She wasn't coming home. She might never come home again. Burke's hand kept flipping through the book he was reading, but his mind was full of Cristina.
He found her in the locker room and he thought he could take her home and start over.
That was not going to happen.
He wasn't catastrophizing, because things had really escalated to a point of no return. He couldn't see a future anymore, much less the present.
Shifting in his bed, he tried to sleep, but he found himself shaking in rage. Wasn't that ironic? His hand didn't tremble, but his whole body was. He was angry at himself for everything that had happened to him, his career, his relationship…
And Cristina.
Why was he so oblivious to her effort and her pain? She might not have taken away his no matter how hard she tried, but at least she was there for him. Yet, he shattered her trust. He blew her away. He never gave her credits. He told her she was emotionally inadequate.
How could he have been so mean to her and expected that she would still go home with him? She was being very civil and calm. She was still holding the secret for both of them. What about him? What was he doing?
Was he being selfish? Preston Burke hated to believe he was selfish.
Perhaps it wasn't the right thing from the beginning. Falling in love with Cristina Yang, bringing her coffee, sleeping with her in the on-call room. Everything.
They were both proud people fearing of being hurt. They should not have been together. In the end, they just brought the worst out of each other because they wanted to defend themselves.
He thought he was the one with a bigger and more accommodating heart. What he failed to notice was that his ego was also bigger.
No matter how arrogant Cristina was to her fellow interns, when it came to Burke, she was always there to boost his ego. She was supporting it by the admiration she showed in her eyes, whether before or after the gunshot. She never challenged it because it was like an eternal truth to her.
But what he needed now was someone to help him stay on the ground, someone to curb his ego. It had grown out of proportion and it was stifling his heart.
Of course he still wanted to be the top surgeon and his Mama's pride, but he didn't become a doctor because of power and fame. It was the passion, the stubbornness about what life held for everyone that lured him into the profession.
But once he started to excel in his job, everything became a routine. His work became his life. Gone was his passion. All he cared was to stay on top.
Until Cristina came, with that fire of determination in her eyes that he thought would never run out.
He was wrong. He killed it. And now, he wanted it back. Badly.