Cristina never imagined she'd be talking to Alex. It had always been Meredith or Burke.
Burke knew everything, but with all that was going on, Cristina couldn't talk to him—you can't talk about your problem with the root of the problem—thus the insurmountable sense of helplessness.
Meredith knew a great deal because they were best friends—but that's only when she wasn't busy with her McDreamy.
iSeattle Grace was a mistake./i Falling in love with Burke dragged her away from her coworkers, her clique, her friends; whatever one would call it.
But that wasn't the worst part.
The more disturbing realization to Cristina was that she now wanted to have friends to talk to and a place where she belonged.
"Sometimes I don't feel like part of the group. I am the only one who failed the Medical Board Exam. I am picking up dry-cleaning instead of operating," Alex opened up.
"Yea, that sounds stupid," Cristina was too tired to hold her tongue.
"But I am trying. I don't have to be popular. I just need to get to where I want to be."
That was exactly how she felt! All Cristina really wanted was to know where she iwanted/i to be. Once more.
iWhere did she want to be?/i Cristina wanted an answer.
"What if you don't know what you want to become?"
"You mean, you don't want to be a surgeon anymore?" Alex was surprised.
Cristina felt like she's been struck lightning.
"When you're through the procedures twice a day, 6 days a week, everything becomes automatic. I know I'm good at it, but I'm doing it only for the sake of doing it. I'm not sure if I want to keep going."
Neither of them believed that, but the shock was greater on Alex. "Do you really mean what you said?"
"What?" Cristina shivered. She wanted to defend herself, but instead she was shaking.
"Izzie is trying very hard to be a surgeon again. Even O'Malley, who isn't half as smart as you are, is trying his best everyday. We're all trying, because we never know when that will be taken away from us. Meredith's mother probably never thought of giving up. And you? We all know you're better than a lot of us. But you're saying you want to give up? If you really don't want to be a surgeon anymore, then quit."
Cristina couldn't breathe when she heard that last word.