Hakase's embarrassment, Dr. Nambu's sweater sported a giant zero on the back.
Jun seemed to have lucked out in receiving a knit hat and scarf. Although the colors were hideous, she was able to exclaim prettily over the gift and then put it aside, as it was not suitable for inside wear. In an even more bizarre twist of fate, the hat had her usual number three on it. It seemed that Granny hadn't forgotten her number.
Jinpei had yet to open his gift. He reached for it with trembling hands. Every year Granny made him something entirely inappropriate, and then insisted that he wear it. Even worse were the snickers and comments from the others. Joe and Ryu were the worst, but even Ken and Jun had been known to make snide remarks.
"I hope you like it, Jinpei!" Granny exclaimed, just as he was about to open the box. "I saw a wonderful holiday movie on television last year, and it inspired me to make this!"
Now Jinpei was truly terrified. Berg Katse had nothing on Granny when it came to making the Swallow quake in his boots.
Shaking, he took off the lid and pulled back the tissue paper. Inside he saw a flash of pale pink. Clenching his teeth, he reached in and pulled out….
Bunny pajamas?
"Oh, Jinpei!" Jun giggled. She was almost falling onto the floor in hysterics.
Ken snickered behind his hand. Ryu's grin was wider than the snowman on his chest. Even Nambu wore a small smile.
Joe was glad that something had happened to brighten his day. He sniggered and elbowed Ryu. The poke caused the Owl to emit strange howls of laughter. Ken nearly lost it at that point.
"Why don't you put them on, Jinpei?" Granny asked, her eyes shining.
Jinpei shook his head. It was all he could manage. He couldn't put those things on. He couldn't. No.
But one look at the icy stare on Hakase's face told him that he was, indeed, going to model the bunny pajamas for Granny.
Sighing, he pulled on the pants, without even removing his shoes. There were attached feet that were more than big enough to accommodate his sneakers. To Jinpei's dismay, he realized that there was a fluffy white tail sewn to the bottom of the pants.
"You're… gonna… pay…" he muttered through gritted teeth as Joe made obscene gestures at him, behind Granny's back.
Jinpei determined to get this nightmare over with as quickly as possible. Angrily he yanked on the top without truly looking at it.
Huge bunny ears protruded from the hood on his head. Piercing red eyes were sewn onto the top. So help him, it had red eyes!
It was the perfect look to complete the ensemble.
Just as he realized how ridiculous he must appear, Jinpei's face was awash in white light. Flashes from at least three different cameras went off.
The Swallow dealt looks of death around the room, but no one seemed to notice. They were too busy laughing.
Then he turned around, intending to pull off the pajamas as quickly as he could.
"Hey, look! Jinpei's G-1!!!" chortled Ryu. The others laughed even harder.
He yanked off the pajamas as fast as humanly possible. Turning them over he saw that there was indeed a number one embroidered on the back.
"I don't want to wear them out before bedtime!" he said quickly. Kissing Granny on the cheek at lightning speed, he raced out of the room, intent on throwing the pajamas into the nearest incinerator.
Everyone was too hysterical to notice his departure.
"Ummmm… I think it's time I went in to check on the turkey." Jun said. She got up, Jacques immediately at her side.
"Excuse us." The pair rapidly departed.
Damn! That turkey. Joe's temporary good mood vanished.
Ken's smile evaporated as well. What were Jun and Jacques doing in the kitchen?
On the pretense of having to use the bathroom, Ken got up and walked silently over to the kitchen door.
It was slightly ajar. Ken peeked inside.
"Let me do it, Joon…" the Frenchman said. Ken's fists clenched as he saw Jacques' arms slip around Jun's waist. She didn't seem to be protesting. Cheeks flaming, Ken stomped away from the door.
"What was that?" Jun asked as Jacques finished tying her apron around her waist. Glancing at the door, she didn't see anyone.
It was probably one of the guys, spying on her to see if she massacred this turkey. Well she would show them.
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"Report!"
"Yes, Lord Katse!" the Galactor agent snapped his heels together and brought his hand to his head in a quick salute.
"The Doctor picked up the turkey, as I was informed he would. I made sure that he got the special bird that we had prepared for him."
"Excellent work!" Katse laughed, "Now all he has to do is cook that fowl… and we'll have five more birds roasted as well!"
Katse rubbed his hands in glee. As soon as the internal temperature of that turkey reached 185 degrees, the Science Ninja Team would be in for a holiday surprise!
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Joe sat nervously at the table. This was it. The moment he had been dreading ever since he had seen that red envelope in his locker.
Jun would serve her Gatch-pudding
And her burned Gatch roast-beast
Which was something that Joe
Couldn't stomach in the least.
Jun entered the room, carrying a large platter.
Joe gave it a suspicious glance. As he had suspected, it appeared to be straddling the line between edible and toxic.
Jun had done it again.
"Granny made this for all of us." declared Jun. She placed the platter in the middle of the table.
It was a lime green Jello… dish… shaped in the form of a number 7. Through the translucent, wobbling mass of re-manufactured pig extract Joe thought he spotted…
"Uh… what are those inside, Granny?" asked Jinpei nervously.
"Why, they're robots!" Granny declared.
"Robots?" Ryu asked, confused.
"Yes… it just came to me one night. I had a strange dream about a robot wearing a number 7 sweater…. and my Jello a la Zark was born!"
"Zark?" repeated Nambu slowly. "That's the strangest name I ever heard."
"I think it has a certain… panache, Granny." contributed Jacques.
"You would." muttered Ken.
"I triple dog dare you to eat that!" Jinpei whispered to Ryu.
"Don't worry!" said Jun, "I made an appetizer as well." She rushed back into the kitchen.
What the hell? Jun had made something too! Whatever it was, Joe knew that it was going to be totally inedible.
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
The Condor
Got a wonderful, AWFUL idea!
At least Granny's dish was Jello, which was something he recognized. Joe quickly reached for the serving spoon and scooped a big mound onto his plate.
Ryu looked at the Condor as if he had lost his mind. Maybe Joe was performing some kind of strange penance?
Jun re-entered with another platter. A delicious smell wafted over to the KNT.
Joe looked up, a dripping spoon of Jello a la Zark halfway to his mouth. What was Jun trying to do now?
"I hope you all enjoy my cassoulet!" she said.
Joe was confused. What the hell kind of trick was Jun trying to pull? The cassoulet not only smelled delicious, it looked wonderful as well.
Jun wore a look of pride on her face. While it was somewhat insulting to see the incredulous looks on everyone's faces, they were definitely interested in her dish.
"Ah, Joon, you have outdone yourself, ma petite." said Jacques encouragingly.
"Wait… Jun… you made this?" asked Jinpei.
Jun smiled, and nodded.
"By yourself?" asked Ryu disbelievingly.
Jun nodded again.
"Are you sure you didn't get this from a caterer?" asked Joe suspiciously.
Jun yanked on the back of Joe's hair and growled.
"Stop cracking on my cassoulet!" she hissed in his ear. This was one pissed off Swan.
"I think it looks great, Jun!" Ken said encouragingly. He spooned some of the Swan's creation onto his plate. Cautiously, he took a bite.
Everyone at the table held their breath.
Ken's face lit up into a brilliant smile.
"Hey, Jun!" he exclaimed, surprised, "This is really good!"
Damn, Ken was a great actor, Joe thought. He deserved an Oscar for that one.
But Ken's positive response was infectious. Everyone else at the table was taking some of Jun's cassoulet. The Swan glowed as it became obvious that everyone was enjoying the fruits of her labor.
"Ah, Joon, it is magnifique!" declared Jacques.
"Wow, Jun, you finally got lucky!" cried Jinpei.
"Most impressive, Jun." said Nambu dryly. Of course this was the man who ate Granny's fruitcake every year without batting an eye.
"I don't know what miracle you worked, Jun, but this is delicious!" Ryu said.
Joe's eyes bugged out. They all had to be pulling a fast one on him. Absentmindedly he put his spoon into his mouth.
He had forgotten that it was full of Jello.
The Condor's face turned a sickly shade of green that matched the Jello perfectly. Seven pairs of eyes watched him as he slowly swallowed. Joe closed his eyes and desperately wished for the queasy feeling to go away.
After a moment he croaked, "Granny… what did you make those robots out of?"
"It's my secret ingredient!" Granny smiled. "I use it in all of my cooking now!"
"Secret ingredient?" asked Jinpei. "What is it?"
"Meow Mix!" revealed Granny.
Globs of green Zark were immediately scattered across the table.
"What?" screamed Joe. "You put cat food in the Jello?"
"Why, yes!" said Granny, confused. "Don't you like it?" Her eyes began to glisten with tears.
Nambu glared at the Condor.
"Uh…. yeah…" Joe mumbled. "It's delicious."
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Back inside the kitchen, Jun grinned to herself. She had them now! They had all enjoyed her cassoulet (except Joe, but who knew what had stuck itself up his ass?) and she was on a roll. Her side dishes had brought exclamations of delight when she had brought them out.
And now, it was time for her masterpiece.
As per Jacques' instructions, Jun had taken the turkey out of the oven when its internal temperature was 180 degrees. She had then covered it with foil to cook the last few minutes on the serving platter.
Taking a deep breath, Jun entered the dining room.
